lonely etc

LegacyUser

I'll be 32 at my next birthday. I'm a good guy. Reasonably good job. I'm not lucky enough to be born with good looks but there are uglier guys than me but I do have body hang-ups. I'm a little overweight but nothing serious. I'm fun. I'm confident. My biggest problem is the pub and club scene. It's mandatory that you subscribe but it really just doesn't suit me one bit. I don't look the right way. I don't say the right things. I don't have the right outlook. I just don't fit in.

I've never had a gf. I'm a virgin. Haven't been able to raise any interest from women my whole life. I really yearn to find someone to share my life with and wants to share their life with me. I've seen three decades of my life pass by and all I've had is loneliness. Every decsion I've made, I've had to make alone. Everything I've ever done, I've done alone. Every thought I've ever thunk (!), I've thought alone. I feel pathetic. I feel like a freak. I don't feel like an adult, I feel like a child. I still wonder some times if it's the case that I'm gay and just haven't realised. I feel like something from a Smiths song. I feel like I've just fallen between the cracks.

Everyone my age is settling down and I can't get near any kind of girl. It's deeply frustrating to me. I see ordinary people sharing themselves with each other. Dating. Having one night stands. Laughing it up. Getting on with life and I feel like I'm in the waitng room still. No one wants me. No one cares about me. No one cares if I die alone. It makes me feel so low. I don't really have anyone to turn to. If I try to share this problem with one of my siblings or a close friend, what I get is 'pull yourself together, go on the pull like everyone else, what's wrong with you'.

I've read back. I've seem similar threads where people say 'oh, I'm actually good looking', 'I had a bad break up and that's the reason', 'something has gone wrong im life' etc etc. I can sum up my life in one word- tumbleweeds. My life never began. I've had nothing to give me hope. No one has ever looked at me. Any girl I've asked out has turned me down. I can't understand it. I've been proactive. I've been patient. Still tumbleweeds. Nothing I try works. I don't know why this is my fate. I have so much to offer but no one wants me.

Something just doesn't ad up. If something doesn't change, I don't think I want to keep on living. I keep wondering about reincarnation. Should I just call this hollow, pointless merry-go-round life I have a write off and just try to go again. I know these are grim thoughts. I don't know what else to think. I just can't 'get-on'. I don't know how to live life.

Do I come across as a freak? Seriously? Hearing that the world just sucks is cold comfort. I'd love to know the reasons I am where I am. I think I don't but all the evidence says I must be a freak. How can someone have to endure so much loneliness without there being a 'reason'? Is the reason me? Is it the world that's at fault? I don't think it is. Everyone else can get on except for me. My life consists of just one daily grind: distracting myself from the endless oceans of loneliness. I could drift off into space and never be missed.

Ickle Magoo

Hi there

I am afraid we are not qualified to offer you appropriate advice if you are feeling suicidal, you must tell a qualified professional.

If you need to talk to someone in the meantime then you may find some useful contacts here.

All the very best
Ickle

flowerchild

ytytytyt wrote: »

I'll be 32 at my next birthday. I'm a good guy. Reasonably good job. I'm not lucky enough to be born with good looks but there are uglier guys than me but I do have body hang-ups. I'm a little overweight but nothing serious. I'm fun. I'm confident. My biggest problem is the pub and club scene. It's mandatory that you subscribe but it really just doesn't suit me one bit. I don't look the right way. I don't say the right things. I don't have the right outlook. I just don't fit in.

I've never had a gf. I'm a virgin. Haven't been able to raise any interest from women my whole life. I really yearn to find someone to share my life with and wants to share their life with me. I've seen three decades of my life pass by and all I've had is loneliness. Every decsion I've made, I've had to make alone. Everything I've ever done, I've done alone. Every thought I've ever thunk (!), I've thought alone. I feel pathetic. I feel like a freak. I don't feel like an adult, I feel like a child. I still wonder some times if it's the case that I'm gay and just haven't realised. I feel like something from a Smiths song. I feel like I've just fallen between the cracks.

