One child or two?

LegacyUser

We're planning on starting a family soon.

Is it easier with one or two kids?

miss_shadow

It's neither easy with one or two..see how you get on with one is a good start :pac: and then have another quite soon after :pac:.

I have a 5 year old and he has no company being an only child so taking him to kiddy days out was a bit of a bore to only have his mum as company, also playing with his toys too and what not.

Ayla

oneortwo wrote: »

We're planning on starting a family soon.

Is it easier with one or two kids?

You're joking, right? One of those April's fools things, right?

miss_shadow said it quite right when she said it's neither easy with one or two. Kids are work, hard work, but having two doesn't necessary mean twice the work. But neither is it easier.

Having kids with some space between their ages can have some advantages, such as #1 is more independent & self-reliant. But it also means you've moved on from the nappy/sleepless night phase, and readjusting can be a challenge.

And then you have the individual differences b/w the kids...you may have a big challenge with your first but have a mellower kid with the second. It's impossible to know beforehand and you can really only do it one at a time (assuming there aren't multiple births)

Orion

Two is definitely easier. Have some twins first then go from there ... three is easier again - maybe go for triplets.

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January

Macros42 wrote: »

Two is definitely easier. Have some twins first then go from there ... three is easier again - maybe go for triplets.

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Go for twins first and then never go again haha

I have two with 14 months between them, piece of cake...

ankles

Three

Mothman

Definitely start with twins if you can manage it, only the one pregnancy...

+1 to all that's been said above though must add it was easier with none

CathyMoran

Hope to be finding out in May - have a wonderful son who is 1 today and hoping to have a lttle sister for him in May - we went for the maximum we thought that we could afford while still having reasonable quality time with both.

BostonB

Depends on the child. Some are easier than others.

flowerchild

One is less trouble and cheaper. Two have great fun together and play together a lot.

I think the daily benefits two children close in age get from each other is extraordinary. At the same time twins or close age children can easily become 'devil spawn' and at that point the quiet single child may seem very attractive.

But I can pick children at child-care or school who don't have siblings. They have a different pattern. If I could reach over and give them a sibling, I would.

Moonbeam

Wait and see what your 1st is like;)
With one I could still do nearly everything that I wanted with 2 I can't do as much.
Being an only child I would say never just have one.

lolli

Moonbeam wrote: »

Being an only child I would say never just have one.

Why not? I'm curious cos Saoirse might be an only child for good. x

I have one and can still do all the things I want. Shes a very good child and loves being out.

Voltex

One child is a doddle...2 is hard.
we're expecting number 3 in a few months...im not sure what to expect.

Moonbeam

lolli wrote: »

Why not? I'm curious cos Saoirse might be an only child for good. x

I have one and can still do all the things I want. Shes a very good child and loves being out.

I hated every minute of it and loved going to stay with cousins and their big families and was so envious of everyone with siblings,it is very lonely.
As you get older it doesn't get better everyone else still has brothers and sisters and when you have kids you have no siblings to share it with and no aunties and uncles or cousins for your kids.
Also,when parents get old etc you are the only one there to look after them.

mumto3

Op,take every day as it comes,every situation is different and what works for you and your partner is what makes the difference.
Personally i have 3 kids,im 27years old and my first son was born when i had just turned 17,2 years later my second child was born and i now have a 2year old also.
I love every minute of being a mammy,and have happily given up my entire social life from teens to twenties in order to do so,but there are others who would think this would be their idea of hell,remember once you have a child,you have to be ready to hand your life over to them,from there on in,whether its 1 child or 6!!
I would love another 2 kids when im in my early 30's,and with the help of god i will,but there are other people i know that find it hard to cope with one let alone 5!!It all comes down to your ability,patience and selflessness of being a parent,well that mixed with how well behaved and 'good' the children are.
Start of with the one,and see for yourself how hard it is or is not,then go from there.

Cat Melodeon

I've always wanted 2, husband wants 4 :eek:. I'm expecting #2 and am kinda dreading the early days. I had so much time to give my son when he was born. We lounged about, napped when we wanted, did breastfeeding on demand, etc. I probably won't be able to give as much of myself over to #2 as my son is a whirlwind of activity (he'll be 2yrs 3 months when #2 arrives, all going well) and obviously needs a lot of attention (and doesn't nap enough for a newborn's liking!).

