Shyness being misconstrued as "stuck-up"

Poor Craythur

One thing I come across a lot of these boards is people, especially women, being described as "stuck-up". It often strikes me as a very meat-headed assertion.

Did it ever occur to these people that some people are actually just a bit shy or socially awkward? Actually, I reckon a lot of people in this country are, considering how much we use alcohol as a crutch. And I've known people who outwardly act aloof when I know for a fact that they are just awkward and timid.

Not being great in social situation =/= think you're the shít!

And now, the best little song ever written on the subject of shyness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U5HpeA_WSo

Good ol' moany Mozza!

krudler

I'd rather be around 10 shy people who arent saying anything than 1 loudmouth gobsh1te tbh

Celly Smunt

Poor Craythur wrote: »

One thing I come across a lot of these boards is people, especially women, being described as "stuck-up". It often strikes me as a very meat-headed assertion.

Did it ever occur to these people that some people are actually just a bit shy or socially awkward? Actually, I reckon a lot of people in this country are, considering how much we use alcohol as a crutch. And I've known people who outwardly act aloof when I know for a fact that they are just awkward and timid.

Not being great in social situation =/= think you're the shít!

And now, the best little song ever written on the subject of shyness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_U5HpeA_WSo

Good ol' moany Mozza!

"ask" is a much better song for the portrayal of shyness,get it right

hondasam

are you on about people on boards been stuck up or people in real life ?

Captain_Generic

krudler wrote: »

I'd rather be around 10 shy people who arent saying anything than 1 loudmouth gobsh1te tbh

Its better to have both, then their common enemy becomes a talking point

optogirl

pmcmahon wrote: »

"ask" is a much better song for the portrayal of shyness,get it right

well you're not shy anyway.

Scuid Mhór

If you can't tell the difference between someone being shy and someone being stuck up, you probably shouldn't be allowed go out during the night time.

Golightly

krudler wrote: »

I'd rather be around 10 shy people who arent saying anything than 1 loudmouth gobsh1te tbh

Repped! Or 10 Cork people rather than 1 Jackeen.

Same thing really.

Wibbs

True though shyness can also be terribly self indulgent in some people. As much as extreme loud mouths.

RichieC

I don't know if I'm shy or I just hate people.

Duggy747

I hate everyone except shy people, at least they don't make tits of themselves and annoy the shìt out of me :pac:

hondasam

shy people will talk after a few drinks but stuck up people will still be obnoxious !

Revolution9

RichieC wrote: »

I don't know if I'm shy or I just hate people.

I don't if if that's a joke but I'm like that. In front of most new people I rarely speak, used to put it down to shyness but lately I think I just make a rather pr!ckish quick judgement, decide I won't like them and therefore won't engage in conversation!

fakearms123

There is shy where the person isn't used to certain surroundings who just might need someone to come over to them and say "come on over and join in with us" and then there is the shyness that can be mistaken for being stuck up, where they refuse to take part in anything out of their comfort zone, these people will avoid "new" situations as much as possible. I can sometimes fall into the first catergory where I might need someone to invite me in, it more cautious awareness than shyness but I suppose I need acceptance sometimes just so i know I am not stepping on anyones toes. :)

hondasam

fakearms123 wrote: »

There is shy where the person isn't used to certain surroundings who just might need someone to come over to them and say "come on over and join in with us" and then there is the shyness that can be mistaken for being stuck up, where they refuse to take part in anything out of their comfort zone, these people will avoid "new" situations as much as possible. I can sometimes fall into the first catergory where I might need someone to invite me in, it more cautious awareness than shyness but I suppose I need acceptance sometimes just so i know I am not stepping on anyones toes. :)

that is a self confidence thing more than shyness

Big Nasty

I thought it was something to do with vampires!:eek::p:o

major bill

Well if the shyness didnt turn into rudeness people wouldnt think they were stuck up:)

smokedeels

Sixteen, clumsy and shy
I went to London and died
I booked myself in at the Y..... sorry, I thought this was the "awkward youth as soundtracked by The Smiths" thread.

Poor Craythur

pmcmahon wrote: »

"ask" is a much better song for the portrayal of shyness,get it right

I like this one. No getting right to be done.

