Why do you think some women discourage reasonable weight-loss?

Poor Craythur

Right so some people on here might now that I'm in the process of shifting weight at the moment, because I keep crapping about it in the emotions thread.

Over the weekend, my sis was visiting and I modelled my new size 12s for her.

Me: "I'm glad I got them in the sales, they're a stop gap until I get down to a size 10 so I didn't want to pay much for them."
Her: "Oh, don't be worrying about things like that, you don't need to be a size 10"

Gah!

I'm 5'3 1/2" and am not big-boned. Size 10 is not an unreasonable size for someone of my height and build. In fact, even a 6 or 8 would probably be fine. I know you might say she was looking out for me, but I've been a 10 before and looked grand. (and still had plenty of meat on me)

I often noticed this in women, telling people they have "lost enough weight", "you don't want to get too thin" etc. etc. Is it insecurity in some cases, making them feel bad about their own diets? And perhaps competitiveness in others who might enjoy being the slim one?

Now, I know in some cases, concern is warranted. I have expressed concern about a friend in the past but that was because I knew from some of her behaviours that things were not right and she DID turn out to have an eating disorder.

WindSock

It may be genuine concern. Some women are absolutely obsessed about their weight and spend all their day thinking and talking about their diets.

As for those like yourself who are being healthy about it, I can see how it is head wrecking if people keep saying you don't need...etc

They might just do it out of politeness or re assurance. Some have a very obscure perception about themselves.

Dolbert

When some women say
'Don't get too thin now'

What they mean is
'Don't get thinner than me now'

IME.

seenitall

Yes, it is usually insecurity and jelousy - what else would it possibly be about a reasonable (planned) weight loss such as you describe?

size 10 is about perfect for your height. 12 is a bit overweight, 8 a bit underweight, IMO (and I'm only allowing myself to voice an opinion on this as I am about your height and have been anything from size 6 to 12. Currently at 8-10, and that feels very right.)

stick with it and good luck.

diddlybit

I wouldn't quite describe it as discouragment but, possibly, as Windsock said, concern for over-obsessing about weight. Your sister is proabaly looking at you as a individual that is a healthy weight and can't understand why you would want to lose any more.

When some women say
'Don't get too thin now'

What they mean is
'Don't get thinner than me now'

I don't all women think like this. My advice to my friends is that if you are happy and healthy it doesn't matter if you are a size 8 or 18.

Poor Craythur

seenitall wrote: »

Yes, it is usually insecurity and jelousy - what else would it possibly be about a reasonable (planned) weight loss such as you describe?

size 10 is about perfect for your height. 12 is a bit overweight, 8 a bit underweight, IMO (and I'm only allowing myself to voice an opinion on this as I am about your height and have been anything from size 6 to 12. Currently at 8-10, and that feels very right.)

stick with it and good luck.

Oh yeah, 6 or 8 is not my goal, just sayin'.

LegacyUser

My sister suffered from anorexia for a few years, which also led to a pretty devastating depression that almost ripped my family apart. It pains me when I hear women say how they want to lose weight, especially when they don't need it. I always tell them to know when to stop, so they can be sensible about it.

Poor Craythur

WindSock wrote: »

It may be genuine concern. Some women are absolutely obsessed about their weight and spend all their day thinking and talking about their diets.

diddlybit wrote: »

I wouldn't quite describe it as discouragment but, possibly, as Windsock said, concern for over-obsessing about weight.

Thing is though, it does require a degree of focus and motivation to do this so mild obsessing is ok, I think!

WindSock

Most women I reckon would like to be as slim as healthily possible, but friends and family are not going to say to each other they could do with dropping another size. I try to avoid these conversations with people when it is their image, but I will say something if their health is at stake.

diddlybit

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Thing is though, it does require a degree of focus and motivation to do this so mild obsessing is ok, I think!

But of course and it's very empowering to have a goal, work towards it and suceed. There is, however, a lot of women out there that obsess too much about their diet and weight. They may not have an ED but, indulging in a piece of chocolate cake makes that feel guilt and shame.

Your goal sounds healthy OP, fair play.

