Do I have a reason and right to feel hurt?

TaraJo

So, a few weeks ago, my girlfriend just, out of the blue, dumped me. I was crushed, but I managed to move on.

The wound was still there and it was sore, but I had reached the point where I could be mostly civil to my ex. Then yesterday, I found out she was dating one of my close friends.

I'm really feeling hurt and betrayed by both of them, but when I tell them, they act like I have no right to feel hurt. They're trying to

I'm just so angry and hurt and...... It's making me cry. I lost a good friend and a my ex-girlfriend who easily could have been in the friend catagory. In fact, a great majority of my circle of friends kinda revolved around those two, so now I feel pretty damn alone. I skipped classes today to just stay home and cry (I didn't think I could get through it at this point). I've calmed down since then, but........ I'm still hurt.

Is it reasonable of me to feel that way?

Lorrrrraine

It's totally natural for you to feel like that, I'd be the same.
That "close friend" crossed a line that she really shouldn't have and your ex seems thoughtless, at best. Why does their new relationship stop you from hanging out with the group?

TaraJo

Lorrrrraine wrote: »

Why does their new relationship stop you from hanging out with the group?

Because hanging around those two makes me want to do things that would put at least one of them in the hospital and me in jail. Yeah, I'm raging. Calmer now, but I still despise them.

nunzilla

That's a nasty situation, I empathise.
I'd a similar incident in my last year of college. The ex dumped me 3 weeks before our degree work was to be completed and because we shared the same close knit group of friends... no one wanted to interfere, comment, help much etc. They were quite a self-absorbed bunch of people. Thank you perspective!
And i'm much happier without them.

Anyway, my experience lead me to say this to you:

It's really a time when you should step back and re-evaluate who your friends are. It's hard to do but just step out of the circle even for a week, and see if the space does you some good. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do about your ex and your friend. You process your emotions any way you can, everyone heals differently. It sounds like it'll help you recover, you sound like you need to vent to move on.

TaraJo

nunzilla wrote: »

That's a nasty situation, I empathise.
I'd a similar incident in my last year of college. The ex dumped me 3 weeks before our degree work was to be completed and because we shared the same close knit group of friends... no one wanted to interfere, comment, help much etc. They were quite a self-absorbed bunch of people. Thank you perspective!
And i'm much happier without them.

Anyway, my experience lead me to say this to you:

It's really a time when you should step back and re-evaluate who your friends are. It's hard to do but just step out of the circle even for a week, and see if the space does you some good. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do about your ex and your friend. You process your emotions any way you can, everyone heals differently. It sounds like it'll help you recover, you sound like you need to vent to move on.

Actually, as for that circle of friends, I had already been thinking of removing myself from it. I guess this stunt just gave me that last little bit of encouragement to finally do what I had been saying I'm going to do for a while.

As of now, I'm making new friends and moving on. Part of me wants to stick around to watch them hurt each other as much as they hurt me, but as much as I may get a little satisfaction out of that, I'm just going to step away and ignore them as much as I can.

nunzilla

Sounds like a bit of Jersey Shore/Fade Street.

*shudder*

And good for you on the freedom front.
Wahey!:)

Aishae

same thing happened to me! this was before i realised my sexuality - so it was my boyfriend who dumped me - and a week later i find out he and a friend, upon who's shoulder i'd been crying on and who kept saying 'you two will get back together' - were seeing each other and he also stoutly denied he'd been seeing her before he ended it with me but i later found he WAS. the betrayal from both sides hurt and i was extra hurt cos it was a week before my 18th. but to be honest i was glad it ended with him - more hurt at what my 'friend' did.

i got over it fast but it still smarted. especially as i heard he'd been going around called me a f^cked up wench who was useless at sex. the only reason i can think of that he bad mouthed me was to make himself feel better about having ended a 3 year relationship for a fling that lasted all of 4 weeks. cos i never even cried in front of him, or got angry when it ended.

all horribly dramatic. who needs that sh*te?!
you're right to be hurt - its a double whammy. who doesnt know the 'friends (big) exes are off limit' unwritten rule?

feck it - sure if they'd do that to you then you're better off out of it

chin up and good luck

bitter_lemon

if theres not gay boy drama theres lesbian drama here :rolleyes:
i really don't know whats worse!
i'm taking to the hills with my tin whistle and gonna tune you all out of it

i hear nothing anymore.........................