Everyone my age is settling down and I can't get near any kind of girl. It's deeply frustrating to me. I see ordinary people sharing themselves with each other. Dating. Having one night stands. Laughing it up. Getting on with life and I feel like I'm in the waitng room still. No one wants me. No one cares about me. No one cares if I die alone. It makes me feel so low. I don't really have anyone to turn to. If I try to share this problem with one of my siblings or a close friend, what I get is 'pull yourself together, go on the pull like everyone else, what's wrong with you'.

I've read back. I've seem similar threads where people say 'oh, I'm actually good looking', 'I had a bad break up and that's the reason', 'something has gone wrong im life' etc etc. I can sum up my life in one word- tumbleweeds. My life never began. I've had nothing to give me hope. No one has ever looked at me. Any girl I've asked out has turned me down. I can't understand it. I've been proactive. I've been patient. Still tumbleweeds. Nothing I try works. I don't know why this is my fate. I have so much to offer but no one wants me.

Something just doesn't ad up. If something doesn't change, I don't think I want to keep on living. I keep wondering about reincarnation. Should I just call this hollow, pointless merry-go-round life I have a write off and just try to go again. I know these are grim thoughts. I don't know what else to think. I just can't 'get-on'. I don't know how to live life.

Do I come across as a freak? Seriously? Hearing that the world just sucks is cold comfort. I'd love to know the reasons I am where I am. I think I don't but all the evidence says I must be a freak. How can someone have to endure so much loneliness without there being a 'reason'? Is the reason me? Is it the world that's at fault? I don't think it is. Everyone else can get on except for me. My life consists of just one daily grind: distracting myself from the endless oceans of loneliness. I could drift off into space and never be missed.

I'm really sorry to read what you are feeling. I am sure that you would be missed, greatly.

Are you a freak? No. Some people are surrounded by others and yet may feel deeply lonely, because they are super-bright or different in some other way.

Be nice to yourself. Every day do one thing (at least) that is pleasurable and one thing that is satisfying. You'll be surprised how quickly it will add up to feeling better.

Find and be with people who are kind. They will help you as well. Instinctively.

santana75

You need to read this book:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Homecoming-Reclaiming-Championing-Inner-Child/dp/0749910542/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302342199&sr=8-1

I know it seems like your problem is the lack of a woman in your life, but its not really. You are the way you are now because of things that wounded you when you were a child. Completely not your fault so lay off the "Im a freak" beating yourself up crap. If anybody else lived your life up til this point they'd be the exactly same as you. You can fix this but you gotta start looking for answers in the right places, and this book is where to kick it off.

LegacyUser

Look life is as good as bad as you choose it to be, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your life: focus on the positives, people are not attracted to woe me attitudes, they want positivity, vitality, ambition, fun, adventure and a whole lot of positive traits that they can be attracted to, I know plenty of average looking souls with absolute stunning partners because their partners see more than the aesthetics, they see life!

I have got three phone numbers in the last three weeks.

First one in a two euro shop while discussing body creams

Second one from the yoghurt section in Tesco’s

Third one from a pr person promoting a company in a shopping centre.

no alcohol involved, just easy going conversations about run of the mill stuff, I am average looking at best, but I present myself well, I talk well because I have trained myself to, in final, I have taken what has been given to me and made me a lot better with small improvements.

I live therefore I am happy.

Don’t worry about being alone for now. Follow these five steps and see where it takes you

1. personal appearance, groom yourself spend an extra 10 minutes, cleaning your skin night and day, drink allot of water, take vitamins, go to a hairdresser ask them what style would best suit you.

2. Your clothes tell people who you are, dress in a fleece and old jeans? This won’t make you stand out, nice jeans or trousers, nice shirt, nice shoes

3. work on your posture and body language, your posture is important, stand straight with head held high while walking, while sitting keep posture straight, no slouching, your body language and not words tell the world how confident or unconfident you are, people like confidence... while meeting someone look at them with eye contact but not to intense, smile and greet in a warm friendly fashion, people love confidence but they also love being at ease.