Poor Craythur

WindSock wrote: »

Most women I reckon would like to be as slim as healthily possible, but friends and family are not going to say to each other they could do with dropping another size. I try to avoid these conversations with people when it is their image, but I will say something if their health is at stake.

But it was me who brought it up, and it's not like I was suggesting some crazy goal!

Dolbert

diddlybit wrote: »

I don't all women think like this. My advice to my friends is that if you are happy and healthy it doesn't matter if you are a size 8 or 18.

Yep, that's why I said 'some women', most are really encouraging about it.
I'm 5'3" and when I dropped 4st from obese to a still very curvy size 12-14 I had lots of people (all women) voicing their concern about my 'fading away' and trying to fatten me back up.

WindSock

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Thing is though, it does require a degree of focus and motivation to do this so mild obsessing is ok, I think!

Of course, it is understandable to do some, but when someone goes on and on all the time about themselves, their clothes, food, and even who and who hasn't lost weight recently, well they are a bit of a bore.

I really hate when someone tells me I have lost weight. Stop focussing on it.

G86

I think some women simply do it to feel better about themselves in comparison, i.e. a woman is who 3 stone overweight, begrudges a friend who's a stone overweight and dieting, in saying 'you're skinny enough already' etc., when she's actually not.

diddlybit

Dolorous wrote: »

Yep, that's why I said 'some women', most are really encouraging about it.
I'm 5'3" and when I dropped 4st from obese to a still very curvy size 12-14 I had lots of people (all women) voicing their concern about my 'fading away' and trying to fatten me back up.

Apologies, misread your post. It's strange though, this sense of competition can be quite destructive. It's tough enough being a woman without having to put yourself in direct competition with a friend/family member/acquaintence about something like weight.

WindSock

Poor Craythur wrote: »

But it was me who brought it up, and it's not like I was suggesting some crazy goal!

Ah yeah, I was talking on general terms there.

Don't take notice then, you have your goal. Maybe it was discouragement from jealousy, or maybe it was an honest opinion. Dunno, good luck with it anyway.

Katgurl

Listen OP, I feel your pain, I find the whole concept of other people dictating your size absolutely unbearable - surely its a personal thing (unless you specifically ask an opinion and in that case its necessary to just suck it up).

I am 5ft 7" and a size 12-14 so not a thin girl. I was this size all through my teens and used look at my friends skinny legs longingly and despise my ridiculously large boobs and hips. I've been on the diet and weight see-saw all through my twenties; size 8 - 16 but now I have discovered the joy of exercise + most-of-the-time-healthy eating, I am back at my original teenage size but thanks to my lifestyle really feel good about what I see in the mirror most days - obviously I have my omg-i'm-horrific attacks occasionally

What I always find infuriating is people I hardly know (or would have never discussed topic with) making assumptions about how I must feel about myself. The amount of people who randomly assure me that 'men love a curvy girl' or 'my boyfriend thinks you're really sexy' or 'you might think it'd be great to be as slim as me but honestly, i think you have an amazing figure' or "can I just say, you might not believe this (???) but I really like a girl who is not a stick insect (yes I do believe you, you've been dribbling at me for the last half an hour)".

Sorry for the rant I just don't understand why the world and its mother think its appropriate to comment on your body shape or dictate your own feelings toward it.

But sorry went completely OT there. In answer to your original question, I think its that all people resist change and seeing you change physically and most likely emotionally too is uncomfortable for them.

solerina

Like anything, it very much depends on who is saying it, Id imagine there are two reasons
1. Dont get thinner than me
2. You look well now and dont need to lose anymore weight
Either way take it as a complement and dont worry about it !!!

pow wow

A lot of them probably also know what 'fun' it is to be trying to lose weight and don't wish it on you anymore! I wouldn't really think it's jealousy or insecurity. OP does your sis think that you would go to extremes with it?

Giselle

diddlybit wrote: »

My advice to my friends is that if you are happy and healthy it doesn't matter if you are a size 8 or 18.

