Confused.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm 18 years old and at the moment I just feel so confused about everything. Like everything! I've had a year off of doing pretty much nothing and I'm getting bored and tired of it before I go to college next year, which I now can't wait for.

I've always been an obsessive character and always thought things through far too much, like recently I lost my virginity, or so I think, but I'm worried that I didn't do it right or even get it in so that means I haven't. Like it's so stupid but I cant help it, I want to do what everyone else can and right away or I'm afraid I won't experience it.

With football, I'm only recently back from a really bad injury and went straight out of underage onto the top team in my club out of about 6 teams, I've played for my county before the injury but I'm not starting every game which is really depressing me again even though there's only about 2 or 3 '18 year olds on the team. Everyone tells me to be patient but for a while football was all I really had and to be deemed not as good as the others sickens me.

And then there's friends. I have a lot of good friends but no great ones, like I'm nearly friends with everyone but have no unbelievably loyal friends I could count on, despite the fact I take a bit of a slagging at times they're good lads. Like even as I'm writing this I don't know what I'm trying to say. I want to go on a holiday with them for the summer but I don't have money as I didn't do much work during the year.

Girls as well. ARGH! I'm able to approach them, pull a fair reasonable amount of them but they always seem to lose interest after a while. Everything is confusing me.

My parents, despite the fact I know they love me are always a bit agitated with me because I just don't enjoy talking that much if they ask me about my day or something. I'll just reply with 'grand' and my Dad would rather if I talked to him a bit more as well but its just not who I am. I don't talk about crap and I don't expect people to listen to crap about me.

I feel like I'm just having a crisis of confidence or something despite with me writing this knowing how lucky I am. I've only really developed socially in the last year or so and before that I'd never approach girls, I'd have been slagged in my school, didn't really enjoy most of secondary school. Although now I am friends with a lot of the people I wasn't too fond of in my earlier days.

Sorry if I seem like a moaner for complaining but honestly, I just feel so lethargic and confused about everything and I want to know has anyone gone through anything like this before,just obsessing over everything?

Glornafarraige

it sounds like you're a bit fustrated with things at the moment,but its only a few months until you go to college.
Don't stress. Try and occupy your time, go and visit relations/friend, get a break from being at home.

nottherealdeal

hi OP,

I can relate to your post in someways as I was in a similar place to you were when i was 18 and you seem to be quite a sensitive person as I also am.

You say you took a year out, and if you are anyway like me you must feel abit in limbo - not quite moved on from secondary although all your class mates have. Looking back it was an awful year for me for that very reason, and I never realised that at the time. You are probably quite sensitve to whats going on around you and seeing everyone move on and develop new circles of friends in college, new interests and different social lives is hard. This may be why you feel like you have no 'great friends' as alot of the time these friendships can only develop in college. I wouldnt get too caught up with this as as you say you are heading to college and you will have no problem there and make lifelong friends.
Has sport been your only outlet recently? Maybe you're too focused on it, therefore overthinking it, again once you start college this will amend it's self. Healing takes time, but in the meantime head to your local gym get a trainer to develop a regime for you to work on and in no time you'll be back to where you were if not better. It will also be focus for you

Alot of people, like me, dont 'find' themselves untill they get to college. I know that I was very uptight in secondary school always wanting the best for myself regarding friends, boys , grades etc I obsessed over them, when I took the year out I found it hard to have nothing to focus on then. Then when I started college it all fell into place, and i look back and find it funny that I thought so much about these things.

honestly OP, you will be fine, you're old school friends have college exams at the moment so are not around as much at the moment, soon it will be summer and everyone will be around, relax and enjoy it. Dont get to worked up about girls, girls can sense nervousness so fake confidence and you'll be fine!

Sorry I hope this post makes sense!