4. be aware of yourself, be more mannerly, open doors, greet people you don’t know in the street, in the super market, shops etc with a simple smile and hello, you may not meet the woman of your dreams by a simple hello and smile but it will build your confidence up and make you feel more open and improve your happiness as now you are engaging in conversation regardless of length.

5. become more interesting, read books, get interested in food, nutrition, gym, history, movies, music etc, have a conversation with yourself about something new in front of the mirror morning or night, act out scenarios of potential meetings you may make out doing mundane tasks like shopping, laundry or just walking, the girl looking at different cereals may value someone knowing something about a few different types and your opinion could spark interest.

You have nothing to lose, try these things and soon you will feel so much better.

Good luck and god bless. Play nina simones song : ive got life.

verywell

I have nothing much to add but we all feel lonely at times. We all have had plans in our head that have never worked out or we are not where we thought we would be at certain stages of our life.

You are at a crossroads, like many of us (me included). Take the time to speak to someone. Go see your GP and get them to recommend a counsellor.

All the best and never give up hope. x

LegacyUser

So sorry you're feeling this way. 'You're not alone in your loneliness' as they say. I know what its like to feel horribly lonely. I'm quite a shy person, in my 30s like you and recently tried online dating...At first it was just to talk to people and it was good because if someone rejected you you could just go and talk to someone else. Its great to see how many people are out there looking for companionship/love whatever it is. You might think that everyone else is settling down and always had it easy. I know I've often thought that myself, and I'm sure lot of them did have it easier than me but plenty of people have had a rough time. So I'd say try it...I used plenty of fish...and there may be a few dodgy people on there but most of the people I talked to were genuine. People are often quite open online as well and it helps to be able to communicate with people in that way. I met someone lovely on that site. So its just something you could try and you'll feel like you're being proactive even if you are just sitting in with your laptop. Best of luck!

Kevin Duffy

ytytytyt wrote: »

Everyone my age is settling down .

Hi OP, no, they're not. People do things like buy houses together, buy flashy rings, throw lavish weddings etc, so their settling down gets noticed. No one buys jewellery to mark staying single, or has parties to mark another year alone, so plenty of people out there are in the same boat as you, we just don't notice them.
It's also a product of your situation that you notice people having the life you want. You'd be surprised how many of the people living that life look at you and envy the fact that you're free and never got stuck in a relationship with the wrong person.

Besides focussing on your lack or relationship history and sexual experience, what else have you done or are you doing with your life?

At what point are your efforts to meet women breaking down?

LegacyUser

not to be too hard on yourself, but look at it this way. You're alive, you're breathing, and plenty of people are dead and gone,so as long as you are above ground, then things can only be good. Think of how worse it could be, and it could. You have your health, you're not in the Ivory Coast or in the Congo (on the news this week), so things could be a whole lot worse. I think there is too much to miss out on in life to contemplate suicidal thoughts. This coming from someone who lost a relative to suicide, and I am in my mid 30s and alone. I would love to meet someone too, and like yourself, notice everyone is getting on with things, getting on with life, while I feel I too am in the waiting room. But to hell with what everyone else is doing, it's what's right for you is the important thing.

But I don't have the answer for my problem or for yours, only to think as long as I am breathing, I'm in with a chance.

I do think once you are right between the ears, you can work from there, then you will attract what you want, at least I hope that's the way. I have spent years battling what's going on in my head, and when I am in a positive mood, then I notice sometimes, that things happen that I wouldn't have expected, especially with women. Women seem to have a 6th sense!!

Chin up, think positive, and take it from there...

HugoDrax

Hi OP,

If you see a good looking girl, go right up to her and start talking. That's it. That's all you have to do.

nickobrien1985

Learn how to creep.

