Don't enjoy sex

LegacyUser

I'm a 20 year old girl and I don't enjoy sex. I'll be the first to admit that I may have some issues with sex and a slightly odd history but I've pretty much worked through those issues but I still don't enjoy it.
I lost my virginity on a ons a few yours back but it only last about 2 mins because we were both drunk. Most of the times I've had sex were like this; with strangers and barely long enough to count.
For the past few weeks I've been seeing a fantastic guy who I adore. We've only had sex twice (we technically 3 times but the first time I got upset and we had to stop) but both times I've kinda just wanted it to end, not that it was bad but when it's not good it's really just exercise, isn't it? There was foreplay (nothing spectacular, he's not very experienced either) but it was alright. And then the sex is just...nothing really. He's quite big so I thought it might even hurt but it's just kinda crap. I tried on top and, yeah, I feel it more but it's still not really a "good" feeling.
I feel so guilty, he looks so crestfallen when he's finished and I'm not even started. Admittedly he doesn't exactly last long but I'm glad when it's over and he does always over to try again or whatever.
I think part of the problem may be that when I'm kissing or "getting worked up" I'm fantasizing about sex so then when I'm doing it I've nothing to think about....

Anyway this is an almighty ramble but if anyone has any advice or anything it would be SO appreciated.

Sleepy

Question 1 - Do you know your own body? Do you enjoy / orgasm during masturbation?

Question 2 - If the answers to the above are yes, have you shown him what gets you off?

Knowing your own body and communicating this to a willing and responsive partner are pretty much the only ingredients necessary for good sex. Practice and becoming attuned to one another are what elevates it to mind-blowing and everything else, frankly, is just the gravy on an already properly cooked steak

LegacyUser

OP, it seems thats your not mentally tuned in or turned enough to be enjoying sex. They say that the biggest sex organ is the brain so you need to get into a relaxed frame of mind and enjoy plenty of foreplay, showing your boyfriend what turns you on. If you are not turned on and well lubricated then you will be anticipating the sex being painful especially if your boyfriend is bigger than average.

Its a learning experience and with a bit of practise and knowing your own body, it will get much much better. The next time your about to get down to it, take your time, get your boyfriend to explore your whole body to the point that you are feeling really horny and just want him inside you. After a while he will know what buttons to push to really get you in the mood and sex will be a lot more satisfying for you both.

Miss Fluff

I'm a 20 year old girl and I don't enjoy sex. I'll be the first to admit that I may have some issues with sex and a slightly odd history but I've pretty much worked through those issues but I still don't enjoy it.

Did you work through those issues with a professional or by yourself?

We've only had sex twice (we technically 3 times but the first time I got upset and we had to stop) but both times I've kinda just wanted it to end

I'd hazard a guess that if you were totally over those issues you wouldn't be crying at the prospect of sex. Personally I think seeing a professional would help. If it's an abuse-related issue One-In-Four offer counselling for victims of sexual abuse www.oneinfour.ie If the issue pertains to something else or something you are not entirely sure of then your GP could refer you to a psychosexual therapist.

Everyone is entitled to good sex. It's a basic fundamental right! And if there is an impediment for you, which there evidently is, then get it seen to OP.

Aishae

also - maybe you need to explore your body a bit. try a little foreplay to discover what you like.
but as miss fluff said - are you sure the past has been worked through?

neveah

I agree with previous posters about exploring your body and all that. You are still only 20 and it sounds like you have had brief sexual encounters rather than sex in a long term relationship. It sounds like you and your current partner are relatively inexperienced but you are only 20, you are just starting out on your sexual life, as you do and try new things and you learn about what your partner likes and what you like then I'm sure things will improve, in fact I promise they will!:)

Looking back to when I was 20 I remember I didn't enjoy/want sex as much as my boyfriend did at the time, I guess my libido was low. I have definitely found that as I get older I am way more into sex and I definitely enjoy it more (I'm in my late 20's now). I heard before that men are highly sexually charged from their late teens but women generally don't peak until they are in their 30's. Now I don't know how true that is but it's worth thinking about, maybe you just suffer from a low libido? It could be as simple an explanation as that.

magneticimpulse

Maybe look into Asexuality. Not everybody is motivated by sex. Asexual people do exist. I am not saying this could be your case, but at least read up about it. It might help answer some questions you might have about your sexuality, or why you dont feel sexual. Not everybody does feel sexual. Just like there are many forms of sexuality, there also can be asexuality.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

shotcaller

I don't have much more to add to this thread than to ease in to it, talk about anything that's bothering you, possibly have a shower together, get to know one another and if he's a bigger guy, take it slow!

LegacyUser

I'm wondering have you ever masturbated or had an orgasm? It took me a long time to have an actual orgasm with a man and it was only when I got my house in order, so to speak, that it happened. I originally got a vibrator and that was great but it was only when it broke and I had to do it with my hands that I truly got a feel for my own body and how to stimulate it. Figuring that out was a great gift. It also means that I don't have to worry about the tell-tale buzz

Forget your previous track record when it comes to sex. They suit some people but if you're sexually inexperienced, one night stands are rubbish. You now have a boyfriend which is great. Unlike someone you'd be taking home for a one night stand, he actually cares about you and wants for both of you to enjoy the experience. How about getting your hands on a good book about sex or some videos. Not nasty hardcore porn but other stuff which will show you how other people do it.

RebeccaWatCom

sounds like you are asexual
check out www.asexuality.org
you're not the only one, believe me!

flowerchild

Just back off from the whole thing. Go out with friends, have fun. When you meet a guy you like don't rush into it. Take all the time in the world, until you are married, if you feel like it.

When you are ready, you will feel differently. Until then, trust yourself and your reaction.