Friend in controlling relationship, do I help?

LegacyUser

A friend of mine got out of a controlling, mind-warping relationship a year ago and really opened up to me about it after. He told me to tell him if I ever saw him in that situation again because if he didn't see it that time he probably wouldn't again. He got into a relationship with a girl 6 months after his previous relationship and slowly but surely it went down the same path again. Now he's well into this girl and for all outward appearances they are very happy. But myself and my other friend have noticed we see less and less of him and not by his own decisions. Any time he makes excuses not to go out or meet up its because of her. He's always in the bad books if he goes out and enjoys himself with anyone else and if she's there they always end up going home early even if he doesn't want to.

I try get on with this girl but she was always very cold and disapproving. She has become more forthcoming with her feelings towards me and some of his other friends as time goes on. However she does open up to another friend of ours who tells me all the bad things she says about the lad. This makes me sick to hear this.

So question one: Do I tell him he has fallen back into the kind of relationship he asked me to tell him about?

question two: who do I tell to shut up regarding the talking about him behind his back? the girlfriend or her friend or should i tell him to tell her to shut up?

question three: Should I keep the beak out and let it all sort itself out?

johnboysligo

head_done_in wrote: »

So question one: Do I tell him he has fallen back into the kind of relationship he asked me to tell him about?

answered your own question there

head_done_in wrote: »

He told me to tell him if I ever saw him in that situation again because if he didn't see it that time he probably wouldn't again.

head_done_in wrote: »

question two: who do I tell to shut up regarding the talking about him behind his back? the girlfriend or her friend or should i tell him to tell her to shut up?

I would stay out of that tbh

head_done_in wrote: »

question three: Should I keep the beak out and let it all sort itself out?

If you tell him anything then you are stepping into a whole big mess. Don't play the "she said he said" game just remind him of your agreement and share your view. Don't go telling him what he should or shouldn't do it is his love life after all.

LegacyUser

Thanks johnboy, thinkin bout it since I'll keep out of it altogether. He can't exactly give me grief if I just stay out of it. I doubt he'll end up chained to a radiator before he cops it himself.