Single Moms & dating

heidi_ho

Hi,

Been a single mom for two years now and think i'd like to meet a "friend".... What's the views on dating single moms?
Its different in every country and I spent alot of years working abroad before I had my bb so I don't really know what the general feeling is here now?

thanks

OutlawPete

Never shoplift the pootie!

seanybiker

It doesn't bother me if a woman has a child.

managerman

no real problem with moms... once you get along.. no harm!

questionmark?

Just dont say the first time your new boyfriend and your kid are introduced to each other "here's your new daddy" a girl actually said that to a friend of mine I think he is still running a bit like Forest Gump!

kfallon

Once went out with a woman with a couple of kids, no big deal, they were both great kids tbh!

Put it like this, if my sister was married with kids then it fell apart for whatever reason I'd like to think she could get with someone special again and that he would not run a mile cos she had kids.

My name is URL

It's a sign of fertility.

strokemyclover

No problems at all - it's just when it gets to the point that you enjoy the kid's drinking company more than the mom it becomes a problem!

heidi_ho

questionmark? wrote: »

Just dont say the first time your new boyfriend and your kid are introduced to each other "here's your new daddy" a girl actually said that to a friend of mine I think he is still running a bit like Forest Gump!

Not really looking to bring anyone into my daughters life yet. We're just happy the two of us for a while longer. Anyway I'd need to be VERY sure about him to introduce them!

keithc83

Like the other posters were saying if you get along thats all that matters.
There are many people in this situation here in this country now OP so it really is not an issue. Not for me and i am sure a few others would say the same.
Not like the old days here anyway!

Latchy

Lots of people date single moms and some of them end up marrying them

Nowt wrong with dating single moms

kfallon

heidi_ho wrote: »

Not really looking to bring anyone into my daughters life yet. We're just happy the two of us for a while longer. Anyway I'd need to be VERY sure about him to introduce them!

It was about 6 or 7 months before I was introduced, you do need to make sure it's not just a fling before you start bringing new people into their life!

heidi_ho

That's why i ask... the golden olden days... i knew someone who married and had a child and then they divorced.. she went on to meet another man... he fooled her by saying he accepted child.. and then once they were married and had their own kids then he wanted rid of the child that wasn't his out of the family and lots of terrible drama went on.. that was 20 years ago..

g_moriarty

I look at it similar to the way the Ryanair airline do.

Excess baggage = extra costs incurred.

Cosimo Salvatore

Blast her with strawman.

stovelid

Leave this in this forum for some funny answers..

And ask in more suitable forums for real answers..

Ladies Lounge

Parenting

My view is that it would be fine if it's the right women.

heidi_ho

g_moriarty wrote: »

I look at it similar to the way the Ryanair airline do.

Excess baggage = extra costs incurred.

And i look at it the way big successful supermarkets do:

2 for the price of 1

Great deal!

spider guardian

heidi_ho wrote: »

And i look at it the way big successful supermarkets do:

2 for the price of 1

Great deal!

You mean 'buy one get one free'?

As long as the child is able to cut a nice few sods of turf then I'm all for the singleton-child combo

Console

stovelid wrote: »

Leave this in this forum for some funny answers..

And ask in more suitable forums for real answers..

Ladies Lounge

Parenting

My view is that it would be fine if it's the right women.

Stove is right. All you'll get is people taking the piss in here.

As a guy I dont know if I would date a women with a kid tho. I mean I date someone to see where things will go and I think I would holding back from progressing any further. So to be brutually honest I would be only casually dating someone with a kid. Not to mention baggage that would likely ensue. Thats just my opinion.

But of course there will always be guys in life who wouldnt have an issue and guys who would... and sadly guys who upon hearing a girl has a kid, only use her for sex.

strobe

(didn't we have this have this same thread recently?)

As a man I probably wouldn't date a girl with a kid. More often than not I have seen women hook back up with the father of their children.

I personally would not want to be the person in the way of a mother and father getting back together.

