what's a girl to do?

LegacyUser

Basically I have not been having the best of luck with guys lately or in fact ever.

I am just out of a serious relationship 4 months now. We broke up because he said he didn't deserve me. I found out that the reason he didn't was because he A) Cheated Had somebody else already lined up.

I was completely devastated but I am getting over it. Just like my serious relationship before that. Same thing happened.

So I have been single since and last night I went out for a friends birthday. I was chatting to some guy (friend of some friends) for literally about five minutes, nothing flirty at all just chat. He says to me "Your so so beautiful but to be honest your not a girl worth being in a relationship for"

Now this caught me off guard completely, we were talking about work etc. I haven't a clue where this came from. Then another guy came over because he saw my face and said yeah she is beautiful.

So now its got me thinking, am I just a shag and run girl? I always get told how beautiful I am and how lucky any guy would be to have me but my confidence really isn't great but not bad and I am not full of myself at all and this hit me hard. I am of course building my confidence.

When I think of all my relationships, they have all ended the same. Out of no where and them always turning out to be nothing like the person I knew. Myself left devastated and them going off on their merry way like the relationship (2 years/ 1 year) meant absolutely nothing to them.

I know im going for the wrong guys so thats why I am not looking for anyone.

I guess i am asking, is their any hope in me finding someone in the future who will actual want to be with me and treat me right?

I am literally sick of being treated like dirt. They were all lovely at first but then always treated me like im second best etc me usually always having to make the plans. Of course to point out I never get into a relationship without having my confidence, they usually just wear away at it. Im just feeling so down over this.

Thanks!

Wompa1

dontknowwhattothink wrote: »

Basically I have not been having the best of luck with guys lately or in fact ever.

I am just out of a serious relationship 4 months now. We broke up because he said he didn't deserve me. I found out that the reason he didn't was because he A) Cheated Had somebody else already lined up.

I was completely devastated but I am getting over it. Just like my serious relationship before that. Same thing happened.

So I have been single since and last night I went out for a friends birthday. I was chatting to some guy (friend of some friends) for literally about five minutes, nothing flirty at all just chat. He says to me "Your so so beautiful but to be honest your not a girl worth being in a relationship for"

Now this caught me off guard completely, we were talking about work etc. I haven't a clue where this came from. Then another guy came over because he saw my face and said yeah she is beautiful.

So now its got me thinking, am I just a shag and run girl? I always get told how beautiful I am and how lucky any guy would be to have me but my confidence really isn't great but not bad and I am not full of myself at all and this hit me hard. I am of course building my confidence.

When I think of all my relationships, they have all ended the same. Out of no where and them always turning out to be nothing like the person I knew. Myself left devastated and them going off on their merry way like the relationship (2 years/ 1 year) meant absolutely nothing to them.

I know im going for the wrong guys so thats why I am not looking for anyone.

I guess i am asking, is their any hope in me finding someone in the future who will actual want to be with me and treat me right?

I am literally sick of being treated like dirt. They were all lovely at first but then always treated me like im second best etc me usually always having to make the plans. Of course to point out I never get into a relationship without having my confidence, they usually just wear away at it. Im just feeling so down over this.

Thanks!

Like you've touched on you are getting with the wrong guys. Girls go for complete arseholes and then complain when they do arsehole things. You need to figure out what it is exactly you want in a man and then decide what's more important to you. That they look or dress a certain way or that they treat you well. Try dating rather for a while and don't have sex or commit to the person until you feel you know them well enough.

LegacyUser

Wompa1 wrote: »

Like you've touched on you are getting with the wrong guys. Girls go for complete arseholes and then complain when they do arsehole things. You need to figure out what it is exactly you want in a man and then decide what's more important to you. That they look or dress a certain way or that they treat you well. Try dating rather for a while and don't have sex or commit to the person until you feel you know them well enough.

