Money issues tearing us up

LegacyUser

Just looking for another person's perspective if someone can offer it. Living with OH the past 3 years, I went back to college after a 2 year gap to do my final year. Up until 2months ago I had been working part time in a bar, it was very tiring doing that and college, I was being bullied too so it was time to go.

OH told me it would all be ok and that he would support me for the couple of months I would be out of work (Since savings went on the reg. fee etc this year). But has taken a paycut at work. Because of the one income situation we're constantly broke. I go home to my parents for dinner sometimes but they're questioning why he isn't providing for me. My sister in particular considers that he is inconsiderate and walking all over me. Recently my mother has been giving me money here and there for bus tickets and food when we don't have any. My dad is asking why on earth I am having to do that if he has a good paying job.

He has always been good to me, otherwise I would not have stayed with him. But he is also supporting his parents (only his mother works they sometimes suffer to pay the bills), I don't have anythign to say about that but he has got a brother and sister who could have helped but they always ask him because they know he'll give it. They know i'm in college and know we're struggling yet they still called him this month asking for 300 euro. His cousin came over recently from australia and there was a 3 day drinking weekened that he spent 500euro during. And now we're broke and I don't know what to do. But he paid the rent using his overdraft.

I've gone a few nights without dinner and I don't eat lunch. It's making me really tired though because I'm going to classes and it makes me sleepy and it's hard to concentrate.

I'm between a rock and a hard place. My sister is telling me he is inconsiderate and should not have forked out all that money buying rounds etc. She said I'll be in college 2 months the least he could do is go easy on the spending and save me this stress I'm goign through.

Does anyone have any advice to offer me? my head is wrecked

peekyboo

Seriously, how dare your sister and family say that about your boyfriend! That is completely outrageous!!! It is not up to him to provide you with money. If you knew you were going back to college you should have made provisions for it. Or here's a thought - why don't you get another job so you can buy food?? Even babysitting or working in a cafe or something that won't interfere with your studies?

I am a female too and I would NEVER think it's my boyfriend or anyone else's job to support me. Your poor BF - not only is he doing his best but your family are slagging him off???? Wow, he does not deserve that.:mad:

Zen65

tiredinucd wrote: »

I've gone a few nights without dinner and I don't eat lunch. It's making me really tired though because I'm going to classes and it makes me sleepy and it's hard to concentrate.

I'm between a rock and a hard place. My sister is telling me he is inconsiderate and should not have forked out all that money buying rounds etc.

Hi Op,

Does your OH know that you have gone without dinner & lunch because of a lack of money? If he does, it's most peculiar that he would fork out €500 for drinks in 3 days while you starve.

This relationship is 3 years old now, so it's time you both sat down and had a very frank discussion about money; as unromantic as it may seem, this is a core issue in a relationship. You need to prioritise spending, and your daily food comes top of the pile. If he does not see it that way then I'd worry about what sort of future you both have to look forward to.

I'm not saying it's his role to be the provider, but having said he'll support you for the months you are unemployed he needs to live up to that promise, and not have you starving.

Finally, I do recommend a visit to MABS for some proper financial advice. Look it up online.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Plenty of people manage a part time job and college. I think it is very selfish of you to expect not to have to do this. Not that I agree with blowing 500 on a drinking session if broke - but it sounds like your BF is being used by his parents and you as the person they expect to pick them up. Have you ever considered that he might be totally stressed by all these unreasonable demands? And you are an adult, why should he have to "provide" for you, it's not 1950! Why not ask your folks to help with your college expenses - most parents do, if they can afford to at all. And did you not have a plan for how you would finance yourself if you went back to college?!

I am a friend

Oh good god - YOU should not be in college if YOU can't fund yourself. You seem to think you are entitled to a free ride. It's HIS money, he works hard fOr it do is entitled to help his parents with it and go out if he wants to.

What are you doing to bring income into the house?

Moomoo1

Get a part time job wrote: »

Plenty of people manage a part time job and college. I think it is very selfish of you to expect not to have to do this.

Plenty of people manage it badly. This sort of attitude is why college education is going down the drain - students who have to work as well as work in college end up doing quite badly in their studies. Some exceptional students do manage it of course, but the majority can't, because college studies should be like a fulltime job and so it's effectively like doing two jobs.

My wife works in a university and the work that some students who have to work to support themselves submit is just terrible - you cannot do two jobs adequately, it's one or the other, especially if it's coming to your finals.