It does matter. I'm five foot nothing and if I was a size 18 I would be very unhealthy. I also believe that no one can be truly happy if they're a very unhealthy weight.

I don't think telling people it doesn't matter if they're obese is right.

pow wow

Giselle wrote: »

I also believe that no one can be truly happy if they're a very unhealthy weight.

I think that says more about what you require to feel happy than it does about those of an unhealthy weight. In any case the OP wasn't talking about extremes of the weight spectrum.

Giselle

pow wow wrote: »

I think that says more about what you require to feel happy than it does about those of an unhealthy weight. In any case the OP wasn't talking about extremes of the weight spectrum.

Maybe you're right. I know I feel much better and happier in myself when I'm completely fit and healthy, so I assume others do, but theres a difference between a little overweight, and being very overweight.

LegacyUser

I often noticed this in women, telling people they have "lost enough weight", "you don't want to get too thin" etc. etc. Is it insecurity in some cases, making them feel bad about their own diets? And perhaps competitiveness in others who might enjoy being the slim one?

I think it depends really where you're losing the weight from, if its general bum/thigh/tummy/arm loss then it's usually said out of jealousy they don't suddenly want to become 'the fat one'.

Sometimes losing too much weight can make you look worse though tbh. I'm about 5' 3 and i'm currently a size 10-12 which is ideal weight for me because of where i hold my weight. 2 years ago though i got ill and dropped to a size 8-10, i thought i looked fantastic but people kept telling me i "didn't need to lose anymore weight" i of course thought it was just jealousy but i saw some photos of me from that time a few weeks ago and omg my face looked so drawn and haggard, and my boobs had shrunk, i looked awful! ....sometimes you forget that you lose weight off your face too!

So yeah sometimes it's a polite way of saying your face is getting a bit scrawny for want of a better word.

Lia_lia

Yeah, I've heard some girls say this. It's sometimes a jealousy thing. But I'd say usually they feel like they have to say it to make the person feel better about themselves.

No matter what size you are, it completely depends on what the person themselves deems as being too heavy. About a year and a half ago I was wearing size 12 jeans and (at nearly 5'10") I thought that was too heavy. When it clearly was grand. But I prefer being an 8-10. So I lost weight

Poor Craythur

pow wow wrote: »

OP does your sis think that you would go to extremes with it?

I don't know, maybe. But she tends to explode on people who say they are cutting down carbohydrates even if it's to a reasonable amount. I'm eating lots and not exercising to anywhere even approaching excess.

Poor Craythur

Lia_lia wrote: »

Yeah, I've heard some girls say this. It's sometimes a jealousy thing. But I'd say usually they feel like they have to say it to make the person feel better about themselves.

Yeah, maybe!

No matter what size you are, it completely depends on what the person themselves deems as being too heavy. About a year and a half ago I was wearing size 12 jeans and (at nearly 5'10") I thought that was too heavy. When it clearly was grand. But I prefer being an 8-10. So I lost weight

I agree, you have to go what you feel is right for you.

beks101

To be honest, the weight issue is such a minefield with women that I usually keep my weight loss plans and goals to myself, if I'm trying to drop a couple of pounds.

It's just not worth the mixed messages and negativity that it can provoke. I've had all the extreme reactions over the years, from the 'you're so skinny!' brigade to the 'you look fantastic!'s to the 'you don't need to lose weight's and everything in between. It's funny how guys are a lot more simple on this front...it's just 'oh you've lost weight. Fair play', end of.

There's a myriad of reasons for the female hostility you can often come up against and I think jealousy is just one of the more obvious ones. There's also the fact that you can look completely different to the person they knew and there's certainly an adjusting period with that, as they gradually come to realise you're actually still the same person. Some women can feel it puts their own eating and exercise habits in the spotlight and your success can make them feel inadequate. Or there can be genuine concern that you'll go too far, especially if you're not that big starting off.

Keep your goals to yourself, that would be my advice. I know it's a little cynical, but IME weight loss is so dependent on a positive mind-set and encouragement that these sabotaging attitudes could really detract from your goals. By all means be open and approachable about your new lifestyle but I think it's a good idea to keep your cards close to your chest in general because there's always going to be someone in your life who can't stand to see you get slimmer than them. Just don't take it personally.