ArtyM

Absolutely no problem dating single Moms, have actually dated a few over the years.
To be honest I find that women who have had to go through the experience of being a single Mom are stronger, more independent, and better adjusted than most. Am still very good friends with my exs and their kids.
I, personally, think that if you dont make the introduction a huge deal i.e. "meet my friend" things can work better.
Good luck Op, Hope you find what you are looking for

keithc83

heidi_ho wrote: »

That's why i ask... the golden olden days... i knew someone who married and had a child and then they divorced.. she went on to meet another man... he fooled her by saying he accepted child.. and then once they were married and had their own kids then he wanted rid of the child that wasn't his out of the family and lots of terrible drama went on.. that was 20 years ago..

Thankfully this country has come on leaps and bounds since then. Especially with attitudes. I have heard other stories like that and really it was terrible what was done in every case.

Kevin Duffy

Wouldn't bother this single 40 yoswm in the slightest. Similar view to kfallon, who put it very nicely.

tayto lover

g_moriarty wrote: »

I look at it similar to the way the Ryanair airline do.

Excess baggage = extra costs incurred.

Thats a very cruel and unnecessary way to look at the situation. They could be the two nicest people ever. A child is never baggage.

kfallon

ArtyM wrote: »

To be honest I find that women who have had to go through the experience of being a single Mom are stronger, more independent, and better adjusted than most.

And often times better in the 'cot', don't forget that :pac:

heidi_ho

Console wrote: »

Stove is right. All you'll get is people taking the piss in here.

As a guy I dont know if I would date a women with a kid tho. I mean I date someone to see where things will go and I think I would holding back from progressing any further. So to be brutually honest I would be only casually dating someone with a kid. Not to mention baggage that would likely ensue. Thats just my opinion.

But of course there will always be guys in life who wouldnt have an issue and guys who would... and sadly guys who upon hearing a girl has a kid, only use her for sex.

I would guess that if you were a single dad that you would understand then that the woman would just be using you for sex because you had a child...? From what i see around me the woman always has the "baggage" as you so nicely say.. nobody ever says single dads have baggage? Well i never hear it...

Kevin Duffy

heidi_ho wrote: »

From what i see around me the woman always has the "baggage" as you so nicely say.. nobody ever says single dads have baggage? Well i never hear it...

Not that I'd see it as "baggage", but maybe the view is skewed 'cos there are far more single mothers than fathers.

hondasam

heidi_ho wrote: »

That's why i ask... the golden olden days... i knew someone who married and had a child and then they divorced.. she went on to meet another man... he fooled her by saying he accepted child.. and then once they were married and had their own kids then he wanted rid of the child that wasn't his out of the family and lots of terrible drama went on.. that was 20 years ago..

unlucky woman to pick two dick heads, where did he expect her to put the child.

of course she could be the problem as well.

what happened in the end?

If a man does not like your kids then he is not worth the trouble.

CrazyRabbit

It depends on how good the kid is at cooking/cleaning/ironing etc.

heidi_ho

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Not that I'd see it as "baggage", but maybe the view is skewed 'cos there are far more single mothers than fathers.

Surely where there is a single mother, there is a single father who AWOL or dead?
Women didn't evolve enough yet to make her own babies

Console

heidi_ho wrote: »

I would guess that if you were a single dad that you would understand then that the woman would just be using you for sex because you had a child...? From what i see around me the woman always has the "baggage" as you so nicely say.. nobody ever says single dads have baggage? Well i never hear it...

Jesus!
you cant say anything on this board. Was just posting my person opinion and my opinion of how other men see things. Not being bad or rude.

But you know what, screw it. Might as well be rude. Life can suck. Deal with it. If a man or women doesnt want to date someone because they have a kid. So what. Their choice.