If you have a bf who has money to support you then why not get a good degree (instead of doing it half-heartedly which is very unfair to people who teach you) and then get a good job and pay him back?

Moomoo1

I am a friend wrote: »

Oh good god - YOU should not be in college if YOU can't fund yourself. You seem to think you are entitled to a free ride. It's HIS money, he works hard fOr it do is entitled to help his parents with it and go out if he wants to.

A relationship is a partnership, it's not a loose collection of two individuals. A person who cannot look after the people close to him when those people need looking after isn't much of a partner/son/parent/sibling etc. If you drink away the money that your partner needs to eat then you cannot say 'oh, but it's my money'.

Faith

Moomoo1 wrote: »

Plenty of people manage it badly. This sort of attitude is why college education is going down the drain - students who have to work as well as work in college end up doing quite badly in their studies. Some exceptional students do manage it of course, but the majority can't, because college studies should be like a fulltime job and so it's effectively like doing two jobs.

My wife works in a university and the work that some students who have to work to support themselves submit is just terrible - you cannot do two jobs adequately, it's one or the other, especially if it's coming to your finals.

This is not true. Learning to balance priorities is very important. I'm in my final year of college. I just handed up my 10,000 word thesis and I have exams in 3 weeks. I have a part time job where I work 1 or 2 days a week and I do voluntary work experience 1 morning a week that has required taking work home in the past. I'm on track for a minimum of a high 2.1 degree. I'm intelligent, but I'm not by any means an exceptional student.

It's difficult managing several responsibilities, of course, but it's entirely doable and possible to do it well. Many of my classmates, particularly the older ones, have at least 1 job outside of college. Ideally, one could focus entirely on their studies, but many of us can't afford to do this. OP, I would second the suggestion that you look for another part time job, even if it's only 1 day or night a week. That little bit of extra income will go a long way towards giving you breathing space. It's only for a couple of months. Which is better, to starve or to give a few hours of study time to working?

That aside, I think you do need to have a chat with your OH. He sounds like a good man, but he's obviously not great with money. You need to explain that for the next couple of months, you need his help more than his cousins need drinking money, and that he'll just have to be a little more careful. Explain that when you're finished and working again you'll pay him back and it'll be easier financially then.

It's a hard place to be, but at the end of the day, it is his money to do what he likes with it. If that's not suiting you, you need to do something - either get a job or ask your parents/siblings/whoever for financial help over the next few months.

KittyeeTrix

To me it's simple.............

I could not be with someone who would drink money away while I go hungry!!!

Maybe I look at things differently but that's my opinion. I too am entering my 4th year of college and have 4 kids ranging in ages from 9 to 17. My husband stays at home and cares for them and the house. I hate that I am away from the house sooooo much and that he is responsible for most of the running of the household these days but I will make it up to him bigstyle in the future.

He would go hungry before he would send me into college hungry, that's just the kind of man he is. He wouldn't consider drinking money desperately needed in the house:eek:

We are a partnership and we share the money equally and it has been that way since we met over 19 years ago when we were 18 and 23. There was never any separation of money at all............

Edit: You do need to sit down and chat about this with him OP and see has his position on supporting you through college has changed. You may need to work again part time or move back home to your parents if that is an option for the year.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the help.

To shed some light: I had a plan when I went back to college and that was to work. I have worked all my life through school and through college bar the two year gap for personal reasons. Paying bills etc. It's only now that the break in work has happened so I want to establish this now. For the record. I have also been looking for another job since the past 3 weeks, I'm not living in fairyland thinking everythign will be ok.

My dad has just sent me a message saying he wants me to move back to the family home to finish my degree. He thinks that my OH isn't providing for me like he said he would if I took a two month gap and that he is being dishonest. But I think that's my mother and my sister putting that into his head. He has not been dishonest with me. I think his money management skills need a review but that's about it. I believe my parents should be willing to help me out when I'm in college but it appears it's a burden. My sister thinks that they should to an extent but that my partner should pick up the rest of the tab. I never wanted this to happen.

They are asking me to move home. I'm 24. They said I should not be coming back to my home for dinner because I have no money to get myself my own food, they said that is unfair on me.

How am I supposed to deal with this?

KittyeeTrix

I don't know OP.............

It's a tough one. You say he is supporting you but has been a little reckless with the money (500e drinking spree).

