Over-worked and exhausted abroad

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm in an incredibly fortunate position so right off the bat, feel guilty about moaning about this, but I'm knackered, emotionally drained, homesick and a bit frustrated so I could really do with a bit of advice!

I moved abroad about seven months ago, having left a good job in a very competitive field back in Ireland. I literally took a jump into the dark, itchy feet and 'only young once' and all that, and came to a country where I had no contacts and no knowledge of my industry over here and how it works.

Long story short, a few months in I got a lucky break, the luckiest break I could get, and haven't looked back ever since. I started at an entry level position in the best possible organization I could work in over here and over the months I've managed to work my way up to a more senior position.

It's a highly competitive environment and there's not a day that passes that I don't think about how incredibly lucky I am. But as a result of the stress, the constant training and constant need to prove myself, all I seem to do is work over here. I can and do get called in on my days off regularly. I love work, I live to work if I'm honest...it's hard not to work in this industry if you're not that way inclined. So the long hours and stress etc are not a problem for me.

It's more that I can't get anything else done and feel as though it's really beginning to affect my mood. I haven't skyped or called home in about three weeks because I haven't had the time. I haven't been to the gym for a while because it's closed by the time I get out of the office. Even small things like groceries, cooking, appointments, nights out with friends...I've needed to get to the bank for about three weeks now and not a chance.

I guess I feel like it's also a time management thing. I get home from work typically after 10pm, haven't eaten all day so have some food, sit up wide awake until about 3am and then up again at 9am and out the door. I have no energy, I'm constantly knackered and find it hard to motivate myself even on my days off when I should be doing all that stuff...that's when I find it hard to get out of bed.

I recently went on a date with a guy that I met randomly on a night out, best first date I've probably ever been on and ended up spending the night together...yet he's vanished off the face of the earth ever since. I'm usually fairly confident and tough-skinned and not new to dating but even this has knocked me for six and I feel like my reaction to it and how upset it's made me is worrying to say the least. I'm just worried that my ridiculous schedule means I am totally neglecting myself and it's rendering me completely dysfunctional!

I'm an emotional wreck, homesick and lonely and exhausted and even though I came here with very much a career focus and it's best-case scenario for me in that regard, I feel like I'm missing out on so many other opportunities. Travel, meeting new people, getting to know the city, getting to know myself!

I'm not sure what kind of advice anyone can give me. My job is such that I have no choice but to put it first. Part of why I got promoted was because of my 100% availability, being the one that could be called on my day off at an hour's notice. It's availability and long hours and hard work and enthusiasm that has got me where I am and I'll always be the type who has career high up on the priority list, but surely there's a way to live a somewhat balanced and healthy life at the same time?

Anyway. Thanks for allowing me this rant and thanks if you've managed to read this far! I'd love to hear from anyone who may have been in a similar situation.

LegacyUser

Cant offer much help. You seem to have a good handle on the situation as it is. You know whats wrong, but you just need to identify what to change to fix it.


Firstly, IMO, 9am to 10pm is going to burn anyone out. You need to address this with your company. I dont know more about your situation so i cant comment further.

Next, get some exercise. Exercise actually gives you energy. You also feel much better after exercise. It will take 2-3 weeks of doing exercise 3+ times a week.
Nothing crazy. 30 min run or 30 min swim either before or after work. I promise you this helps you to feel happier, and you will look better because of it also! Double bonus!

Remember, career is great, but only if supplemented by a good social life. work to live, do not live to work.

You have a good role and good skills, perhaps you may be able to land a decent job back home now, or somewhere where you have friends from home.

But plesase, trust me on the exercise ;-)

Blazer

Learn to say "No" to your company otherwise they're going to constantly take advantage of you.
Appoint or train colleagues to cover for you on days off or out of hours so you're not getting called constantly.
A lot of your unhappiness is due to your long works and you clearly understand this is your the source of your problem so hence do something about it.
You're obviously smart so use that brain to give you a better work-life balance.
It's understandable that you feel that you need to be at the beck and call of work but in the long term it's doing you more harm than good as later on your attitude will worsen and you'll begin to reflect this in work.
You'll be more tired, crankier, no contact with friends etc..all this have a negative impact on a person's personality.

LegacyUser

As said before - learn to say no. You have to draw the line in the sand, because they won't. They'll keep taking advantage of you. There's plenty of great jobs out there, that people do really well in, have (perceived) great careers in - but in many cases, they are maintaining those careers at the cost of other areas in their lives. You need to decide what you want. Do you want a life, or do you want your job? Actually, not even as big as that. Do you want your life, or can you compromise in your job, as in leave at 6pm and be ok with that, not answer your phone at weekends etc,etc,etc.

