I'm so rich it's positively embarrassing.

AskMyChocolate

There was a time when I used to have to hide my wealth, because loads of people had money. But with the onset of the recession, I'm free now to lord my wealth over the paeons.

I've always been poor in material terms, but my time has come. I have one of those huge fcuk off white pasta bowls. I also have a linen napkin.

I cook meals that cost about 37c and pretend I'm in a fine dining establishment. I really love polishing my cutlery.

I give out to myself if there are thumbprints on the plate.

So AHers,what other things do you do in your own little mind to pretend you're rich when you're obviously as poor as fcuk?

Usual rules apply.

Chocolate

Poor Craythur

Say I'm "sweating" onions, when in reality I'm simply frying them.

jumpguy

Take the Porsche to work instead of the Jag.

General General

I pretend (that) I am Larry David.

Spin around in a chair a load of times til I'm feeling a bit dizzy, but not too much.

Then I walk around the house and slightly fall about the place trying to walk properly, pretending I'm walking around my massive yacht as it wobbles about in the open seas.

TeddyTedson

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

epgc3fyqirnbsx

I've never been hungry and I've always had enough for a pint. Not to mention the Sky and ESB. And everyone I know is the same.

I wouldn't know poor if it came up and kicked me in the arse. Still pissed off that I had no foreign holiday last year though

Oranage2

Use st Bernard bread insted of toilet roll!

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Oranage2 wrote: »

Use st Bernard bread insted of toilet roll!

:-/

must try.

from the fridge.

starbelgrade

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

I also have a linen napkin.

Posh cunt.:D

Fair play!

chillywilly

I play a millionaire at parties, at least I'd like to.

OutlawPete

"It's a sad funny ending to find yourself pretending. A rich man in a poor man's shirt."

..

Glico Man

I once used a lens from a pair of broken glasses, with a length of string attached as a monocle... does that count?

CL32

I make the cheapest pasta dinner I can, but feel like a lord when I liberally sprinkle yellow dust out of a can on top of it, as if it were 18 month old cave aged authentic reggiano cheese.

I looked at the can a few days ago and it doesn't even use the word cheese. I think its basically milk powder with yellow dye in it.

To compensate for that I invoke the ' the more the better' rule.

pragmatic1

Pay for small items with big notes and then act nonchalantly while the teller gets my change. By the end of the week reduced to using change.

Abi

Talking about money is so common.



/nose in the air




.

civis_liberalis

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

Classic TeddyTedson...

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Abi wrote: »

Talking about money is so common.



/nose in the air




.

quite

what I find amusing is how the proletariat have become so literate!
Jolly good show wot wot!

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Abi wrote: »

Talking about money is so common.



/nose in the air




.

Actually, to quote this post again but anyway

One of the nicest pieces of dialogue in a movie I have ever seen is in The Aviator when Howard Hughes is in katherine Hepburns gaff and they say that they dont like to talk about money as they find it vulgar. And he says "Well that's because you have it"

Seems pretty relevant to a lot of people I talk to today

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I read the irish news...

Pauleta

I wear a blazer and refer to myself as one

RichieC

I leave yesterdays paper beside me as I fall asleep so I can wake up to the paper.

Cianos

"Poor and content is rich and rich enough"

Son Of A Vidic

I just fell of my golden throne laughing after reading this thread.

AskMyChocolate

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

With some nice crusty bread.

AskMyChocolate

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Say I'm "sweating" onions, when in reality I'm simply frying them.

Yup. And, forgetting to turn the gas down, is "reducing".

If you reduce that any more and I'll have to call the brigade.

AskMyChocolate

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Explain your post again,
do you have monies or not?

We're rich Ted. Rich as astronauts.

AskMyChocolate

Cooper Puny Headhunter wrote: »

I've never been hungry and I've always had enough for a pint. Not to mention the Sky and ESB. And everyone I know is the same.

I wouldn't know poor if it came up and kicked me in the arse. Still pissed off that I had no foreign holiday last year though

And for the lady?

