I feel like my life is over

LegacyUser

Well the best part of my life anyway, im 32 and depressed and just wonder where my 20's went, they just flew by without me even noticing them, when I younger I wasnt as switched on as young people today, i played it safe, did the routine , never did anything wild or exciting, today im just sick of the current routine, I work during the weekdays in a job I dont love or hate, and at the weekends I do nothing, most of my friends are all settled down now, and im just a overweight depressed guy going through the motions, as I approach my 33 birthday im beginning to get this feeling of dread that ill be 40 before I know it and im just letting my life pass me by, my weight currently at 21 stone really is an anchor in my life, this is me just ranting but does anyone else feel the same or have any words of wisdom

thebullkf

chin up:)

Start gradually getting exercise,release those endorphins... you living @ home?...folks?... girlfriend?...fcukbuddy?

Write down a list of what you want to do with your life.... read it over, trim the unrealistic stuff, re-write it. re-read it. trim it again. settle on some goal, anyi goal. strive to acheive it.

Just because others are settled,doesn't mean you have to.

you're not alone. keep us posted:)

Kevin Duffy

Hi OP, there's lots of advice elsewhere on diet and fitness which can help with your weight issues. Most people live within reach of a Weightwatchers too. Male friends of mine have gone and got great benefit from it, I'll recommend it on their behalf.

That said, in order to find the motivation and energy to get started on any of that, you need to have a look at the idea that the best part of your life is over at this stage. Frankly, that's nonsense. I'm 8 years older than you and those 8 years I've done well in my career, had great times with fantastic women, had great holidays, made new friends, took up new hobbies, made some huge fúckups, laughed about them afterwards, ran a marathon, moved to another country, moved back again, met up with a huge number of people I'd lost touch with and loved finding out about their lives and any number of other things that have made me smile thinking back on them.

Life is not all a Pepsi Max ad and I've had some sad, boring, horrible days and times - but life over at 32? Not on your life! I'm 40 and can't wait to see what happens next!

LegacyUser

OP you are not alone in this, Plenty of people go through something similar. when i lost my job, I shut myself away, got depressed. Actively shut my friends and family out. I got to 23 stone, and I am a short woman, I joined a gym and dieted. It took me a year and 10 stone now can barely recognise myself. That was simple, but it wasn't easy. It is going to be harder than your current routine. Harder than anything I will wager. change is painful, especially good change.

exercise will make you happy, give yourself a month going you will feel so good you will not want to stop, as you are heavy you need a lot of muscle to carry it around. i think strength more so than cardio will be good. sometimes when you are heavier cardio gets you too sore and out of puff. i know it did me at the start. maybe get a dog and walk it at first? walk an hour every evening. its a fine early summer.and start some evening activities, with social groups.=, if you have a passion or hobby or two. if not then take some up. i have 3 now and wouldn't know a soul where i am without having them first. then for being single. If you cannot meet someone through that avenue of hobbies, may stick up a profile on a dating site. I met my OH online, and we match really well. It is too easy to fall into chemistry and desperately try to make a relationship out of it.i did that lots and was miserable. Here I have chemistry and so much else in common.

once you are happy in yourself, and have someone to love. I think then is the time to think of other things, if they still bother you. being comfortable and having a person to tell all your little news to and find solace is is sometimes enough, more than enough.all the big exciting things, like mad foreign weekend sessions with groups of friends and extravagant experiences. sure you forget about them after a while.

Spore

Two years ago I found that I'd become overweight, snuck up on me. Only after relatives started pointing it out that I saw myself as fat. Then I started cycling. Everywhere. All times day and night. Got addicted to cycling. Now I weigh the same as when I was eighteen (many moons ago). Can't believe it. I'm as fit as a fiddle through doing something I love. Get out there and stop giving yourself excuses, whether it's Karatae or jogging or just the gym, find the thing that gets you out of the house and exercising. The rest will follow, confidence, health, happiness, women...

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Looking back on my life I was pretty much the same. Stayed within the lines...followed all the rules etc. Like you I'm currently in a 9-5 job which I neither hate nor love.

I've realised the saying " No risk, no reward" saying is true. You need to get out there, try new things, get out of the comfort zone if you want positive change in your life.

I've made the decision to find find a passion for something in life and try to turn that into my fulltime job.

