Becoming Less Sexually Interested in Partner

LegacyUser

Hello all.

This is difficult for me to write and I apologise for how offensive this will sound to some.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for 2 years now and I have to say I love her to absolute bits. She is such a great person and honestly I don't think theres anyone who is more deserving of a happy life than her. However, in the last few months I've started to become less interested in sex with her. I still have sex and I am turned on but honestly its gotten to the stage where we have sex once a week because I just don't get as turned on anymore. I don't know for certain if I'm less attracted to her but I think I am although maybe thats normal after 2 years.

Now, there is no way I am ever going to break her heart and personally I am strong enough to never sleep with another women in spite of this so what I am wondering is has anyone been in the same situation as me?

I dont know if sex is all that important if you truly love someone - or is it?

LegacyUser

I think she'll notice the drop in sex, if she hasn't already, and that can cause a huge amount of confusion and hurt for her if she doesn't understand why it's happening.

It might cause problems, if she wants sex more than once a week....which could lead to a break up anyways. how are you going to explain your not sexually attracted to her without hurting her???

sex does diminish after the first butterflies are gone....that's normal, but if you find you're just not attracted to her anymore, then that's a problem....is there a reason such as change in appearance, weight gain, medicine/drug/alcohol use? maybe try spice things up - new positions, fantasy, role playing, get a little more adventurous, try go back to 'dating' when it's all still exciting...try figure out WHY you feel this way - if it's just your sex drive has dropped then it can be fixed, but if it's cos she just doesn't turn you on anymore....then that can be a problem and a sign the relationship is in trouble, often I feel less attracted to a partner if there are problems outside the bedroom, or he isn't the one

Fentdog84

Sorry but u need to be doing it more than once a week(I assume u a both still pretty young). You need to sit down and talk to her, ask her if she's worried about the situation. Suggest trying different things or take her away for a dirty weekend. Cant bury your heads in the sand over this.

Mallei

You don't need to be doing it any number of times. It's purely for the two people in the relationship to decide how often they have sex.

OP, are you finding that your girlfriend is getting frustrated with the lack of sex? It may well be that she's much happier not having to have sex every night, and your lower sex drive will make her life easier.

Don't just assume that because you're disappointed you're not having sex every night any more that she'll feel the same way.

FortyPlusHubby

shals wrote: »

I dont know if sex is all that important if you truly love someone - or is it?

It is pretty important I think, but quality is more important than quantity.

There's a reason why Playboy magazine does not feature the same woman in every photo, every month. Sexual arousal becomes more difficult with familiarity, so it's important to introduce an element of variety in order to keep you both interested.

Be sure to experiment with different positions, different rooms, different times, clothes, perfumes, colours, etc. Consider introducing some adult-oriented games like strip poker, role plays, S&M, etc to give you a different perspective on the sex act.

Don't worry too much about the frequency in absolute terms, but be careful not to let weeks go by without any sex, as it can be very difficult for one partner or the other (I know, I've been there!!) to go for such periods of time without intimacy.

40pH

FortyPlusHubby

Fentdog84 wrote: »

Sorry but u need to be doing it more than once a week(I assume u a both still pretty young).

It's not like weights training or jogging .... there isn't a fixed frequency below which it fails to do what it's supposed to do. As long as there are not long periods of no sex, be guided by what your partner and yourself are happy with.

40pH

cafecolour

FortyPlusHubby wrote: »

Be sure to experiment with different positions, different rooms, different times, clothes, perfumes, colours, etc. Consider introducing some adult-oriented games like strip poker, role plays, S&M, etc to give you a different perspective on the sex act.

Good advice. But also attempt to try new things together outside of the bedroom - i.e. learning new things, going on trips together, etc. The human mind does thrive on new, but doing enjoyable new things with the same person transfers some of that to them.

bridal

Fentdog84 wrote: »

Sorry but u need to be doing it more than once a week(I assume u a both still pretty young). You need to sit down and talk to her, ask her if she's worried about the situation. Suggest trying different things or take her away for a dirty weekend. Cant bury your heads in the sand over this.

Disagree with this, you need to be doing it as and when ye both feel like it.Try to decide why this is happening, do u feel less attracted to her, or do you feel the need to change routine perhaps, more nights out or in or spice things up in the bedroom area. Every falls into routines too easily, try to keep things fresh