Thats the thing. All the guys I have ever dated are lovely,nice guys that treat me right. All their friends tell me how nice these guys are. I make sure they are but then they always end up turning into arseholes. I get to know them fully when I date them and the "nice" thing turns out to be an act.

Kevin Duffy

OP, I wouldn't feel able to comment on all the issues you raise, but I can say a couple of things;

"Your so so beautiful but to be honest your not a girl worth being in a relationship for", is a baffingly stupid and rude thing to say. Call it a good sign he wasn't worth talking to and apply the same thinking to anyone else who says anything similar. Don't take it personally, if he didn't know you, then you can't take a 5 minute assessment of you seriously.

"I guess i am asking, is their any hope in me finding someone in the future who will actual want to be with me and treat me right?" Almost certainly. You may not have had the right kind of luck so far, but lots of people go through a frog-kissing phase. If you treat it right, it's a good way to learn what you want from relationships and ultimately get better relationships from it.

"am I just a shag and run girl?" Only if you want to be. Nothing wrong with a healthy approach to casual sex and nothing wrong with making sure there's something in it before you have sex. Have a think about the place you want sex to have in your relationships.

From my experience, it seems that this sort of behaviour " he A) Cheated Had somebody else already lined up" is based on immaturity and low self-esteem. I'm not saying they should stay with you if the relationship is not right or excusing them, but there is a healthy way to end a relationship and this is not it. It can take some maturity and confidence to roll up your sleeves and make it better, or end it the right way. It sounds like they just didn't have that. It could be a reflection of age, or looking for the wrong kind of fellas, or just bad luck so far, but none of that means you've done anything wrong and you shouldn't leta bad run make you think you have.

HTH, best of luck.

greengiant09

completely agree with above. you're obviously a bad judge of character. some guys are d*cks but there's a lot of decent blokes out there. don't judge peope by what they say, judge them by their actions. a lot of people get sucked in by that.

because you're a good looking girl, you'll get a lot of attention....from every different type of guy. most won't be compatible with you but will just try and score you for your looks. after a while then, they'l want to move on as they know there is no real future for you's and the lure of your looks will have faded.

so try and be a bit more thoughtful and wiser when you select the next guy you go out with.

Kevin Duffy

greengiant09 wrote: »

completely agree with above. you're obviously a bad judge of character. some guys are d*cks but there's a lot of decent blokes out there. don't judge peope by what they say, judge them by their actions. a lot of people get sucked in by that.

Could you make it clear which "above" you're agreeing with, because what you said doesn't agree with my post, which is immediately above yours. Making mistakes or having some bad luck doesn't make the OP "obviously a bad judge of character".

krd

dontknowwhattothink wrote: »

I know im going for the wrong guys so thats why I am not looking for anyone.

I think it's a case of you learning a lesson.

Just another thing. What are you like yourself? Nasty girls attract nasty boys. I am not saying you are.

Women go through 4 stages of development. First they're little girls playing with dolls - and having doll weddings with Barbie and Ken. Then they hit their teens, and they're overwhelmed by boys. They reach their twenties and they've had their finger tips burned just enough to be a little wiser. By the time they reach their 30s they are very wise to men - a little too wise. By 40 they've either turned lesbian or to gardening. Men having left a sour taste in their mouths.


It's easy to tell the first time you meet someone, if there's a little meanness to them. That meanness will get turned on you, if you stick around long enough.

LegacyUser

krd wrote: »

I think it's a case of you learning a lesson.

Just another thing. What are you like yourself? Nasty girls attract nasty boys. I am not saying you are.

Women go through 4 stages of development. First they're little girls playing with dolls - and having doll weddings with Barbie and Ken. Then they hit their teens, and they're overwhelmed by boys. They reach their twenties and they've had their finger tips burned just enough to be a little wiser. By the time they reach their 30s they are very wise to men - a little too wise. By 40 they've either turned lesbian or to gardening. Men having left a sour taste in their mouths.