I don't know what part of the world you're in, but if you're in the USA, this type of work/life is standard for many. So again, consider your choice of country.

I've done the highly stressful thing, and I found, after 5 years...enough. Took a 12000 eur drop in salary for an 8am-4pm job, in the same field and it's worth every penny. Enjoying my life, my friends, my home and my relationship fast began to mean more to me than helping the company maximise profits. The world will still keep turning, and the company won't go bust.

I'm not telling you to leave your job, I'm telling you to draw your line in the sand, and if they don't like it, start thinking about what you want out of life.

Kosseegan

Not sleeping enough is your enemy. This is aggravated by lack of exercise and poor diet. You need to make sure you get 8 hours sleep a night and some exercise and do not go long periods without eating. Going without enough sleep in itself will cause a whole lot of mood problems and tiredness. So will long stretches without food and not enough exercise.

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone for the solid advice. It's all common sense but it's exactly what I needed to hear as I'm so out of sorts with exhaustion and stress right now that I don't know which way is up.

I ended up taking a sick day today, which is something I never do. In actual fact I slept it out and then realised I couldn't face the day, called in sick and went back to sleep. It's really hit home with me. If I don't reign this in I'm risking losing my job as well as my mind!

Career is so important to me and moving up the ladder into an area that will ultimately benefit my CV in huge ways requires overtime and sometimes 6 day weeks at the moment, but there's really no excuse for how I've been handling it. I'm a bit ashamed of how much my lifestyle has slipped. I came home last night at 11, ate for the first time all day (so naturally too much food for that hour of night) and stayed up til 4am, despite the fact that I could barely keep my eyes open. Exercise consisted of walking to and from the subway and it's been like this for weeks. As a result I feel like I've been hit by a freight train.

It's not on and if it continues I know I'll end up battling depression or worse, so I'm taking today to recharge, catch up on my sleep, hit the gym, make some healthy lunches and reset my 'bedtime'. It's the only way. Being so far away from home makes it tough too as the loneliness can be pervasive.

Thanks again for all your advice. Hopefully this is a wake-up call for me. Take care x

Up-n-atom!

As the other posters said, it's probably best if you could get more sleep, so if you could go to bed around or before midnight, and then get up a bit earlier and hit the gym/do a bit of exercise. Your eating is mad as well, if you could get organised the night/morning before and make sure you have plenty of lunch/snacks with you during the day that are easy/not too messy to eat and that can be fitted in around your busy day I think that would make a big difference too. Maybe try to plan your meals for the week on your day off? Obviously your work is very important to you, there's no point saying that you should try to fix your hours to something more regular or managable you feel it's in your best interests longterm to continue as you are now. Good luck!

dellas1979

Why can you not eat during the day?

Dont say you are too busy. Just dont. Taking 10/15mins every 3 hours or so to eat something, or go for a walk, or chat, or food shopping or what ever, is called looking after yourself.

You need to eat more regulary. There is no excuse for this. You need to make a plan for when you are in the office until late and not home till 10pm i.e. home at 10pm, put on a clothes wash, into bed, read a book, have something small to eat (even something that encourages sleep, like a glass of warm milk or something), fall asleep, up again at 9am...

On days you are home a bit earlier, do the food shopping on the way home. Do the exact same thing, at the same time (i.e. in bed by 10.30/11, glass of warm milk.....)

On the days you have even more time, like a weekend, take 1 hour to clean the loo/shower, wash floors/clothes, hoover etc. Take a few hours to yourself (manicure/wax/massage whatever you are into). Then later meet your friends etc.

You completely lack any type of routine. Its just about being organised about your time and taking control.

marzic

Hi OP. I don't work in a stressful environment, or have to put in the kind of hours you do. I did do some contract work 10 years that was 12 hrs x 7days, and i did it for 4 months solid, it wasnt very high pressure but I was going around like a zombie half the time - so i empathise on that aspect.

I was listening to the radio recently, and this guy was talking about the breathing techniques he teaches. It didnt sound like witch-doctor stuff, lots of it sounded commonsense http://www.breathguru.com/

He also spoke about yoga, tai chi, basically any breadthing focused exercise and the apparent benefits

There are some simple tips on the link below, which might be practical to do at work even

http://www.ehow.co.uk/how_2343054_practice-abdominal-breathing.html

I hope you can work something out, if your health is suffering, at some point the career will too. Is there anyway of delegating work or just going home when everyone else does? Best of luck