Need to change alot in my life

shadowcomplex

And the foundation and the the thing thats anchoring me down is my drinking

If I stopped or learned to control my drinking I would:

1.Be able to lose weight(im 21.5 stone)
2.Be better with my fiances
3.Buy a House/Car
4.Start a Relationship
5.Go travelling

I dont know whether im an alcoholic or not but i put a fair amount of drink away, the saddest thing is that most of my drinking is done in my apartment on my own or out watching a match on my own

Most weeks my drinking habbits are like this, 2 or 3 bottles of wine during the week,perhaps one monday and one wednesday night,friday and saturday nights I could have 1 or 2 bottles of wine both nights and id also have 6 or 7 pints in town on a saturday, as ive said all this drinking is done on my own with an odd social event every few months or so

I would like to stop for a while but I have no other social outlet, most of my friends from college are settled down now and at 33 i just feel im letting life pass me by, Does anyone have any advice for me?

Dave!

I'm gonna move this to the Personal Issues forum mate. This isn't the place for it.

Cheers

Cavehill Red

shadowcomplex wrote: »

And the foundation and the the thing thats anchoring me down is my drinking

If I stopped or learned to control my drinking I would:

1.Be able to lose weight(im 21.5 stone)
2.Be better with my fiances
3.Buy a House/Car
4.Start a Relationship
5.Go travelling

I dont know whether im an alcoholic or not but i put a fair amount of drink away, the saddest thing is that most of my drinking is done in my apartment on my own or out watching a match on my own

Most weeks my drinking habbits are like this, 2 or 3 bottles of wine during the week,perhaps one monday and one wednesday night,friday and saturday nights I could have 1 or 2 bottles of wine both nights and id also have 6 or 7 pints in town on a saturday, as ive said all this drinking is done on my own with an odd social event every few months or so

I would like to stop for a while but I have no other social outlet, most of my friends from college are settled down now and at 33 i just feel im letting life pass me by, Does anyone have any advice for me?

You're already 50% of the way there - you've identified the fact that you want to change your life and you've identified the problem you need to address.
I'm no medic, but I'm not convinced you're an alcoholic. You are certainly drinking excessively (21 units per week is the recommended maximum) and it seems to me, drinking out of boredom.
If you can address your boredom, you might find your drinking will resolve itself too, though it is difficult to drink in moderation in this country, which is saturated in alcohol and where socialising revolves around drink.
One thing to think about is developing new interests, and maybe even new skills. They will bring you into company with new people who maybe aren't as tied down as your existing friends are and are more able to socialise with you.
Instead of watching sport, you could try playing it. I know that's not easy with your current fitness levels, but it's something to consider and would help you improve your fitness and health over time.
Or take up something entirely new. Volunteer for a charity or try a night class. Single friends tell me that there is no end of fantastic single women to be encountered at dance classes, especially salsa. And, as a lengthy thread in the Ladies Lounge here reveals, all the girls love a man with some moves.
In short, you have to expand your interests beyond alcohol. Be brave and try new things. You'll meet new people, experience new things, and your sense of loneliness will recede and you might find your confidence growing and who knows? there might even be a great woman waiting for you out there too.
Best of luck with it, mate. There is only one life, and you're spot on in wanting to take it by both hands and live it to the full. If you do it, I promise, you'll never look back.

tenchi-fan

I hate to tell you, but until you act on your drinking problem you'll be just drinking your life away.

I don't like the term alcoholic to describe all people with drink problems.

The fact is you can happily scrape by with your current level of motivation. It doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. You can be a functioning member of society. You can have the odd holiday. You can even find a woman who will like the big belly and enjoy skulling a bottle of wine with you.

The point is you can be a lot more!


It is ridiculously hard to quit drink though, especially when you drink so much at present. My advice there is to keep yourself so busy you don't have time to drink. Walking a lot did the trick for me.

Your goals are a little pitiful to be honest. Those will all be natural outcomes of quitting drink and living life. You won't have to do any work to achieve them. Just quit drink and wait long enough! In fact, buying an expensive car is a rather crummy goal, considering you'll just be wasting a lot of money and even more on insurance and petrol and no one will think "wow, that guy driving around in a nice car is really living the dream". It will just be an excuse for you to be less active. Buy a bike instead!

