Social Anxiety-what can I do to help myself

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm a 20 year old guy and over the last four or so years I've become really socially anxious. I used to be pretty confident in my youth but as I've gotten older I've become a nervous wreck

When I'm in big groups I'm surprisingly at ease and love to make people laugh. I don't shy away from attention because it's usually positive. Talking to people 1 on 1 is where i have difficulty. I get really self concious and fidgity, I get paranoid that I'm giving too much eye contact or too little. It's these little things that I have trouble with and I know I appear uncomfortable to the person I'm trying to converse with, which makes it all the worse. These problems just seem to get more signifcant and I often avoid going out because of them. If I have relations or people over to the house my parents often ask me why I leave so abruptly to go up to my bedroom, I have never told them why

I do have self esteem issues and I am trying to change that by getting myself in shape, even though I'm not large or anything I could still do with losing few pounds and I hope that will help me with my confidence levels

If things keep going the way they are though, I'm worried that I'll become isolated and depressed. Maybe I am depressed? Either way I think I could do with talking to someone to see if it's underlying problems which are effecting me and not just the obvious ones like physical appearence.

Could someone maybe point me in the right direction as to who I could see about this? Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place btw, I'm not graet at expressing myself when typing

Johro

Nervous_guy wrote: »

Hi,

I'm a 20 year old guy and over the last four or so years I've become really socially anxious. I used to be pretty confident in my youth but as I've gotten older I've become a nervous wreck

When I'm in big groups I'm surprisingly at ease and love to make people laugh. I don't shy away from attention because it's usually positive. Talking to people 1 on 1 is where i have difficulty. I get really self concious and fidgity, I get paranoid that I'm giving too much eye contact or too little. It's these little things that I have trouble with and I know I appear uncomfortable to the person I'm trying to converse with, which makes it all the worse. These problems just seem to get more signifcant and I often avoid going out because of them. If I have relations or people over to the house my parents often ask me why I leave so abruptly to go up to my bedroom, I have never told them why

I do have self esteem issues and I am trying to change that by getting myself in shape, even though I'm not large or anything I could still do with losing few pounds and I hope that will help me with my confidence levels

If things keep going the way they are though, I'm worried that I'll become isolated and depressed. Maybe I am depressed? Either way I think I could do with talking to someone to see if it's underlying problems which are effecting me and not just the obvious ones like physical appearence.

Could someone maybe point me in the right direction as to who I could see about this? Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place btw, I'm not graet at expressing myself when typing

I thought you expressed yourself extremely well, in my opinion anyway.
I'm actually not sure as to solutions to your particular problem, I'd just like to say that people often think that everyone else notices their discomfort and fidgeting etc., but what feels excruciating to you at the time can go wholly unnoticed by the people around you, honestly.
I have the same problem but funnily enough not with everyone, I feel perfectly at ease one on one with most people, then with a particular person I'm looking for things to say and can't for the life of me find any and that makes me uncomfortable. In my case though I think I just need to know the person better first, then I'm okay, it's relative strangers I have the most problems with. It takes me a while to get to trust a person, that's something handed down from a sh1tty childhood though and is therefore understandable to me. Is it a particular type of person you feel nervous with?

Johro

Oh yeah, another thing, everybody has their own little insecurities, some are just better at hiding them than others.
Maybe realising that there's millions of people out there who feel just like you will help, it could even happen that the person(s) you feel awkward with are experiencing the same kind of thing.
Some people are just full of confidence, but the majority are not, and that's a fact.

DonkeyStyle \o/

Nervous_guy wrote: »

I get really self concious and fidgity, I get paranoid that I'm giving too much eye contact or too little. It's these little things that I have trouble with and I know I appear uncomfortable to the person I'm trying to converse with, which makes it all the worse.

Who knows exactly how much eye-contact is the correct amount for the given situation? Do you think other people know and you don't?
I think the first thing you need to throw away is the thought that everyone else has some perfect flawless knowledge of social interaction, like they've studied a book that you haven't and they're secretly grading you on it.