Too Broke to go to Friends Birthday

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

Just looking for some advice on this.

Basically I'm up to my eyes in unpaid bills and small debt. I literally have no money - as in if I tried to take a tenner out of an ATM it would say "insufficient funds".

One of my best friends is having a birthday next week and I simply cant afford to go out for the meal and clubbing that she has planned! Unfortunately I've kept my small money issues a secret so I they don't know. It's her birthday and I don't want to hurt her feeling but I literally can't afford to go...

Any ideas? Should I lie and pretend I'm ill or something?

I don't really want to tell them I have no money as I'll be offered small loans which I really don't want to accept as I don't know when I'll be able to pay back. Plus I dont need any more debt...

Advice?

LegacyUser

Easy solution.

Tell them you're going to be stuck in work and won't make the meal. Go clubbing with them, chat up guys and have them buy you drinks and then get someone to split a taxi home.

If you're not good looking, this might not work, but it's worth a shot regardless. Any doubts, just go for the drunkest guy in the place.

G'luck!

MissFlitworth

hey OP,

I think lots of people have been in the same position this year or last, don't feel bad about this, you're being responsible by not going out and people will understand that .

I would definitely not lie about being sick, those kind of lies can backfire horribly in a 'X is sick? but sure I saw her in the shops this morning and there didn't seem to be a bother on her' sort of way. If I were you I'd tell the birthday girl that you can't go out and it's because you are in a bad way moneywise and trying to get on top of it. And if she offers you a loan just say that you really can't borrow any money because you're trying to get on top of bills and debts and the more you borrow the longer it'll take to do that. The reason I'd say to tell people about the money issues is that this probably won't be the only time you can't go out because of this and you don't want to be panicking and trying to think of excuses every single time you can't go out. With the few years that are in it people are a lot more understanding about issues like this

LilMissCiara

You don't need to go full on ''I've no money, I can't afford it'' with it.

You can just say ''Money's a bit tight this month and I have to watch what I spend so unfortunately I can't go out for your birthday, I hope you understand?''. Then suggest that maybe she could come round to yours for lunch, coffee, dinner or whatever during the week so it doesn't seem like you're blowing her off!

Miss Fluff

I'd "develop" a kidney infection or strep throat the day before and then promise to make it up to her after you get paid and when you can afford it. Sometimes saying your skint just doesn't cut it tbh.

pencilsharp

Ice-T wrote: »

Easy solution.

Tell them you're going to be stuck in work and won't make the meal. Go clubbing with them, chat up guys and have them buy you drinks and then get someone to split a taxi home.

If you're not good looking, this might not work, but it's worth a shot regardless. Any doubts, just go for the drunkest guy in the place.

G'luck!

Such an unhelpful, useless, childish and chauvinistic comment, not very helpful at all.

OP I've been in your situation be honest with your friend and offer that maybe next month when you've more cash that you have a girly day to celebrate her birthday. It doesn't have to be expensive- maybe a night in with a bottle of vino and a pizza and dvd and good girly gossip. I know myself and the girls love a night in, sometimes more than a night on the town!

R.D. aka MR.D

I would definitely be honest with her about it. Don't pretend to be sick.

But you also run the risk of her being annoyed anyway. I know this night not be the nicest thing to say but personally I get annoyed when people pull the whole 'i have no money' thing. I'm was in the same boat, massive debt and no money but if i knew a friends bday was coming up I would always put a small bit aside to make sure I could even go out for an hour just to show my face. I could never and still can't afford these birthday dinner things people do!!!!

hope things work out!

LegacyUser

OP here!

I should point out that I'm a guy so the first suggestion is out! :P

I would love to tell her but... u don't know. I'm sure she would understand but I don't think i'd be able to admit to anyone that I've gotten myself into a spot of bother (all be it relatively small). It's not that I'm all about money...i dunno... I'm annoyed at myself for overspending recently. I may have to lie on the bed i've made for myself but I wouldn't like an audience.

Is it really that bad if I develop food poisioning and have to lay low for a day or two?

Sorry if I'm coming accross like a prick....

Wisco

I don't know what your friends are like, but if I was planning someone and some people cancelled for lack of money I wouldn't mind- I've been there myself, as have most people. You can do something cheaper like cook at home or go have coffee or whatever later on. No big deal in my opinion. I don't have debts, but if I don't have spare cash one week I'm not ashamed to say I can't afford to go out. And that's why I don't have debts.

LegacyUser

Op,

I would ignore the advice about lying. Think about it if you didn't go out and your friend found out you were lying which would hurt her more? Everyone is struggling at the moment. If she is a good friend she will understand, i've been friends with a group of girls pretty much all my life and every now and again something like this crops, ie can't make birthdays, nights out etc but it's never taken personally nor does it cause arguments. You should explain to your friends your a bit strapped financially at the mo, if they offer a loan just say thanks so much but i'm just gonna have to pay it back and it's just gonna cause more problems. Tell her you're really sorry and that you will make it up to her when you are back on your feet, you could treat her to dinner or something or even have a nice girly night in with her and cook something nice at home. Don't let this add to your stress OP, the stigma of having no money has long died in this country and anyone who doesn't understand that needs a reality check. Best of luck OP and I hope you get sorted soon

Eve_Dublin

I'll be honest. Personally, I've told friends couldn't do something in the past (sometimes birthday related) because I was skint and being the lovely bunch they are, they'd chip in and pay for me. I know they had the best intentions but I found it a little humiliating and uncomfortable. I always pay my own way and usually if I can't afford to do something, I don't. I don't even own a credit card. I used to come clean but if I can't afford to do something now, I make up a little white lie. Nothing serious...what someone doesn't know won't hurt them. I honestly don't think it could be classed as serious deception. You can't go either way anyway.

The_Conductor

Be honest with her- seriously, if you're anything other than honest- it will come back to bite you at some stage in time.

Lots of people seem to be putting on appearances at the moment- continuing to buy designer clothes, go out clubbing/drinking, replacing their cars- going on those holidays- when you know you certainly can't afford them.

Reality is slowing hitting home for lots of people- times have changed, our party days of the last decade are well and truly over.

I earn less NET now that I did 10 years ago- but I make my means go twice as far. Most of my family and friends are similar.

Be honest with your friend- you are up your neck in debt and simply can't afford to go out clubbing. Perhaps suggest that you'd love to cook her a meal at home- or do some fun activities that don't have to cost a ridiculous amount. Even simple things like going to the zoo- can be a really great afternoon out for adults- its not just for kids.......

People need to take a serious reality check- there are very few of us out there who can afford to have a party/clubbing/drinking/taxi lifestyle like became common place in the 90s and noughties.........