It's easy to tell the first time you meet someone, if there's a little meanness to them. That meanness will get turned on you, if you stick around long enough.

I believe i am a nice person. I have been told by many that I haven't a bad bone in my body....maybe I am too nice!

I don't believe I am a bad judge of character. I have many lovely friends who I have found throughout the years. I usually am good at telling if someone has a little meanness in them but when it comes to these past guys I guess im blind to it just like everyone else seems to be too.

All my friends and family loved my ex and said how he's such a keeper. Even his own friends said this until a few months before we broke up, he's friends stopped hanging around with him so much. Even his own sister was shocked.

I wasn't the only person taken in by him but to the point. It just seems like I attract manipulative, using men and this had not made me judge that every man is like this but that I only seem to attract men just like this.

krd

sunflower27 wrote: »

I'm intrigued by your 4 stages... any links to where I can find info on this?

59% of all research and statistics are made up on the spot.

krd

dontknowwhattothink wrote: »

All my friends and family loved my ex and said how he's such a keeper. Even his own friends said this until a few months before we broke up, he's friends stopped hanging around with him so much. Even his own sister was shocked.

I wasn't the only person taken in by him but to the point. It just seems like I attract manipulative, using men and this had not made me judge that every man is like this but that I only seem to attract men just like this.

It's hard to tell - for me - it's just an opinion.

Manipulative people are usually charming in some way. They're good at reading people and telling them what they want to hear. People will even block out the little alarm bells going off in their heads when they start to twig something isn't right. If they're a little too unctuous - it's usually a good sign, to turn and start running.

You may have just had bad luck. There might not really have been anything wrong with your ex. The wrong time, wrong place. He may have just been blown away by someone else.

There are lots of difference between people and what people need. In my experience the most exciting girls are the ones who won't be able to resist screwing you over. And that may be the attraction.


<SNIP>

LegacyUser

dontknowwhattothink wrote: »

I am literally sick of being treated like dirt. They were all lovely at first but then always treated me like im second best etc me usually always having to make the plans. Of course to point out I never get into a relationship without having my confidence, they usually just wear away at it. Im just feeling so down over this.

Thanks!

Did you not get any feeling that this guy was going to break up with you?? You wrote "me usually always having to make the plans".
Next guy you meet take it easy. Let them do the chasing, because I get the feeling you were the one doing the chasing with the last boyfriends.
Best of luck OP.x

LegacyUser

Meeska wrote: »

dontknowwhattothink wrote: »

I am literally sick of being treated like dirt. They were all lovely at first but then always treated me like im second best etc me usually always having to make the plans. Of course to point out I never get into a relationship without having my confidence, they usually just wear away at it. Im just feeling so down over this.

Thanks!

Did you not get any feeling that this guy was going to break up with you?? You wrote "me usually always having to make the plans".
Next guy you meet take it easy. Let them do the chasing, because I get the feeling you were the one doing the chasing with the last boyfriends.
Best of luck OP.x

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.

No I got no feeling we were going to break up. He was saying how much he loved me. We spent the day before it happened together. Planning what we were going to do that day and what to get each other for Christmas etc

He broke up with me over the phone and wouldn't even meet up with me. It took two weeks for him to meet me because we were giving each others things back. I guess that in itself says it all really.

I had found him flirting online with a women a few months before we broke up but I got over that and we were ,well I thought, happy.

I didn't chase him. We talked every other day and hung out almost every weekend together spending days together. Just I had to ask him first if he wanted to do something. It seemed as though he would wait to see if something better would come up and if not he would make definite plans with me.

When I think back to the relationship, it really wasn't that great.

Maybe I fall to hard and get rose tinted glasses when it comes to relationships?

One thing I have always found is my ex''s come back after I have gotten over them. Even if their in a new relationship they always get in contact. Of course I never reply.

