broken

Witchie

After a failed marriage and loads of non-relationships I thought I found him. he was sweet, gorgeous and made me laugh so much. 4 weeks in and he tells me its just about the sex and he loves a mutual friend.

I really dont know how to cope as it had taken me years to ever trust someone again and thought he was worth it. I walked over a mile home crying tonight coz I just cant handle it.

I really now think that I am never gonna have love in my life and I know am not some horrible person and I do deserve better. What the hell am I gonna do.

greenprincess

Sorry to hear you'v been so unlucky in love

But as Dory would say, 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming'

I am a friend

Op it's easy when we really want to find someone to love to jump in feet first as soon as someone suitable comes along. It was only 4 weeks so it was a big gamble on your part assuming he was 'the one'. Maybe rein in yOur expectations the next time til time has passed and you know the person better.

By the way, he doesn't sound too great if he is letting you walk home at 5 am.

Don't lose hope. As you said you are a good person and any guy would be lucky to have you so don't give it all up to any guy who seems like he is worth it til he proved he is.

arybvtcw0eolkf

greenprincess wrote: »

Sorry to hear you'v been so unlucky in love

But as Dory would say, 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming'

Oh, thats brilliant.. I've just passed that on to a friend who's world has been torn apart, it won't mean anything to her just yet - but in time it will, thank you!.

Witchie

Its of extra significance to me coz my mates call me Dory coz of my short attention span and stupid things I say and do....oh and I can speak whale.

I have been astounded by how sweet everyone has been and my mates and my sister have all rallied round but even though we were only together a month, its killing me coz I finally thought I was getting somewhere I have been wanting to be for last few years. I think I just need to go have loads of sex its how I have gotten through the last 12 years so maybe it will pull me through for another while but all I really want is a nice guy that I fancy to ask me out and treat me half decently....am begining to wonder if such a thing exists. :-(

greenprincess

Witchie wrote: »

Its of extra significance to me coz my mates call me Dory coz of my short attention span and stupid things I say and do....oh and I can speak whale.

I have been astounded by how sweet everyone has been and my mates and my sister have all rallied round but even though we were only together a month, its killing me coz I finally thought I was getting somewhere I have been wanting to be for last few years. I think I just need to go have loads of sex its how I have gotten through the last 12 years so maybe it will pull me through for another while but all I really want is a nice guy that I fancy to ask me out and treat me half decently....am begining to wonder if such a thing exists. :-(

well speaking whale is a valuable skill!! but i dont think jumping into the sack with a load of other men will help you out!! In fact its probably going to hold you back from finding a fella. When your out just enjoy yourself and if there is someone there that you get along with great if not, have a good time with your friends

Emme

Witchie wrote: »

After a failed marriage and loads of non-relationships I thought I found him. he was sweet, gorgeous and made me laugh so much. 4 weeks in and he tells me its just about the sex and he loves a mutual friend.

I really dont know how to cope as it had taken me years to ever trust someone again and thought he was worth it. I walked over a mile home crying tonight coz I just cant handle it.

I really now think that I am never gonna have love in my life and I know am not some horrible person and I do deserve better. What the hell am I gonna do.

Poor you. I've been in that situation as well but the guy waited 10 months to tell me. I can't say that things will get better or that you'll find love again (I didn't) but keep the chin up, have good friends, find something that you love doing and you never know what the future will bring.

DOBBER112

Christine Flabby Rawhide wrote: »

Oh, thats brilliant.. I've just passed that on to a friend who's world has been torn apart, it won't mean anything to her just yet - but in time it will, thank you!.

Heres one I like

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

Witchie

Having been friends with him for about a year I thought he was worth suffering for.

DOBBER112

Witchie wrote: »

Having been friends with him for about a year I thought he was worth suffering for.

We've all been there lady, as in had a person turn out to be a complete fake or totally wrong for us. Best to get busy trying to find somebody better who will appreciate you for you. Be single for a while and have a little or a lot of fun, sometimes its when we aren't looking that we find what we were looking for

Witchie

Problem is that I have pretty much been single for years now and am finally ready to take someone seriously and not just as a fling. Aw will get through it I always do its just hard again when had thought I had taken the right approach.