Try to think of a few more interesting things you can work towards.. learn the guitar. Run a marathon, do an evening course or work towards a degree in something you always wanted to do.

Amtmann

Cavehill Red wrote: »

I'm no medic, but I'm not convinced you're an alcoholic. You are certainly drinking excessively (21 units per week is the recommended maximum) and it seems to me, drinking out of boredom.

He says he needs to learn to control his drinking, which implies that he can't control it at present. And, given the amount that he drinks, the way he drinks it, and things he thinks he could do if only he didn't drink, it all points to a serious case of alcohol dependency from where I'm looking.

Also, I'm not convinced that boredom leads to regular, solitary alcohol consumption in people who aren't dependent on it in some way.

Can the OP quit alcohol at any time he likes and think nothing more about it? If yes, then he doesn't have an alcohol problem. If no, then he clearly does.

anewme

Firstly, I would also like to say that it is out of line to call anyone else's aspirations pitiful. To buy a house/car is a real goal for most people (it was one for me) and it is up to each person to set their own goals, now matter how high or low - your own goals are what define you as a person.

OP, I could have been you......(although female). I went through a stage that I was very unhappy in my job and had a relationship breakdown. I was drinking a bottle of wine 2-3 nights during the week and at least one or one and a half Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Most of this was in my home on my own too. Existed on wine and takeaways. Lost interest in my appearance (2.5 stone on), lost interest in house (no interest in cleaning), lost interest in friends, etc. Looking back I reckon I was depressed!

For me, I changed jobs, even then it was hard to get out of rut. Then one day I just decided I was going to lose weight, so that was an excuse to get rid of drink. I now only drink when I go out (say once a month) and may have a glass of wine on a Friday night as a treat, but that's it. I have lost 2.5 stone since January, unfortunately have not saved anything as I need a whole new wardrobe!

The weight loss gave me something to focus on and the gym gave me something to occupy myself too. I look 10 years younger in 4 months and the sparkle is back in my eye. Who knows, I may even start a relationship one of these fine days!!!

The one thing about me is when I decide to do something that it is it. I have will power in droves. Start with your weight. Join a gym, or if you cant afford it, go walking. Work on a diet for yourself. Planning, cooking and shopping for healthy food is something to occupy yourself with.


Decide if you are serious about making these personal changes and go for it. You wont look back, I promise!

Cavehill Red

Tremelo wrote: »

He says he needs to learn to control his drinking, which implies that he can't control it at present. And, given the amount that he drinks, the way he drinks it, and things he thinks he could do if only he didn't drink, it all points to a serious case of alcohol dependency from where I'm looking.

Also, I'm not convinced that boredom leads to regular, solitary alcohol consumption in people who aren't dependent on it in some way.

Can the OP quit alcohol at any time he likes and think nothing more about it? If yes, then he doesn't have an alcohol problem. If no, then he clearly does.

I don't wish to derail the thread. But I presume that you are no better qualified than I am to diagnose alcoholism via the internet.
I think everyone, including the OP, agrees that his drinking is seriously adversely affecting his quality of life. He needs to address it and he knows that. He is drinking alone as a pastime, which is itself highly concerning.
My suspicion is that if he were not so bored and lonely, he would not be inclined to drink so much. However, I concur with you that if he did find new interests in life and yet still found it difficult to change his drinking habits, then he would probably need to see his GP about a possible dependency.
My advice remains that he should try to replace the drinking alone with activities, preferably with a physical element, to expand his social circle, make his life more fulfilling and reduce his drinking.
If that doesn't lead to a significant upturn in his life, then yes, he should seek professional help from his GP to change his drinking habit.

tenchi-fan

sunflower27 wrote: »

Techni-fan - give the guy a break will you!!! Who are you to call his ambitions pitiful. I'd say buying a home is a far bigger achievement than running a marathon. I know plenty of people that can't afford to buy their own home/new car.

Sunflower, I was just giving the op some food for thought.

I don't think it would be possible to keep motivated by sitting at home for hours saying "great, I'm not drinking, I'm saving money"

he might end up obsessing over money, and owning his own house might have more expenses associated with it than he had previously.