I can only imagine that your family take on board the things that you are telling them and coming to the conclusion that he is not taking care of you especially when they are having to feed you etc at times...........

I think you need to either stop telling them about the times your fella lets you down if you don't want reactions like you are getting from your family..

I know if one of my sisters were coming home and telling me that they didn't eat in college today because their partner had a family pi$$ up at the weekend, that I'd be saying the same things about their partner as your family is saying about yours..............

They really can only go by the information that you are giving to them

SheRa

Ok, I know that your family are aware of your financial situation because you are going to them for dinner, but giving out to your family about your partner never ends well. Long after you've forgotten the latest row (I know being starving is serious, but bear with me) they will remember.

You need to make a decision.You can deal with this in one of two ways:

(a) talk to your partner and tell him that you are going hungry and you both need to discuss money together and how, together, you will face this problem and have food for you both to eat. (I agree that it sounds like bad money management on his behalf, rather than any badness on his part, and that there is money there for food). You said that you are looking for work and thats great, but what if you cant find work or what if it takes another few weeks? You need to talk to him now.

If this problem is solved, then you stop going to your family for dinner so regularly (obivously still go to see them, but not because its a necessity to eat) and you stop putting your partner down to them, or if that sounds too harsh, you stop being negative about him.


(b) If the food/money issue doesnt get resolved (which I hope it does, but in case it doesnt), move home. Still dont be negative about your partner to them. Maybe he cant afford to keep you both.


At the moment you are in a horrible limbo torn between your family and partner and you cant afford to keep going like this, either mentally, physically or emotionally.

The very best of luck, my heart really goes out to you, its a very hard situation to be in:).

Moomoo1

Faith wrote: »

This is not true. Learning to balance priorities is very important. I'm in my final year of college. I just handed up my 10,000 word thesis and I have exams in 3 weeks. I have a part time job where I work 1 or 2 days a week and I do voluntary work experience 1 morning a week that has required taking work home in the past. I'm on track for a minimum of a high 2.1 degree. I'm intelligent, but I'm not by any means an exceptional student.

It's difficult managing several responsibilities, of course, but it's entirely doable and possible to do it well. Many of my classmates, particularly the older ones, have at least 1 job outside of college. Ideally, one could focus entirely on their studies, but many of us can't afford to do this. OP, I would second the suggestion that you look for another part time job, even if it's only 1 day or night a week. That little bit of extra income will go a long way towards giving you breathing space. It's only for a couple of months. Which is better, to starve or to give a few hours of study time to working?

if you can't afford it, sure you have no choice and there is no argument

but the OP does have a choice, she has a bf with a job. So it's much more sensible to let her work uninterrupted now so she can get a better degree and better job in the long run?

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

if you can't afford it, sure you have no choice and there is no argument

but the OP does have a choice, she has a bf with a job. So it's much more sensible to let her work uninterrupted now so she can get a better degree and better job in the long run?

A bf with a job in which he has had to take a salary cut, out of which he is already carrying his parents to some extent, let alone his gf who decided to give up her part time job!

It is clear that he can't carry his parents and gf, and I think it is well out of order that either party expects him to do so. So the choices are:
1. He says no to his parents, who may or may not be able to get help from his siblings
2. He says no to his gf, and she gets a part time job
3. He says no to his gf, and she moves home (which only really saves on dinner and utility bills to a certain extent - I note that he paid the rent for both of them this month)
4. She takes a small handout/loan from her parents to cover her food expenses.

peekyboo

Moomoo1 wrote: »

if you can't afford it, sure you have no choice and there is no argument

but the OP does have a choice, she has a bf with a job. So it's much more sensible to let her work uninterrupted now so she can get a better degree and better job in the long run?

I think the real problem is with the OP's attitude. It sounds like her BF is trying his best to help either way but the attitude of 'he's not doing enough' and the way her family are acting like he's abusing her is disgraceful.

OP I'd say moving back home sounds like the most sensible option. Good luck.

LegacyUser

To peekyboo, I appreciate your advice but I do not have a bad attitude to my OH. I have not once said that he is not doing enough for me. In fact in my original post I said he is very good to me and always has been.

I think that the drinking thing is what really drained him out because is was extra and he does go overboard on family occasions. But I can't criticise that. I don't want to and he wouldn't allow me to. He does work hard. He does everything he can.