Giselle

Poor Craythur wrote: »

I don't know, maybe. But she tends to explode on people who say they are cutting down carbohydrates even if it's to a reasonable amount. I'm eating lots and not exercising to anywhere even approaching excess.

To be honest, it sounds like you're completely sensible and your sister might have some insecurities of her own.

Fluorescence

It's something I've noticed actually - women mollycoddling obesity. We should not be saying it's ok to be very overweight. Not that we should be promoting extreme skinnyness either - why encourage people to be unhealthy? The only person who ever tells me I'm overweight is my mother (because she apparantly thinks I'm not bloody aware of it :rolleyes:), and she comments on my diet and figure so often I actually want to claw her eyes out of her face. My body is no-one's business but my own, and I don't want people telling me I need to lose weight/don't need to lose weight/look better now that I've lost weight/shouldn't lose too much weight etc. It's rude.

Sibylla

I think once the person they are commenting on is healthy it is probably down to insecurities and jealousy. Women are obsessed with weight, I know a girl who stopped speaking to her best friend because she became extremely slim and began getting lots of attention, It's at times like these when you know who you're friends are, I'm an 8 and my friends are always trying to persuade me to gain weight. Whenever someone loses weight healthily I believe you should compliment them because it isn't easy and showing support will make them feel good.

Poor Craythur

beks101 wrote: »

To be honest, the weight issue is such a minefield with women that I usually keep my weight loss plans and goals to myself, if I'm trying to drop a couple of pounds.

It's just not worth the mixed messages and negativity that it can provoke. I've had all the extreme reactions over the years, from the 'you're so skinny!' brigade to the 'you look fantastic!'s to the 'you don't need to lose weight's and everything in between. It's funny how guys are a lot more simple on this front...it's just 'oh you've lost weight. Fair play', end of.

There's a myriad of reasons for the female hostility you can often come up against and I think jealousy is just one of the more obvious ones. There's also the fact that you can look completely different to the person they knew and there's certainly an adjusting period with that, as they gradually come to realise you're actually still the same person. Some women can feel it puts their own eating and exercise habits in the spotlight and your success can make them feel inadequate. Or there can be genuine concern that you'll go too far, especially if you're not that big starting off.

Keep your goals to yourself, that would be my advice. I know it's a little cynical, but IME weight loss is so dependent on a positive mind-set and encouragement that these sabotaging attitudes could really detract from your goals. By all means be open and approachable about your new lifestyle but I think it's a good idea to keep your cards close to your chest in general because there's always going to be someone in your life who can't stand to see you get slimmer than them. Just don't take it personally.

Whilst I agree mostly about keeping your card close to your chest, it's nice to have someone to talk it about. Plus it can be hard when people notice your weight loss not to say anything!

bangra bangra

People who tell you "You've got too thin, don't lose any more weight" when you're trying to lose a bit of weight are just trying to mess with your head..my sister does this to me too by the way...! Once you're looking after yourself and staying healthy, good luck to you, you'll feel and look much better;)

Dudess

I'd agree it's often said by those who are uncomfortable with another woman getting slim, but sometimes that can be used as a stick to beat women who are genuinely concerned about other women becoming too thin.

You don't have to look far for examples of that - e.g. here. If a girl (and it's always a girl) starts a thread on P.I. or the Health/Fitness forum saying she's five ft 10, eight and a half stone and wants to get down to seven and a half stone, and she puts up a miserable diet and others urge her not to do this as it's unhealthy (perfectly reasonable advice) you'll always get at least one genius posting "Don't mind them OP, they're obviously jealous and fat".

Poor Craythur

Dudess wrote: »

I'd agree it's often said by those who are uncomfortable with another woman getting slim, but sometimes that can be used as a stick to beat women who are genuinely concerned about other women becoming too thin.

