Should I just give up....

LegacyUser

Dunno where to start but i'll try. I've being with my on and off girlfriend for 6-7 years and I absolutely love and adore her. Pretty much worship the ground she walks on. We have 2 beautiful kids who are my entire world but shes just so angry all the time.

She had what can only be described as a horrible childhood. Was abused by 3 different family members and she's tried to kill herself numerous times (pre- our kids). In fact thats kinda how we met. She was raving about what she was gonna do in the pub one night, her friends (mutual friends) just left her and I kinda spent the night babysitting her. We developed into friends etc...

We've always had a volatile relationship with lots of arguments but I very rarely start them (I know this sounds like my blinkered version but its not). But i do (and I try not to) get involved in mud slinging matches when I completely lose it.

Everything I do is a no-no to her. I used to play a bit of music for a living and she came down on that. I had to ditch it and lost out on my income but fair enough I thought, not fair leaving a pregnant girl at home etc... So I gave up.

I joined a gym to lose some weight (a good thing i thought) but again she stopped me going. Dunno if it was jealousy or what. So I gave up on it and started training with a mate in his shed, nothing there she should be jealous of but still no good. I even had to give up my job as a guitar teacher when 1 woman signed up for lessons.

She hits out at me, has hit me in public for forgetting to text her and constantly tells me I don't love her or my kids. I have absolutely nothing. I play darts once a week for my local pub. i don't drink when playing because I know its not worth the hassle and accusations if I do

So anyway we've being split up alot since last June with the usual attempts to reconcile for the kids (I really can't stand not being with them and only having weekend access).

We were getting on great and I was supposed to call on Friday to see the kids. But my mother needed help to put doors o some presses, (shes 67)so I text her and said i'd be half and hour late. She text me back to "f off". So i didn't bother calling and went out with my friends that night. Again no drink. So the next morning she called to my house where i was chatting with my brother. I made a reference to last night and she went ballistic. Accused me of lying about what i was doing "you told me you were putting in presses last night" and pulled my 2 kids out of my house screaming crying.

So anyway getting to the point, I was to bring them to the park this morning so called to collect them. We got chatting and next thing things exploded, she made a jump for me so I pushed her away and than when she started kicking at me and punching I grabbed her by the neck. Tbh if I hadn't come to my senses and saw my 2 kids crying I think I'd of hit here.

I feel like absolute ****, worse than **** because I know in my heart that I'd of hit her back today had it not being for the kids. Theres being numerous times where she's being violent and I've usually easily brushed it off and said to myself "Im better than this" but not today. I really can't take it anymore and I'm scared of a, what she'll do to the kids if I walk away altogether and she has no one else to take her anger out on or b, that one day I will hit her back in the house. i really, really can't cope, don't know what to think or what to do.

foxinsox

Hi OP

Sorry to hear about that situation you are in at the moment..

It seems that there is a lot of things going on at once..


I think that you should maybe go see a counsellor and maybe have a chat with a family law solicitor, just to see what your rights are if you do decide to break up with your girlfriend.

I am not saying that you should leave her, I think that your relationship needs help of some sort now.. The result may be that you decide that it is not to be.

From your post it seems that your girlfriend has been through a lot in her life and maybe it has not been dealt with.

Has she ever had counselling?

I think you both need a cooling off period.

Maybe talk to her (when you both can be calm and your children are not present) and suggest that you BOTH go to see a counsellor.

Maybe a relationship counsellor could help, but the safety of your children is the most important and you both, as parents need to ensure this.

If you can rationally and calmly explain to her how you feel maybe it will work out.

Best of luck

mood

I would be concerned for the children OP. Professional help is needed her to make sure the children are safe if nothing else. It's not good for them to be around her I would think.