DOBBER112

Witchie wrote: »

Problem is that I have pretty much been single for years now and am finally ready to take someone seriously and not just as a fling. Aw will get through it I always do its just hard again when had thought I had taken the right approach.

In my honest opinion just be yourself as obvious as that sounds. Never change for anybody, you are who you are and I'd bet a steak dinner that theres somebody gonna happen along at some stage that will make you very happy.
I'm single over two years myself after a long relationship, I decided to take some time out for myself and its the best thing I ever did. Learned more about myself and what I am capable of in the last two years and loved every minute of it. Don't get me wrong its not all pluses there are minuses too like movie spooning time and I had a ****ty day so hug me time but I can testify to this, never rush into anything, never change for anybody and whoever is lucky enough to have you make sure they appreciate you. Never just settle, settle for what makes you happy. We live in a cynical world at times but theres plenty of good out there, sometimes it just hides really well and sometimes it will sneak up on you and surprise you when you least expect it. Chin up and hold your head high

johnr1

Hey Witchie, sorry to hear. That was me last year, dumped without warning, I got very badly hurt after only knowing the woman for 6 weeks. I really thought that was it, she ticked boxes I would never even have realized were important to me till then. She was making all the right noises too about me till the last day.
I fell harder than I ever had, and at 36 and having survived a broken marriage and a few serious relationships I thought I would have been tougher.
I didn't post here at the time, cos I felt a bit of a dope tbh, given that I was "old enough to know better" but my RL friends were amazing.
Witchie, - like you know you will, I got over her, and I knew at the time that I would too, but that didn't stop it hurting like hell.
What I did, - Like Forrest Gump said, "I ran," and I'm not a runner, it helped though. I worked like fcuk although we had damm all meaningful work on at the time. I spent days on Boards, and then eventually; I got back in the game.
Like you, I'm **** sick of dating, of meeting new sets of parents and family, of telling my life story over to new people as I get to know them. I would have hoped at 37 to be settled down again, but you know, 50% of worlds population are women, and there's one out there with whom I'm going to spend many hopefully happy years. I just may not have met her yet or copped on as to who she is.
This last Im more certain of than at any time in my life so far.
Sorry if you feel Im hijacking the thread, I hope some of this helps.

thecookingapple

Do you deserve better?

If the answer to this is yes, then treat yourself better.

value what you have and what is yours and do not give it away easily and do not fall easily, a person in a relationship wants their partner to challenge them, enlighten them, respect them, contribute to them, do not go on what you have done in the past, go by what you want now and in the future and until that arrives take this time while you have time alone to set new goals, to set out and achieve what you want from this life of yours, value you your own mind before you attempt to value others.

Good luck

Witchie

This time last week i was lying in bed chatting with my fella and so happy I could burst. 45 mins later I was walking home crying. I miss him.:-(

johnr1

Hey, it's only been a week, in three, youll have broken the habit of missing him, and in a few more, he'l be a memory. Whatever you did this week to survive can be repeated next week and that will be two down. It gets better, honestly. Just dont fall into the trap of going back and giving him the half-relationship he wants, you could get that anywhere without the heartache.Good luck.

LegacyUser

Witchie wrote: »

After a failed marriage and loads of non-relationships I thought I found him. he was sweet, gorgeous and made me laugh so much. 4 weeks in and he tells me its just about the sex and he loves a mutual friend.

I really dont know how to cope as it had taken me years to ever trust someone again and thought he was worth it. I walked over a mile home crying tonight coz I just cant handle it.

I really now think that I am never gonna have love in my life and I know am not some horrible person and I do deserve better. What the hell am I gonna do.

oh boy :-( Im really sorry to hear that. its not your fault, you will eventually find a REAL guy.. pls dont give up

DOBBER112

Witchie wrote: »

This time last week i was lying in bed chatting with my fella and so happy I could burst. 45 mins later I was walking home crying. I miss him.:-(

You'll have that feeling again, only better next time

Witchie

whats up with me that I keep torturing myself by looking at pictures of him. Its almost like pain is my friend at this stage. :mad:

Taltos

Pain is probably the only emotion he can give you right now. Also being a "strong" emotion it in a weird way makes you feel alive.