You don't have to look far for examples of that - e.g. here. If a girl (and it's always a girl) starts a thread on P.I. or the Health/Fitness forum saying she's five ft 10, eight and a half stone and wants to get down to seven and a half stone, and she puts up a miserable diet and others urge her not to do this as it's unhealthy (perfectly reasonable advice) you'll always get at least one genius posting "Don't mind them OP, they're obviously jealous and fat".

Yeah, the Daily Mail-style comments.

Like I said in my OP, sometimes it is genuine concern.

A bit OT but often professional models and tall actresses will often be as light as the weight-loss example you give in your post. Always makes me wince. Read recently that Eva Longoria is something like 6 stone 10 pounds. I know she's only 5'2" but seriously, ouch!

Wibbs

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Read recently that Eva Longoria is something like 6 stone 10 pounds. I know she's only 5'2" but seriously, ouch!

Nearly 7 stones at 5'2" is not that light really. An ex was around that and not anorexic by any stretch. Plus the thing is she could just be naturally like that. And some women(and men) are just very slightly built.


They're in a minority though* and the problem comes when the average size woman tries to get down to that size. There are men who are lighter and more slightly built than me(though I'd be at the light enough end of things) and there are guys who are much more substantial than me in weight and muscles. Now I could starve myself to go down to the slighter ones or pile on the pies and lift big weights to get bigger, but both would be a serious struggle(probaby need drugs with the latter) and in both cases I'd likely look daft in the end. As a guy I don't have that pressure though. No matter what some men may say we really really don't.

Most people men and women have a build that works for them. The trick is figuring it out and ignoring the cultural pressures that may hide that natural and sustainable build.








*depending on part of the world. IE Many Asian women would be tiny

Poor Craythur

Wibbs wrote: »

Nearly 7 stones at 5'2" is not that light really. An ex was around that and not anorexic by any stretch. Plus the thing is she could just be naturally like that. And some women(and men) are just very slightly built.

No sorry, Wibbs, light build or not, that is too light, even at 5'2", around 7 stone and upwards might be ok. "Not that light", seriously? That kinda implies you think even a few pounds less than that would be grand! I'm sorry if your ex was that size but it's too light. Designers are well used to dressing light actresses (many of them short) and even they find it very hard to dress Eva Longoria, as much so as they find it difficult to dress any actress over a size 10. That's telling. It can't just be build because there are other petite, small-framed actresses out there that designers easily dress, Natalie Portman springing to mind immediately. And an actress naturally being the weight she is? In some cases that might be true but for the vast majority, it's not, and it's naive to think otherwise. I think it was Julianne Moore I heard saying once that basically the vast majority of actresses go around hungry the vast majority of the time.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Its really not just women who do this and its not just done to women either.

First part, I'm sure nearly everyone will agree men are just as likely to point out "you don't need to lose weight" if a girl talks about dieting. I'd even argue more likely to do so - its just possible women are more likely to mention dieting to other females rather than males.

Second part: men don't hear it as much because fewer men actually go on diets. When they do they're unlikely to talk about it to anyone.

I wouldn't have realised this but it happened to me recently(male). I've been going to the gym with the intention of gaining muscle the last while. The best way to gain maximum muscle for the training you do is to overeat. Downside is you inevitably put on some fat alongside the muscle. However when you have more muscle mass it is easy to lose weight when you go back to regular eating.

So I mentioned to family in passing I was cutting back to get rid of the belly. Cue immediate responses of 'you don't need to lose weight'

I think its very, very similar to the non-drinker enjoying a night out sipping a coke whilst everyone else is downing pints. He/She will get constant hassle about why they're not drinking. The drinkers get this vague uneasyness. They decide non-drinker mustn't be having fun so try to get them to drink.

The vague uneasyness isn't really concern non-drinker isn't having fun, they're actually concerned that non-drinker is having as much fun as they are without spending a small fortune to get intoxicated.

The parallel is that the mention of weight-loss is reminding the other person that they don't have a perfect body and brings up a similar vague uneasy feeling. Even more so if the person isn't in shape and has previously thought about dieting themselves.

