Should I trust my gf?

LegacyUser

I'm seeing a girl since January. We are going out since the start of March which I know is not that long. I met her online. When I met her and started seeing her I took down my photos and didn't log into the site.

I stayed in her apartment recently and I was using her laptop. I could see I was prompted to the site I met her on. I didn't really think anything of this. I then said to her that I must delete my account on the site. She then said it probably deletes itself if you don't use it. I got the feeling she didn't want to talk about this subject.

But then last week I logged into the site as I had a feeling she was still using the site. She had logged into that day and all her photos were still up. I felt so used as I didn't go near the site since I met her and I took down all my photos straight away.

I texted her about it. She said she should have deleted her account ages ago and would do it that evening. I have already deleted my account.

Should I just move on and forget about this? I guess I have to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, she doesn't want us to update Facebook to reflect we are in a relationship also...

Maybe I'm worrying too much about this but I need to get this off my chest as its important to have trust in any relationship.

Fluorescence

She might just be uncertain as to where in the relationship you guys are. If she deletes her account and things don't work out there's all the hassle of putting it back up, rewriting everything etc etc... Though most sites have a relationship status indicator - does hers say she is involved with someone/not looking for mails right now? As for facebook - I detest it. I'd never put my relationship status on facebook.

I say give her the benefit of the doubt.

S23

And I say she was always going to leave that account up and open until you found it. Some people are always looking to 'better deal' or 'trade up' on their OH.

Having an account of a dating site is a big no, no. It really isn't rocket science.

Any excuse about the incovienience of deleting photos/profiles and having to put them back up again if the relationship fails is some serious bulls*it IMO

LegacyUser

I texted her about it. She said she should have deleted her account ages ago and would do it that evening

Has she since deleted the account?

It's very early days OP, with regards the facebook status she may just be waiting a bit longer to see how things go, a lot of people hate updating facebook relationship status's only to have to remove it a few months later to a barrage of pity comments if things don't work out. I'd definitely give her the benefit of the doubt on the facebook issue. Has she introduced you to her friends? That would be a better barometer of how she feels about your relationship imho.

If however hasn't deleted her dating site profile after she said she would, then yes, i'd be a bit worried.

Console

Having experienced this myself and know people who have.... mate, red flag.
If you meet someone off a website (weather it be a dating website or a site with "social networking" slapped over it like tagged, aka another dating site) ... its bad!

My advice would be walk. But thats experience talking. And experience weighs more than anything in life. But! ... i imagine you will probably give her the benefit of the doubt. So if you do here is two things you have to watch out for:

1, If she shows any sign of not wanting to delete that profile, even saying how she just wont log into it ... you aint got no relationship. As S23 said she will be that person looking for the 'better deal'

2, its sad, but if she deleted that profile. create another profile and search girls up with her age and location. She wouldnt be the first person to delete a profile 'for a guy' then re-join with another name.

She has raised alarm bells. Its on her and her actions next that will either define that as a false alarm or indeed, a red flag all along.

mood

On some site you can hide your profile. I can't see why someone wouldn't do this if they didn't want to delete and account. To be getting e-mail alerts would be such a pain when you are already with someone I think.

I think I would call it a day OP.

Firetrap

When you add up all the bits, it doesn't look good at all. I wouldn't necessarily read a lot into the relationship status on Facebook. Not everyone who's in a relationship puts it on their profile.

The dating site, on the other hand, is a different kettle of fish. It implies that she isn't totally committed to your relationship and is keeping an eye out just in case something better comes along. I don't buy the not deleting the profile thing because of the hassle of putting it up again. No, she's still active on the site to a greater or lesser extent because she's still logging in and hasn't taken down her profile. I think it's time for a talk at least.

tan11ie

OP It's still early days maybe she views the relationship as casual? You really need to have a chat and discuss where the relationship is at!

fungun

1. you met a girl internet dating where i assume she would put some effort into putting up an online profile
2. 6 weeks pass
3. You expect her to delete it?

If I was in that situation Id prob leave my profile up. Its when she gets emotionally involved and commits to you Id expect a deletion. IMO that does not happen in 6 weeks. Shes hedging her bets, yeah....but dont think you should drop her for it.

However I would question why she wont update her facebook profile....

S23

fungun wrote: »

1. you met a girl internet dating where i assume she would put some effort into putting up an online profile
2. 6 weeks pass
3. You expect her to delete it?

unregforthisone wrote: »

I'm seeing a girl since January

I've no idea what the difference is between 'seeing someone' and 'dating' them is these days but maybe I'm a bit of a dinosaur.

Anyway, he's had some kind of relationship with her for 4 and half months and it's been progressed to another level for 6 or more weeks.

It's definitely not on for her to be f**king about on the dating website anymore.

LegacyUser

unregforthisone wrote: »

She said she should have deleted her account ages ago and would do it that evening.

Has she deleted her account? It's your second time asking so she should realise by now that it's an issue for you.

If she hasn't deleted her account, dump her because it means she doesn't care that this issue upsets you.
If she has deleted her account, forget about your uncertainty and start to trust her. You're only going out with her a short while, it's surprising a lack of trust has built up already. That points to a flaw in you, her or in your relationship in general.

Another piece of advice for anyone in a relationship-only go searching for proof of someone's infidelity when you have reason to (eg he/she doesn't answer the phone in front of you, working 'late nights', becoming distant etc), not because you're feeling a small bit insecure about something because no matter what you find, you'll be able to twist it to make it seem that you were right to go snooping in the first place. When I used dating websites, I never checked to see if someone's profile was still up. I figured that I could see if they're trustworthy by their actions towards me and by actions I mean phoning/texting when they said they would, meeting me when they said they would, showing me respect in general. 'Getting unimportant admin done' was not a trait I looked for in a partner.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for all the responses. After much thinking I finished it yesterday evening. To be honest it was the right decision. I'm a lot happier now.

I think I'll stay clear of the internet dating now. I will get too hard to trust any girl after how I was treated by her. She said she wasn't seeing anyone else and doesn't just use the site for dating......

I wasn't sleeping some nights and not eating right which is a joke. But all is good now.

Roll on the single life! Though it's so hard to meet someone in Dublin especially when you're a 26 year old like me who doesn't drink and is not into this culture which exists in Ireland even though I'm from Ireland A bit of topic there!

Happy easter to all