There was no question for us about having 2 rather than 1 though. We might stretch to three, but we'll see how this one goes. My husband has 2 siblings, I have 4. They are my best friends. We lost our parents quite young and no way could I have gone through that alone. The bond I have with them is greater than any friendship could ever be. I know some people have fantastic & loyal friends and some people have crap relationships with their siblings, but I really think that nothing beats having a sibling as a best friend. The support and love is unconditional, the loyalty trumps that you have for everyone else (even spouses on certain occasions). I couldn't deny at least one brother or sister for my son. I would hate for him to be alone if anything happened to us, or for him to have to deal with us by himself when we are old and dribbly messes.

From what I see of my friends with bigger families, the hard bit of having more than one only really lasts until the youngest starts school. There are benefits to spacing them out, in that you probably get to focus more on each one as they arrive, although the drawback of that is that it takes longer to get it 'out of the way'. Having them all together is probably more stressful if you find the baby bit hard (and I can attest that changing pooey nappies when you have morning sickness is no fun at all) but they really do seem to entertain each other and you get to move on from the baby bit somewhat faster. To me, the rewards of having a troop of kids seem pretty unbeatable. I hope my body & nerves hold up enough to get to #3.

lynski

Our no3 arrived 6 wks ago and I am now sure we have our family. 2 was great,but 3 feels so right. the older 2 are 4yr4mths and 2yrs3mths and they adore each other and have from day one. The first words the little said was lala, for her brothers name and she still sometimes calls him that. They are both nuts about the new arrival and so far no probs.
I am bf on demand and it is working so well; would find formula so stressful as it is always go go go here and the days go by in a blur so can't imagine making the time for bottle making.
I love the fact that when we are gone, in the long long distant future, they will always have each other.

stovelid

Having two for us is tough as one is nearly three and the other is 9 months so juggling such different ages but I;m glad they have each other as I'm sure it will be easier when they can amuse themselves later on.

30lady

I have one son and while I don't know what it is like to have two, I would have loved my boy to have a brother.... while he is great at entertaining himself and when he was younger I played with him loads, he was lonely at times. Another difficulty was when I brought him to indoor ball pool/bouncy castle places etc. he had to go off playing on his own

Moonbeam

The one advantage is that you do learn to do anything and everything on your own because it is normal.
It makes it easier for somethings in later life.

elbee

flowerchild wrote: »

But I can pick children at child-care or school who don't have siblings. They have a different pattern. If I could reach over and give them a sibling, I would.

As an only child, if you'd given me a sibling I would have given it right back!

Just to give another perspective on the only child issue, I'm an only child and I love it. I loved it as a child and I love it now.

No one bothered me, fought with me or teased me in my own home. My parents went the extra mile to ensure I spent time with other kids in a way that they wouldn't have if I'd had siblings. I have no problem doing things alone but I'm probably the most sociable person I know (with the exception of my dad - another only child). I have friends who haven't been on holidays for years, or miss concerts they're desperate to see, because they have 'no one to go with' - not a concept I understand!

I know if I had siblings I'd love them too. But I don't, and I certainly don't miss it. And now, as the only child of a widow, I am conscious that all of the care will fall to me, when the time comes, but I'm fine with that. It's a big responsibility, but it also means I never have to argue with anyone about what's best for my mother - the decision will be hers for as long as it can be, and mine after that. There are advantages and disadvantages to both.

And yes, some only children hated it and felt lonely, but not all. Equally, some people spend their life savings on legal battles with siblings because their parents' estate was unevenly divided - doesn't mean having siblings is bad either.

OP, start with one and see how you feel! Everyone is different.

shrapnel222

Voltex wrote: »

One child is a doddle...2 is hard.
we're expecting number 3 in a few months...im not sure what to expect.

armageddon

howamidifferent

We have a our eldest girl who will be 6 in September, her sister was 4 in January and her brother was 2 in December. Number 4 is due in September. I am all excited but my wife would have been happy after 3...:D

I came from a family of 11 children and my wife was one of 6. I couldn't imagine bringing up a child to be on their own.

Hard? Maybe, somedays but worthwhile? Always! :P

When I'm at home with 3 kids sitting on top of me all demanding hugs and cuddles after I get home from work, it makes it all worthwhile. :-)

foxy06

I have 4 and the hardest time was when I just had the 1. Had the next 2 years later and things just started falling into place. Routine is KEY! Would definitely not stop after one if you can manage it.