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seperated over 2 years but it still hurts!

  • 22-04-2011 7:29pm
    #1
    nagolina
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭


    I've been separated from my ex husband for nearly 2.5 years now, we have 3 small kids of whom I'm the main carer.

    I have no idea how to word this, but how long is it healthy to still feel sad about the break up? My ex had a terrible drinking problem, so it was a relief at the time to end the marriage, but the reality is that I am so lonely, and it feels as though I am existing just for the kids. Finances are a major setback and it feels like I am always juggling and worrying :)

    I am trying to do things for myself each day, exercise and the likes but in the evenings when the kids are asleep I feel like the only person in the world who is alone!

    The worst thing is that I feel envious of couples that I see together, Valentines Day and Mothers Day were so painful, and the effort of holding things together as a single parent every day is hard sometimes.

    I've had a few casual flings in the past couple of years but since last summer decided to stay away from relationships as I knew I wasn't ready - I still feel like a reject sometimes to think that alcohol was preferrable to me. I am terrified of meeting someone new incase they discover whatever huge flaw I feel like I have...but I'd love just to have a conversation and a laugh with someone :) I miss intimacy but have no idea how to find it again.

    How do I get past this and start living again? Does anyone have a magic cure?!


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ah, take it easy on yourself. Why wouldn't you be sad? This isn't how you thought your life would turn out and things are tough.

    But, dear Lord, think how tough it'd be if you were still married! Well done for managing to get out in one piece.

    Why do you think you aren't ready for a relationship? Things are complicated, yes, with the kids and finance. But why does it have to be a big relationship? Wouldn't it be nice to have something casual (or two) for a while until you have more freedom?

    Why not relax and enjoy a little? No big commitments, just some fun and companionship?


  • #3
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Can he babysit more evenings and you start internet dating/ a course/ meet friends or something like that?

    You need to meet new people and they wont suddenly appear in your sitting room :)


  • #4
    nagolina
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭nagolina


    Are you telling me some hunk isn't just going to drop into my lap? :D

    I know I need to get out more, my ex works up country and so I have every other weekend to do my own stuff...yes a course is next in the pipeline, I know I need to get out more but I'm scared witless of meeting someone new. It's a pickle ;)

    Thanks for the reply, it's good to get a reminder that I can't sit on my ass forever!


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