absloutly hate myself

LegacyUser

so here i am after another night out, and this was the first year ball the best night of the first year in college and im home in my dorm kicking myself

to be honest im a lilttle drunk but at least im really speaking my mind. every person i know had great crack at the first year ball tonight, they all got drunk and shifted two or 3 people each or else they had boyfriends/girlfriends, they are all self confident and happy enough with themselves and whatever randomer they hook up with

and here i am sitting here depressed because i got to dance with one person and after a couple of minutes she said "here , ill be back in a second" and that was the last of her. it would be ok except she followed the same pattern as every other person ive ever been (which i can count on one hand incidentally)

and so i spent the whole night trying to waste time as everyone else had a good time. even a couple of friends said to me in the middle of the nightclub what was wrong with me and that i looked upset but ive never told any of them.

normally i wouldnt mind if i had a **** night but tonight i was really looking forward to something different and it turned out to be the exact same as every other night. me alone wandering around lost while all my friends have a good time chatting away to eveyone

i just despise the way i look, the way i act, the way i talk, on the surface i seem to be the normal, average, shy guy, i get on with everyone and i dont fight with anyone really, an all round sound lad really but i totally hat myself, more or less everything

i know i

Rocket19

Hey!
I really think you need to look at this problem from a wider perpective. I'm not trying to trivialise what you're upset over, but it seems to me this is all a bit of a storm-in-a-teacup.
What struck me about your post is that it seems your only goal in going out is to score someone and to you, not getting it 'done' makes you a failure.

I'm in college too, so I can relate to you. I know its kinda different for girls (I'm a girl!) in that pretty much any girl can get a score if that's what she wants. For guys, I guess they're usually the 'getters' so to speak, so if you're not charming, good-looking and cocky, I can see how it would be frustrating or difficult.

You have to stop seeing it as a sh*t night just because you didn't get with a girl. You went with your friends, you mentioned they noticed you were feeling down...clearly you have people who care about you.
Not everyone is born looking like Brad Pitt. If you're not, you just have to suck it up and move on. Seriously. Obviously its easier for the 'hotter' guys, seeing as they don't really need serious amounts of humour/wit or whatever to pull, but...such is life :rolleyes:.

While scoring people on a night out can be fun, and for some its the main 'purpose', it really shouldn't be that way. Are you really spending the entire time looking for girls to score? Girls pick up on that, and it can be creepy.

I really think you need to work on your confidence and stop taking things so hard. Do you honestly really care about what that girl thought of you? So what if she walked away. She doesn't know you. Who cares what she thinks! Whether or not she fanices you shouldn't really affect you that much.
Eg. I was at my college ball recently and my friend was with this guy (she's gorgeous). Next thing, the guy turns away from her and, just like that, scores another girl! We just stood there in shock, were like "f*ck him!" and laughed about it. These people are strangers, there's no need to take it personally. It certainly didn't spoil her night.

Not everyone you like is gonna like you. Some people will find you attractive, some won't. Clubs are a superficial environment by nature. In the 'real world', girls aren't like this. Obviously everyone wants to be with someone they fancy, but a successful relationship is NEVER just superficial. And for girls, personality always comes into play.

Your confidence really should NOT be shaken by some stranger. Seriously, you're worth more than what some girl thinks of you from a first encounter.
Practise just having the banter, talking to girls and removing any 'motive'. Talk to girls you don't even fancy, its not all about that. You need to get yourself to a place of self-confidence that is internal and not threatened by some "randomer".
There's some quote in the back of my head like "no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I feel like I'm rambling now, but good luck and as someone said, chin up! xx

chiefbrody1974

sorry to hear that mate, she is a right C.U.N.T, to say the least. you just sound quite soft and vulnerable and unfortunately not all girls find that attractive. NOT ALL Girls, which just means you may have to wait a while to meet someone right for you. just dont entertain these scabs, who leave you on your own. Id rather be a smelly, single. bin man, living in a bedsit on my own than put up with the likes of that tripe.

dont be hard on yourself, its also your 1st year, theres tons of people like you, trust me, and lots are girls. just dont think for one second that you should have no dignity or self worth because youre not a cocky, player!!
you'll be fine, go home, have a **** and laugh about it.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies sorry for taking so long to respond.

scoring someone on a night out isnt my main goal is just when everyone else is doing it i feel so un-confident and it shatters self esteem. maybe it wouldnt bother me if it happened once but this seems to be every single night i go out. And then the fact that i've a bit of drink taken (which is supposed to have the opposite effect) just sends me into a state of depression.

theres a couple of other factors that i didnt really mention in the original post that has more of an effect...

alot of the time i have no interest of getting with random girls because of my closest girlfriend - i fancy the arse off her but the feeling isnt mutual. she is a real loud, bubbly mischivious girl who, for a shy insecure person like me is one of a kind to have as a friend.

naturally a girl like her is well able to pull on a night out, (and she only goes for the best) and so whenever i see her with a lad on a night out its the worst feeling ever to experience. everytime it happens i just feel like the bottoms dropped outa my stomach and sometime i do actually feel terribly sick because of it

thers no way il get her in the short term, but i dont want to lose her as a friend either but distancing myself.