TanG411

fakearms123 wrote: »

There is shy where the person isn't used to certain surroundings who just might need someone to come over to them and say "come on over and join in with us" and then there is the shyness that can be mistaken for being stuck up, where they refuse to take part in anything out of their comfort zone, these people will avoid "new" situations as much as possible. I can sometimes fall into the first catergory where I might need someone to invite me in, it more cautious awareness than shyness but I suppose I need acceptance sometimes just so i know I am not stepping on anyones toes. :)

I would definetly be the latter. Its hard to tell whether its just shyness or social anxiety though.

I don't feel awkward standing in a group and saying nothing. But putting myself in somebody else's shoes, they're probably thinking, ''Who's this wierdo?''.

major bill wrote: »

Well if the shyness didnt turn into rudeness people wouldnt think they were stuck up:)

Are you saying rudeness because people might reply with one word answers?

Poor Craythur

hondasam wrote: »

are you on about people on boards been stuck up or people in real life ?

Real life, but people tend to moan about it a lot on here.

Poor Craythur

Wibbs wrote: »

True though shyness can also be terribly self indulgent in some people. As much as extreme loud mouths.

Perhaps, but for some people it can be crippling. Those people are not being self-indulgent.

Dick Burns

people in my workplace think i am dog ignorant and very stuck up but i am just very shy,people have actually said it to me about being ignorant but i just cant help it im shy

its not really fair imo,there is an obivous body language when someone is ignorant,if someone is quiet and conservitive they just cant be labelled ignorant

Poor Craythur

hondasam wrote: »

shy people will talk after a few drinks but stuck up people will still be obnoxious !

Thing is though, conversely just because you're shy, doesn't mean you're a nice person! :pac: You can be a shy prick!

Poor Craythur

major bill wrote: »

Well if the shyness didnt turn into rudeness people wouldnt think they were stuck up:)

But sometimes someone can come across as rude because they are simply tongue-tied and don't handle it so well!

major bill

TML91 wrote: »

I would definetly be the latter. Its hard to tell whether its just shyness or social anxiety though.

I don't feel awkward standing in a group and saying nothing. But putting myself in somebody else's shoes, they're probably thinking, ''Who's this wierdo?''.



Are you saying rudeness because people might reply with one word answers?

dont reply at all:pac:

Poor Craythur

major bill wrote: »

dont reply at all:pac:

And that wouldn't be considered rude? :pac:

major bill

Poor Craythur wrote: »

And that wouldn't be considered rude? :pac:

yea so therefore stuck up!!!:)

hondasam

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Thing is though, conversely just because you're shy, doesn't mean you're a nice person! :pac: You can be a shy prick!

ya true but I would say this type of person is sly rather than shy!

TanG411

major bill wrote: »

dont reply at all:pac:

Fair enough.

Orando Broom

krudler wrote: »

I'd rather be around 10 shy people who arent saying anything than 1 loudmouth gobsh1te tbh

BOOOOOOOO!

Gunsfortoys

Being a dick to someone isn't being shy.

Poor Craythur

Gunsfortoys wrote: »

Being a dick to someone isn't being shy.

True, but what do you class as "being a dick"?

Orando Broom

Poor Craythur wrote: »

True, but what do you class as "being a dick"?

Shyness is the mark of the dick!

Poor Craythur

Orando Broom wrote: »

Shyness is the mark of the dick!

Congrats, the first truely AH-style response!

pmcmahon had a stab about it earlier but missed the mark.

LighterGuy

In my experience,
being shy: people often think you're stuck up.
being socially awkward: people often think you're weird.

Poor Craythur

LighterGuy wrote: »

In my experience,
being shy: people often think you're stuck up.
being socially awkward: people often think you're weird.

That's very true.

hondasam

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Congrats, the first truely AH-style response!

pmcmahon had a stab about it earlier but missed the mark.

what is your impression of AH ?

do you think it is all smart comments and no serious stuff at all.

Is it a particular type of poster that posts here.

effluent

I'm not sure if I'm shy or if its just a thing that I'm not into chit chat. I might be with a group of people who were talking about x factor or something stupid like that and I'd just have nothing to say.

It could be something to do with the group of people there.

Wibbs

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Perhaps, but for some people it can be crippling. Those people are not being self-indulgent.

I'd say for most they start off as self indulgent but it becomes crippling if not nipped in th bud early.

Poor Craythur wrote: »

True, but what do you class as "being a dick"?

OK lets look at the self indulgent bit. Person introduced to group and engaged with by other members of the group. They stay quiet and "shy" and don't make the effort to engage. Why? A lot of the time it's all about them. It's how they feel, how they might be perceived, how they will ignore social cues because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Word to the wise precious flower; life is short, people have their own crap and don't really care about you or yours and before long life will have passed you by so why waste something that precious, by being precious.

