I think i've got a BIG problem :(

LegacyUser

Hey folks. I'm a young man. Early twenties and i've recently come to terms with my sexuality (gay) I've even come out to close friends and family. All of which have been ok with it.

Now my problem is this.
I'm fussy.
I have this type of man that i'm attracted to. But the problem is this type of man is generally straight! Broad shoulders, quiet, non scene, a sensitive side that only I see etc etc

Now I am not looking for Mr.Perfect. because I know in my heart and soul there isn't one.
Is all of this a case of wanting what I can't have?

Also I am finding it very hard to meet non scene people. I am comfortable with the fact I am gay but I just don't see myself attending any of the pride events.
Can some one point me in the right direction.

Oh almost forgot, i'm from the Tipp/Kilkenny border area and it's rural setting is the first of many road blocks to me meeting a partner. In fact, i've never had a boyfriend and to be honest I am getting pretty lonely. I feel I have so much to give but being gay is almost like a handicap

Annasopra

Maybe go along on the Midlands walking group this Sunday

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azezil

Lostincyberspace wrote: »

Hey folks. I'm a young man. Early twenties and i've recently come to terms with my sexuality (gay) I've even come out to close friends and family. All of which have been ok with it.

Now my problem is this.
I'm fussy.
I have this type of man that i'm attracted to. But the problem is this type of man is generally straight! Broad shoulders, quiet, non scene, a sensitive side that only I see etc etc

Now I am not looking for Mr.Perfect. because I know in my heart and soul there isn't one.
Is all of this a case of wanting what I can't have?

Also I am finding it very hard to meet non scene people. I am comfortable with the fact I am gay but I just don't see myself attending any of the pride events.
Can some one point me in the right direction.

Oh almost forgot, i'm from the Tipp/Kilkenny border area and it's rural setting is the first of many road blocks to me meeting a partner. In fact, i've never had a boyfriend and to be honest I am getting pretty lonely. I feel I have so much to give but being gay is almost like a handicap

Sounds like me when I still lived in Kilkenny, early 20s didn't think anyone was gay so I left, started going to gay bars in Dublin and ran into a lot of familiar faces.

Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they're not there. For me going out on the scene did help me identify gay guys, I still don't have the balls to approach a guy outside of a gay bar but hey ho, that's just me. Perhaps you'll have better luck?

TylerIE

Hi and Welcome to the board!!!!


I guess its a position many many many guys who come to terms with their sexuality find themselves in....

If its any use Id respectfully suggest that you probably have did a lot of the hard work in coming to terms and even coming out to a few people...

I found going on the scene a huge hurdle and the first few times I went to I knew nobody and walked past the venue and back and chickened out loads for about six weeks before going in...

When I finally did go in I found a lot of the people who you perhaps may not identify with, but equally plenty who I could! I might have been shy and knew nobody but it was good to see other gay people - and to be honest I doubt you know loads in what would be quite a rural area.

I also got to meet, and became friendly with, a lot of gay guys who are non stereotypical. I also got over what I really would define as something of an internalized homophobia when I got to know some people who were quite "demonstratively gay" but I came to realize that that was only one aspect of their personality and now enjoy having a more diverse group of acquaintances and friends....

Rambling I guess but "the scene" isnt altogether a bad place to start, and really isnt as bad as it seems when your just recently out....

Donnaghm

Am, I might be moving to Kilkenny soon due to employment opportunity opening up. Is it that bad? Isn't there a gay bar opening up there soon? Dignity I believe? The city seems quite nice if you ask me. What do the native gays think of the city itself?

azezil

Donnaghm wrote: »

Am, I might be moving to Kilkenny soon due to employment opportunity opening up. Is it that bad? Isn't there a gay bar opening up there soon? Dignity I believe? The city seems quite nice if you ask me. What do the native gays think of the city itself?

Yeah that gay bar opened a year or two ago, I had long since moved out before then. I also left for more employment opertunities not just cause I couldn't find a man, tbh I only gave it about 2 - 3 weeks :pac:

Healium

Donnaghm wrote: »

Am, I might be moving to Kilkenny soon due to employment opportunity opening up. Is it that bad? Isn't there a gay bar opening up there soon? Dignity I believe? The city seems quite nice if you ask me. What do the native gays think of the city itself?

Closed about a year ago

ninty9er

There are plenty of gay guys matching your description Lostincyberspace. They're just difficult to identify as gay. Most guys (in their late teens/early 20s) don't get offended if you ask if they're gay in a non-confrontational way. Not saying I do it routinely, but one or two of my straight friends have been known to ask a guy if he's gay and point at me across a bar (without being asked to do it)

Working on a college campus I can hardly escape gay guys for some reason. You would be very surprised with some friends of friends who are gay I'd say. Just put your friends straight in terms of "me gay + him gay not = sorted"

My friends get a great laugh out of me comparing guys in a bar when they're checking out the ladies, as do I with some of the comments they make about the ladies.

It's getting easier out there, but if you've just come out.

Some feedback from friends, not me: try taking some straight friends to a gay bar (or a gay night in a regular club/pub (out of town if necessary)), the lads will be happy because there's a good lot of straight women and the girls will be happy because they get less hassle and can just say that they're with one of the lads.