English High Grade Essay Help

DarraghMcK

Hey guys, this is Darragh, I'm in fifth year atm. I am without bragging, let's say an Above average student in this subject and in general for the most part. I am aiming for high high points and am doing my utmost to achieve this.

However, I'm, I wouldn't say struggling, but finding difficulty in putting my essays together, in terms of achieving the highest grade possible. I would find the whole poetry and play dissection aspect quite awkward in terms of expressing myself if you understand me.

Even with piles of time to prepare, edit, re-edit, I don't seem to be getting the marks I'm looking for. I've tried looking in the books, notes, online, sample essays the teacher gives out and whatnot and it does help.

But what I Really want to see though, if anyone can help, is a tried and tested, absolute A-standard essay, and what exactly is it that makes it so.

What is that something that makes the examiner cream their pants on reading your piece, if you will.

Any help would be appreciated

aranciata

Instead of reading other people's notes, or listening to your teacher's ideas and meditations on Hamlet, I would suggest thinking about poetry and Hamlet independently. Think about characters, poems and themes without an external influence that pushes you into a certain way of thinking. I'm not an examiner, I'm probably the same age as you, but I am stern and adamant in belief that original thoughts and original ideas that standalone from your teachers and classmates would impress a beleaguered examiner more. Learning and regurgitating other people's thoughts and ideas is not a true reflection on your standard of english. Stay away from revision books that suppress our expression and stall and paralyze our own independent thinking. Take some time to really think about the texts and poets you are studying.

DarraghMcK

No no you see I have and do only use my own opinions or ideas, or borrow from things which agree or fit those parameters. I'm constantly getting comments like excellent ideas/expression etc but formatting and tailoring needed.

I've read and re read the material, done further reading, spent a long time pondering and what not, seen and rewatched about 4 different Hamlets' (live and on screen).

I'm not trying to copy or learn and regurgitate stuff. sure I could just look up a thesis statement and claim that as my own if I wanted.

I just want to know how I'm supposed to play this bloody points game, what is the ideal mix between free expression, wild exuberant, thought provoking ideas, and cold clinical analysis, so I can get the degree I want and get out of this ****ty education system as soon as I can

Bbbbolger

It's all about the question asked. Let's take a question from my mock paper this year as an example. It asked to discuss if

Hamlet is a tragic hero and if his mind is a constant battleground.

(in spoiler bracket just in case anyone hasnt done theirs yet). With each individual idea you discuss you must link it to BOTH parts of the question. No matter how original your idea or how excellent your language and grammar is you must bring everything back to the question. Also, it isn't advisable to just add on one or two sentences at the end of each idea explaining how the idea correlates to the question. To get a very good answer you must weave this throughout your answer.
I used to be like you. Always had "great idea" or "well expressed" however I still didnt get the marks I wanted. I had to force myself to consciously think "answer the question" whilst writing an answer. Maybe this isn't exactly the advice you were looking for but perhaps it may put you a little bit more on course.
Also how many ideas do you tend to discuss per answer? Too few and you wont have a wide enough variety to your answer and too many and you won't be able to flesh them out in detail. 3 or 4 seem to be the standard number of developed ideas needed. Also remember to quote/reference scenes/poems etc. constantly! Make sure the examiner knows you have a complete knowledge of what you are writing about. My teacher has told me that examiners hate to see a student with clear talent for written English not know their quotations. It gives the impression of laziness which will remain in their mind whilst correcting.

Violafy

My English teacher is a hard marker and I usually get As from her in Hamlet and Poetry essays.

The Hamlet questions are most difficult to structure out of all the essays, as you could be asked pretty much anything, so it's almost impossible to be able to use a learnt off format - it changes depending on the question. I'd show you an essay of mine that got an A1 but it's handwritten and about 6 pages long - I really don't have time to type it out as I'm in 6th year! Sorry. :P

But I'd recommend the Shortcuts to Success revision book about Hamlet- it has loads of A grade sample answers on both characters and themes.
No matter what the title of the essay is, it's important always to refer back to Hamlet, his madness and revenge etc, even if the essay isn't directly about him.

I've also had it constantly drummed into me to ALWAYS REFER CLOSELY TO THE QUESTION ASKED... Excuse the capitals :P. In each paragraph, make sure you reiterate how the points you make are relevant to the essay's title. But try to use different words, as you'd lose marks for language if you're too repetitive.


About poetry... I find it slightly easier to structure.
Introduction - very brief bit about poet's life only if relevant to question, maybe a quote from the poet which is relevant to question, say that you agree with the essay title etc

For the rest, I usually just deal with a poem per paragraph and write about style, language, theme etc. Again, make sure the poem is relevant to the question. Sometimes I do two poems per paragraph, but discuss the second one more briefly. The second one would usually be to compare to the first.
My teacher advises us to discuss about 6 poems in an essay - 4 in detail and 2 briefly - although I know many others think differently.

Finish with conclusion - reiterate points, use a nice quote to wrap it out.

I'm in 6th year so I don't know which poets you're doing, but the above has worked for me when writing essays on all of the poets we've done.