I do not speak negatively about him in the family. They keep asking questions and I answer them. My mother is intimidating. My sisters aim to be intimidating, they get in my face and into my head. They have already done this. And now they have my dad on at me. I keep thinking if I was to go home to them they would constantly remind me about how my OH is failing me and how he doesn't care. He does care. I know he does but I have seen how he has come to be broke like this. And I don't hold him responsible. I'm not angry. I don't get angry and I Don't give him a hard time. It's just stress I keep inside me and try to vent it out on this without causing him any trouble. He has got a temper and I'm afraid that if someoen in my family criticises him to his face he will let rip on them and give out to them telling them he does do his best.

I've never once spoken badly of him to my family. They have made this impression themselves up because of how I am broke and have needed money and have had to ask if I can take some toilet paper and cereal back with me.

I really really hate this entire situation. I feel like in either case someone's going to get hurt and I'm tearing myself up over it. it's too much stress.

invinciblePRSTV

What about applying for the student grant or BTEA OP? surely as you're 24 and in college then you should still be eligible for assistance of some sort, failing that isn't there the college's emergency student fund which you can apply to?.

Beyond that it sounds like this bloke has bitten off more then he can chew tbh. Financially supporting his family and GF is a huge ask. Perhaps OP you can ask your own family to loan/give you some money to tide you over to finish college, it seems bizarre that they expect your BF to fully pay for your lifestyle when you are very much in the age bracket and situation where parental financial support would still be given?.

LegacyUser

I left the most recent job because I was being bullied. I was reassured by my OH that for two months he would take care of everything. The bit of money I had went quickly.

I have been working since I Was 14. So please. Before anyone else tells me to "get a job" I must really tell you all that I have been looking for a job. I've not been resting back on my laurels waiting on a bit of luck to pass me by.

I do not expect my other half to foot the bill for everything. I do not expect him to pay for everything. I had money , it's gone, I had a job, it's gone. I'm looking for another. He offered to look after me becuse he said he would be able to manage. How was he to know? Neither of us were. My family are looking at him like a dishonest person now. Expecting him to have paid for absolutely everything and have no enjoyment of his money he worked for. It's annoying.

This is really frustrating and did not expect this to happen.

I have gone to look for support. The grants people took my boyfriend's finances into consideration and because he earns 30k per year coupled with what I earned last year i'm not entitled to anything.

Neyite

tiredinucd wrote: »

I do not speak negatively about him in the family. They keep asking questions and I answer them. My mother is intimidating. My sisters aim to be intimidating, they get in my face and into my head. .

Then you need to stop answering them. You have told them far too much already, and they have decided to take up against your boyfriend. You and your boyfriend need to start working together. The first person you should discuss your finances with is him, nobody else. It just sounds like he simply does not put your household first, and the trick is to have a payday routine of doing the weekly shop before his family can ask for handouts. That way at least you have food there for you both.

Set ground rules - Agree on a weekly amount for your bus fare or whatever. go shopping when he gets paid and get stuff for sandwiches for both of your lunch. Work out your meals in advance - 'wet' ones such as curries, spag bol, mince with gravy, stews, etc can all be cooked in bulk and frozen, which will save you money.

Cook things that are cheap and nutritious - for instance a massive pot of veggie and lentil soup might only cost a tenner or so, but add bread and potatoes, and it will fill you up for most of the week. buy veg from greengrocers rather than supermarkets, you get more for your money.

As for your family, tell them you have spoken to him and thank them for their concern, then change the subject.

dellas1979

A few things stand out here.

In one case, you say too little (to your boyfriend)
and in the other case you say too much.

You should talk to your partner about this, esp the food issue. And say nothing to your family if they ask you. Just say all is fine.

Could your bf be resentful to the fact that you gave up your parttime job, thus putting all the strain on him? I mean, if you came home crying from your job because you were being bullied, of course he is going to say "ok give it up". But in reality, it boils down to he went off and blew e500, while you had no food. It reeks of him stamping his mark. He might as well piddle on the money and mark it as his.

You need to talk to him asap.

Zen65

tiredinucd wrote: »

I'm not angry. I don't get angry and I Don't give him a hard time. It's just stress I keep inside me and try to vent it out on this without causing him any trouble. He has got a temper and I'm afraid that if someoen in my family criticises him to his face he will let rip on them and give out to them telling them he does do his best.

I have to say this is a worrying thing to read.

