Really down about everything

LegacyUser

ive so many problems at the minute i dont even really know where to start

first of all i absolutely hate the way i look. Everything about me. i'm stick skinny, just over 8.5 stone and about 5"8. i hate going to the beach/pool anywhere where i might have to take off clothes so i usually dont go. even on a really hot day i hate walking around in a t-shirt because im just so skinny, its not really paranoid either because if i ever go to scratch my leg, change my jumper for example or something like that the nearest person 9 time out of 10 will comment on my skinny legs/arms, etc etc. i hate my face to, big nose, stick out ears, lopsided smile. i don't know how many diets, workout regimes. iv started and not been able to finish

due to all this anyway, i have dam all confidence and self esteem. i am a very shy person compared to all my close friends. i go out very often to clubs because im in college and so are all my friends and i always look forward to going out for a night out but when im out and a bit drunk, i just hate it. everyone else is able to go out and pull dance moves, mingle with loads of random people and pull which ever good looking girl they fancy which im only really able to do if im so drunk that i cant actually remember doing it the next day. where im just wandering around, checking the time, watching everyone else have a good time saying to myself "right next time im going to be centre of attention"

i have to be the most unromantic person ever. even as im sitting here thinking of all the people i know in this college, lots of them have boy/girlfriends, some of them can bring home one night stands whenever, and all the rest are able to go out and kiss 3+ people any night, even the shy and ugly ones. then. i think of myself who could count all the girls ive kissed on one hand. i know this is is far from a big problem but for being a fresher in college its really depressing sometimes and lonely

i have a terrible relationship with my family, i actually didnt know this until i made a few new friends and seen how their family's interact with each other. im the oldest of four, and to be honest if the we weren't in the same family id never imagine myself even talking to any of them. we never fight or anything we just dont interact. i hate going home at the weekend because its just incredibly boring. they all just seem to irk me really and i dont think i have anything in common with any of them - anyway maybe thats a problem for another day

i think i have an anxiety problem but it only seems to come out when im with this one person - i absolutely fancy the arse of my best girl-friend, were extremely close and she has no idea i like her in that way. i know for a fact that she doesnt like me either. she tells me about people she like and people she pulls on nights out and plagues me about who i like and tries to set me up wit other people
ive never told her i like her and i dont think i ever can because it would only be a waste of time and then things between us would be so awkward. i live with her in college, tx her every day, chat on FB all the time etc.

one night i was out in town and i met her drunk on the street and she told me she had kissed 3 fellas in the night club (which was very unusual because i had never heard of her being with anyone before) and i just all of a sudden felt so sick. i unknown to myself crushed the bag of chips i was eating and when i got home i vomited everything i drank, even though there was nothing wrong with me what so ever, it was just a mental thing. and this wasnt the first time ive been really sick by hearing about her being with other people when ever she bring up the subject of people she's hooked up with i feel really nauseous.

i know there's a lot more bugging my mind at the minute but i just cant really think...

i saw this add on tv and i have to say it summed me up pretty well..
http://www.mindingyourhead.info/home/campaign
(third video down - entitled mask advert)

As the user above said, there are few people who are happy with their looks really. I know there is a number of things I myself would change.

I myself do not have any real trouble with girls. I have not been without a girlfriend for more than 4 months since I was 12. Yet there is lots about my looks I do not like. This should tell you for a start that “getting” girls is not all about what you think you look like, but what they do and you will find that they look for things in you that you are not looking for when you look in the mirror. I am... by most measures I can think of... the least "good looking" or "masculine" guy in my circle of friends, but I have never had trouble with girls and in fact currently live with 2 in a full relationship which makes even the most successful girl pulling Don Juans in my circle of friends "jealous". If it was all about looks, this would not be the state of affairs I can tell you.

What I will tell you is that I have been to a lot of clubs, sober and drunk, and have never, ever managed to pull a girl in a pub or a club. Yet you say you can do it while so pissed you can not even remember it? This should tell you that you have something going for you at least if you are able to attract girls in scenarios that I have systematically failed at doing my entire life.

What it should also tell you though is that “getting” girls is not something that only happens in clubs. All the girls I have ever been with I have met through my hobbies, through friends or in some other way. Just because getting the girl in the club is hard does not mean hope is lost. There are numerous ways to do it… luckily for me!

The trick in my life for getting girls has simply been to stop trying. Concentrate on your own life and forget girls entirely. Throw yourself into your own life and improving it. Involve yourself in the social aspect of your hobbies (there are few hobbies that can not be done socially). What you will find is as your life improves, you get better at your hobbies, and you meet more and more people through them… meeting a girl is not something you have to try and do…. It is something that just happens along the way. Youll wake up one day and realize it just sort of…. Sorted itself out.

Your own self confidence is fed by this because you are around people into the same things as you, you have something to talk to them about, and you have a place. Contrast that to walking around the night club checking the time as you describe in your OP. If you put yourself in situations where you end up acting like an outsider, you will inevitably quickly start feeling like some kind of alien outsider, even if you have a lot to offer.

The fact is that if a girl meets a guy in a pub he is either the kind of guy who sleeps, eats and craps all day and goes to the pub a lot… and is so boring and has nothing to say for himself to a girl (usually the kind of guy who obsesses over “chat up lines” and other such rubbish or posts on threads on here thinking that there is something wrong with Irish girls because he can not pull any of them for some reason (clue: its the guy, not the girls with the problem)) … or he is someone who does something with his life, has things to talk about, and display a passion for. The latter is more often than not a lot more attractive than the former.

So in short, forget about girls and the like… sit back for awhile… ask yourself what you as a person enjoy doing… and involve yourself in that in the most fun, and most social, ways you can think of. Become part of meet up groups, social groups, college societies, or whatever else you can find related to the things you like. Involve yourself in them and I think you will wake up a year from now and find that much of what you were worried about now has just sorted itself out without you doing anything about them directly.