IrishEyes19

OP, you aren't a freak and theres nothing wrong with you. You're experiencing a low period right now, but you can change that. Rather than compare yourself to others, or look back on the past with fustration, look at the present. You've acknowledged yourself that you are reasonable good looking and so on. So outwardly there is no problem. thats already a positive.

I dont blame you for not being into the pub/club scene. It isnt for everyone and that's fine too. The lucky thing being there are many people like that and because of it, there are other things to cater to your needs.

Also being a virgin and not having a gf isnt the end of the world. Theres always time. Im not being patronising here when I say, love is possible at any age. Stories around the world have inspired millions, why should you be the exception. You have a lot to live for and of course you would be greatly missed. You probably dont see it now, but that isnt the real you saying this, the real you should be a happy relatively young man enjoying life, and its only sadness talking now. But that can be fixed by possibly seeing someone profesional and getting these worries out into the air and working on them. Cant offer advice on this really but I'll just go as far as saying, you not being here would only cause those who know you personally great grief and sadness. you would be missed and nothing would be solved.

But look at this way, if something can be done, would you do it. I strongly advice talking to someone. Furthermore in regards to social activities, what are your interests? You dont like the drink scene, fair enough, do you like books, sports, films. There are tons of clubs and socities that cater to these interests in most areas. I suggest you look them up and join a few. I really wish you the best and take care

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Thats hard, i think that being a virgin at 32 would make you feel insecure, but prob more so in how the mind can make us feel inadequate, like there is a lot of people who are not so 'pretty' but have charisma, so its not all about looks, i know its hard but what you have to overcome is your negative self image, the more you think it the more it becomes your reality, i defo think if you learn to love and accept you, then so will other people! So as someone else suggested maybe reading about how to do that would really help, it's hard to put yourself first in this way but i think you have to build your self esteem for it to happen and it will if you do, because a new self assured you will then be your reality around you!

Dont give up on yourself, your worth it!

Wishing you all the very best, write this out and say as much as possible in your head, i love and accept myself, look at the negative feelings that come up and that will show you how you really feel about yourself and what you need to work on!!

All the best again XX

miec

Hi Op

Like another poster suggested I would try online dating as a way of chatting with people and building up confidence. Also I recently took up adult acting classes and I have to say it is great fun, if there is something like that in your local area (I only do it for a bit of fun) it is a great way of doing something different, having fun, beats the life out of the whole club / pub scene (they are so not designed for meeting people really...just meat markets) and they may boost your confidence. Also develop a few interests will help. Life doesn't have to pass you by you know, you can choose a different destiny. Good luck

futonic

haven't a huge amount to add, other than "my destiny's" post was spot on. If you have nothing to lose, give it a go for a year or two. It will work.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

First off, I'm not suicidal, I'm just literally 'losing the will to live'. I'm just so tired of trying to pick myself up, dust myself off and try something else. I know life isn't supposed to be easy but why does it have to be this hard?

In the rest of my life, I'm not inhibited. I go and get the things I want. I'm proactive. I love myself. I'm confident. No one I know would think for a second that it was me writing such a morose post.

I just have realised that patience, virtue and all that stuff has ammounted to nothing for me. Here I am, in my thirties, looking for counselors, reading self-help books and this could very very easily be my lot, my search for someone special has been utterly pointless- I must have been deluding myself all along to think I deserved love and happiness- maybe I just don't- it's the only logical explanation based on my experience'. It's a stark realisation.

I'm a big-hearted guy with everything to give but whatever I have, no one wants it. I've slept alone every night of my life. It's an emasculating thought at this stage in my life. I don't have a lot of friends either. I'm not a dick or anything. I just can't bring people to me. I hear people complaining about a bad date or bumping into an ex or whatever and I'm jealous. How is that worse than absolute loneliness? I would take a thousand bad dates instead of my daily hopelessness. Why is it so unreasonable to want to find someone special? It's just natural. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for me. I'm just deeply frustrated.