In a relationship between equals, everything must be up for discussion. Choosing not to give him a hard time (in this case that means telling him that you are doing without food because he went on a drinking binge) because he has a temper is indicative of a very unhealthy relationship. Of course you may see it otherwise, but as described here by you....... it's most concerning!

As for keeping the stress inside, well that's the worst place to keep stress. It's not a sign of strength to do this, it's a sign of weakness, and it will eventually take a terrible toll on both of you.

Talk to the people at MABS, preferably along with your OH. You should be able to manage these few months without going hungry.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

After your most recent post, the only solution that I can see is that you go to your folks, and ask them for a loan - and tell them that you hadn't clearly thought out the implications of giving up your job, or taken into account the pressure this would cause. Hopefully this will give you enough cash to tide you over, and also begin to repair the damage that has been done by answering their many questions. And all of what Neyite said!

I don't think moving home is going to help - prresumably that still leaves your bf stuck with rent for both of you, and all of the utility bills, and no money for food for him - not to mention the pretty negative view of him that your family currently have. If you want to change that, you are going to have to own up to them to your share of the blame.

Kevin Duffy

I was in a similar position for a while, quite some time ago. We didn't face the criticism and pressure from family that the two of you seem to, but I think that's because we told people what was going on, or at least as much as we needed to.
In your situation, I'd be inclined to tell your parents he's doing his best generally, things are just tough at the moment and while they're criticising him they should bear in mind he's the only breadwinner right now. You owe them that if they're feeding you and they'll be happy to know the reasons 'cos they love you. Your sister, I'd say the same but in shorter, harsher words.

I'd suggest that you might put it to your partner that he should be telling his parents that he loves them and will do what he can, but that "what he can" is curtailed for the moment at least. They can hit his siblings for help if they need it. If they're not willing to, then they don't need it.

The converstation my then-OH and I had with families ended with me saying to anyone who needed to hear it that she and I were a family. A small, new one, but a family all the same. I said they wouldn't appreciate us telling us how to run their families and I would take the same dim view if they stuck too many of the wrong kind of oars in. The few noses that were slightly out of joint didn't last long and most people respected it.

LegacyUser

thanks for the responses boards guys.

My family are all ignoring me, bar my mother, who sent me messages along the lines of "good luck i hope it all works out for you".

I'm considering moving back for a couple of weeks until this calms down, I don't like being ignored.

Have spoken to OH but he hasn't said anything about having spent the money he just keeps talking about his next payday. I went in today and changed a few foreign notes I had lying around in the house from tips i got from work a while back. I got 12euro out of it all so I was able to have lunch and dinner today at least. He eats at work.

I applied to the emergency fund and they're looking over my forms now and will get back to me within a week they said.

I am a friend

I'm considering moving back for a couple of weeks until this calms down, I don't like being ignored.

????

So it ok to move out and ignore your bf after all he has done for you? You sound SO spoiled .....

Moomoo1

peekyboo wrote: »

I think the real problem is with the OP's attitude. It sounds like her BF is trying his best to help either way but the attitude of 'he's not doing enough' and the way her family are acting like he's abusing her is disgraceful.

I think that if one's partner is starving then one can with reason say one is not doing enough

Monkey61

tiredinucd wrote: »

I'm considering moving back for a couple of weeks until this calms down, I don't like being ignored.

I got 12euro out of it all so I was able to have lunch and dinner today at least.

These bits both jumped out at me. First of all..what? You are considering moving back in with your family for a few weeks because you don't like them ignoring you? How old are you? Seriously OP, you are an adult and if you want to be treated as such, you might need to rethink that attitude.

Also, with 12 euro surely you could have got a lot more than one lunch and dinner, I think you need to seriously look at your budgeting skills for the next 2 months.

To be honest, neither you nor your boyfriend sound able to cope with this situation. He sounds like he is on a decent enough salary, not sure how much rent you are paying, but you really shouldn't be struggling that badly. Helping his parents out is one thing, but if one of them is working, it sounds like he is seriously being taken advantage of by them and the rest of his family. As for 500euro in one weekend drinking - I can't even imagine how anyone could spend that much in one weekend.

