Someone please help me -Trans

sammyh

Hello.

I am a 23 year old straight man.

Saying that, I am not really sure !

I have no real interest's in sport.
I am an only child. Since I was a young child (when ever I had the chance), I do like to dress up in female clothing and imagine myself as a women.

I do have sexual thought's about been with women and men ( I guess that make's me bi).

I have never had a girl freind, but I have slept with just a few girls in my time.

I guess in a perfect world, I would be a Bi-sexual women.

Gay porn doesnt do anything for me. I only enjoy male with female or trans porn.

I have not much motivation and I am lazy. I would love to be slim and fit like any sexy girl.
I enjoy been around girl's more so than lad's just to gossip and that.

I guess, I just want to talk to someone, All of this is hidden inside me and because of that I have always suffered a bit with social anxiety (Get shakey but once I have a few units of alcohol I get relaxed).

What do I do, where do I go, am I not normal? Am I gay? Am I trans? Am I Bi? Am I straight?

I just want to be happy for a change.

Thank you

Links234

Hey Sammy, I'm going to tell you something that might be a little frustrating at first.. the only person who can tell you if you are transgender, is you. Nobody else can answer this question for you, you need to be honest and open with yourself. I remember asking the same question before, and getting the same answer, that I was the only one who could answer that question.

I can tell you that I have suffered a lot of social anxiety myself, and I did used to drink heavily. Since I've started my transition, I have now stopped drinking and the anxiety attacks I used to suffer have mostly gone away now. I can also say that before I accepted myself, I was also lazy and lacked motivation. The thoughts of transitioning were what motivated me to get fit and active, I've lost a lot of weight over the past year and a half. So I do relate there, but I don't think that nessecarily makes you trans.

don't worry about labels just yet

As for what you do,
do you want to be a woman? to you want to transition from male to female? is that something you've ever considered?

hare05

It's confusing. I'm with you on that.

As for your sexuality, give it time, don't be too worried. Try things you want to try, don't feel ashamed, and don't feel pressured to try things you don't want to do. Eventually you will be happy with that, no matter what label you want to give it.

I suppose the first thing you might want to look at is if your crossdressing is done for sexual reasons or comfort reasons. Nothing wrong with either, but if you're happy as a guy in girl's clothes, and you don't feel you need to go further than that, then just enjoy it.

If you are trans, or genderqueer, or any myriad of labels that fall along the way between male and female, don't be ashamed either. Be yourself. If you want to talk to others asking the same questions face to face, there are groups in the cities, and there is no pressure, or expectation to present as anything, just show up and chat.

You are not weird or strange or abnormal. You are you, nothing more, nothing less.

And I know this doesn't answer your questions. I can't, but I hope it will put you in the right state of mind to answer them for yourself!

Anyways, welcome to the forum, and read the sticky topics on trans issues. Hope you enjoy it here!

sammyh

Links 234 & hare 05, thank you for your kind posts.

Links 234, to answer your final sentance, If someone said to me, you have a wish, you can become a girl for the rest of yourlife and people will only remember you as a girl. In that case I would say "YES".

I would like to become a trans women, but, I just cant.
The shame it would bring on my family and freind's would be enough to drive me of the end of some pier
I just think I couldn't face it. Its just so hard.

hare05, Im not sure if I am what you mentioned, either a male who enjoys to crossdress or a trans women. Time will tell I guess.

I just wish I could go somewhere for a while and act as a women and see how I feel lol If only there was some sort of course you could do at a private retreat!

Links234

sammyh wrote: »

I would like to become a trans women, but, I just cant.
The shame it would bring on my family and freind's would be enough to drive me of the end of some pier
I just think I couldn't face it. Its just so hard.

That's definitely a concern I (and I assume most trans people) have had in the past, and still have to some degree. That thought, omg, what will everyone think? Will they be ashamed of me, will they not want to talk to me any more? Would I still be able to go through with everything?

so far, mostly everyone I've told has been amazing in their support, although I don't think some exactly "get it" they're still there and I think that now I've got stronger bonds with my friends than I have done in the past. I've gotten so much encouragement and reassurance from them, it's unreal. they certainly don't act ashamed, that's for sure.

are you afraid that your family and friends won't be accepting and supportive? because I've heard from people who've had extremely religious parents, the kind you'd never expect to accept their child might be transgender, and yet they've been very supportive indeed.

sure, things are hard, and I've still got a lot of worries and fears, but you can't live your life based on what other people might think. And remember what they say, nothing in life worth doing is easy

hare05

sammyh wrote: »

I just wish I could go somewhere for a while and act as a women and see how I feel lol If only there was some sort of course you could do at a private retreat!

