Should I change schools?

LegacyUser

hey guys,
well im just looking for advice whether or not to change schools.

My problems started last year (3rd year). I had everything I could want really, i was friends with everyone, had a great boyfriend, went to discos the whole time and had great grades in school. I was happy. But then my group of friends turned into really bitchy people. They weren't nice and gradually started pushing me out of their group. They would leave me out of things and feel generally unwanted. They left me without looking back. I was really lonely, but luckily I had a friend, Katie, who I was friends with since primary school. Katie was just after losing her best friend too, so we had eachother. I had planned to do TY, but with all my old 'friends' doing it I decided to go straight into 5th year with Katie. I stuck the miserable last few months in 3rd year and did a great JC.

During Summer I was feeling low as I didnt have any friends to meet up with. I actually didnt leave the house . However I was feeling positive about the year ahead and making new friends.

So I met up with Katie on the first day of 5th year and we said we were gonna get through the next 2 years together. It was an okay start to the year. I was nice to everyone and I began talking to a few new people. But I was being held back by Katie. You see, Katie isn't liked by the people in my year. She's kinda troubled... she smokes, drinks and takes drugs as well as stealling on a regular basis. People began to see what she was like and stayed away from her. So that means I'm left on my own aswell. Katie is misunderstood really. Shes a nice person and really intelligent (when it comes to school at least). But people dont want anything to do with her. And I dont blame them really because if I had a choice I wouldnt want to be friends with someone who takes drugs.

Anyway things started getting worse as 5th year has gone on. I'm really miserable now and totally excluded by everyone. I just dont want to get up in the morning and want to be out of school every minute I'm there. My school work is starting to suffer and I feel terrible about that as I'm an A student. I cant sleep and I feel physically sick if Katie doesn't come to school (which is alot). When she is not in I have to stay in the toilets for lunchtime. Its humiliating. People are horrible to me. For example, on Friday my Irish teacher put us into groups for class. My heart sunk when she told me I was with two ('popular') girls. They were just like 'ohh we're with the ginger'. I felt sick having to walk down an sit beside them. They think I'm a freak. Everyone does. I'm just isolated in every way. I hear people make fun of me on a regular basis. I try to join into conversations but I get no response. I have literally no confidence or self-esteem. I really am a nice person. I think its because I'm smart and I have red hair (a thing that never caused me trouble in the past). I know this sort of stuff always happens to somebody, and that somebody is me. But I just cant deal with it anymore. I feel like I'm missing out on being a care-free teenager. I see everyone in my year having a great time. They know I'm there alone, yet they really dont care.

Thank god I have a great mother. She always listens to everything I have to say. But now I have to go speak to a counsellor. Something that makes me feel defeated and angry. But hopefully it will help.

So I'm wondering, should I move schools? Has anyone in this situation changed schools? Did it help? Because I'm afraid if I change schools, I'll be in the same situation just in a different school. Or should I just put up with my last year in the hope that things will change in college? I'm afraid if I stay though that I will actually go mad by this time next year.

I despearately just want to be accepted. I was never mean or did anything bad. Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to get it all out there.
Thanks

LickLickLick

I think you should change schools.

There is no point in pushing through your last year of school unhappily, some may say you might as well just get it over with but happiness comes first in my books, life will be better all round if you're happier and more comfortable in school, which is a huge part of your life!

The likeliness of this happening again in a different school is not high in my opinion. You may regret not changing.

LilMissCiara

It's your leaving cert year. It needs to be as stress free as possible. I would change if I were you..!

spinandscribble

If you change schools its possible you'll change things around but if you don't at least it's only one year left. tbh if you can and you think you might be happier you should do it but be prepared to put in the effort because it'll be hard being the new girl.

Consider starting a club/hobby outside of college where you can meet people your own age. Tbh thats how a lot of people i know made friends in secondary school if they didn't click with their school group.

If you can join a summer project or something where you can have fun and make friends before 6th year all the better. I don't know where you are located but theres bound to be something.

Please don't feel like you need these kids validation. Think about it. how nice can they be if they've alienated you? if they're as silly as to dislike you because of a hair colour? Are they worth the effort? No, they pick on you because you seem weak. believe me if they thought you didn't care about the comments they wouldn't be arsed to make them. They're the lowest of the low and someday you'll laugh about all this.

You need to believe you're better then all that before you move on to another school or college. Really believe you're better then all that otherwise you're going to repeat yourself over and over again.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies
I think I will change schools. It might be the best thing I ever do.. hopefully Its just kinda scary! I wish I could join a club or something.. but tbh theres nothing where I live. I've searched on the internet and everything but nothing near me.:/ Thanks anyway.. trying to think positive

nottherealdeal

You're right stay thinking positive. Regardless of whether you change schools or not it is only one year.

I'm in college at the moment and you're post really reminded me of just how bithcy secondary school is. We all have our run ins just your unfortunately is so much worse.

Once you get to college everything should be different, even though it's only been a a summer everyone becomes way more accepting and alot less bitchy. Dont get me wrong you'll come across awful people for the rest of your life, we all will, but they seem alot more concentrated in secondary school. It must be something to do with keeping up appearances. In college however theres no real outlet for meanness. There will be so many more people there you will find a circle to suit you and will accept you for who you are!

You wont ever look back at secondary school!

LegacyUser

I don't think changing schools will help tbh. Thats just exchanging one set of problems for another,with a few more added in. You'll still be the girl with red hair, no self-confidence or self-esteem, except you won't know a single person. Unfortunately in secondary school especially, we get judged by who we hang around with, so although Katie is a crutch for you she has done you no favours in the long run.

If you look carefully not EVERYONE is having a great time or has made tons of friends. Its so easy to feel left out and think 'they're all against me' but honestly there are others who feel exactly as you do but they're managing to hide it. They might be shocked to hear just how badly you feel.

Why are you so negative about seeing the counsellor? Is this a school counsellor? Really they are there to help you, but you have to help yourself too. What about becoming involved with younger year groups in your school? Paired reading or setting up a book club/drama/dance at lunchtimes? First years always have a tough time in school and would love to have a senior girl lending them a hand or taking an interest in them.

I don't meant to be unsympathetic but you've got to be more pro-active. Is there a friendly teacher who could offer some advice? Not all teachers had an easy time in secondary school you know!!
Give it a shot for the last few months of term and see how you get on.
But do please talk to a teacher.

Chuchoter

Have you made any efforts to make new friends? Tbh, Katie sounds like trouble and you would be better off finding friends who are on the same page as you. You can't let those bitchy girls from 3rd year run your life.

Otherwise, I think changing schools would be a good idea, you have nothing keeping you in this current school. Moving will mean there will be a whole new set of people, a whole new start and no baggage from the previous school.