Is there someone for everyone?

LegacyUser

I was just wondering if there really is someone for everyone. I've been feeling down lately about my single status.
I am in my mid 30s and I've been single for a while. I thought my last relationship was the one, I loved him so much. We talked
about marriage etc (initiated by him) and when it didn't work out, I was devastated. Roll on nearly 4 years and I feel
like I've moved on but I can't seem to meet anyone. Sometimes I think if I really wanted it, I would have it but I can't
seem to make the effort. I so want to be with someone and I feel like I am just existing not living my life. I'm concious of my age
and want to make the most of this time. Sorry for the rant but I guess what I am looking for is advice from people on where to go from
here and what to do? I've talked to my friends but they have forgotten what its like to be single and stare at me blankly.

Thanks for reading

Ickle Magoo

Actually, I think there are lots of people for everyone. I think who you end up with depends more on luck, personal circumstance and having the time and willingness to develop an emotional attachment that goes beyond the initial attraction to make that particular coupling "special".

If you make a point of meeting lots of new people then I think the odds of meeting someone you are both attracted to and compatible with grow exponentially. :cool:

Squiggler

While it may sound counter-intuitive my advice would be to forget about finding a relationship and concentrate on finding yourself.

Take up new hobbies, fill your life with activities and things that you love. Arrange your life as if you'll always be single and in a way that lets you get the most out of it.

A few years ago I was in your position. I discovered that I'd wasted nearly 6 years of my life on a relationship that wasn't what I thought it was. After the initial shock and mourning I decided to make the best of it. Now I could do whatever I wanted, without having to suit someone else.

Making the most of my freedom and singleness not only provided me with years of great memories, lots of new friends, a very busy social life and some new skills and hobbies, but indirectly led to me reuniting with an old crush (now my husband of nearly 2 years).

I know what a ticking biological clock can be like, and the pressure that is felt and exerted to be coupled, but life is too short to waste any of it being tied to anything less than the perfect relationship and the more you develop yourself the better your chances of finding that relationship.

Bride2012

+1 on the hobbies and new friends.

Have you tried internet dating? There isn't as much of a stigma as there used to be. It's a great way to match compatible personalities and have a chat before deciding to meet.

I met my fiance this way over 4 years ago and we almost definately wouldn't have met without it mainly due to geography. Even if it doesn't work out you'll have funny date stories. Worth a shot.

ravima

There is someone for everyone - Veritas sell a poster of two hippos in a pond with this as the legend.

LegacyUser

No there isn't somebody for everyone. Of course not. What about generations of spinster aunts and bachelor farmers? In the modern world, even fewer men and woman are settling down. In the UK, 1 in 4 women born in the seventies will never have children for one reason or another.

I'm in my mid-thirties as well, but a good few of my female friends are in their forties, childless and single. They are great girls and it's painful to see them grieve for what might have been. But the good news is that some say they do reach a point of acceptance and even feel relief as the huge pressure of hoping eases. They feel more free.

Obviously, you're not there yet, and have no need to be. But as I get older (I'm currently in a messy marriage and could be single again within the year) it seems to me that the cliche is true: we really have to try to find some kind of peace with ourselves - that also means having the ability to entertain and tolerate ourselves and find happiness wherever we can get it - in a fresh coffee, clean cotton sheets, a sunny day...

Believe me I know how frustrating that sounds when it feels like life if passing us by - but the alternative is to let life pass us by while we feel frustrated.

Don't give up obviously - internet dating, be outgoing, chat to strangers, make new friends, new hobbies especially... the chances are that if you do all the right things you will meet someone! And that will be a great bonus to your already great life.

Five years ago a post like this would have made me puke... damn maturity!!

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for all the replies. I know I need to make more of an effort but 9 times out of 10, I feel like just sitting in front of the TV. All my friends are settled and starting over just seems so daunting. I feel like I wasted so much time and energy on dead ends and not thinking about the future. I couldn't sleep last night wondering if I am destined to be on my own forever. Sorry, don't mean to have a little pity party for myself but it does cross my mind. I'm beginning to think I am a freak :-)
If anyone has any tips (Somethoughts, I've thought about the internet, but I am such a horrific judge of character and so fussy...maybe that's my problem too), I would really appreciate it.

Again thanks to everyone for taking the time to read and respond.

Yeah there is someone for everyone. Sometimes more than one person for everyone. There are a lot of people who will be a successful match for you out in the world. In fact I think the idea that there is one person for everyone, which some people believe, actually cheapens what it means to commit oneself to those they choose.

There is always someone for you out there. Listing people who stayed single like “somethoughts” above does is not evidence that there isn’t… just evidence that some people do not find, or choose not to find, any of them. That does not mean they are not there.

The “find yourself” advice above is the best. Finding a partner rarely works on it’s own, but is something that just falls into place during the process of finding oneself. The girls I currently live with I met and got together with while doing things completely unrelated with finding partners. I was living my life - bettering it the best ways I could and they just came into it.

Count Duckula

Personally I think that there are lots of potential partners out there for any one person. That's not to say that a long-term relationship is easily replaceable, but what makes a long-term relationship so special is not just the way you pair with the other person, but the emotion and shared experiences that can only grow over time.

There's a fantastic comedic song by Tim Minchin called "If I Didn't Have You". You can find it on Youtube. I won't post it here because this is certainly not the place for it, but it sums up my feelings on the matter brilliantly (whilst being hysterical to boot).

I wouldn't worry, OP. There is someone for everyone - more than one person, in fact. But you won't find anyone unless you put yourself in situations where you might meet them. Sure, you might just bump into someone who is absolutely perfect for you, but not everyone is that lucky, and only through encountering people will you find someone who is right for you. Try to get out a bit; join a few clubs, attend informal gatherings with friends. It's amazing how much your social circle can broaden if you put some effort into it, and it's amazing how quickly you'll start to meet people you're genuinely interested in.

gren1234

well ok so you are single. that is not a bad thing!!! do not get down about it. you just have not met the right person yet. what you need to to do is stop thinking about it all the time. remember that guys can smell the scent of desperation miles off. dont give them the oppurtunity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

treat yourself to beauty treatments and always make the best of yourself and wear nice outfits. it doesnt have to be anything o.t.t just something you feel nice in. join clubs or night classes. find something you enjoy.

if you ask anyone how they met a partner many of them will say they met them when they werent even looking!!!!

so get out there and enjoy yourself and look after number one and most importantly make the best of yourself. we only get to live our lives once and you would not like to look back and see that you were feeling this way.


best of luck and remember - you will meet your dream partner. just believe in yourself and it will happen. best of luck!!!!!!