Keep the head up.

Anytime I feel like I'm in a rut I always think of the following line from Melanie C's "Northern Star" song:

"Live your life without regret, dont be someone who they forget".

Report back in a few weeks and let us know how you are getting on.

purity

32 and depressed wrote: »

Well the best part of my life anyway, im 32 and depressed and just wonder where my 20's went, they just flew by without me even noticing them, when I younger I wasnt as switched on as young people today, i played it safe, did the routine , never did anything wild or exciting, today im just sick of the current routine, I work during the weekdays in a job I dont love or hate, and at the weekends I do nothing, most of my friends are all settled down now, and im just a overweight depressed guy going through the motions, as I approach my 33 birthday im beginning to get this feeling of dread that ill be 40 before I know it and im just letting my life pass me by, my weight currently at 21 stone really is an anchor in my life, this is me just ranting but does anyone else feel the same or have any words of wisdom

I felt the same and realised people are different if we were all the same the world would be a very boring place. Some people are popular and rich some are poor and unpopular. Don't feel so under pressure to be like everyone.
Your not happy with your weight diet or join a gym;)
Never envy your friends they probably envy you because your unattached and have no children. Your healthy bar the weight and that can be controlled now start getting a change in routine and remember that life is good:)

thefeatheredcat

32 and depressed wrote: »

Well the best part of my life anyway, im 32 and depressed and just wonder where my 20's went, they just flew by without me even noticing them, when I younger I wasnt as switched on as young people today, i played it safe, did the routine , never did anything wild or exciting, today im just sick of the current routine, I work during the weekdays in a job I dont love or hate, and at the weekends I do nothing, most of my friends are all settled down now, and im just a overweight depressed guy going through the motions, as I approach my 33 birthday im beginning to get this feeling of dread that ill be 40 before I know it and im just letting my life pass me by, my weight currently at 21 stone really is an anchor in my life, this is me just ranting but does anyone else feel the same or have any words of wisdom

your life is far from over, it's just beginning! you've identified that you're unhappy with your life, which is fantastic so you can now build from that and identify what you want in your life by making changes.

as a friend of mine in his 50s said to me as I was miserable over my place in life and losing a guy I really liked at current age 29 (and pretty much stuck in the same situation as yourself), he told me I'm so young and still have everything ahead of me and he's on marriage no. 3!

having being depressed myself all through 2010 exercise makes a difference - get out there and enjoy Spring, take the time to look at flowers and gardens, whatever makes you happy and enjoy yourself.

Don't be so hard on yourself and don't be so negative either. And relax!

You can implement great change in your life now if you are open to making these changes and want to make yourself happier as happiness comes from within.

So if your weight is an issue for you, start either accepting yourself as you are or change your life by focusing on this as a goal and then accept yourself. The more goals you accomplish, the happier you'll find yourself in accomplishing these, and even if you fail by your standards, overcoming an obstacle is always a success, as long as you don't pressure yourself too much or put too much expectation on yourself that could hinder you.

If you feel life is passing you by, then seize opportunities that come your way, and if opportunities don't come knocking, then keep an eye out for them.

maybe not words of wisdom, but just my thoughts and experience on this. But overall, what matters is what makes YOU happy, not what is expected of you or what others/society expect of you. People develop at their own pace, don't forget that. Just because others have settled down, doesn't necessarily mean that by a certain age or a certain place in life, the same should be expected of you that is of others, as we all have our paths in life at different times.

thecookingapple

Change.

Good luck.

greenprincess

Hi OP,

Not really sure what part of your life your unhappy with. But 32 really isnt too old to change!! When I was travelling in Asia I meet a good few people in their 30's and I even meet two brothers in their 60's tubing in Laos!!!

I know things are hard in Ireland at the min btu is their anything you could change that'd make you happier? Give it all up and go travelling for a few months? Lose weight? Try dating more? Look for a new job?

You'll only be as happy as you let yourself be. I truely believe that

futonic

I thought I was old at 26 so went travelling.... now at 38 I feel oooold... but you know what, i'm not really and you definitely aren't! It's all relative. Listen to bulkf, he/she said it better than I could.

tenchi-fan

Regrets and rumination are a sure way to make sure you stay in this rut for the next 32 years as well. I went to Australia when I was 25 and just felt too old for it. At age 27 I felt my life was over. I'm 29 now and still people who are in their late 30s say to me "oh I'd love to be 29 again" and I just think "are you serious? 29 isn't fun, I want to start over again from age 16 and do it right this time!"