Now of course you do have people with true social phobias or asbergers etc. I tend to think those conditions not unlike dyslexia or hyperactivity in kids. They exist and can be crippling in the extreme, but too many "dyslexics" are just lazy fooks, and too many "hyperactive" kids have crap and over indulgent parents. Both looking for excuses/explanations for what ails/is lacking in them.

XcupcakeX

TML91 wrote: »

I don't feel awkward standing in a group and saying nothing. But putting myself in somebody else's shoes, they're probably thinking, ''Who's this wierdo?''.

that's me ^
sister in laws fella actually told me I need to talk more!
I think it depends on who's company I'm in tho.
I don't want to intrude on conversations of people I barely know, so I'm very quiet and awkward...... But then people who know me well tell me I talk too much.
*sigh*
ya just can't win with some people

Orando Broom

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Congrats, the first truely AH-style response!

pmcmahon had a stab about it earlier but missed the mark.

It requires a certain élan in your post technique to get the timbre just right.

Poor Craythur

Wibbs wrote: »

I'd say for most they start off as self indulgent but it becomes crippling if not nipped in th bud early.

Yeah, I couldn't disagree more. Starting off self-indulgent?

Wibbs wrote: »

OK lets look at the self indulgent bit. Person introduced to group and engaged with by other members of the group. They stay quiet and "shy" and don't make the effort to engage. Why? A lot of the time it's all about them. It's how they feel, how they might be perceived, how they will ignore social cues because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Word to the wise precious flower; life is short, people have their own crap and don't really care about you or yours and before long life will have passed you by so why waste something that precious, by being precious.

Wow, you really lack empathy. There is an element of self-obsession to shyness, but to say that people start out self-indulgent is so far off the mark.

Poor Craythur

Orando Broom wrote: »

It requires a certain élan in your post technique to get the timbre just right.

You have mastered it!

Wibbs

Orando Broom wrote: »

It requires a certain élan in your post technique to get the timbre just right.

Eh here Ted, far from timbre you were raised, away with ya!

Orando Broom

Poor Craythur wrote: »

You have mastered it!

It helps to be a dick.

Wibbs

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Yeah, I couldn't disagree more. Starting off self-indulgent?

There is an element of self-obsession to shyness, but to say that people start out self-indulgent is so far off the mark.

OK can you explain it then, or give a different reason. I'd say it goes from self focus, to self obsession to self indulgence myself.

Wow, you really lack empathy.

Thanks for the assumption there PC. Actually I'm more empathic than many who claim it. I can switch it on and off though that's true.

Poor Craythur

Wibbs wrote: »

OK can you explain it then, or give a different reason. I'd say it goes from self focus, to self obsession to self indulgence myself.

Most people I reckon can trace shyness back to childhood. Pretty much every young child thinks they are the centre of the world, so are all pretty self-indulgent at that stage in their lives. Shyness has to be sometime separate from this. Presumably the experiences a child has in these formative years will colour how confident a person they are.

Actually I'm more empathic than many who claim it.

Really? It wasn't assumption, it based on what you posted.

Saila

what are you on about? you cant be shy on an interweb board
and stuck up you cant really be that either
is anyone else not getting this whole arguement?

Poor Craythur

Saila wrote: »

what are you on about? you cant be shy on an interweb board
and stuck up you cant really be that either
is anyone else not getting this whole arguement?

I'm not talking about people being shy on the internet. But people ON the internet, on this site often call people they encounter in RL "stuck up".

starviewadams

I've always been extremely shy,even as a kid and I tended to avoid social situations as much as possible,because I feared stupid little things like small talk,or being introduced to friends of friends etc.Whenever I did go out people would always be telling me I should talk more.I eventually became so withdrawn that I walked out on my old job because I felt so uncomfortable there,and everyone else who worked there thought I was a snobby cúnt,and I basically became a recluse for nearly a year,even simple things like going to the shops became a major stress to me,sounds ridiculous but its true!

Was eventually persuaded to go see the doc who sent me to a psychologist who said I had Social Anxiety,or an extreme form of shyness,am on meds now plus I meet with the shrink weekly and work out techniques for reducing my anxiety around people,it's bloody hard but I'm getting there!

I never once intended to be insult people or be a snob or anything, but my mind would basically freeze up and I'd give a one word reply etc and end up looking like a prick.