Hate my job - feel useless

LegacyUser

I went straight into college after the leaving cert and did a degree which I barely scraped through and I now realise I hate working in this area. I just don't have the mind for it and struggle to understand basic stuff that my colleagues have no problem with.

On top of that I have social anxiety issues and find it very dfficult to do simple things like making phone calls or talking to people I don't know in the office. I feel my self-confidence has gotten much worse since I started this job and I feel like such an idiot here. I think most people would consider my job an easy number but I still can't cope with it.

My boss recently said he wants me to take on more responsibility and show more initiative but I know I won't be able to handle it and feel so scared. I just don't know what I'm doing. Right now there are several issues I'm supposed to be dealing with but I've been ignoring them because I don't feel able to pick up the phone and talk to people about stuff I don't really understand. I feel like I'm bluffing my way through it all, don't deserve the money I earn and am going to be found out eventually.

Supposedly anyone with a job in a recession should be grateful but this is making me so unhappy. I hear people talk about career progression and being challenged and so on, but I don't want any of that at all. I would gladly take a huge pay-cut or a big drop in hours to do something simple that wouldn't stress me out like this. I have no mortgage or kids, just a lease in the apartment I'm renting, but there is something ingrained in me that says I shouldn't just leave a "good job". My current contract is up towards the end of the year and a big part of me hopes that it won't be renewed.

I've sent out my CV for a few jobs recently, and have had one phone interview, but I was so nervous during it and it went badly, so they sent me a rejection email afterwards. Even then it was for a job in a similar area so I wasn't that interested in it, just hoping a change of scene might somehow improve things. I have no idea what I really want to do or what I'm good at. I just feel so lost and helpless and basically live for the moment when I get to walk out of here at 5 each day.

I don't know what kind of advice or help I'm looking for, but it's been good to get this off my chest at least.

mikemac

This is how I got my username :pac:
And I wrote kinda the same post in 2009 though I wasn't as far gone as you and it wasn't as serious. And I loved making phonecalls and talking to new people

OP, people are often their worst critics. You passed the interview and your boss thinks you are good. If your boss thought you were useless you'd be stuck in a corner filing boxes or other braindead work and instead the boss wants you to take on more work

The issue is with you (sorry ). You might get a new job and you'll feel the same, you will think you are not good enough, your supervisors reckon you are a fool and your manager thinks you are a fraud. But it's all in your head.

So just quitting this job and finding a new one will not change anything, you need to change yourself. And in five years time in this job or any other job it'll be the same, you must work to improve here. Or you get left behind as you never apply for great positions and your friends all become supervisors and managers.

Doesn't matter if the job is stacking shelves or high powered investment banking, unless you can tackle your confidence issues, you're always going to feel nervous and be stressing over stupid things.

Don't mind anyone who says you are "lucky to have a job".
But at least hang on for a few more months, the grass will not be greener in your next job and you'll feel the same ways unless you do some work here.

struggle to understand basic stuff that my colleagues have no problem with.

I find this is usually a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. If you are sure you cannot understand something you probably will fail to understand it. If you are confident and relaxed, it'll be clear to you

There are a hundred things you can do to improve your self confidence and social anxiety.
What I had recommended to me on boards by pm a few months back was
Overcoming Social Anxiety. Audiobook which is available on the internet (and there are a few places you can get it ) and it's excellent though I'm not finished.
But there countless other things you can try

Even the fitness challenge over in the fitness forum would be a cracking thing to sign up for. The crew are going to keep it going though it was supposed to finish up

LegacyUser

Councelling, and more specifically, CBT.
CBT ( Cognative Behavorial Therapy) teaches you to identify when you are falling into a panic attack, and take measures.

Often symptoms are procrastinating, i.e. doing anything but the task that worries you, putting it off as long as possible.

When you can identify the onset of panic, you can then take steps to deal with it.

I was in this situation about 5 years ago. I couldnt work due to panic and anxiety. CBT got me back in the game and now i have a decent job and am not nervous about new challenges.

Another small thing that really helped me, once i got back to work was to keep a work journal.

Each evening i write out a bullet point of each thing i did correctly that day or something new i learned, a new page for each day.

After 3 weeks you have 15 pages of things you can do well or you learned! its a huge confidence boost to see in black and white what you can do over the space of 3 weeks.

Like was said already, we are our own biggest critics. dont be so hard on yourself. Really, trust me on the CBT.

LegacyUser

Thank you both for your replies, you've made me feel a lot better and less alone in this.

I'm going to look into CBT and try taking care of my health better and hopefully things will start to improve. I really like the journal idea, so I might start tonight. I've already got a couple of good things to add to it today

mikemac

I don't know a whole lot on the CBT

But the Pat Kenny show had a section on this subject earlier this week.
The Doctor comes across as very friendly and knowledgable, giving common day examples for everything
http://www.rte.ie/podcasts/2011/pc/pod-v-29031115m56stodaywithpatkenny-pid0-956880.mp3

He gives a website at the end if you wanted to go further and there are a few books recommended