The most obvious solution in this case would be firstly to sit down with your boyfriend and work out a budget for the next 2 months, how much you need for food, bills etc, compared to how much disposable income he has after handing money to his parents etc. Agree on a total amount for food and use that money wisely. If it is somehow possible that he is not earnign enough to pay for food (which I doubt) the ask your parents for a small short term loan to cover 2 months worth of food. If they can afford it, they will give it. If they can't afford it, then your boyfriend needs to rethink how much money he is giving to his family members for the next 8 weeks.

thecookingapple

As an adult it is your responsibility to look after yourself, a relationship should be about mutual love, respect and understanding, sometimes it is not, we dont know for sure what your bf does or does not do for you, but one thing for sure is that you are in a life altering situation and one you need to make a choice in that could well define you:

Take the easy way out: move home to your parents and life will be comfortable but not really independant to you.

Learn to stand on your own feet: get a job, any job, cleaning etc, multi task it with your studies and understand that although life does not have to be hard all the time, it is sometimes and sometimes you have to find the strenght to take it head on.

Good luck

LegacyUser

Hi all. I wrote that message in last night when my head was all over the place.

I considered moving home because I was thinking "yeah that would be easy and I could come back every evening to the apartment to make sure everything is ok".. But I thought about it and it's not something I'm prepared to do after how they spoke about my OH. All of their surmising has hurt me. They told me to tell him everything they said and I didn't.

I will visit as soon as I am back up on my own two feet to try sort this out. So we'll see how that goes.

I think he does care about me, and love me , and I believe from the bottom of my heart that he's doing the best he can but at the end of the day he's young like I am. I know some young fathers are thrown into absolute adulthood and have to become immediately responsible for 2 people etc but this isn't like that. And I noticed when I had no income how much I had been bringing in to this household. It's only when it's not there anymore that I have been able to see.

Also about the 12 euro, I still have 7euro left so I do not have budgeting problems. I meant that it got me stuff yesterday but will also today.

In the meantime, a few lessons well learned and still in learning. And this whole thing has drawn more light on how much my family members intimidate me and that I am going to learn to combat. I'm 24, not 12. And it's best I learn this all now than later.

Thanks for the support to all here.

SheRa

tiredinucd wrote: »

Have spoken to OH but he hasn't said anything about having spent the money he just keeps talking about his next payday.

So why dont you ask him about doing a budget for everything to see what you can and cant afford (and that may include giving his family less money, but dont say that to him yet, just see how the budget goes). Theres nothing stopping him from blowing more money on drink, or some other such crap excuse, when the next paycheque comes around. Im sorry, but if I was in his position, I would make it my business to ensure that you had enough food to eat, christ almighty, in an extreme case id go without food if I had to, in order that my loved one got food.

tiredinucd wrote: »

I got 12euro out of it all so I was able to have lunch and dinner today at least. He eats at work.

I was giving him the benfit of the doubt, but now I really wonder if he cares about you at all. He eats at work, so he's grand. Btw him eating at work would be a hell of a lot more expensive than buying food and making it at home, at least if he did that, you both afford to eat.

Does he know that you go hungry? Because if he does, he really doesnt seem to give a flying fcuk whether you eat or not. If he doesnt, why aren't you telling him?

LegacyUser

Hi Shera,

He gets free meals in the canteen at his job. So he's not got to pay for them.

He knows I've very little. But keeps saying "it'll only be a few more weeks before I am paid again".

I'll talk to him about the next payday tonight and say we need to set aside a budget. He's never had to be that way with his money before. I'll post here about what he says later.

Gene Hunt

Hi there, I can't believe how hard some people are being on you here, I know everyone needs to learn to stand on their own 2 feet but I feel your BF should be here for you right now and not you on here looking for advice, that's my opinion, no I don't think he should carry you but I have a GF who 31 and gone back to college she has children and she is struggling both with money and college, I run my own Transport business and I offered to help her out and she wants to better her live and we talked about this before she started college and yes she works part time in a take away but still it's a struggle, I do help her out because I want to see her make it ,god knows...she's trying, Listen I think you need to sit down with your man and tell him everything and how you are feeling right now and see if he's with you for the long haul, if he loves you he will and you'll be able sort this out yourselves without people on here.
But no way am I sit here while you have 7 euro, please PM me here so I can send you some money or do something for you rather than sit here and watch some others run you down.
Please do contact me.:)

SheRa

tiredinucd wrote: »

Hi Shera,

He gets free meals in the canteen at his job. So he's not got to pay for them.

He knows I've very little. But keeps saying "it'll only be a few more weeks before I am paid again".

