Same old story!

Coventia

I know it is another one of those stories. Won't bore you with details. But it is that word again "confused". Everytime I try to forget about it and push it back in my head the queston keeps coming up! My head is fried. I told a few people that I think I could like girls to mix reactions. To I thought oyu might be to you never give men a chance. I am now in my late twenties still on about it! Anyway I won't bore you any longer. I know it is a very exciting read!

Shield

I'm not sure people will know how to respond to this.

Are you looking for some advice/guidance/support or just looking to let off some steam?

Or something else?

(Welcome to boards by the way!)

chelseavera

Might sound trite - but you wont know til you've tried. Fried heads might soon be thing of the past. Good luck with that!

Aishae

if someone said to me 'how could you know youre a lesbian if you havent tried a man?' (i have in the past but you get people like this) id say 'well how did you know you were straight before you had sex with a woman/man? in fact, how do you know you dont like the same sex if youve never been with such a person? you just know (now feck off - i may or may not add that, lol)'

Coventia

Sorry, maybe I was leaving off a small bit of steam but really advice/guidance/support would be really appreciated. Thanks a million.

Coventia

That is true. Thanks. It would be nice to have an unfried (if that is a word) head!

Coventia

That is true Aishae. Where were you for this discussion! Thanks alot. I must remember that!

Aishae

ive come across people sharing that they were asked the 'how do you know youre gay if you never slept with a bloke/woman?' question. i was asked it once myself.. but even more common was this question i got several years ago when i came out 'how do you know youre gay if you havent slept with a woman?' - i was tempted to say id slept with a few men and im absolutely sure im not straight. its a bit cheeky to assume that you gotta have sex to know how you feel.
but i used pretty much the same line when i was asked that 'you knew you were straight before you had sex wth the opposite sex, right?!'

bitter_lemon

you will be able to tell after our first date
i'll even buy you chips on the way home!

oh no i'm very bold. i'll get my coat and go.

Coventia

Thanks Aishae. I know what you mean. Your right. I am a bit of an overthinker, so I thought this forum might be a good way to get advice from people!

Coventia

LOL bitter lemon! And even chips, I am the lucky girl!

bitter_lemon

Coventia wrote: »

LOL bitter lemon! And even chips, I am the lucky girl!

i was actually trying to impress aishae

Aishae

bitter_lemon wrote: »

i was actually trying to impress aishae

i thought you were talking to the OP :pac:

bitter_lemon

psni wrote: »

I'm not sure people will know how to respond to this.

Are you looking for some advice/guidance/support or just looking to let off some steam?

Or something else?

(Welcome to boards by the way!)

oh no you are here! the cat is out of the bag

bitter_lemon

Aishae wrote: »

i thought you were talking to the OP :pac:

no she sounded confused. i would not confuse her more
i'm good like that.

Coventia

I was only messing bitter lemon. I am too confused to even think about that kind of stuff. I am still trying to get my head around it all. I have so many questiosn in my head that will keep me going for a while.

gibson

the whole thing of how do you know unless you try in my opinion is rubbish. as another poster already said does every straight man/woman try it with the other sex? You know deep down which you prefer and im not just talking about sex, but you know deep down when you're going about your day who catches your eye.

To the OP unfortunately theres no easy answer or solution. If I was honest to myself I probably knew when I was 14/15 that I was gay but I denied it and hid it for roughly 7-8 years before finally coming out. Im not even sure to this day what was the spark to make me come out, i guess i just knew....and i guess that'll be the same for you. Deep down maybe you already know if you are gay or straight but are too afraid for various reasons to admit it. I know i was for a long time! Ignore the silly comments of "you dont give men a chance" and just focus on how you feel about yourself.

Best of luck with the future I hope it all works out for you

Coventia

Thank you Gibson for the advice. My head is all over the place at the moment. I was sixteen when I thought it first, then I have got commenst in my early twenties because I never really had that much interest with even kissing a man. I have kissed men drunk but it has always been strange when sober of the four dates with men I have been with. Then I was hit on by a girl and this is when it all came up. Told some of my family and somewhere like it makes since while others don't know. I want to be right about this and not want to try it and say no because I think it is unfair to everyone. Anyway, sorry but just wanted to tell you a bit of back story to why I am all over the place. Anywa after all of that. Thank you very much for your message.