I'm actually not obsessed with this. I am balanced person. What I want is all around, just not for me, for some reason. They say that one of the symptoms of insanity is repeating something and expecting a different result. I think this sums up my feelings. What's the point of getting out of bed? What's the point in anything? Why try anything new- it will just not work, the same as everything else. I've tried virtually everything you've been good enough to suggest. I tried to be patient. I tried to do the best I could.

I'm not ungrateful for your suggestions. I know you're thinking I'm suffering depression. I am not pre-disposed to depression but I think anyone would be depressed if they had my life. I just want to wallow for a while if that's alright. I don't see myself coming out of this. I've tried everything. The only thing left to try is giving up and just accepting I won't find a companion in this life and I may be just destined to live and die alone.

thecookingapple

If your happy wallowing in unhappiness and loneliness then continue as you are, i dont understand fully what it is you want from this forum, you have been given sound advice and you are rejecting it to continue to feel unhappiness and lonely, maybe you are in love with these things? the tormented soul? being a virgin in this day and age should not be seen as a weakness, in fact its a major selling point.

if we were all happy all the time then we would still be going toilet in fields.

self help begins at home, meeting new people and experiencing new things are a valuable thing in ones continuation of life.

or just continue in your own spiral of contempt. the choice is yours.

Good luck.

Ainekav

Would ya not just get out of your own head for a while and go off travelling?

stop looking for a girlfriend, concentrate on making yourself happier and they'll soon start to flock.

i think you need some sort of proverbial kick up the arse in your life - maybe a few months off travelling/volunteering would do the trick.

Partizan

ytytytyt wrote: »

OP here. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

First off, I'm not suicidal, I'm just literally 'losing the will to live'. I'm just so tired of trying to pick myself up, dust myself off and try something else. I know life isn't supposed to be easy but why does it have to be this hard?

In the rest of my life, I'm not inhibited. I go and get the things I want. I'm proactive. I love myself. I'm confident. No one I know would think for a second that it was me writing such a morose post.

I just have realised that patience, virtue and all that stuff has ammounted to nothing for me. Here I am, in my thirties, looking for counselors, reading self-help books and this could very very easily be my lot, my search for someone special has been utterly pointless- I must have been deluding myself all along to think I deserved love and happiness- maybe I just don't- it's the only logical explanation based on my experience'. It's a stark realisation.

I'm a big-hearted guy with everything to give but whatever I have, no one wants it. I've slept alone every night of my life. It's an emasculating thought at this stage in my life. I don't have a lot of friends either. I'm not a dick or anything. I just can't bring people to me. I hear people complaining about a bad date or bumping into an ex or whatever and I'm jealous. How is that worse than absolute loneliness? I would take a thousand bad dates instead of my daily hopelessness. Why is it so unreasonable to want to find someone special? It's just natural. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for me. I'm just deeply frustrated.


I'm actually not obsessed with this. I am balanced person. What I want is all around, just not for me, for some reason. They say that one of the symptoms of insanity is repeating something and expecting a different result. I think this sums up my feelings. What's the point of getting out of bed? What's the point in anything? Why try anything new- it will just not work, the same as everything else. I've tried virtually everything you've been good enough to suggest. I tried to be patient. I tried to do the best I could.

I'm not ungrateful for your suggestions. I know you're thinking I'm suffering depression. I am not pre-disposed to depression but I think anyone would be depressed if they had my life. I just want to wallow for a while if that's alright. I don't see myself coming out of this. I've tried everything. The only thing left to try is giving up and just accepting I won't find a companion in this life and I may be just destined to live and die alone.

For God's sake man, snap out of that self induced, melodramatic depressive stupor you find yourself in. This is real life, not a Jane Austen novel.

You think you have it bad, well I have been through alot over the last 6-9 months. My Mum has been ill in hospital with a severe life threathening illness, a good friend of mine passed away, I have been in hospital twice as well (in agony both times) and my ex dumped me right before Xmas. Yes it felt like crap and I was depressed, but I picked myself up, dusted myself off and simply carried on. I have been on a few dates since. Nothing came of them. Hey I'm a young guy with a positive outlook enjoying my single life. I'm off to Galway for Easter for a blast with a couple of mates then i'm off to Kiev next month for a week to see a friend and then I'm off to Sochi in July for a sun holiday with more friends who live and work there.