If you have no issue with dating someone. good for you. thats your choice.

hondasam

heidi_ho wrote: »

Surely where there is a single mother, there is a single father who AWOL or dead?
Women didn't evolve enough yet to make her own babies

To be fair to some men there are women who do not allow fathers see their kids.

jive

MILF

heidi_ho

hondasam wrote: »

unlucky woman to pick two dick heads, where did he expect her to put the child.

of course she could be the problem as well.

what happened in the end?

If a man does not like your kids then he is not worth the trouble.

The child ran away a couple of times. He would lock her out of the house on winter nights, she would have to sleep in car or shed. She wasn't allowed anywhere in the house only her own bedroom. Eventually she done her leaving cert and managed to leave.

The man eventually ran off with the slutty neighbour and now the child has relationship with thhe mother again. Although she's not a child anymore, late 20's. Lots of damage done.

MoodeRator

"Baggage" IS seen for both men ane women! Not a nice term IMO but sure it is out there. Personally I see no reason to date a woman with children.

Queen-Mise

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Not that I'd see it as "baggage", but maybe the view is skewed 'cos there are far more single mothers than fathers.

heidi_ho wrote: »

Surely where there is a single mother, there is a single father who AWOL or dead?
Women didn't evolve enough yet to make her own babies

hondasam wrote: »

To be fair to some men there are women who do not allow fathers see their kids.

What Kevin meant in his post - is that they are lots of single mothers around the place whereas we don't see as many single fathers. (Single - meaning that they are rearing their children on their own & NOT in the case of an immaculate conception or immaculate birth).

I know only one or two single fathers & neither has any problem dating.

hondasam

heidi_ho wrote: »

The child ran away a couple of times. He would lock her out of the house on winter nights, she would have to sleep in car or shed. She wasn't allowed anywhere in the house only her own bedroom. Eventually she done her leaving cert and managed to leave.

The man eventually ran off with the slutty neighbour and now the child has relationship with thhe mother again. Although she's not a child anymore, late 20's. Lots of damage done.

The mother choose a man over her own daughter, nice woman !

where was the father when all this was going on ?

Kevin Duffy

heidi_ho wrote: »

Surely where there is a single mother, there is a single father who AWOL or dead?

If he's AWOL, he ain't a single father, is he? He's a former sperm donor who facked off and isn't a father worthy of the name, taking your AWOL at face value (but taking it broader, I get your point). If he's dead, well, he's not the topic of any coversation your point above was addressing....

So, the more likely scenario being that he facks off rather than her and the courts being the blunt instruments they are, I stand over my hypothesis.

hondasam

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

If he's AWOL, he ain't a single father, is he? He's a former sperm donor who facked off and isn't a father worthy of the name, taking your AWOL at face value (but taking it broader, I get your point). If he's dead, well, he's not the topic of any coversation your point above was addressing....

So, the more likely scenario being that he facks off rather than her and the courts being the blunt instruments they are, I stand over my hypothesis.

I would not say this is always the case kevin. men get a raw deal when it comes to children and custody. to heavy a debate for sat night

heidi_ho

hondasam wrote: »

The mother choose a man over her own daughter, nice woman !

where was the father when all this was going on ?

I don't think the woman had many choices really.. already a single mom, no money, not really any family support and she was already pregnant when she married the second fella. I really dont think that she felt choices available to her.

The 1st father left, a Dutchman, and in Holland it was easy to divorce then quick so he made her sign a no maintenance document and he wouldnt seek the child and he would allow passport to her for child to come back to Ireland. Irish mother, Dutch father, Dutch child. The child met him later but they didnt get on well. He was also a dick told her she was mistake sending her more off rails,

Kevin Duffy

hondasam wrote: »

I would not say this is always the case kevin. men get a raw deal when it comes to children and custody. to heavy a debate for sat night

You're right, hardly the stuff of AH at this hour abnd lots of fellas do get it hard one way or another. QM's explanation of my point is pretty accurate, I was talking about being the full-time lone parent, much more likely to be a woman than a man.