Having been where you are a good few years ago a few suggestions.
1. Get rid of those photos
2. Get rid of his number - he is not worth it
3. Delete from facebook or any other social site - actually I would prefer to just delete you own profile as those mediums do a good simulcrum of relationships but all they seem to do is remind you that you are not the one in the photo or in the comment.
4. Call on your friends - try to just get out and get your mind off things.
5. Either start something new - hobby or plunge into work for a while. Ideally just get really busy to help the time pass and in the background get rid of that longing.
6. STOP being so hard on yourself - at least you had the courage to try again - keep that strength - someday you will meet someone who deserves you - just don't compromise yourself for little prats like the one you just left.

Would also suggest not diving into the sack with a load of different guys or neighbours - all that will do when it gets out is give you a label you will never move beyond - which in turn will scare away a good number of men, whom in turn care about how promiscious you have been... Not saying they are right - but not all of us are as open minded about these things as we should be.

Finally - go spoil yourself today - buy that one thing you have been craving for a while now - just don't put yourself into hock over it. But bascially do something for yourself today to validate how important and special you are. Might not be an item - it might just be a walk by the sea or a trip somewhere - just do something for you.

It does get better.
Remember - he's a prat and worst of all a USER...

Witchie

Thank you. I have no photos of him other than those I see on fb and even though I have deleted him as a friend i keep going to his page to look at him, sad. I did consider deleting my profile but I need it for the volunteer work I do so can't really.

His number is gone from my phone. I was out Fri and sun nite with my mates and spent a lot of time wondering if he was gonna be there. Thankfully am goin away with my sister for a few days next month so can get away from here.

Witchie

went in to town this afternoon to meet a friend for coffee and walking through the shopping centre and there he was with his brother standing chatting. Of course I had to say hello coz his brother is a mate too but was keeping walking when his bro started asking me about football and kept me talking while I was dying.

I ended up having to get sick in the toilets and still feel such a mess. Will it ever get easier? How am I gonna face him friday nite when am sure he will be at our game.

Witchie

I spent the nite with him Sat nite after he suggested I call in to talk and we talked and kissed but I told him that since it seemed to have been just about the sex before, he wasnt getting any. He seemed happy enough with that and we had a lovely nite together.

I left and walked home early in the morning and when got home I text him to let him know I was home safe. No response, fair enough he was probably asleep. He had said he was working that day until 9 and then was meeting one of his mates and would be in the pub we both go to later that nite. I went to the pub with my mates and he didnt show up, didnt text. I sent him a casual message........no response. He had told me the nite before to add him as a friend again on FB since I had deleted him, but he still hasnt accepted my request.

I havent heard from him since Sat and he didnt come to a football match today that he should have been at and apparently told his brother he had slept in. Now I'm thinking he has changed his mind from Saturday nite and hasnt the guts to tell me.

To add to the confusion someone I had been seeing casually from last sept until I hooked up with this guy was trying it on with me and told me he loved me but I am not interested now where I would have been a few months ago. God am a mess!!! Feck them all!

I am a friend

Hon it sounds like he was hoping for a shag but didn't want to look bad by telling you to head home with you told him it wasn't a runner.

Can't believe he let you walk home alone again ...

He has no manners this guy so move on and try bring single for a while

Witchie

Wasn't his fault, I left when he was asleep but the rudeness not to text me back is what annoyed.

I have a coffee date with a gorgeous guy next week which am looking forward to big time and i know i will forget the messer but I suppose I was giving it one more try before I walked away and he let me down again. His loss.

thecookingapple

Good luck on your date, just some advice, instead of building up men to gorgeous, great etc etc, take the time to get to know them, see what they are like and whether they share common interests with you.