Hard to meet new friends in my 30's

Cerocco

As the title suggests, i'm a woman in my mid 30's and find my circle of friends is getting smaller as they are married and priorities have changed. So my question is how do people make new friends in their 30's. I've had the usual suggestions of joining a class or club, am i missing a trick here or do i need to take a class to make new friends??? Anyone else in this situation?

LegacyUser

Yes - would welcome advice

Elphaba

Hi Cerocco,
There's plenty of people in this situation including moi! There are often threads about it on here. It's good to know you're not alone though. It kinda seems to me that in most cases when people are in their 30s they already have a group of friends and aren't that interested in making new ones. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just think that's what it is. If I was lucky enough to still have friends from school I'd probably be pretty content with that and it mightn't occur to me to make new friends y'know?

yogalady

hey
am in exact same position and know how you feel. Don't think joining a class works. hate it when people suggest that!

LegacyUser

Male of the species - Late thirties. My friends are all foreigners and have all gotten married, had kids etc since I hit my thirties - Rarely see any of 'em these days.

I'd disagree with doing classes unless they're some sort of course that involves plenty of team work over a longer period. I've done the various group holidays, meetups/socials and recently joined a club. None of these has worked for me; I dislike clubs and while the group holidays were great fun, people melted away when it was all over. I've found that most people older people just don't 'do' the new friends thing - at least not in Ireland.

Miss OMMC

I'm in the same boat myself. I'm woman in my thirties and a lot of friends have either moved away, we've grown apart or we've just simply lost touch.

I'd love to meet some new people and I've heard that volunteering or joining a sports club are the best ways. However, not being in a position to dedicate a specific amount of time to either at the moment, I'd really just love to meet a social group of people of a similar age. A group that maybe meets up every few weeks for coffee, nights out etc. Perhaps we should start our own group

Elphaba

Miss OMMC wrote: »

I'd really just love to meet a social group of people of a similar age. A group that maybe meets up every few weeks for coffee, nights out etc. Perhaps we should start our own group

Sounds good to me Where is everyone based? I'm in Dublin

yogalady

am in limerick

Cerocco

I'm in Dublin

eclectichoney

yogalady wrote: »

am in limerick

I think there's a Limerick meetup group on meetup.com yogalady which may be of interest (I'm also in Limerick!)

countryliving

hi, i totally emphatise with you i am in my 30s and like you my friends have all got married say girls i was at school with are all scattered nationwide and don't keep in touch anymore. i am totally proactive and i have joined lots of clubs as i am in general very socialable however i think it is hit and miss............. joined a running club and met another girl who was single however she has now met someone and is now off the scene. i find you keep having to make new friendships or at least try and its a bit of luck.... based in the south east and also you have to enjoy what you join upto. maybe a book club? it is hard for sure....

Snoopy1

Im in the same position myself, early 30's.
I cant commit to classes or sports clubs, as my hours change every week, so always miss out on a few weeks.

merlie

I have been in the same position as yourselves, so next month am meeting up with a bunch of strangers doing what I enjoy as a hobby aka photography. I searched through a website, which has a listing of groups who share common interests be it photography, music, movies etc., and they arrange meetups and you just pop along. Some meetups are free others are just a small nominal fee. You can find it at www.meetup.com just key in the city of where you are living and then search a topic that interests you and go from there.

Miss OMMC

Elphaba wrote: »

Sounds good to me Where is everyone based? I'm in Dublin

I'm in Dublin too.

Snoopy1

Im in Dublin too.
Ive looked at meetup before. Just scared to go to any of the nights out though!!!

Elphaba

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Im in Dublin too.
Ive looked at meetup before. Just scared to go to any of the nights out though!!!

Snap!

Snoopy1

We should create our own meetup

denballs

*sigh*............


Long version...>>>

you people............want to know how to improve an aspect of your life..........its simple........improve every aspect.....and never stop...trying to improve in every way.............

you.........need to start with going to the gym...........if you ...dont work.......start...........


take this advice and you,ll......have a life...........dont..........and .........well.........there,ll be no difference from how things are now...and ill care even less .....which choice you make.....................................