Wompa1

I feel kind of the same as you. I was in a relationship for 2 years and got cheated on by a girl who claimed to love me. This was with someone she met up with a few times and was always e-mailing. I was and am still devesyayed but everything about our relationship is unravelling now.

When I think back I was such a fool. I let her convince me I had insecurity issues when I was right to. I have her everything I had. Helped her with her work, spent thousands on her, made small thoughtful gestures. All the while she dis next to nothing to show me she cared. I was used up and spat out...and now I have nothing and feel awful. Hope you get through it ok

Maple

krd wrote: »

59% of all research and statistics are made up on the spot.

Unhelpful posting is against the charter, have a read of it before posting again.

Maple

kevin99

Maybe you need to 'toughen up' a little when it comes to men.
Maybe your ex just stopped loving you. **** happens.

Stop dwelling on your looks. Guys who tell you after a 5 minute conversation your are beautiful are not interested in your personality, merely they want to try their luck at shagging you.

Maybe be a bit more standoffish. If a guy really, really wants to be with you he will pursue you. But not in a freakish way.

Not all guys are into quick shags. However, I will say that lots of women love themselves and their looks and instantly dismiss guys who approach them for a variety of reasons. So, women don't do themselves many favours.

And there are other guys who will not approach an attractive woman for fear of rejection.

Don't be taken in by guys who complement you on your looks after such a short space of time. Tell him he can't judge a book by the cover! Ask him if he isn't interested in getting to know you. If nothing else that will keep the guy's fly closed and make him use his brain.
Get to know a guy and let him get to know you.
Don't shag after a few dates.
Admonish them if they complement you on your looks but not your intelligence, character or personality.
You will meet a sincere, genuine guy. Maybe you are focussing too much on your looks and not enough on your own personality.

Angeles

By the look of it op, i get the feeling you think this boils down to your looks? and i can tell you, a very large majority of the time this will be case, at least it was for me when i was in my late teens early 20's.

Physical beauty is a gift and a curse for both sides of relationship, especially at a young age.

I Dated a few hotties back in the day and i can tell you, insecurity can be a b*tch, there's nothing worse then have your friends get on your nerves about it, "keep an eye on that one", or "jasus every guy in here is eye'n up your one"

After a few weeks, months these would just cause a level of paranoia as to is my girl safe? am i really worth her attention? i don't think i can compete with brad pitt standing over there!!..etc, eventually leading to can't handle this, must run...

And this is only the possible effects any guy you meet will/could feel depending on there maturity level.
Then you have what you've encountered already.. your gorgeous but i wouldn't date you.. people saying stuff like that are just proving there own insecurities, and my advise would be to threat it like such and not get hung over it.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, just the people you've met.
Give it time op, Mr right is out there

oh ps: be aware the recent ex cheating on you.. doesn't fall under this, that guy is just an asshole, you don't deserves that or to be treated like that, no one does.

1939

I guess I am asking, is their any hope in me finding someone in the future who will actual want to be with me and treat me right?

Yes absolutely.

Listen we all get down at times, its human nature. The dude that said 'You're not a girl worth being in a relationship for'???.. It’s harsh to say that to someone, me thinks he's a bit of a dope, you just don’t say that to someone and it’s plain to see he has problems himself that he projected into the conversation.. serious problems if he said that to you after 5 mins! Try not to let it get to you cause he's the one that should be worried!!

I'm out of a long term relationship myself a few months now and she moved on SO damn fast it shocked me, tore me apart inside and felt like she didn’t think much of our past so I do understand your pain. We did everything together. I just can’t get my head around how someone, your best friend, your partner can change and move on so so fast?? Its months now and I still cant understand, don’t think I'll ever understand ppl like her, just goes to show how different we really were as Id never treat someone like that. Your ex does sound like a complete dope from his actions, he didn’t respect you and did project a fake personality, his true colours came out in the end. I can’t STAND that nowadays, I was true to my ex but she turned out after 4 years to be someone nasty, someone who I would have never gone near if I knew from the start.