Well if you want, you could go to one of the meetings (Where are you based, I could find out what's on local to you). No requirement to dress up and 'present' as a woman, but you have the choice. There might even be someone there willing to help you get clothes or go out with you to a club or something (I have friends in Limerick who've offered to put me up for a few nights, the great people running Outhouse said I could use their rooms to change if I wanted to go out in Dublin and even here in Carlow I have friends offering to hold stuff for me.)

Join an LGBT club. Even just as a supporter if you're not comfortable coming out. Make friends, open avenues, use the avenues.

L.Jenkins

sammyh wrote: »

I guess, I just want to talk to someone, All of this is hidden inside me and because of that I have always suffered a bit with social anxiety (Get shakey but once I have a few units of alcohol I get relaxed).

You've come to the right place and have made a start on finding your own path in life Take it as it comes and only time will tell how you truly feel. As for the shame you feel your dilema might bring your family, try not to worry to much about it. Ultimately, it's your own personal happiness at the end of the day. I don't know if you can read my signature but it says, "It profits us nothing to satisfy the whole at the cost of losing ourselves". Now I'm not a religious person, but that was one of Jesus' finer quotes.

But do give time, think and right down your feelings if you have to. I write and when I look back on it I feel much better and it does help quite alot.

deirdre_dub

Sammy,

Welcome to boards!

I just wish I could go somewhere for a while and act as a women and see how I feel lol If only there was some sort of course you could do at a private retreat!

There are various ways of getting that experience.

There are some dressing services out there - places where you can go, get dressed, maybe even get makeup lessons, and meet others (though most, if not all, of the others you meet will probably be transvestite, and you may also meet so-called "admirers" - men with a sexual interest in trans women). Note that such services tend to be expensive.

There are other options. One thing that I did was to hook up with the "UK Angels". I travelled to Manchester, and went to one of their meals out. The UK, being a larger and more open society, has got a couple of options for someone in your situation - one of my friends found a hotel somewhere in Wales which caters to the trans community.

At the inexpensive end of the scale, you could go to your local trans support group and see what they are doing. I would recommend going to a trans support group anyway - I learned an awful lot through the people I met at the Dublin group.

PM me if you would like any more information on any of the above options.

Good luck!

Louisevb

sammyh wrote: »

I would like to become a trans women, but, I just cant.
The shame it would bring on my family and freind's would be enough to drive me of the end of some pier
I just think I couldn't face it. Its just so hard.

This statement is the nub of the matter... When your internal pain gets to the point where it becomes unbearable then you need to do something about it, and I hope constructively. The inner happiness that you will gain from dealing with the issues , will be well worth the effort on dealing with them. Either that or you end up crawling into a bottle of alcohol, which is not a good way to deal with the underlying problem either. All it does is mask it.
You are not unique. There are many just like you. As an only child I can see the isolation that an only child can have.

When that end point of working through the issues comes to a head, telling people will be easier and once you accept who you are in whatever shape that turns out to be then you are ready to move on with your life constructively.
If a group situation is maybe not initially what you feel able for pm me and we can have a cup of coffee and a quiet chat or even an e mail conversation. I'm in Dublin near Heuston station

Azure_sky

I think an important question to ask yourself is do you want to be a woman mainly for sex or self identity? Which one is more important? When you dress in womans clothes do your dress like a male fantasy of a woman (mini skirts, sexy underwear and high heels) or do you dress like a regular girl? Perhaps you are a transsexual, perhaps a transvestite or perhaps a bi gender.

It's difficult to be honest with others but sometimes it's even more difficult to be honest with ourselves. Good look finding out the truth.

deirdre_dub

sammyh wrote: »

I guess, I just want to talk to someone

TENI run a helpline between 8pm and 10pm on Wednesdays - 085 147 7166. It is (usually) answered by Vanessa Lacey - TENI's development officer.

There are also support groups throughout the country - http://www.teni.ie/Support Note that the info for the Dublin group is a bit out of date - your best bet is to contact Outhouse 01 873 4999