What to do next?

ourtrail

Okay, so I'd been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, it had its many ups and downs but the past few months had been great. We only get to see each other once a week or so as he works long awkward hours in Dublin.

We had a few tiffs lately, the last one being Monday night when he flipped at me completely over something I said ( this was all through text) and then proceeded to turn around and say he doesn't want to be with me anymore and he doesn't want the relationship. I was upset but the next day text him to say I agreed that we needed some space but all he could reply was that oh for me now its done now its over for good, I kept civil and left it on friendly terms. That was Tuesday I haven't contacted him since and although I do need some space I don't want to lose him forever as I do love him to bits so I guess I am just wondering what I should do next? He can be quite the stubborn type by the way.

ApeXaviour

Sounds pretty decisive. Take him at his word and back off.

Accept it, delete him from facebook, DO NOT TEXT and try to move on. If he's playing games he'll have a change of heart soon enough when he realises you'll not be strung along.

If he doesn't you'll have your answer. It's really really hard yes, and it's not what you want to hear I'm sure, but you'll be much better off.

Go out with your girlfriends and have some fun, they're your support group. Keep busy and active.

Console

So ...

- you both had a fight.
- he then said that he doesnt want to be with you anymore.
- next day you say you both need space apart.
- he replies (upon hearing that) that its now done and dusted.

Hmmmm. Well Op. Logical thing to do is to give it a few more days and text him. See where its all at. Its possible it was all in the heat of the moment... and its equally possible he meant it.

So by a further text you'll know where he stands but more important where you stand then. So if he is still singing that tune in a few days. Then thats it. Move on. Delete his number / facebook etc.

LegacyUser

Men, unlike us women, are generally fairly straightforward about this sort of thing.
When he says he doesn't want the relationship, it means exactly that. He wouldn't randomly "flip" about something, he's obviously been thinking about this.
If it's him being stubborn, let him be- alone. If this is what he's like now, when you barely see each other& should be in the rosegarden stage(first 2yrs), imagine what he'll be like at the 7 year itch stage!
No matter how much you love him, you MUST let him go. You want someone to want you back as much as you want them. Don't sell yourself short.

ourtrail

He has said this kinda thing before but I'd grovel and we would get back together. This is the first time I haven't gone grovelling. It was strange because he was being real nice to me that night up to when I brought up something with him and then it just escalated into an argument and him finishing things.

I am definitely just going to continue my life as normal, go out with my friends and stay out of contact with him as I know it is the only thin gto do.

Console

jklkl wrote: »

Men, unlike us women, are generally fairly straightforward about this sort of thing.

I am sorry but as a man I can say thats not accurate. Its human nature to say things and not mean them... not only reserved for woman. Of course, that doesnt mean he is in this question. But the generalities of male and female are equal.

ourtrail wrote: »

He has said this kinda thing before but I'd grovel and we would get back together. This is the first time I haven't gone grovelling. It was strange because he was being real nice to me that night up to when I brought up something with him and then it just escalated into an argument and him finishing things.

I am definitely just going to continue my life as normal, go out with my friends and stay out of contact with him as I know it is the only thin gto do.

Op, that is a very important factor you left out (the bolded bit) that does change the aspect of things. One should never always be the sole party to patch things up. Upon hearing that, you really should just leave him to it.

ourtrail

I actually feel the better of not being in contact with him, I have been selling myself short in the past and I am proud of the strength I am showing at the moment. I am headin out with my friends tomorrow night to the usual club we go to. He doesn't like the place but if his friends are heading out tomorrow night I'm afraid that he will head there with him.

I dont mind being civil to him and all and going about my own business but if with a few drinks he starts trying to row with me or make me feel bad about the break up I dunno what I'll do. I was thinking if this happens I'll just say I don't want a row that I just want to enjoy my night and walk away from him.

Taltos

Let him try what he wants - just stay calm and tell him that what you do is no longer any of his concern, he ended it and has to live with it now...

To be honest - if this is a repeating pattern - then well done for breaking it. Each time you grovelled to him this must have slowly broken down your self-esteem to the point that you were convincing yourself that it was always your fault.

Think in this instance your choice is the right one

MissMiami

If he has said it's over before and you have always grovelled to get him back, then he believes there's a pattern and no matter what you'll crawl back to him.

He probably feels like he holds the power in your relationship and that is never healthy as you are both equals.

If you see him out, just nod and smile or whatever. Enjoy your night out with your friends and don't do something you'll probably regret like kiss another guy in front of him.

It's only been a few days so let yerselves have yer space. Then ye can decide whether or not ye both want to work at the relationship again.

Hope everything works out for the best xxx

I am a friend

ourtrail wrote: »

He has said this kinda thing before

ourtrail wrote: »

I'd grovel and we would get back together.

Hon, he doesnt want to be with you as harsh as that sounds. He has tried to finish it before but you made him feel so guilty he got back with you. My biggest issue here is that your self-esteem is so low that you would GROVEL to someone in order to have them in your life? Why do you think he (or anyone) is worth the loss of your self-esteem...

If anyone grovelled to me to stay in a relationship, it would be a total turnoff... You need to work on your self-esteem and let him off. He has said, numerous times, that he wants to finish so let him. Move on and work on yourself. Good luck.

ourtrail

Just to update you all. Stayed out of contact with him and away from him and had a blast of a weekend. Met him yesterday evening to give him tickets I had belonging to him. We ended up chatting for ages and had the best laugh we had in a long time. He said he missed me and I told him that I missed him too.

The time apart had made me realise where we were going wrong and how low my self esteem had got and he said similar things. We ended up saying we will keep things to ourselves and see how things go rather than jumping back into things like always. We had forgotten what it was like to be happy with each other and how much of a laugh we once had until yesterday. Only time will tell how things unfold but its amazing how time apart can change alot of things and make you realise alot about yourself.