Step Mother & Mother's Day

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Just looking for a bit of advice on what to do?!

My Step Mom came into my life about 6/7 years ago, we’ve always had a rocky relationship, we have had good and bad times, but in the last few years it has progressively gotten worse. We haven’t spoken since last Sept.

Basically the reason we have fallen out is that in Sept she ended her relationship with my Dad, they were back together within a month but I feel angry that she can decide that she can just walk away although she has made a commitment to be part of our family, this is why I haven’t spoken to her. She won’t speak to me because she feels that I owe her an apology for not speaking to her. It’s a messy situation but at this moment in time I have no desire to speak or work things out with her.

My problem is what should I do for mother’s day!? Previously I bought her flowers, presents etc. This year I don’t know what to do?! I don’t want to be rude and not get her anything? She has given me so much but I feel that getting her something would contradict how I feel.

I would really appreciate some feedback!! Thanks so much for reading.

seamus

Step_Daughter wrote: »

Basically the reason we have fallen out is that in Sept she ended her relationship with my Dad, they were back together within a month but I feel angry that she can decide that she can just walk away although she has made a commitment to be part of our family,

What age are you? I ask because if you're an adult there comes a time that you have to accept that although they're family, your father and his wife (?) are two adults with the right to make up their own mind about their own relationship. Sure, you can support your Dad and be annoyed at her for hurting him, but if he has seen past what she's done and is now happy in the relationship, then what she's done is not really your concern.
Would you be as annoyed if a sibling and their spouse had a similar disagreement?

She won’t speak to me because she feels that I owe her an apology for not speaking to her.

Seems a bit bizarre. Surely she should understand why you were at least initially annoyed at her.

It’s a messy situation but at this moment in time I have no desire to speak or work things out with her.

My problem is what should I do for mother’s day!?

If you've no desire to interact with her, then don't. I don't see why you would make an exception for mother's day unless you actually still do want a relationship with this woman but are being stubborn about talking to her for whatever reason.

mumto3

How about you keep it simple with a nice card,and a note inside to explain how you feel/felt when her and your father split up,thanking her for what she has done for you in the past and that you hope you can both act like adults and put the past where it belongs,if not for ye,for your father,whom im sure is stuck in a very awkward situation!!!
Life is too short for this sort of upset,i could understand if she did something awful to you or visa versa,but your father is a grown man and if she makes him happy,then i dont see a problem.
Seems mothers day would be a perfect excuse to end this bitterness on both your behalves.
hope this helps?i would def not ignore her on mothers day if you have always included her before,so a heartfelt note inside a card seems a good option,in my opinion.

tinkerbell

Why would you get her anything for mother's day? There's no need. She's your step mom but you don't have a good relationship, so don't bother.

Fluorescence

If you're willing to accept that your dad is a grown man who can make his own decisions, and that if he can get over it so can you, then why not use this as an opportunity to patch things up with your step-mom? I'm not saying you should, but it could make things much easier and convenient for all involved. Simply putting a note in a card to say that you hope the pair of ye can make a fresh start could be all that's needed, and it might mean the world to your dad that you're trying to smooth things over with his OH.

Neyite

If your dad has forgiven her, you should too. How do you know that your poor relationship with her was not a contributary factor in her leaving? Having all those ups and downs could well have strained their marriage to the point of her leaving.

Her relationship with your father is between them, and you should not get involved. Would you appreciate your Dad not speaking to your partner despite you reconciling and forgiving. You would tell him to butt out and rightly so.

Meet her halfway - treat her the way you would any other mothers day, for your dad's sake at least.