Listen mate, only you can change you. Sitting here feeling sorry for yourself is not going to change anything. Get up, get out and live life. Take it by the scruff of the neck.

Cushla

Almost 3 years ago I got a dog. Now obviously you need to consider how much you are at home / travel etc because there is a lot of minding if you are going to be a good dog owner. If you like animals, they are brilliant!
You've something at home that is happy to see you, a reason to go walking or to a park every day so you get some exercise endorphins. Lots of random people I've never spoken to do because of the dog. You never know how you are going to meet "the one". Just something to consider with all the other helpful suggestions. Good luck with everything.

santana75

ytytytyt wrote: »

What's the point of getting out of bed? What's the point in anything? Why try anything new- it will just not work, the same as everything else.

Man you're putting way too much stock into having a girlfriend. What if I was to tell you that even if you did have a girlfriend it would make zero difference to your life and how happy you are? It will make no difference at all. The things you're looking for are within you, not in another person. I know it doesnt seem that way right now but if you do manage to hook up with someone you'll find that what Im saying is true and you'll be left wondering what the hell is wrong? Thats when you'll start thinking its the person you're with, theyre just not right for you. So you'll try to find another person who'll give you what you're seeking. But that person wont work either.
Forget about trying to get a girlfriend for now. I know thats hard to do because you're convinced your problem is the lack of a woman in your life. But sometimes we can spend too much time searching for answers in the wrong places. Its easier to imagine that someone can give you what you need, that all you gotta do is meet the right person. Its a harder thing to do to look at yourself and try to figure out what the real problem is, that takes courage. But thats exactly what you gotta do. Just for the sake of argument imagine that the problem is not that you have no girlfriend or your a virgin or any of that. Just suppose that all of that is irrelevant, what then are you left with? You gotta scratch the surface and see what really lies behind all of this.
Just one more thing, did you know that a lot of so-called pick-up artists give up chasing women after a while because they realise that sex and the pursuit of women isnt what they were searching for after all? A lot of them turn to religion, philosophy and other spiritual pursuits in search of real fulfillment.

poozers

OP, did you ever try doing something outside of work like night classes on something that you like doing??? like an art class, or a class at the gym, but from reading your posts, i think you have a lovely way of writing, maybe join a writing group, or book club??? doing things like that will get you to meet people with similar interests to yours. It's rare that you'll find someone to share your life with in the long term in a club or pub...not impossible though!
As lots of other people said, if you feel confident and comfortable in yourself, then other people will be drawn to it! you say that if any one you knew, knew that you were writing about a problem on here, they would be surprised....maybe they wouldnt be surprised?? you may think that they would, but maybe people around you know you better than you think they do...

I'd say, wake up tomorrow with a new attitude towards yourself, forget about you're woes, embrace them rather than let them take over!you've nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about!! good luck OP!

HugoDrax

First off, I'm not suicidal, I'm just literally 'losing the will to live'. I'm just so tired of trying to pick myself up, dust myself off and try something else. I know life isn't supposed to be easy but why does it have to be this hard?

Hard is if you were a child soldier in some war zone in Africa or if you are a mother watching her kids literally starving to death. You need to put things in perspective. You are well fed and you have access to a computer which puts you somewhere in the top percentages of the human race. Of all the thousands of generations of humans who came before you who perished in famines, wars, disasters, ice ages, floods and plagues and you have the ingratitude to feel sorry for yourself. Think about it?

In the rest of my life, I'm not inhibited. I go and get the things I want. I'm proactive. I love myself. I'm confident. No one I know would think for a second that it was me writing such a morose post.

You are not confident. You are unhappy. You are unhappy because you are pre-occupied with yourself and you have magnified your own 'problems' into the only thing of importance in the world. You have limited the universe to the inside of your own head.