There are pr1cks out there no doubt. I meet up with a good bunch of ppl once or twice a week and there is this one fella who has a reputation, he's obviously good looking and you can see how the girls flock over to him all the time. New girls join all the time, he swoops in, is all nice and sweet and he gets his bit… what can I say. Before you know it Im talking to him in the smoking area of a pub and he's saying he's sleeping with girl A or B... Oh he's some charmer and comes across really nice to the girls, all of them but once he gets his bit he's usually off, doesn’t care about them. The longest he's been in a relationship is 6 months and he cheated on that girl all the time during that period. Unfortunately girls fall for this crap and I can understand what you are saying about your ex's being nice at the start and then showing their true colours. There are idiots out there and your ex was one of them..

You sound like a very decent girl, and yes someone would be lucky to have you, you come across as a nice girl. There are dopes of both sexes, some obvious and some not as you well know, our filtering system needs an upgrade! Hold off getting down with it in your next relationship, if they really really want to be with you as a person, they will wait and you will have a man, not an immature boy.

LegacyUser

1939 wrote: »

Yes absolutely.

Listen we all get down at times, its human nature. The dude that said 'You're not a girl worth being in a relationship for'???.. It’s harsh to say that to someone, me thinks he's a bit of a dope, you just don’t say that to someone and it’s plain to see he has problems himself that he projected into the conversation.. serious problems if he said that to you after 5 mins! Try not to let it get to you cause he's the one that should be worried!!

I'm out of a long term relationship myself a few months now and she moved on SO damn fast it shocked me, tore me apart inside and felt like she didn’t think much of our past so I do understand your pain. We did everything together. I just can’t get my head around how someone, your best friend, your partner can change and move on so so fast?? Its months now and I still cant understand, don’t think I'll ever understand ppl like her, just goes to show how different we really were as Id never treat someone like that. Your ex does sound like a complete dope from his actions, he didn’t respect you and did project a fake personality, his true colours came out in the end. I can’t STAND that nowadays, I was true to my ex but she turned out after 4 years to be someone nasty, someone who I would have never gone near if I knew from the start.

There are pr1cks out there no doubt. I meet up with a good bunch of ppl once or twice a week and there is this one fella who has a reputation, he's obviously good looking and you can see how the girls flock over to him all the time. New girls join all the time, he swoops in, is all nice and sweet and he gets his bit… what can I say. Before you know it Im talking to him in the smoking area of a pub and he's saying he's sleeping with girl A or B... Oh he's some charmer and comes across really nice to the girls, all of them but once he gets his bit he's usually off, doesn’t care about them. The longest he's been in a relationship is 6 months and he cheated on that girl all the time during that period. Unfortunately girls fall for this crap and I can understand what you are saying about your ex's being nice at the start and then showing their true colours. There are idiots out there and your ex was one of them..

You sound like a very decent girl, and yes someone would be lucky to have you, you come across as a nice girl. There are dopes of both sexes, some obvious and some not as you well know, our filtering system needs an upgrade! Hold off getting down with it in your next relationship, if they really really want to be with you as a person, they will wait and you will have a man, not an immature boy.

Thank for all the replies, really appreciate it!

Thanks and sorry to here about what happened you and wompa and I wish you both luck!

And Kevin99 I never get with a guy until a good while after knowing them. Never once had a one night stand. I am not sure I do concentrate on my looks, I like to think I have a good personality. It just that guy said that to me along with many others and they base me on my looks and dont even bother sticking around to see what my personality is like because all they want is some action. I just never get the guy who wants me for me, even if I come onto them they never reciprocate my advances. Maybe they assume I am a bitch or dont like them, who knows.

I think I might be rich if i put a euro away every time a guy has come on to me and walked away once they found out they aren't getting anything off me!

By the way I am mid - twenties.

But im not going to lose hope just yet and guess be even more weary of men.