Short version ...>>>

go to the gym......other women compliment you......tell them to come along....then go out for ...somthing to eat after that.....because eating soon after a workout is important..............then make plans to go out for drinks...........etc.....................................................................

Snoopy1

denballs wrote: »

*sigh*............


Long version...>>>

you people............want to know how to improve an aspect of your life..........its simple........improve every aspect.....and never stop...trying to improve in every way.............

you.........need to start with going to the gym...........if you ...dont work.......start...........


take this advice and you,ll......have a life...........dont..........and .........well.........there,ll be no difference from how things are now...and ill care even less .....which choice you make.....................................


Short version ...>>>

go to the gym......other women compliment you......tell them to come along....then go out for ...somthing to eat after that.....because eating soon after a workout is important..............then make plans to go out for drinks...........etc.....................................................................

Are you for real.
I go to the gym 3 times a week, and no-one talks to each other there?

Elphaba

denballs wrote: »

*sigh*............


Long version...>>>

you people............want to know how to improve an aspect of your life..........its simple........improve every aspect.....and never stop...trying to improve in every way.............

you.........need to start with going to the gym...........if you ...dont work.......start...........


take this advice and you,ll......have a life...........dont..........and .........well.........there,ll be no difference from how things are now...and ill care even less .....which choice you make.....................................


Short version ...>>>

go to the gym......other women compliment you......tell them to come along....then go out for ...somthing to eat after that.....because eating soon after a workout is important..............then make plans to go out for drinks...........etc.....................................................................

Em, I have a life. I have plenty going on but would like to make some new friends. I've been a member of 2 different gyms and no one ever talks to anyone unless you go there with someone. I actually think it might be the worset place for "us people" to make friends. Thanks for the "advice" anyway :rolleyes:

denballs

3 times a week is not enough...a minimum of 5 times a week...3 hours a day

Ickle Magoo

denballs, this is the ladies lounge - by all means contribute constructively but enough of the condescension and superiority complex.

denballs

hmm......how very difficult you people can be...stop being negative please..............ill giv you a full step by step...........

....wake up......6am
.....eat breakfast.....somthing...like oatmeal (complex carbs}.....no coco pops.....your not 8.............
......shower.........dawn..a brand name suit.......(if your not in a job you wear a suit in...go to college}
......make....at least.....very most minimum!.500 euro for those 8-10 hours of work......
.......go straight to the gym....from work......driveing your 2011 car worth...at...the very least 20k...........
..spend 3 hours there......at least........
.........go home.......{shower..if you didnt shower at the gym itself)
eat......bang....the current...other half..........at...least......once..........


.......now...this is the important bit............so pay attention..........

go...out.......and spend at least 250 euro......on.....stuff thats not good for you...but makes you feel great........with your friends.........(oh and if your wondering.....wer do i get these friends though.......do the previous steps.........and you wont need to ask such pathetic questions

Elphaba

denballs wrote: »

hmm......how very difficult you people can be...stop being negative please..............ill giv you a full step by step...........

....wake up......6am
.....eat breakfast.....somthing...like oatmeal (complex carbs}.....no coco pops.....your not 8.............
......shower.........dawn..a brand name suit.......(if your not in a job you wear a suit in...go to college}
......make....at least.....very most minimum!.500 euro for those 8-10 hours of work......
.......go straight to the gym....from work......driveing your 2011 car worth...at...the very least 20k...........
..spend 3 hours there......at least........
.........go home.......{shower..if you didnt shower at the gym itself)
eat......bang....the current...other half..........at...least......once..........


.......now...this is the important bit............so pay attention..........

go...out.......and spend at least 250 euro......on.....stuff thats not good for you...but makes you feel great........with your friends.........(oh and if your wondering.....wer do i get these friends though.......do the previous steps.........and you wont need to ask such pathetic questions

Awh I wish I had a friend like you X

Ickle Magoo

denballs infracted for ignoring warning to keep post civil. Calling other posters questions pathetic is not constructive or helpful.