I'll talk to him about the next payday tonight and say we need to set aside a budget. He's never had to be that way with his money before. I'll post here about what he says later.

Sorry if I sounded harsh, Im just concerned about you.

Hope the conversation goes well tonight about the budget, but you do need to eat before a few weeks time, does he have cash that he can give you til then and if not, like the other posters said, you may need to take a small loan off your parents. Even €100 would be loads for a few weeks food. Well ok, not loads, but thats what its costing me for 3/4 (even 5 ) weeks food at the moment, as Im on a pretty strict budget for a few weeks.

Maple

I need to remind everyone posting here, particularly those offering help, that asking the op to contact you via pm is against the forum charter.

I understand that any offers of money are well intentioned, but I would caution against it, as we have no way of verifying the authenticity of either party. I would ask that no further offers are made here.

MissFlitworth

tiredinucd wrote: »

He knows I've very little. But keeps saying "it'll only be a few more weeks before I am paid again".
.

Does he understand that you don't have the money to buy food? A few more weeks till he gets paid again doesn't really work for you when it's not money for bills or random buying yourself treats you need. If he isn't aware of how bad it's gotten for you you really need to sit him down and bring it home to him that you don't have money to buy yourself food and that he needs to help with that now. If it was a case that he was happy to see you sitting at home not eating then you are actually better off moving back to your parents, no matter how domineering they might be, and giving some serious thought as to whether you ever move back in with him again

Maple

You need to tell your parents to butt out, by the way I think it disgraceful that they're berating your boyfriend for not paying your way but haven't offered to fix you up with a loan for the duration of your college term.

You need to speak to your boyfriend and come up with a proper budget for the duration of you being in college, the 500 quid was unnecessary and I can see how you'd be annoyed about it, but it's spent now.

Just sit down and talk to him, be open about everything, if he is the good and honest man you think him to be he will step up to the plate. It honestly may be just an oversight on his behalf, in that he just might need it brought to his attention that there isn't food in the house for you to eat/toilet roll etc.

And before anyone starts ranting that he should just "know" these things, yes he should but sometimes people just don't notice or think of something until it's brought to their attention.

dearg lady

I am a friend wrote: »

I'm considering moving back for a couple of weeks until this calms down, I don't like being ignored.

????

So it ok to move out and ignore your bf after all he has done for you? You sound SO spoiled .....

are you serious, are you reading the same thread as me???
OP plans to be out of work for no more than 2 months, he offered to cover her expenses for this period and now she's goin hungry, how on earth is she spoiled!

OP, I think there's 2 important points to come out of this, it's been said by others, but you really need to sit down with your boyfriend and make a budget for the next 2 months, this is sooo important!
Secondly, based only on what you've posted, your boyfriend doesn't sound particularly caring or committed, now only you yourself knows whats going on in your relationship, but I would suggest you have a good think about the relationship, and how things are going with you both.

Best of luck with the rest of college OP

Gene Hunt

Maple wrote: »

I need to remind everyone posting here, particularly those offering help, that asking the op to contact you via pm is against the forum charter.

I understand that any offers of money are well intentioned, but I would caution against it, as we have no way of verifying the authenticity of either party. I would ask that no further offers are made here.

I'm sorry ,I didn't know the rules but my offer is genuine,

_Kaiser_

I don't know what to make of this myself...

By the sound of it the OP's fella has been paying the bills, chipping in on his parents bills, supplementing his siblings AND now supporting the OP - yet still he apparently hasn't done enough?? His cousin comes home and they go out for the weekend and THAT'S a problem too (admittedly €500 is excessive BUT he did still pay the rent after this)

First off OP, tell your family to butt out - this is absolutely nothing to do with them. Of course this assumes that you (at 24 years of age??) can get over "being ignored" by them.

Secondly talk to your boyfriend. Maybe he hasn't realised just how little money you're surviving on because I very much doubt he'd send you out to college with 12 quid to last you for the day seeing as how he's supported you so far? Maybe he's stressed himself worrying about having to pay for everything and support his parents on a paycut, while you sort yourself out and run back and forth between your parents house? Maybe the drinking binge was his way of blowing off some steam?

I'm not trying to be harsh or nasty here but by the sound of it your fella is being made out to be wrong no matter what he does. It's not his job to support you - he's doing it because he loves you and I think the least he deserves is your support (by telling your family to mind their own business) and you making every effort to find a new job asap.

My 2c anyway...