Eve_Dublin

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister, OP but I know if I've ever said that to someone that they don't need to lose weight (and I have), I just wanted to make them feel better and nothing more (even if I agreed with them). My own sister has said something along those lines but I took it as genuine concern as she's very close to me and is not a snide person generally. Perhaps if they did need to lose weight for health reasons, I'd say nothing and wish them luck but someone who was just having a "fat day", then I'd just say something along the lines of, "You look great as you are". I'm the kind of person who'd compliment someone's outfit even if I didn't like it though. I suppose weight is a matter of personal taste as well. Some women want to be super/slim fat-free and some women prefer to have some curves. If I complained about my weight (I'm not overweight), I'd probably want someone to tell me I don't need to because I know I'm probably being temporarily irrational and insecure. Better than saying nothing....

Tricky one though.

Wibbs

Poor Craythur wrote: »

No sorry, Wibbs, light build or not, that is too light, even at 5'2", around 7 stone and upwards might be ok. "Not that light", seriously? That kinda implies you think even a few pounds less than that would be grand!

No I'm simply saying that at 5'2" which is pretty short, 7 stone or around that is not crazy light, depending on frame. There's likely millions of Asian women in that bracket. I would agree that at that size every pound counts though.

I'm sorry if your ex was that size but it's too light.

Well all I can tell you is that she wasn't a skeleton and was very healthy and fit by any criteria

Designers are well used to dressing light actresses (many of them short) and even they find it very hard to dress Eva Longoria, as much so as they find it difficult to dress any actress over a size 10. That's telling.

Sounds like some weird hype from a tabloid TBH. I mean they can design clothes for small children so I don't buy it.

It can't just be build because there are other petite, small-framed actresses out there that designers easily dress, Natalie Portman springing to mind immediately.

Who is equally tiny herself. Having goggled ms Longoria she is thin, but she's not showing rib and just appears to have a low level of body fat.

And an actress naturally being the weight she is? In some cases that might be true but for the vast majority, it's not, and it's naive to think otherwise. I think it was Julianne Moore I heard saying once that basically the vast majority of actresses go around hungry the vast majority of the time.

Oh I'm sure that's the case in many examples, but not all. One big issue I have around this is there is a notion out there that all skinny women are starving all the time. You hear this a lot. I can tell you as a man when I was even thinner than I am now I wasn't. I've just never had much of an appetite, nor particular interest in food, other than as fuel. I know and have known women exactly the same. Or others that were very active/hyper gym bunnies who burnt off any food they ate. And yes I've heard other women(and the odd bloke) comment on their build, weight, diet etc.

Little Acorn

Eva Longoria is more likely closer to 7 and a half stone.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http://www.google.com/search%3Fq%3Dcache:http://fitnessblackbook.com/fitness-babes/the-height-and-weight-of-10-hot-female-celebrities-revealed/&usg=AFQjCNEE0k87kzFg_9FaqezUwOhHFijCVw

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=13&ved=0CEoQFjAM&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.howmuchdotheyweigh.com%2Feva-longoria%2F&ei=S0GcTYTfAcqohAfm2bTKBg&usg=AFQjCNEbuaGVXRrpSoQT-HDoyoE2yTZ4Aw

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=7&ved=0CD0QFjAG&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.docshop.com%2F2009%2F01%2F20%2Fheight-and-weight-of-americas-top-female-celebrities-how-do-you-compare-to-your-favorite-hollywood-starlets&ei=SUKcTYHJOcGZhQeL6fDEBg&usg=AFQjCNF-xApg_wzQ6X1Nkn1Blo65UIOTNA

I don't know how reliable these links are, but even just looking at her, she definitely doesn't look under 7 stone. She is very very slim, but I don't think think she looks unhealthy.
She looks about the exact same weight as my sister has been at times, which is 7 and a half stone and my sister is also 5 foot 2 aswell. She [my sis] prefers being 8 stone though, as that's her usual weight.

Sometimes I think that magazines exaggerate how little some celebs weigh, just as much as they exaggerate weight gains in celebs.

Poor Craythur

Seven and a half stone would be cool on her!