I just have realised that patience, virtue and all that stuff has ammounted to nothing for me.

Perhaps they amounted to nothing because you aren't patient? Your demands for satisfaction now without making much of an effort is impatient. It's not going to happen because you want it now and the universe does not owe you anything. The only person who will make it happen is YOU and nobody else.

Here I am, in my thirties, looking for counselors, reading self-help books and this could very very easily be my lot, my search for someone special has been utterly pointless- I must have been deluding myself all along to think I deserved love and happiness- maybe I just don't- it's the only logical explanation based on my experience'. It's a stark realisation.

Who is going to love a person who thinks they deserve love and happiness? Your favorite word is 'I' and all you talk about is how you feel.
Real love is loving someone else unconditionally and giving yourself to them.
A woman will only love you because you have involved her in your life and she finds her life fulfilled because of you. She will love you even more when she knows that with or without her you will still be the same lovable person.

Your problem is that you are not a lovable person - you are needy and angry and you demand other people to give their time to you without considering you have to give others your love in return.

Relationships are about relating and sharing and are two sided and not one sided as you appear to imagine.

I'm a big-hearted guy with everything to give but whatever I have, no one wants it

You are demanding that others love you. There's a saying in the New Testament 'If you love those who love you what is that to you? Don't even the heathen do that?' We are told to 'Bless those who curse you. Do good to those you hate you and speak all kinds of calumny against you.' Why? Because out of shame you enemies will be forced to see the real you and they will change their behavior toward you because they will desire the contentment you will have.

I've slept alone every night of my life.

No you haven't. You've slept every night of your life with yourself.

It's an emasculating thought at this stage in my life. I don't have a lot of friends either. I'm not a dick or anything.

I hate to break this to you, but you sure sound like one. Think about it? If you are not a 'dick' then surely you would have friends? Have you never considered that the way you think and act around others turns them off? You can blame others all you like but it is ultimately your responsibility.

I just can't bring people to me.

'Bringing'? Of course you can't. You can't buy friendship. You must be a light to world. People are only going to be attracted to you as a friend or a lover if you shine. By living inside your head so much you have pulled down the shades.

I hear people complaining about a bad date or bumping into an ex or whatever and I'm jealous.

Shakespeare said 'Beware thy lord of jealousy, for it is the green-eyed monster that doth mock the flesh in feeds upon.' And what flesh is that? Your heart. You can't be glad for other people because anything other people do always reflects on you doesn't it? When you see a guy driving a flash car your immediate reaction is 'What a prat!' isn't it? Or when you see the latest hunky movie actor you say 'tosser!' don't you? When you can be happy for other people, if you can congratulate people on their successes instead of saying nothing and seething with frustration you will change your life.

How is that worse than absolute loneliness? I would take a thousand bad dates instead of my daily hopelessness. Why is it so unreasonable to want to find someone special? It's just natural. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard for me. I'm just deeply frustrated.

Sorry but if you had a thousands bad dates you would still be unhappy. It would make no difference.

I'm actually not obsessed with this. I am balanced person.

You are and you are not. That is why you are asking for help. Don't be ashamed of looking for that help.

What I want is all around, just not for me, for some reason.

You know the reason only you won't look at it.

They say that one of the symptoms of insanity is repeating something and expecting a different result. I think this sums up my feelings. What's the point of getting out of bed? What's the point in anything? Why try anything new- it will just not work, the same as everything else. I've tried virtually everything you've been good enough to suggest. I tried to be patient. I tried to do the best I could.

Well try harder. Did Ernest Shackleton give up when he and his men were marooned in the icy wastes of the South Pole thousands of miles from rescue? Did the GI's who were pinned down by machine gun fire on Omaha Beach on D-Day give up?

I'm not ungrateful for your suggestions.

Yes you are. You have dismissed them without trying them out.

I know you're thinking I'm suffering depression. I am not pre-disposed to depression but I think anyone would be depressed if they had my life.

