Wake or Funeral

annascott

Without wishing to sound morbid, do people prefer you to turn up at the wake or the funeral [of their deceased loved one] assuming that you cannot attend both?

danniemcq

annascott wrote: »

Without wishing to sound morbid, do people prefer you to turn up at the wake or the funeral [of their deceased loved one] assuming that you cannot attend both?

wake if you know the family well, better to show your face. If not a handshake at the funeral would suffice.

Harps

Bit of an odd topic..

From a personal point of view I'd prefer the funeral as I dont like seeing dead bodies (youthful memory) but from a respect point of view I'd attend a wake ahead of a funeral, a wake is obviously a more personal way of paying your respects

annascott

Reason that I am asking is I have to go pay my respects when a friend has a death in his/her family. If it is not a close friend, but someone who I see for lunch or coffee a few times a year, I would have thought that being seen at the funeral would be enough. However I have had 'off vibes' recently from a friend and have been told by others that it looks bad if the wake is not visited. If I have never been to the persons home anyway, I would have thought that the wake was too personal and invasive.

Not being brought up with the wake culture, I'm not sure that I understand it and wanted opinion from others. Really not being morbid.

muffler

A lot of people attend both the wake and the funeral. I have been to many wakes where I didnt know the deceased and was never in the house prior to that but my attendance would be to show my sympathy and support to a family member who I would know.

My own opinion on this topic is that wakes are for personal interaction while funerals are more of a religious offering.

blue shimmering

muffler wrote: »

A lot of people attend both the wake and the funeral. I have been to many wakes where I didnt know the deceased and was never in the house prior to that but my attendance would be to show my sympathy and support to a family member who I would know.

My own opinion on this topic is that wakes are for personal interaction while funerals are more of a religious offering.

Yes I agree, I think personal judgement has to come into play here though! Often I would attend both, sometime one or the other and sometime just speak to my friend if I could not make it to either (good excuse needed though)!

One no, no I think is turning up at the grave yard, having not gone to the funeral or wake - if noticed it can be taken as an insult! I have seen this happening a lot so I always make a point of going up to receive so they know I was in the church......all the same it is down to personal judgement and if you think the person is not happy with you - talk to them and explain why you didn't go to the house e.g. didn't know anyone in the house and going on your own....really try to clear the air and I think your friend would probably appreciate it!

Beanstalk

I think the wake is more important in terms of visiting, the funeral is more of a family event.

I heard a good saying about wakes that I think rings true...'the family might not remember who turned up, but they'll definitely remember who didn't'

caprirs3100

Beanstalk wrote: »

I think the wake is more important in terms of visiting, the funeral is more of a family event.

I heard a good saying about wakes that I think rings true...'the family might not remember who turned up, but they'll definitely remember who didn't'

I have to agree that while i dont personally like going to wakes, I do believe people that know you will always remember if they met you at the wake. I have attended wakes where I did not know the person directly but I knew their relations and people alway make a point of speaking to the person they know or ask for that person if they do see thamwhile attending the wake. I worked for a businessman in the past who alway went to the graveyard for the burial rather that go to the wake.

I believe that wakes are not as common down the country are not as common and the remains goto a funeral home until they are burried.

theblueirish

Beanstalk wrote: »

I think the wake is more important in terms of visiting, the funeral is more of a family event.

I heard a good saying about wakes that I think rings true...'the family might not remember who turned up, but they'll definitely remember who didn't'

My missus lost her Granny a few years back, she still bears a grudge about people who didn't go to the wake.


Personally if I wasn't going to the wake I would try and get someone to slip a mass card in for me. I hope then that people just think they missed me. Not nice I know but I hate wakes, have never spent more than 5 minutes at one that I wasn't involved in.