Aishae

if youre not comfortable saying youre a lesbian yet you can settle with bi - but dont be in a hurry to label yourself, flippin labels... they only help in that they describe you to others

Coventia

Thanks Aishae. I have been told that people are kind of cagey with bis! They think that it is a stage! Is this true? Sorry for the twenty questions! I am now 28 and I feel like time is passing buy!!! I think I should stop listening to people! Sorry for being very annoying. Just to even meet up with similar people. I have even thought of going to the lesbian centre for help but keep chickening out! Just don't want to be wrong. Sorry for throwing all this stuff.

Aishae

identifying as bi is a stage a lot of us seem to go through on the road to coming out as gay/lesbian which may be part of the assumption that being bi is a stage or a phase - but there are many who are and always will be bi because that's what they are. look at it this way - is it not better that for those that DO end up saying they are gay or deciding that they are really straight: that they chose to identify as bi rather than hiding away?

as i say, its a label and plenty of us dont even like the label that best represents us because they either dont say EVERYTHING about our sexuality or they have such stigma attached. you dont have to label yourself as anythng - there are support groups out there for lesbians etc but im guessing most would happily help someone who isnt 100% sure.

gibson

Coventia wrote: »

Thank you Gibson for the advice. My head is all over the place at the moment. I was sixteen when I thought it first, then I have got commenst in my early twenties because I never really had that much interest with even kissing a man. I have kissed men drunk but it has always been strange when sober of the four dates with men I have been with. Then I was hit on by a girl and this is when it all came up. Told some of my family and somewhere like it makes since while others don't know. I want to be right about this and not want to try it and say no because I think it is unfair to everyone. Anyway, sorry but just wanted to tell you a bit of back story to why I am all over the place. Anywa after all of that. Thank you very much for your message.

if you are worried that by coming out you might be making a mistake and then have to retract what you said you could always just work out your feelings in private, as in dont tell family and maybe tell a very close friend or someone you feel you can talk openly too. I think you are putting more pressure on yourself by worrying about coming out and what might happen if you then realise you arent gay.

Its tough enough for you without having to worry what others might say. All of that of course though may be easier said than done - I hated being asked by family members about girlfriends when all i really wanted was a boyfriend LOL! it may make things slightly less head wrecking for you though if you dont open up to everyone until you are 100% sure.

It may take time but it will happen, I thought it never would for me I thought Id always be confused but everyone sorts things out in their own time. Have you tried any extra activites to take your mind off it? Again easier said than done but it might be a nice distraction even for just a short time during the day

Coventia

Thanks Gibon. I am just a bit of a worrier but I will be fine. I told some of my family i.e. brothers and sisters that I might be and two friends one that is gay. Some had thought I was! But have laid low for a bit about it. I was thinking of going to a meeting about it but I will see. I have been out in the scene but find I was a bit nervous. Thanks for all your advice. I sound like such a moaner!

gibson

how have you been doing lately?

Coventia

Hi Gibson. I am doing fine. Just have taken your advice and not telling anyone anything about it! It is just hard when you cannot even go on the scene. Don't really know many people. But thinking of going to a bi meeting and see hot it goes.! Thanks Gibson. Hope your doing well.

Annasopra

Coventia wrote: »

Hi Gibson. I am doing fine. Just have taken your advice and not telling anyone anything about it! It is just hard when you cannot even go on the scene. Don't really know many people. But thinking of going to a bi meeting and see hot it goes.! Thanks Gibson. Hope your doing well.

Try these then

http://www.meetup.com/Dublin-Bi-Irish
http://www.facebook.com/dublinbiactive

Asry

I'm good at confusing people. Does that mean I get chips too?

You're not a moaner! You have to take it easy on yourself as well, it's easy to beat yourself up about things like this