Who Am I ?

LegacyUser

As of late, this question has plagued me. From 16/17 I started meeting older men 40-65 for casual sex, exciting at the time but usually I would never settle with one man. I always wanted to meet someone new, as the initial meeting was always the best. Yes Im very attracted to older men and usually love spending time with some but I usually get bored quickly. I dont fancy guys my own age and have never been with any. I also like to cruise which I know is dangerous for so many reasons but I still do. I'm now twenty and have had hundreds of sexual encounters and meets with so many men and a few women- yes I know the risks etc which really annoys me when I think of it. The internet has made casual sex so ridiculously easy . When I have a large quantity of drink consumed ,I usually disappear from my friends in the pursuit of sex with an older man! Something which often leads me into stupid situations on my behalf. To make things harder I am totally in the closet. Im not sure what Im asking, but is the behavior acceptable/normal?? The whole sneaking\lying makes things harder.

LegacyUser

Any suggestions, thoughts people??

LGiamani

what do ye think? wrote: »

As of late, this question has plagued me. From 16/17 I started meeting older men 40-65 for casual sex, exciting at the time but usually I would never settle with one man. I always wanted to meet someone new, as the initial meeting was always the best. Yes Im very attracted to older men and usually love spending time with some but I usually get bored quickly. I dont fancy guys my own age and have never been with any. I also like to cruise which I know is dangerous for so many reasons but I still do. I'm now twenty and have had hundreds of sexual encounters and meets with so many men and a few women- yes I know the risks etc which really annoys me when I think of it. The internet has made casual sex so ridiculously easy . When I have a large quantity of drink consumed ,I usually disappear from my friends in the pursuit of sex with an older man! Something which often leads me into stupid situations on my behalf. To make things harder I am totally in the closet. Im not sure what Im asking, but is the behavior acceptable/normal?? The whole sneaking\lying makes things harder.

To be honest I think this is a joke. You say you've had hundreds of sexual encounters with men you probably need to get checked out for STD. If you think you friends do'nt suspect something about your encounters you are in another world. Do I need to say anymore.

Asphyxia

Get checked for STDs straight away, I'm not sure if you're joking or not but it's not good to be having sex with random men without being checked you need to look after yourself more.

Azure_sky

I'm assuming that since these encounters occured when sh!t faced contraception was not a priority.

SparkyTech

Hi OP

what do ye think? wrote: »

As of late, this question has plagued me. From 16/17 I started meeting older men 40-65 for casual sex, exciting at the time but usually I would never settle with one man. I always wanted to meet someone new, as the initial meeting was always the best. Yes Im very attracted to older men and usually love spending time with some but I usually get bored quickly. I dont fancy guys my own age and have never been with any.

Random sex can be fun and exciting, but it eventually will lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when the ritual wears thin. Maybe the reason you cant find guys around your own age (or even within the 20-30 age bracket) attractive is because you haven't given them a chance? Nothing wrong with dating older men, but when you date people a bit nearer to your own age its easier to be on the 'same page', make mistakes in relationships and not live up possible expectations.

I also like to cruise which I know is dangerous for so many reasons but I still do. I'm now twenty and have had hundreds of sexual encounters and meets with so many men and a few women- yes I know the risks etc which really annoys me when I think of it. The internet has made casual sex so ridiculously easy .

Do you know how childish and irresponsible that sounds? Im not one to judge who has sex with whom or how often but even I have a limit of whats acceptable when sleeping around. Do you really want the reputation of sleeping with every older man who looks in your direction? Dublins a TINY city and with two degrees of separation from everyone it wont be long before you are known amongst all the older members of the gay community as an easy target. The odd hook up every now and then, by all means, but ''hundreds of sexual encounters'', really? Have some self-respect and value yourself a bit more.

As for your sexual health, you need to get tested for STD's and HIV pronto. You should always put your own health first. Its also terribly unfair on your sexual partners to not use protection and risk passing an std onto them aswell.

When I have a large quantity of drink consumed ,I usually disappear from my friends in the pursuit of sex with an older man! Something which often leads me into stupid situations on my behalf. To make things harder I am totally in the closet. Im not sure what Im asking, but is the behavior acceptable/normal?? The whole sneaking\lying makes things harder.

Its normal to be in denial and have secrets sometimes, but this sounds like a destructive pattern of behavior thats impacting on your quality of life and needs to be sorted out. I think you need to come to terms with the fact you are gay and slowly come out of the closet in your own time and way. Your friends will have no doubt noticed something odd at this point. The longer you keep it up, the more difficult its going to be in the long term. Do yourself a favour and be honest with yourself, and then work on changing it, before you talk to other people

Hope it works out for you!

See also:
www.lgbt.ie
www.belong2.ie

LegacyUser

LGiamani wrote: »

To be honest I think this is a joke. You say you've had hundreds of sexual encounters with men you probably need to get checked out for STD. If you think you friends do'nt suspect something about your encounters you are in another world. Do I need to say anymore.

No im not joking. Perhaps hundreds of sexual encounters but not hundreds of men. Most of the time these would arranged meets in a safe location when im free thus not too much sneaking around.At times yes i have to lie where im going etc. Yes when i drink i do go awol at times and yes i know they must suspect something at times. However by pulling a girl every so often it tends to work. As for safe sex, 99%of the time im safe but yes I really do want to get the test done ,just cant bring myself to booking it.

Sparky Tech , thanks for your understanding regarding the "exciting at the start but now you feel guilty", thats me. I want to get out of this routine as I know its not healthy or safe. The thing is I dont know what I want?? I need to stick to a relationship I guess, but I find it hard.

cdsb46

maybe it's time you seek out someone to talk to professionally i'm sure belongto or any other gay organisation will help, as for the casual sex and cruising, i'm not condoning it, as most people go through a casual sex phase whether they are gay or straight! Cruising is just the same as straight people dogging or swinging, people do it so don't worry your not along, but if this way is getting you down then please go an speak to some one before it gets out of hand.