Housemate/Friend/Liar?? What to do?

LegacyUser

Won't go into too much detail here. House shared with a girl became friends etc etc, we'd planned to get the rent lowered/move out together. Got a txt one morning she was leaving. I know it's her business and her perogative to do so and if she had been straight out and said to me look i'm moving bla bla bla fair enough, but the outlandish reason she gave for her moving is just absolute BS. She does things which are a bit rude, for example I pay a bill from my account to save her going to the bank, and she left nearly €40 of it in €1, €2 and 50c coins. She'd never make the effort to stick around if the landlady is coming over to do work around the house/sort things that need fixing etc, even though she finishes work earlier than me most days and works 2 minutes away. I work about 30 miles away and have often have to swap shifts. The last few months friend never wants to do anything with me, sick to my teeth of trying to make an effort with her. She never bothered making the effort to come out for my bday and I made such a fuss for her for her birthday, cake cooked dinner for her and her friends, got her a lil pressie. She moved stuff to new house when I wasn't around and did everything by txt and acted normal when I was around, as if she wasn't moving out or something. Have more or less caught them out on lies but haven't said it to them. She called for a chat one day spoke about that night, I said I was going out and turns out friend was going out the same night to around the same area where I would be after a party and never mentioned she was going out even though she'd called for a "chat". She seems to be able to make time for all other friends. I have recently enough started going out with someone, but I can honestly say this has not stopped me making the effort to spend time with my friend but she's not interested. She makes weird comments that I find insulting as she knows a good bit about me and little things that might offend me. Other people have described her as an underhanded b***h for the way she's carriend on towards me. The last time she came out she sat with no drink and my bf had to buy her a coke and she only came out because all the lads were out and she'd told the fella she was seeing she was heading out with the lads, in some sort of childish ploy to make him jealous. Another time she went out with a close friend for a quiet drink and a chat so I said i'd leave her to it as they probably wanted to chat about personal stuff. She ended up going dancing and texting a guy she only knows through my bf to see if he was coming out and never asked me if I was out. The girl moved out of a house share before and said the girls she lived with were absolute bitches and they had said something to her about how "you can only ask someone to come out with you so many times". There seems to be a bit of a pattern going. I don't want her off bitching about me telling people i'm a bitch or something when i've done nothing wrong. I know all this may sound a bit juvenille, but it's really getting to me. I know the girl has a lot of issues so I guess i've kind of made allowances for some of her behaviour but I hate being treated like a door mat. Should I say something, am I overreacting? Should I just say good riddance to bad rubbish? Think I just need to vent to be honest. This probably comes accross as teenagerish but we are in our twenties.

John Mason

This girl is NOT your friend and never was - she was only ever someone who shared a house with you.

you need to forget about her and move on.

LegacyUser

Thanks Irishbird.

You're probably right just sad when someone can go to being a great friend doing everything together going out, sitting in chatting for hours, the usual girlfriendy stuff, to acting like this. I guess i'm pissed off that I trusted her and we confided in each other about personal stuff (which I do with very very few people) and she acted like this. Live and Learn I guess is the lesson here.

Janet1986

Maybe this girl found you were getting 'too' clingy?

LegacyUser

Janet1986 wrote: »

Maybe this girl found you were getting 'too' clingy?

I work fourty hours a week have 10 hours commute, i'm gone between 2 and 4 nights a week. She had asked me to go on holidays, move out somewhere together, go to the UK with her, so no I don't think I was "clingy".

LegacyUser

Wow, I could have written this myself. Same sort of situation - became great friends with housemate over a few years, and in the last year or so, she started acting really weirdly. I always knew she had issues, but they started to manifest in the house and made it a very unpleasant environment to live in and was starting to bring me down in a major way. It got to the stage where she'd come in from work every day and go straight to her room and stay there, ignoring me for days/weeks on end even though I'd done absolutely nothing wrong.

In the end I moved out because I couldn't take the horrible atmosphere in the house anymore, and I'm much, much happier. Yeah, it makes me a little sad that I don't talk to someone I would have considered one of my best friends a few years ago, but she was very manipulative, a compulsive liar, and a bad force in my life... so I let it go. Sounds like you should do the same for your own sanity.

Ellie2008

sunflower27 wrote: »

I have to say, I didn't see any evidence whatsoever of you being clingy. Kind-hearted and welcoming, yes, clingy, no.

Sunflower, Ive seen a lot of your posts and you're my kind of person (thats just an aside)! OP you just sound nice to be honest, really Im sure its a bit hurtful but put it behind you, life lesson.

HugoDrax

This girl is just a manipulator.
She knows you are good natured and kind and genuine and giving and she has milked you by pretending to be your friend.
You are not at fault because how were you to know she was a wolf in sheep's clothing?
She is probably nobody's friend really because she seems like the kind who is capable of caring for anyone but herself.
She can be nice when she wants to be but she only does that to keep people in her pocket.
People like this have loads of gophers running about for them.
You need to confront her, tell her what you really think of her and tell her to take a jump in the river.
Then you will see the real nasty behind the mask and believe me it won't be pretty.
This girl has no conscience and no consideration for other people.
Move out of where you live, delete her phone number and cut her out your life.
Seriously before she does you some real damage because a person like that will hang you out to dry and move on the next victim without a second thought.

cafecolour

She sounds a mess, glad to be rid of her.