I think the op should concentrate on some short term goals that are personally challenging, and continually build on the healthier lifestyle. The better lifestyle will result in more money, as well as happiness so the gains can be sustained in the long-term.

tenchi-fan

Fair point.

IrishEyes19

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I hate to tell you, but until you act on your drinking problem you'll be just drinking your life away.

I don't like the term alcoholic to describe all people with drink problems.

The fact is you can happily scrape by with your current level of motivation. It doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. You can be a functioning member of society. You can have the odd holiday. You can even find a woman who will like the big belly and enjoy skulling a bottle of wine with you.

The point is you can be a lot more!


It is ridiculously hard to quit drink though, especially when you drink so much at present. My advice there is to keep yourself so busy you don't have time to drink. Walking a lot did the trick for me.

Your goals are a little pitiful to be honest. Those will all be natural outcomes of quitting drink and living life. You won't have to do any work to achieve them. Just quit drink and wait long enough! In fact, buying an expensive car is a rather crummy goal, considering you'll just be wasting a lot of money and even more on insurance and petrol and no one will think "wow, that guy driving around in a nice car is really living the dream". It will just be an excuse for you to be less active. Buy a bike instead!

Try to think of a few more interesting things you can work towards.. learn the guitar. Run a marathon, do an evening course or work towards a degree in something you always wanted to do.

Actually I think his goals are quite good and REASONABLE, which is a major positive factor, ie lose some weight, good idea, be better with finances, again a very good idea.

what do you suggest he lists as a goal.....climb mount Everest?? Lets get realistic here.
Very cold to call these goals pitiful. Making goals is a great way to get motivated, it gives that extra push.

@ OP, the hardest part is to get started. In respect to losing weight, join the gym, I cant emphasise how great the gym can be, you pick a night or two of the week, and stick to it, work out and the effects are great.
Eating healthy is obviously major in this, and if you stick to it, the weight will drop.

Finances wise, budgeting, Again just like food, its all about control, distinguising what you want and whats good for you. Perhaps going to a financial advisor also may help.

The issues with alcohol is where I draw blank as I dont feel qualified to state whether you have issues with it, but since you mention it, obviously you feel its not good for you. Its no harm to ask professional help there.

finally with travel and relationships, when you have your finances and other issues in check, these two will fall into place. Make a start now, OP and I wish you the absolute best. take care

shadowcomplex

shadowcomplex wrote: »

I have no other social outlet, most of my friends from college are settled down now and at 33 i just feel im letting life pass me by, Does anyone have any advice for me?

You have pretty much identified the good advice yourself. Stopping drinking is not something you can just do, and then sit around twiddling your thumbs expecting the void you have created by not drinking to fill itself.

New social outlets are exactly what you need, especially ones that are done away from drink, or even better away from the possibility of drink.

The one I usually recommend to people is walking clubs. They are easy to find, you meet people, you get out into nature, they are free so good for finances, it is good for your weight and health and when you are up the wicklow mountains or similar you are many miles from the nearest Bevvie.

KittyeeTrix

Hi OP,

I came across this place in another thread on Boards and it might be something that would benefit you in your endeavour to cut down on drinking if you are looking for social things to do and enjoy that dont involve alcohol.

Just type in the area you are from and it has a range of activities and meet ups available...:)

Good luck and take care!!

cleanslate

I would like to stop for a while but I have no other social outlet, most of my friends from college are settled down now and at 33 i just feel im letting life pass me by, Does anyone have any advice for me?[/QUOTE]

Hi,

You sound very worried about your drinking, and could be a bit depressed (just my opinion from reading your post).

You used the word alcoholic, maybe try giving it up for a month, and see how you do. You will have more energy and lose the high sugar and calorie content it contains, and you will have the option to go out on those nights you normally sit in drinking. Alcohol can be very isolating.

If you are struggling to give it up at all, or not lasting more than a few days and feel that you NEED it, then it may be a problem. Not the end of the world if it is however, but finding out if it is a problem could be the first thing you need to tackle.

If it's not a problem, then you just need to break down your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks and start on a plan to achieve them one at a time.

However, cut the drink out first and see how that goes. Also, you mention that your college friends are all settled down now. That doesn't mean they they wouldn't love to hear from you out of the blue