Going over the top with punctuation just makes your posts difficult to read and such posts will be deleted.

confuseddotcom

Anyone in Galway/West/Midlands?! Don't know about the clubs/classes thing, even though I know it's always advised, but don't think anything would come of it once the stuff ye've been doing is over and finished with, well maybe am wrong that's just my thoughts on it.

But like, what kind of a club could be set-up for 30's lol .....?? Would love some inspiration to just go ahead and go and do something or get involved in something like that lol! That Meet-up thingy if it has something on in Limerick, that wouldn't be too far away, but couldn't be bothered with those type of things usually, can't see there being much held in the West or this side of the country, I must have a look.

southsiderosie

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Im in Dublin too.
Ive looked at meetup before. Just scared to go to any of the nights out though!!!

Don't be scared - meetup is great!

The "New and not so new" group in Dublin has a lot of activities, and people are very friendly. I made a great circle of friends through this group, and we still keep in touch even though I don't live in Ireland anymore.

One thing about it though that I only realized in retrospect: there are a fair number of foreigners like myself who moved to Dublin for work and tried to meet local people through groups like this. But I found that, a lot of the time, all of the Irish people would end up talking to each other in one corner (and oftentimes these were people who already knew each other), and all of the foreigners would end up in another. So, weirdly, most of my friends that I made in Ireland aren't actually from Ireland. And I didn't have any Irish girlfriends - they were all other foreigners like myself.

If you go, try to talk to some foreigners - we are looking to make friends too and we don't bite.

countryliving

i moved from dublin 5 years ago and joined a gym - couldnt get over how unfriendly the people in the gym were it was not very pleasant. i have since joined another gym (live in a fairly big town) and i have to say the girls in it are all younger and busy busy or older ladies and nobody talks to anybody! i find i am in my mid 30s and a lot of my age group as i mentioned earlier in a post are married and at a different stage in life. also a lot of people are 'clicky' have a circle of friends and are not interested in meeting any new friends. must check out meet up. i know a friend tried it in dublin and said it was useless she ended up in the old saches hotel and about 5 showed up at this! it kinda put me off..it is so hard to make new friends.......

mollybird

ya i'm def one of those people too OP. have joined up to the meet up group but been too broke the past few weeks to go to anything and in some way ya been a tad shy to get out there to meet new peeps. the kinda hours i work i find it hard to join any clubs so will def try and get to one or two groups meet ups.

Snoopy1

southsiderosie wrote: »

Don't be scared - meetup is great!

The "New and not so new" group in Dublin has a lot of activities, and people are very friendly. I made a great circle of friends through this group, and we still keep in touch even though I don't live in Ireland anymore.

One thing about it though that I only realized in retrospect: there are a fair number of foreigners like myself who moved to Dublin for work and tried to meet local people through groups like this. But I found that, a lot of the time, all of the Irish people would end up talking to each other in one corner (and oftentimes these were people who already knew each other), and all of the foreigners would end up in another. So, weirdly, most of my friends that I made in Ireland aren't actually from Ireland. And I didn't have any Irish girlfriends - they were all other foreigners like myself.

If you go, try to talk to some foreigners - we are looking to make friends too and we don't bite.

Im a amember of that meetup already ive just never gone on any of the nights out.
Im from England so technically a foreigner
Im just afraid of it being a bit cliquey. Getting there to find everyone knows each other and i would feel left out

rainbowtrout

confuseddotcom wrote: »

Anyone in Galway/West/Midlands?! Don't know about the clubs/classes thing, even though I know it's always advised, but don't think anything would come of it once the stuff ye've been doing is over and finished with, well maybe am wrong that's just my thoughts on it.

But like, what kind of a club could be set-up for 30's lol .....?? Would love some inspiration to just go ahead and go and do something or get involved in something like that lol! That Meet-up thingy if it has something on in Limerick, that wouldn't be too far away, but couldn't be bothered with those type of things usually, can't see there being much held in the West or this side of the country, I must have a look.