And to tabloid hype re: dresses, nah, it wasn't a tabloid I read that in, it was an article in the Sunday times, I believe. Designers tend to be inflexible and just send samples in sample sizes and if you don't fit, they don't want to know. They want their dresses shown in the "best light". Maybe you have a point though that they don't accommodate many different sizes. On the other end of the scale, Christina Hendricks finds it a nightmare to find dresses on account of her boobs and more than likely being a size 12.

As to your own appetite, I believe I saw some post where you gave your daily diet, and most people would be ravenous on it! Not a criticism, I guess appetites differ.

Wibbs wrote: »

Having goggled ms Longoria she is thin

Goggled? Is that what the cool kidz are calling ogled these days?

Little Acorn

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Seven and a half stone would be cool on her!

Yeah, I think she has a great figure. She's really petite and it just suits her whatever it is that she does weigh. I'd say it is about 7 and a half stone.
She's not someone who is naturally very slim though, she even says herself in interviews that she does piles of workouts every single week.
I'm shorter than her and weigh more. I would be happy at about 8 - 8 and a half stone I think.

Poor Craythur

Little Acorn wrote: »

Yeah, I think she has a great figure. She's really petite and it just suits her whatever it is that she does weigh. I'd say it is about 7 and a half stone.
She's not someone who is naturally very slim though, she even says herself in interviews that she does piles of workouts every single week.
I'm shorter than her and weigh more. I would be happy at about 8 - 8 and a half stone I think.

Yeah, if she was a average girl, she'd probably be more like eight stone, but seven and a half is grand at her height.

Chinafoot

To bring this back from Eva Longoria...

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Me: "I'm glad I got them in the sales, they're a stop gap until I get down to a size 10 so I didn't want to pay much for them."
Her: "Oh, don't be worrying about things like that, you don't need to be a size 10"

Gah!

Have to be honest with you here and say that I think you're being overly sensitive to a fairly harmless comment. I don't see how she is trying to be discouraging at all. Instead she probably thought she was being supportive. Telling you you don't need to be a size 10, to me, most likely means that she thinks you look really well as you are and she doesn't want you stressing yourself over another dress size. Yes, you want to get to a size 10 and its important to you, but don't assume malice where there is none.

Now, thats not to say that I don't think there are people out there who discourage others attempts at weightloss out of jealousy and insecurity. There sure are. You see it in all areas, not just weightloss. Its begrudgery, jealousy, spite and insecurity. These people should be pitied tbh. However, I don't believe thats the case here with your sister.

Being focused on your weightloss does not equal being obsessive. If your sister has been listening to you go on and on and on about food and clothes and size then she might be concerned that you could possibly take things too far or just simply be tired of listening to it, particularly if she thinks that you look healthy as you are right now. The fact that you've had such an extreme reaction to a nothing comment would make me wonder if concern is warranted.

Gyalist

Poor Craythur wrote: »

No sorry, Wibbs, light build or not, that is too light, even at 5'2", around 7 stone and upwards might be ok. "Not that light", seriously? That kinda implies you think even a few pounds less than that would be grand! I'm sorry if your ex was that size but it's too light. Designers are well used to dressing light actresses (many of them short) and even they find it very hard to dress Eva Longoria, as much so as they find it difficult to dress any actress over a size 10. That's telling. It can't just be build because there are other petite, small-framed actresses out there that designers easily dress, Natalie Portman springing to mind immediately. And an actress naturally being the weight she is? In some cases that might be true but for the vast majority, it's not, and it's naive to think otherwise. I think it was Julianne Moore I heard saying once that basically the vast majority of actresses go around hungry the vast majority of the time.

The mistake that you are making is in believing the PR-puff pieces about actresses and celebrities. There is a whole industry in Hollywood dedicated to shaping the way we see these people and it bears no relation to reality. Next you'll be saying that Mel Gibson really is 6" tall and that George Clooney is definitely straight!

Madame Razz

I get how something like this can be said in a underhand bitchy way, but some women genuinely do take weight loss too far, and some women do look better with a bit of weight on rather than being skeletal, even tho they think themselves that they look better when thinner. Some people say stuff like this as a genuine opinion, which can often be right or have some degree of truth in, and others do definately say it in a more devious sense. And some will just say things like this as a put down, not necessarily to get at the other person, but because we Irish always seem to find the need to find the negative in things, it's just in our nature/psyche.