No don't say anything. In fact, I'd keep as friendly as possible to her until she's out the door - best way to minimize her bitching about you.

AidanadiA

That is nearly word for word as to what happened to me!

Best course of action, be nice and get on with your life once they are gone!

spinandscribble

Be happy you found this out now before you entered in on a lease with her... She probably has developed a pattern where she milks people for attention and when she's done with them she feels like she needs to move on.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for all your responses. I think you're right move on and forget about it, she's moved out now(though still haven't got keys back) so i'm just gonna get on with my own life. It is quiet frustrating though the way she has behaved and not even clever about, ie catching herself out on Facebook. I'm glad it's not just me being paranoid, I was starting to think I was.

LegacyUser

Well, it seems crystal clear from the start she was using you. Making you do all the running with the landlady etc Didn't you notice that at the time? I don't understand how you could have thought she was a friend when you yourself said you made all the effort and she never bothered with you. That is a sign a person isn't interested in being friends.Being nice to your face means nothing. I think you did behave clingy like Janet said and refused to get the hint. But she sounds a nasty piece anyway so no loss. I would put the whole thing behind you and say nothing. And in future, dont let yourself be used and learn to notice the signs that someone is returning friendship. If not don't waste your efforts on them. Be glad that she is someone elses problem now.

LegacyUser

usersrus1982 wrote: »

Well, it seems crystal clear from the start she was using you. Making you do all the running with the landlady etc Didn't you notice that at the time? I don't understand how you could have thought she was a friend when you yourself said you made all the effort and she never bothered with you. That is a sign a person isn't interested in being friends.Being nice to your face means nothing. I think you did behave clingy like Janet said and refused to get the hint. But she sounds a nasty piece anyway so no loss. I would put the whole thing behind you and say nothing. And in future, dont let yourself be used and learn to notice the signs that someone is returning friendship. If not don't waste your efforts on them. Be glad that she is someone elses problem now.

I think you've read my post wrong we used to do loads together all of a sudden she changed and wasn't bothered anymore. We used to train together, socialise go shopping, quiet a bit. Then nothing. I've other friends, I go to college, i'm gone at least 3 nights a week, i've a bf where would I find the time to be clingy. She referred to me as her "best friend" so you can't blame me for not taking the hint if that's what they were.

Reesy

Allonmyowneyo wrote: »

Thanks guys for all your responses. I think you're right move on and forget about it, she's moved out now(though still haven't got keys back) so i'm just gonna get on with my own life. It is quiet frustrating though the way she has behaved and not even clever about, ie catching herself out on Facebook. I'm glad it's not just me being paranoid, I was starting to think I was.

Just a thought - do you think you need to change the locks, or mention to the landlady & get her help in having the keys returned?

LegacyUser

Reesy wrote: »

Just a thought - do you think you need to change the locks, or mention to the landlady & get her help in having the keys returned?

She has informed me she'll return them to the landlady

LegacyUser

Sorry guys for dragging up an old thread but I needed to vent. This girl is really getting on my nerves, she sends me a message the other day about some important stuff I have coming up and comparing herself to a "proud sister." I was trying to get some post to her and she seems to want to do anything but give me her forwarding address, whatever that's about, and i'm a little bit insulted to say the least. She asked me to bin a letter that was addressed to another girl or to open it and i'd said i'd rather not as it's not addressed to me or her(the letter was more than likely for her as it was to do with a previous gym contract with said girl, who is a previous housemate), when I refused she asked me to send letters to parents place, which is the far end of the country, and I saiid would it not be easier to send to where you live? To which I got a reply "Oh look if it's such a problem i'll come collect them". Is it just me or would other people be annoyed by her carry on. I know i'm old enough to know better and should let it slide but it's getting to me for whatever reason.

Neyite

Dont bother texting her or doing her favours - just readdress the letters to her parents address. Sounds like she wants to also ride on the coat-tails of your achievements (assuming from the use of 'proud' with regard to your important thing) y'know what, she just sounds stupid. Try not to let her get to you.

(Hugs)

LegacyUser

oh op, it's not your problem to be sending her letters. If she refuses to give you her address forget it. Save yourself wasting money on post! Just tell her to change her address with her bank/gym whatever and that you wont be forwarding her post any more.

I get the distinct impression she doesn't want you to know her address. Maybe she has a point?

She's moved on and you need to let it go too. Forget her stupid post, it's not your problem.

LegacyUser

not your problem wrote: »

oh op, it's not your problem to be sending her letters. If she refuses to give you her address forget it. Save yourself wasting money on post! Just tell her to change her address with her bank/gym whatever and that you wont be forwarding her post any more.

I get the distinct impression she doesn't want you to know her address. Maybe she has a point?

She's moved on and you need to let it go too. Forget her stupid post, it's not your problem.

That's fair enough if she doesn't want me knowing her address, i've no use for her address other than to send her post. But don't be patronising and make statements like "a proud sister" to someone who you don't even want having your address. She's calling this evening to collect her post, I think i'll be "out" and just leave it in the letterbox for her as I don't have the head to listen to falseness.