Ya I'm in Roscommon and like that most of my friends are married/have kids/in long term relationships. I looked at the meetup website and most stuff is Dublin based. Not the most practical for people from the west.

I've done a couple of night classes and while I enjoyed the class I found most people are there to do the class, not to make friends.

CuteOne

I.m in the same situation. I have a lot of friends but they are mostly attached etc and have other things keeping them busy. I find myself at a loose end at times when I.d love to be out and about with a few people or a group. Lots of people in their 30s are in the same boat, it's good to admit it and want to get out there and do something about it. I.m Wexford based, if anyone nearby wants to get in touch, feel free to pm me. I.ve had a look at meet up too. There.s nothing really suited to this age group in my area that I could see, unfortunately, but I.d be open to doing a bit of travelling too. I.m looking forward to meeting some new people and making more friends.

southsiderosie

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Im a amember of that meetup already ive just never gone on any of the nights out.
Im from England so technically a foreigner
Im just afraid of it being a bit cliquey. Getting there to find everyone knows each other and i would feel left out

No at all. Plus the organizers are constantly playing host/hostess and introducing newbies to regulars.

Elphaba

southsiderosie wrote: »

No at all. Plus the organizers are constantly playing host/hostess and introducing newbies to regulars.

Really? I'm another Meetup.com online lurker! What kind of meetups have you gone on southsiderosie?

mollybird

for us who are responding to this post there is a meet up group for 27+. still can't believe the amount of groups they have on the site. so your bound to find something that will suit.

southsiderosie

Elphaba wrote: »

Really? I'm another Meetup.com online lurker! What kind of meetups have you gone on southsiderosie?

When I first moved to Dublin, I signed up for a bunch, but eventually cut back. I used to go to the "New and not so new" one, the Spanish language exchange one, and one of the food and wine groups that would organize group dinners at different restaurants (and often go out for drinks afterwards).

From what I could tell, the "New and not so new" group was one of the most active, and mainly involved people who were in their late 20s to mid 40s. They had standing events on Monday evenings and Saturday afternoons, and then a variety of other events like wine tastings, meetups for sporting events, etc (although this varied from month to month). They even organized some trips outside of Dublin to the Aran Islands, Madrid, and Donegal (one of the organizers - a really nice girl from Malta - was obsessed with Donegal).

I also quite liked the restaurant one, but they met less frequently.

LegacyUser

Male reply here. If you had the time I highly recommend a competitive sports club, will involve frequent road trips, overnighting even some overseas trips as well as the regular meets, social afters etc.. have made loads of friends both local and around the country and indeed world in this, so many in fact that I could meet a different one four nights of the week if I had the time!

DebDynamite

I'm in the same boat girls. Have worked in the same job in a small company for most of my 20's and have a long term boyfriend so haven't had much opportunity to meet new people over the years.

Have kinda lost touch with my school friends from my home place and my college friends all live out in the suburbs and are married with children and/or pregnant so it's a big deal to meet up.

I'd feel weird telling my boyfriend I'm meeting a group of girls on the internet who were looking to make new friends Perhaps we could disguise it as a book club (like the one in Eastenders which only seemed to exist purely as a excuse to drink wine and gossip!)

I'm in Dublin.

Snoopy1

DebDynamite wrote: »

I'm in the same boat girls. Have worked in the same job in a small company for most of my 20's and have a long term boyfriend so haven't had much opportunity to meet new people over the years.

Have kinda lost touch with my school friends from my home place and my college friends all live out in the suburbs and are married with children and/or pregnant so it's a big deal to meet up.

I'd feel weird telling my boyfriend I'm meeting a group of girls on the internet who were looking to make new friends Perhaps we could disguise it as a book club (like the one in Eastenders which only seemed to exist purely as a excuse to drink wine and gossip!)

I'm in Dublin.