I think that there are people who living on less than 1 euro a day in the slums of war torn cities who would love to have your life.

I just want to wallow for a while if that's alright.

You have been wallowing your whole life and it is time to stop.

I don't see myself coming out of this. I've tried everything.

You haven't tried.

The only thing left to try is giving up and just accepting I won't find a companion in this life and I may be just destined to live and die alone.

Fine. If you want your prediction to come true it will come true.
Can't you see then that you are able to create self-fulfilling prophecies?

Now turn that around and imagine you made another prophecy? Imagine if you imagined you could transform yourself in to a wonderful loving human being, imagine if you decide tomorrow I am going to make a conscious effort to make everyone I talk to go away with a smile? Imagine if you actually opened your mouth and started talking to the people around you? Imagine if instead of listening to the never ending tune playing in your head, you instead noticed another unhappy person and asked them if they need someone to listen?

Try it some time!

Kevin Duffy

HugoDrax wrote: »

Who is going to love a person who thinks they deserve love and happiness?

Everybody deserves love and happiness. This is just the most pointless bit of a pointless post. The OP may have some work to do to make a life and meet someone, or be happy with himself, but comparing his situation to soldiers on D-Day or Antarctic explorers and dismissing his feelings is rather insulting and meaningless.

seenitall

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Everybody deserves love and happiness. This is just the most pointless bit of a pointless post. The OP may have some work to do to make a life and meet someone, or be happy with himself, but comparing his situation to soldiers on D-Day or Antarctic explorers and dismissing his feelings is rather insulting and meaningless.

Yup. Talk about "angry"...

HugoDrax

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Everybody deserves love and happiness. This is just the most pointless bit of a pointless post. The OP may have some work to do to make a life and meet someone, or be happy with himself, but comparing his situation to soldiers on D-Day or Antarctic explorers and dismissing his feelings is rather insulting and meaningless.

Love and happiness is not deserved. It is earned without ever having asked for it by committing acts of kindness and love to others.

LegacyUser

I posted already suggesting online dating but I just wanted to add that I think I know how you feel. I used to feel numb and pathetic for having nothing in my life...not even bad stuff, no drama what so ever. I kind of have (or hopefully had) a habit of waiting for everything to be perfect before actually doing anything and analysing things instead of just jumping in doing something - anything - and accepting that it might not be perfect or brilliant or even worthwhile but that I have to do something.
If its true that you're generally a confident person and you don't have any major problems in life then maybe you just have to go and do something. Is there anything you're passionate about. And if you want to go on dates...online dating is the way to go...Its quite easy to meet up with people for coffee and in a couple of months time you could say 'I've been on 3 dates!' all of them will be different, they might all have been rubbish but at least you can say to yourself that you have at least done that! And you won't be able to keep beating yourself up over it. Things can change surprisingly quickly in life, you're still young!! Don't let being a virgin be this huge deal, its not! Torturing yourself over that is so not worth it...plenty of people torture themselves for the opposite reason...because they've had numerous sexual partners and maybe ended up with diseases etc.
Maybe you could try writing what you'd like to have done in a few months time or a years time and then write down all the things you need to do in order for that to happen.
I think you should focus on the fact that a lot can change in a year...be open to that.

IrishEyes19

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Everybody deserves love and happiness. This is just the most pointless bit of a pointless post. The OP may have some work to do to make a life and meet someone, or be happy with himself, but comparing his situation to soldiers on D-Day or Antarctic explorers and dismissing his feelings is rather insulting and meaningless.

+ 1, totally agree. Also people need to cop on here and stop comparing their lives to the OP's. He's looking for advice here on his own issue.

OP, I know you dont think you are depressed, and no one here can say if you are or not. However, you are bored, I think you wake up wondering what you can do to keep yourself entertained. You are lonely. But you combat all of these. You need to get involved in social groups of any kind you find interesting. Go to the gym if you want to tone up. There are groups everywhere. Would you go to college again or night course, great way to meet people and also to fuel your interests? There are so many options out there now, truly.