ArtSmart

hmmmm.

thought this wasn't suited to AH, but on further reading, i'm not so sure.

Jane Eyre

I think I would think twice before dating a guy with kids, but only because I will NEVER be his priority. The kids will always be more important to him than I am. And that's the way it should be. I assume it's probably the same when you talk about single mums.

hondasam

heidi_ho wrote: »

I don't think the woman had many choices really.. already a single mom, no money, not really any family support and she was already pregnant when she married the second fella. I really dont think that she felt choices available to her.

The 1st father left, a Dutchman, and in Holland it was easy to divorce then quick so he made her sign a no maintenance document and he wouldnt seek the child and he would allow passport to her for child to come back to Ireland. Irish mother, Dutch father, Dutch child. The child met him later but they didnt get on well. He was also a dick told her she was mistake sending her more off rails,

she choose to let her child sleep in a car or a shed. what kind of a mother does this, his kids were treated differently.

hondasam

Jane Eyre wrote: »

I think I would think twice before dating a guy with kids, but only because I will NEVER be his priority. The kids will always be more important to him than I am. And that's the way it should be. I assume it's probably the same when you talk about single mums.

This is the same for married couples, children are always the priority or should be. you could judge the man by the way he treats his children, if he is a good father he is a nice person and the same for a woman.

Kevin Duffy

Jane Eyre wrote: »

I think I would think twice before dating a guy with kids, but only because I will NEVER be his priority. The kids will always be more important to him than I am. And that's the way it should be. I assume it's probably the same when you talk about single mums.

And if two childless people meet and have kids together they'd become a joint priority anyway, so the difference is the period you'd be together before kids came along and you could just enjoy each other.

heidi_ho

Jane Eyre wrote: »

I think I would think twice before dating a guy with kids, but only because I will NEVER be his priority. The kids will always be more important to him than I am. And that's the way it should be. I assume it's probably the same when you talk about single mums.

Definately, my daughter and her welfare will always come first no matter who comes into the picture. I can understand this what you say about priority. Its always hard for everyone. The adults and kids.

enfant terrible

heidi_ho wrote: »

Definately, my daughter and her welfare will always come first no matter who comes into the picture. I can understand this what you say about priority. Its always hard for everyone. The adults and kids.

You sound like a great mother and she's lucky to have you.

MoodeRator

hondasam wrote: »

This is the same for married couples, children are always the priority or should be. you could judge the man by the way he treats his children, if he is a good father he is a nice person and the same for a woman.

There we have it! it is about the individual and their character! These days too many people are to judgemental and only take into account status and what is in it for them! If you are going to be selfish in a relationship then the single parent is far better off without you!

K-9

heidi_ho wrote: »

I would guess that if you were a single dad that you would understand then that the woman would just be using you for sex because you had a child...? From what i see around me the woman always has the "baggage" as you so nicely say.. nobody ever says single dads have baggage? Well i never hear it...

As a Single Dad, well my son is with me about 50/50. so probably not quite a single Dad, but it is regarded by baggage by some.

From what I see around me, some men see single parent women as baggage, some don't, as seen from the replies here.

Single parent men get treated the same, there's less chance you'll see it.

Baggage is weekends are always "taken up", takes planning, the ex, stuff like that. Meet the right woman and none of that is a problem.

I've had "aren't you great" type comments from women, wtf? He's my son, end of. Why would anybody think I'm great for spending time with my son?

As for single parents that are female, I've gone out with a few and no bothers at all, none of this "father" crap at all. That would put me off.

AckwelFoley

I met a lovely woman a few years ago. I wasnt with her literally 2 hours and she proclaimed she had a child. To me i got the impression she felt it was something she flet needed to disclose it like having a penis..for me it was very much a "so what" moment, it didnt change or would influencemy decision on wanting to date her or not.

Im glad i felt that way, because im going to marry her in a few weeks and her son is my son - and he calls me dad.

If she had 3 kids with 3 different fathers, that would be a different story...