I like the sound of that book club

smallgarden

im late 20s and have just joined a few of the meetup.coms group.il let you know how i get on. ive also recently joined softball club. theyre really welcoming to new players and dont mind if total beginner.theyve variety of teams some of which are mainly recreational/social

DebDynamite

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I like the sound of that book club

Does the Royal Wedding edition of Hello magazine count as a book? I don't tend to have the time to read books these days. I know.. I know...

jackiebaron

I find myself some days so lonely to the point of tears.

scotchannie

There seems to be a few of us that are in the same boat :-) I'm based in balbriggan, dublin...

dearg lady

I was in a similiar position a few years ago, it seems to happen to a lot of people particularly women in twenties and thirties.
At the time I used gumtree to arrange meetups (they had a 'friends' section, which unfortunately is now gone) but I've heard good things about meetup.com, or also you could try boards beers. It is a bit scary but maybe if 2 newbies are goin to one, ye could arrange to meet each other first so you don't have to walk alone into a group of strangers.

I found gyms and short courses useless for meeting people, but as the guy above said, a sport is a good way to meet people as it's longer term and involves trips away. Even something like a walkin group would be good for this.

Try focus on the positive, with plenty of free time, say yes to everything. That's what I did, said yes to ever single opportunity for a night or day out at the start. I had some rubbish times and some great times, but through it wall I find myself with some amazing friends, meeting new people all the time, and probably the happiest I've been in my adult life

Snoopy1

I cant say yes to everything. Money is so tight sometimes, that i struggle at the end of the month. Plus my shift pattern makes it very difficult sometimes.

Snoopy1

DebDynamite wrote: »

Does the Royal Wedding edition of Hello magazine count as a book? I don't tend to have the time to read books these days. I know.. I know...

Of course it counts

lily lou

So glad I found this thread, I was on a real downer today about this issue. Up until 3 months ago I had two single friends, one very reliable and the other not so reliable (has a lot of friends and doesn't like mixing them so she's not around that much) anyway the reliable friend who I spent pretty much every Saturday night with met a guy 3 months ago and I've been so lonely since, now I spend most Saturday nights with my Mam (who I adore, but I'm never gonna meet anyone sitting at home on a Sat night):(.

I've done lots of stuff to meet new friends, but noone seems to want or need new friends. I've never joined a group or class that went out together apart from straight after class.
I'm quite shy so the thoughts of going along to a meet up group makes me feel a bit sick. Have noone to go on holidays with anymore and have looked into solo holidays but I hate the thoughts of having noone to go out with in the evenings-I don't mind daytimes as theres always lots to do. I know I need to do something, but I'm just too nervous to get out there on my own:(

Snoopy1

Well it looks like we are all in the same situation.
Im in Dublin also.
If anyone wants to PM to talk they can, and maybe we can sort some stuff out

confuseddotcom

Where do you live Lilylou?

dearg lady

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I cant say yes to everything. Money is so tight sometimes, that i struggle at the end of the month. Plus my shift pattern makes it very difficult sometimes.

Jeez, I meant everything that you CAN. I don't have a life of leisure myself, but everything that I could do, I went along to

jinxremoving

lily lou wrote: »

So glad I found this thread, I was on a real downer today about this issue. Up until 3 months ago I had two single friends, one very reliable and the other not so reliable (has a lot of friends and doesn't like mixing them so she's not around that much) anyway the reliable friend who I spent pretty much every Saturday night with met a guy 3 months ago and I've been so lonely since, now I spend most Saturday nights with my Mam (who I adore, but I'm never gonna meet anyone sitting at home on a Sat night):(.

I've done lots of stuff to meet new friends, but noone seems to want or need new friends. I've never joined a group or class that went out together apart from straight after class.
I'm quite shy so the thoughts of going along to a meet up group makes me feel a bit sick. Have noone to go on holidays with anymore and have looked into solo holidays but I hate the thoughts of having noone to go out with in the evenings-I don't mind daytimes as theres always lots to do. I know I need to do something, but I'm just too nervous to get out there on my own:(

I could have wrote this myself!