A Right Mess

LegacyUser

Ok……gotten into a right mess!

I had been single for a while and not interested in a relationship. However not wanted to be celibate I had gone onto sites where you meet other like-minded people for sex. (not looking to be jumped on for morality issues – this is just background!)

All was well, met some nice girls and had some fun. However myself and one of the girls (girl A) got on really well became more regular, and even ended up going away for weekends -our meetings became dates rather than just about sex. But at the same time I never had the feeling that we could be a couple – never had that ‘buzz’ if you know what I mean.

This went on for about 4 months, as we are in different parts of the country we met maybe 6-7 times in that period, but kept in text contact regularly. However as time passed I found the whole thing pretty unsatisfying and had decided that I would like be in a ‘real’ relationship. As I didn’t see me and girl A being that, I was going to finish the sexual part of the relationship, but still hoped to remain friends.

This is where the problems begin. I think girl A has feelings for me and so I didn’t want to send a text or ring her explaining my decision, but wanted to do it face to face - I felt that she deserved that. But first she was on 2 weeks hols and then I was away with work, so time has passed. In the meantime I have met someone (girl who I think could be very special – we totally clicked when we met and ended up talking for what seemed like an hour, but turned out to be 5 – and then after closing just stood in the street chatting for another hour as our friends drifted away. We exchanged numbers and kissed. She texted next day & asked me out. I said I couldn’t - made up some excuse but really wanted girl A straightened out first. Obviously I hadn’t told girl B the lifestyle I had been living for the previous year.

But then girl A tells me that her mother is going into hospital for an emergency breast cancer operation! Shes an only child, father died a few years ago, and no relatives to speak of. Now I feel I can’t just load another thing onto her at this point, but girl B has asked me out again and I don’t want to lose any chance with her either!!! Now what?

Do I go on the date with girl B and wait until girl A is a better mental place before telling her…….or ring girl A and tell her all before going on a date with girl B? I feel like a bastard either way

miec

Hi Op

Tell girl A the truth...tell her you want to end it and do not string her along regardless of her personal circumstances, I know you believe you should be the nice guy and pretend so as not to upset girl A but what you are doing is a form of lying and making a fool of her. You like girl B so go out with her, be honest with yourself and go for what feels right not what you ought to do. I know I personally could not bear if someone stayed with me out of pity, I would find that deeply insulting.

Cherryfizz

For my pennys worth tell Girl A that things arent working out but if she needs a friend you're there even if you mean it as a cliche but maybe you would like to be friends! No-one wants to be strung along regardless what else is going on. If she asks if there is someone else please dont mention Girl B as there is no point as you dont really know yet if that will work out and she has enough to be dealing with than thinking shes someones second best! You seem a decent enough guy so good luck.

Girl B is probably the better choice.. For many reasons.

Flurticia

Totally agree with CherryFizz, and if you haven't seen girl A in ages it should be grand. Good Luck