Poor Craythur

Gyalist wrote: »

The mistake that you are making is in believing the PR-puff pieces about actresses and celebrities. There is a whole industry in Hollywood dedicated to shaping the way we see these people and it bears no relation to reality. Next you'll be saying that Mel Gibson really is 6" tall and that George Clooney is definitely straight!

No, that's not true, it wasn't a tabloid article and I don't think any of the other things you said there or have much of an opinion on them at all!

Poor Craythur

Chinafoot wrote: »

To bring this back from Eva Longoria...

Thanks.

Have to be honest with you here and say that I think you're being overly sensitive to a fairly harmless comment. I don't see how she is trying to be discouraging at all. Instead she probably thought she was being supportive. Telling you you don't need to be a size 10, to me, most likely means that she thinks you look really well as you are and she doesn't want you stressing yourself over another dress size. Yes, you want to get to a size 10 and its important to you, but don't assume malice where there is none.

Now, thats not to say that I don't think there are people out there who discourage others attempts at weightloss out of jealousy and insecurity. There sure are. You see it in all areas, not just weightloss. Its begrudgery, jealousy, spite and insecurity. These people should be pitied tbh. However, I don't believe thats the case here with your sister.

Being focused on your weightloss does not equal being obsessive. If your sister has been listening to you go on and on and on about food and clothes and size then she might be concerned that you could possibly take things too far or just simply be tired of listening to it, particularly if she thinks that you look healthy as you are right now. The fact that you've had such an extreme reaction to a nothing comment would make me wonder if concern is warranted.

My sister and I do have a competitive relationship. But since I've started this thing I've gone out for nice meals and really enjoyed Xmas so I haven't let it get in the way of life. But it does take discipline and I think people mistake that for obsession.

Jealousy.

Plain & simple.

magneticimpulse

I think its an Irish thing. In France being same height as you,5FT3 and size 10 im considered fat at 8st10lbs in France...the doctor even says it to me when I go for my check ups...oh your overweight arent you!! As there isnt a pick on French girls (from their diet of coffee and nothing else)

I was back in Ireland last week and just ate a plain yogurt with fruit when I met a friend for lunch/tea. My "thinner" friend said, oh is that all your eating? You must have a weight problem if thats all your eating!!! (she just had a soup ). I had to keep telling her it was because I was going for a 3 course dinner afterwards and was still stuffed from the 3 course dinner I had the night before. Especially not used to the huge Irish portions! In France we occassionally have a 3 course menu, but it is mainly lettace and salads. A starter in Ireland is the same as a main course in France.

Im still trying to lose weight. Ive not been exercising but now that the weather is better I hope to start jogging again. I would like to reach a goal of 8st7lbs (so just 3 lbs away), or even 8stone would be my ultimate goal. Its mainly because I carry alot of weight on my hips and the rest of me is skinny, it looks totally out of proportion.

I think there is no harm is trying to lose weight, once you continue to eat healthy. It does take time. Ive lost 1 stone since start January, by giving up alcohol and chocolate.

gargleblaster

Madame Razz wrote: »

I get how something like this can be said in a underhand bitchy way, but some women genuinely do take weight loss too far, and some women do look better with a bit of weight on rather than being skeletal, even tho they think themselves that they look better when thinner. Some people say stuff like this as a genuine opinion, which can often be right or have some degree of truth in, and others do definately say it in a more devious sense.

This sums it up well.

There are all kinds of reasons. The best idea is to keep it to yourself or if you absolutely must share your weight-loss talk with someone, talk to others who are doing the same.

It really is unhealthy, the way women obsess about weight-loss. Obsessing about healthy lifestyle is bad enough, living healthy is great and should be encouraged, but obsession is never a good thing.

Seriously though, talking about dress sizes (rather than health) really could have been perceived as a red flag. I would assume the best intentions and not the worst.