You have some things going for you... 1. a job. 2. That you don't hate!. Although work takes up a disproportionate amount of time there's no reason for your life to revolve around it. Use the money you get from your job to live a little. You also have 3. your weekends. Maybe people have to work at the weekends, so you should be happy that your weekends are free.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. Easter is a good season for a new start. You should also remember, Jesus was only baptised at age 30 and only really began his ministry around this time.
Many people criticise the bible by saying "well what about all the time between Jesus being a child and Jesus being baptised" and they invent things like "he had brothers and sisters and married mary magdelene and had kids".

The fact is, Jesus worked as a carpenter, gained an education, became a well-respected person in his community, never had sex, never got married, and never had kids. And all by the time he was 30!
Then he got baptised, went to the desert for 40 days where he fasted (see what I'm getting at ) , caused a few waves in Israel and the rest is history...

I'm not sure if that's the slant you were looking for, but my point is you're only really starting out.

You're not overweight because you sit around all day. Your body burns calories the whole time, even when you are asleep. You're overweight because you're bored and you either eat too much or drink too much to conquer the boredom. You need to be interested in something and passionate about something. Try to enjoy whatever money you have - hobbies don't have to be expensive. Just do something, and if you don't like it try something else.

elbee

OP, you're only 32! You have plenty of time to change.

Maybe try learning something new. It sounds like you have a lot of free time if you say lots of your friends are settled down (doesn't necessarily follow that settled people see less of their friends, but it sounds like that's what you meant in your case), so maybe take up a class? Or learn to drive if you don't already? Could you learn a foreign language, it might open up new opportunities for travel?

christmas2010

Hi OP, lots of good advice here. However I know from my own ongoing experience of depression that I can be overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, what happens to me then is I shut down and do nothing. Maybe it's similar for you, I don't know.

What seems to work for me is to set one small goal at a time. It builds up my confidence and I feel better able to tackle the next one. I'm talking small things. For me it's something like not switching on the computer for a day and trying to get a walk instead. Another is to make sure I get up, showered and dressed every Saturday.

I have a lot of other bigger issues I need to tackle including weight but one bit at a time.

Best wishes

Dudess

Your life most certainly is not over. Your youth... some of it is... but you've gotta have perspective. Someone of 40 would love to be 32, so imagine someone of 70! You're a youngster relatively speaking - make the most of the present so that you don't find yourself some day in years to come wishing you were 32 again. Because you will if you don't make the best of things. I'm the same age as you - at times I don't like it, but accepting it, and not letting it define/limit you, makes it... not perfect, but a LOT easier.

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Many people criticise the bible by saying "well what about all the time between Jesus being a child and Jesus being baptised" and they invent things like "he had brothers and sisters and married mary magdelene and had kids".

You believe they invent it.

The fact is, Jesus worked as a carpenter, gained an education, became a well-respected person in his community, never had sex, never got married, and never had kids. And all by the time he was 30!
Then he got baptised, went to the desert for 40 days where he fasted (see what I'm getting at ) , caused a few waves in Israel and the rest is history...

That looks like you're pushing an agenda and it does not look appropriate. Some of the advice you give re Jesus is helpful, but telling the OP this stuff is fact, and making it seem like Jesus is someone the OP can relate to (why include the miracle stuff?!) is unfair when it's just a case of you believing it, not definitely fact.

Firetrap

No, your life is not over. Far from it. It's only over if you let it. You are still a young man and have plenty of life to live if you make some changes. Besides, you can't do anything to bring back your twenties - the only way to move is forward.

You mentioned your weight. Set in place a plan to lose those extra stones. Chat to your GP, work out a dietary plan and start taking regular exercise. Join a gym if necessary. I'll not labour those particular points to death. You know the theory anyway.

It does suck that your friends have settled down but that's not to say you can't still hang around with them sometimes or go make some new ones. Are there any hobbies that you've ever fancied trying? Or even doing something like hillwalking with a local group? You need to get out of the house and start meeting fellow human beings. Sitting in at home looking at TV/browsing the net will drive you crackers.