AskMyChocolate

OutlawPete wrote: »

"It's a sad funny ending to find yourself pretending. A rich man in a poor man's shirt."

..

I missed the reference, but what a cool link. I've been bouncing around the bedsit with my Rothmans tucked into the shoulder of my sleeveless shirt, pretending I can play the guitar.
Glory days.:)

AskMyChocolate

starbelgrade wrote: »

Posh cunt.:D

Fair play!

There's no point in making Rogan Josh from scratch unless you're going to dignify it with a decent napkin...

... oh and some Naan bread...

... and a couple of samosas.

Lapin

I can't remember the last time I saw money.


For I no longer carry cash.

ladysarastro

I pour lidl coke into a empty Coca Cola bottle

chicken fingers

I call my maid different names every time I see her to give myself the impression that I have many, many maids rather than just the one.

AskMyChocolate

aaronh007 wrote: »

I once used a lens from a pair of broken glasses, with a length of string attached as a monocle... does that count?

Why would it not?

*unhooks rope and ushers Aaron into the VIP area*

James T Kirk

I've enough money to last me the rest of my life.

If I'm dead by Tuesday. :pac:

Savage Tyrant

I got a Mercedes keyring and put it on my Citroën car key. Oh yeah. And I make sure to put it down in the counter in the shops when I'm hoking in my pockets for that extra 20 cent coin that I know is in there somewhere.
And on Sunday's I swap my Merc keyring for a Porche one. Fuck yeah.

AskMyChocolate

Abi wrote: »

Talking about money is so common.



/nose in the air




.

Everytime I see somebody with their nose in the air I fancy I can smell the shop.A sign of new money. Such an underbred thing to do.:pac:

James T Kirk

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

I got a Mercedes keyring and put it on my Citroën car key. Oh yeah. And I make sure to put it down in the counter in the shops when I'm hoking in my pockets for that extra 20 cent coin that I know is in there somewhere.
And on Sunday's I swap my Merc keyring for a Porche one. Fuck yeah.

Living the dream, dude. Living the dream... :pac:

AskMyChocolate

Pauleta wrote: »

I wear a blazer and refer to myself as one

You refer to yourself as a blazer? That has the insanity of an inbred royal. Well played King George. I think we have a winner.

flowerchild

I go get money out of an automatic teller machine so I can give it as a bundle to a homeless guy and his black dog on a freezing cold night.

Should have given it straight to the dealer but the dog looked cold.

Glico Man

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

Why would it not?

*unhooks rope and ushers Aaron into the VIP area*

Hmmmm.... Quite...

phasers

Instead of glasses, I wear two monocles.

biko

I wear a fake Rolex.

smk89

I attached 2 cardboard tubes to my pistol yesterday pretending it was a shotgun and went hunting in the woods yesterday.

swarm.of.bees

I'm fúcking the Queen. Can't get posher than that... :cool:

Joey the lips

I let everyone else pay for me....

Gingersnaps

I wear shabby clothes, an oversized baseball cap and oversized sunglasses while walking home from the chipper eating my chips and pretending I'm really a celebrity trying to look like an "ordinary" person.

flowerchild

Joey the lips wrote: »

I let everyone else pay for me....

Only truly rich people do that. You must be loaded ....

holystungun9

Gingersnaps wrote: »

I wear shabby clothes, an oversized baseball cap and oversized sunglasses while walking home from the chipper eating my chips and pretending I'm really a celebrity trying to look like an "ordinary" person.

Me too! I try to give off a .com millionaire in hiding kinda vibe. Like I've sold my social network for millions.

senorwipesalot

On sundays my labrador, Smedley,wears a cravat fashioned from a j-cloth in the style of gay burns.

flowerchild

holystungun9 wrote: »

Me too! I try to give off a .com millionaire in hiding kinda vibe. Like I've sold my social network for millions.

No need to put effort into it. Just be a politician. They 'smell' of wealth.