Links234

TaraJo wrote: »

As of now, I'm making new friends and moving on. Part of me wants to stick around to watch them hurt each other as much as they hurt me, but as much as I may get a little satisfaction out of that, I'm just going to step away and ignore them as much as I can.

There's an old saying, the best revenge is living well.

That's something I've really taken to heart, that moving on, getting on with your life and not letting people get to you/get you down really is the best way. People have hurt me in the past, and I would really dwell on it and want to get back at them. But just taking it in my stride for me was the biggest statement I could ever make, like you've just tried to hurt me, well I'm not even mad. You can't hurt me, I'm just going to forget you and get on with my life. you know what I mean?

Anyway, I hope things get better from here on out.

*hugs*

TaraJo

Links234 wrote: »

There's an old saying, the best revenge is living well.

That's something I've really taken to heart, that moving on, getting on with your life and not letting people get to you/get you down really is the best way. People have hurt me in the past, and I would really dwell on it and want to get back at them. But just taking it in my stride for me was the biggest statement I could ever make, like you've just tried to hurt me, well I'm not even mad. You can't hurt me, I'm just going to forget you and get on with my life. you know what I mean?

Anyway, I hope things get better from here on out.

*hugs*

Thanks.

Thanks for the support everyone. Yeah, I'm moving on and trying to get over it. As of now, I'm just trying to put a distance between me and them and I'm making new friends and going to new social activities and just generally moving away. I've been wanting to move on with my life like this for a while and I feel like this is finally what will help me do it.

General rule of thumb, though: Don't date a friends ex unless you want the friend to be an ex friend. Even those who do think it's okay to date a friends ex agree that there needs to be a certain amount of time between you breaking up and them getting together which, again, was totally ignored in this case.

shoegirl

TaraJo wrote: »

So, a few weeks ago, my girlfriend just, out of the blue, dumped me. I was crushed, but I managed to move on.

The wound was still there and it was sore, but I had reached the point where I could be mostly civil to my ex. Then yesterday, I found out she was dating one of my close friends.

I'm really feeling hurt and betrayed by both of them, but when I tell them, they act like I have no right to feel hurt. They're trying to

I'm just so angry and hurt and...... It's making me cry. I lost a good friend and a my ex-girlfriend who easily could have been in the friend catagory. In fact, a great majority of my circle of friends kinda revolved around those two, so now I feel pretty damn alone. I skipped classes today to just stay home and cry (I didn't think I could get through it at this point). I've calmed down since then, but........ I'm still hurt.

Is it reasonable of me to feel that way?

Same thing happened to me - twice.
First occasion was with my then gf of 3 years and a girl I really hit off with on a holiday (theory looking back now was that the GF got jealous and was worried I might move on yer wan so she hit on her first). Second time was about a year later I introduced a friend who was visitng to a girl I was kind of seeing and guess what? On the second occasion I just shut them both out of my life. People like that wreck your head.

Looking back with the hindsight of 4 years, I don't really care much about them anymore. The way I see it now is that if they were self centred enough to take the risk of blowing up their friendships/relationships with me in order to pursue their own needs, well it said far more about them than me and they aren't worth pissing on. So I don't bother with any of them now.

To be honest if somebody values your friendship so little that they would risk it for that well they are not worth much as people so time to move on and make newer, better friends. You are worth so much more than that girl.

Hold your head up and high and move on, you deserve better.

Aard

You never have to justify your feelings and emotions, OP. You feel the way you feel, and if others don't like it -- tough.