In Love with close friend...Do I tell him, ridiculously complicated situation..

DigiGal

Hi Guys

I'm feeling a little sensitive about this issue so please only dont be toooo harsh.

Ok so I met this guy, lets call him John in June last year. I saw him walk up the stairs in a bar and thought "wow" I was on a break from my bf at the time but I was too scared to talk to him.

Then in November of that year, I met him at a gig, I didn't speak to him all night but at the end he asked me and friend to stay back for drinks and that night I really started to fall for him, it first happened when he took a book by my favourite author from the bookshelf in the bar.

I saw him around from time to time and he added me on fb. I saw he had a girlfriend who was living abroad so i gave up on it. I had since gotten back together with my bf of 7 years.

In January i went to one of his gigs and there was lots of flirting going on but we were both in relationships so i thought nothing of it. That was until we kissed, well he kissed me. It was one of those knee shaking earth moving kisses, I never thought I could fall in love with someone after one kiss. He felt the same way about me and when I tried to leave he ran after me.
He sent me a message on fb the next day but my bf saw it and went crazy and told me we couldn't see each other anymore. (I know cheating is wrong etc, but it really wasnt something i had set out to do)

I went to meet John a few days later and we kissed again it was far more passionate this time. I thought at the time he was falling for me too. We even contimplated running away together.

But then after that night when things got hot and heavy he just decided he was staying with his gf and nothing could happen between us.

My OH decided that if we were to stay together, I had to stop seeing "John" so I ended the relationship as I couldnt bare not having him in my life.

Every time we are together,even if we are just friends, I can tell by the way he looks at me and the the way he touches me that he still feels something. My friends even point it out to me. My OH decided i couldn't see him anymore after he saw the way John looked at me.

But now, he seems not to have much time for me, even though after a few drinks he reverts back to having feelings for me. He wants me to hang around with him and his gf and doesnt understand why that would be painful for me. He never seems to have time to hang out he doesn't text me every day like he used to.
I'm moving to London as his gf is moving over here soon and I can't bare to be around them.


So my questions are

Do I tell him how I feel before I go, maybe in a letter.

What is his motivation, I already told him I didn't want to be friends anymore but he fought so hard to keep me around.

Should I start getting him out of my life now or should I grab at every oppertunity to see him?

I can't spend the rest of my life waiting for him and his gf to break up can I?

Thanks for listening.

I am a friend

The truth - if he wanted to be with you his GF would not be moving here and he would be with you.. He knows how you feel and probably enjoys the attention but has made his choice..

Why not just avoid where he goes rather than making the drastic step of moving to London.

DigiGal

I am a friend wrote: »

The truth - if he wanted to be with you his GF would not be moving here and he would be with you.. He knows how you feel and probably enjoys the attention but has made his choice..

Why not just avoid where he goes rather than making the drastic step of moving to London.

His gf was originally meant to move in with him but he decided that wasn't happening after we were together. I was thinking that about him enjoying the attention though


There is nothing for me here, i'm going to London to study. I definitely won't change my mind about that

I am a friend

Yeah move on... He is also a cheat and sure you dont want one of those.... Good luck

IrishEyes19

people when comfortable in a relationship rarely leave the relationship for the other woman.

why would you want to be with a guy who first cheats on his gf, but then second doesnt have the courage to end the relationship and be with you, if he loves you as much as you love him

Dont be the other woman who breaks up a relationship, and even if worked out, wouldnt you worry he'd do the same to you,

muboop1

I am a friend wrote: »

He is also a cheat and sure you dont want one of those....

Unless i mis-read this... so is she!!! Perfect for each other in that regard.


Anyway bitchy-ness aside,

Im a guy, if I liked another girl properly, I wouldn't be with my gf. If he liked you that much he would have ended with her.

Put him out of your mind. Learn from the experience.

Also... general rule... For your own sake, don't stay with someone or get back with them just because you couldn't get your first preference... terrible reason... was never going to last, and completely unfair to the guy...

greengiant09

muboop1 wrote: »

Unless i mis-read this... so is she!!! Perfect for each other in that regard.
QUOTE]

completely agree...what kind of person falls in love with another person and keeps stringing along their current partner waiting for the 1st opportunity to drop them and go off with someone else.

Boskowski

Someone who is not a friggin robot.

Once you read this forum you'd think everybody here is all squeaky clean, knows what to do at all times, never gets confused, all pearly gates candidates...<sigh>

Unfortunately life isn't quite like that.

Anyway, besides the fake cleanliness moan I'd actually have to agree with people saying that if it was that magic to him as it was for you things would be different wouldn't they? And it's not really fair what you're doing to your bf isn't it?

Firetrap

I get the impression reading this that John sees you more as a bit on the side than as girlfriend material. Sure, there has been flirting/kissing/enough behaviour to make others take notice but ultimately, actions speak louder than words. He hasn't dumped his girlfriend. In fact she's moving here and that implies that their relationship is moving up a gear. You're the one who's talking about not being able to bear being around if this happens. He has cooled things off by not texting like he did and indeed, if you were to hang around with him and his girlfriend, he'd be on his best behaviour. It's no great bother to him to string you along. He's probably unaware of how much you're hurting or that you're practically waiting by your phone, awaiting the next text from him.

In the meantime, you've got an issue of your own. If you're still in a relationship with your boyfriend, you're with a guy who knows that you've got eyes for another man. It really sounds like you are stringing him along, keeping him onside until what you really wants comes on the horizon. Do you think that's really fair?

Maple

Actions speak louder than words. The facts are that, whatever you perceive his feelings for you to be, he is staying with his girlfriend, she is moving from another country to be with him, and he has now also started to make himself less available for you.

Honestly OP, yes perhaps it could just be one of those "if the timing was right" moments, but it's not the right moment for you guys, if it was then he would be with you. It does sound like he has "some" semblance of deeper feelings for you but unfortunately they are not strong enough for him to act upon. I know it's tough, frustrating and heartsore but try to move on.

Concentrate on your move to London and try to forget him. Mind yourself.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Tell him how you feel? Trust me he's well aware.

missgroovy21

this guy wants his cake and to eat it 2 if ya get my meaning....he may lust after you but thats it!!! you dont want to be the other woman or you wouldnt want to get together with him knowing how you did get together....hes a cheater!!!! if he meant to or not hes still a cheater....put him out of your mind and move on