For all paper 2 essays, examiners like:
-Personal Response/Opinion to strengthen points
-For Hamlet, it's impressive to include quotes from critics to support your own opinions or to contrast something.
-Variety of vocabulary
-Accurate Quotes from poems/Hamlet
-ANSWER THE QUESTION ASKED

I'm sorry about the length of this and I don't even know if it will be helpful to you... I hope it is!

aranciata

Bbbbolger wrote: »

It's all about the question asked. Let's take a question from my mock paper this year as an example. It asked to discuss if

Hamlet is a tragic hero and if his mind is a constant battleground.

(in spoiler bracket just in case anyone hasnt done theirs yet). With each individual idea you discuss you must link it to BOTH parts of the question. No matter how original your idea or how excellent your language and grammar is you must bring everything back to the question. Also, it isn't advisable to just add on one or two sentences at the end of each idea explaining how the idea correlates to the question. To get a very good answer you must weave this throughout your answer.
I used to be like you. Always had "great idea" or "well expressed" however I still didnt get the marks I wanted. I had to force myself to consciously think "answer the question" whilst writing an answer. Maybe this isn't exactly the advice you were looking for but perhaps it may put you a little bit more on course.
Also how many ideas do you tend to discuss per answer? Too few and you wont have a wide enough variety to your answer and too many and you won't be able to flesh them out in detail. 3 or 4 seem to be the standard number of developed ideas needed. Also remember to quote/reference scenes/poems etc. constantly! Make sure the examiner knows you have a complete knowledge of what you are writing about. My teacher has told me that examiners hate to see a student with clear talent for written English not know their quotations. It gives the impression of laziness which will remain in their mind whilst correcting.

I know what you mean, but I choose to answer to a higher power than the examiner. Don't write coldly, analytically and detached from your own personal viewpoint for points at the expense of your own self-expression. Write something worthy of yourself. Everything else is just protocol, man.

DarraghMcK

I actually just did that very question last week. My teacher didn't mark it perse but more critiqued it and analysed. He's a fairly right on sort of guy: Plays nick cave and tom waits from time to time in class to prove a point , complains about how the cold butchering of poems etc is antithesis to the very idea of poetry in itself sort of thing which is just heaven but he's no easy grader I'll tell you that much, and perhaps the grades given out are lower than what one would receive in an official setting, but this would be to encourage constant improvement and whatnot. This does however come with the trouble of (distorting?) the gradient on which these things are Actually marked on.

I did better than expected in that question to be fair. Though slightly more quotation needed. I also (thankfully) no longer go off on tangents which is always good.

I know what is needed in terms of bringing it back to the q, enough quotes, linking paragraphs, etc. What I really came here to find was the correlation of all these things into a (close to) ideal piece, to help me understand what I'm shooting for. You get me?

DarraghMcK

aranciata wrote: »

I know what you mean, but I choose to answer to a higher power than the examiner. Don't write coldly, analytically and detached from your own personal viewpoint for points at the expense of your own self-expression. Write something worthy of yourself. Everything else is just protocol, man.

I've tried that, and been told that its great writing and entertaining, poignant, and every superlative under the sun. But in the remit of the leaving certificate it will be crucified by the examiner, simply because its not what they're looking for.

As much as it pains me, in order to get where I want to I have to put on my strait jacket, sit in the corner, and swallow the bulging, bitter pill that is the CAO points system

Bbbbolger

Exactly. I'd love to write in a style and manner that completely suits me. Unfortunately however, we all have to conform to the standard set down by the Examinations Authority in the persuit of points. I still litter my answers with slightly verbose pieces of "filler rhetoric" as my teacher calls it. Its how I write and how I like to write but I've been told it wont score as well as I want it to. Too late to change now though :rolleyes:

partyatmygaff

The only way to achieve a high grade in English is to ensure the following criteria are met:

1. Varied vocabulary and complex (But not overly so) sentence structures.
2. Thorough understanding of mechanics and the use of interesting syntax
3. In depth knowledge of your prescribed texts and poets. You should know it to the point that you don't need to purposefully learn quotes. They should just come to you naturally. Cold and critical analysis alone will get you nowhere, you need to include a personal element to your work.
4. Your essay structure must be fluid and cohesive. It must be well-organised and structured to the point that there is a steady "flow" throughout the essay that must be maintained.
5. You need to have a certain "flair" in the way you write. That doesn't necessarily mean constantly speaking in verbose and complicated sentences. It's almost ineffable. To put it best, you need to have a certain je ne sais quoi to your writing that will make it stand out from the other few thousand candidates.

DarraghMcK

partyatmygaff wrote: »

The only way to achieve a high grade in English is to ensure the following criteria are met:

1. Varied vocabulary and complex (But not overly so) sentence structures.
2. Thorough understanding of mechanics and the use of interesting syntax
3. In depth knowledge of your prescribed texts and poets. You should know it to the point that you don't need to purposefully learn quotes. They should just come to you naturally. Cold and critical analysis alone will get you nowhere, you need to include a personal element to your work.
4. Your essay structure must be fluid and cohesive. It must be well-organised and structured to the point that there is a steady "flow" throughout the essay that must be maintained.
5. You need to have a certain "flair" in the way you write. That doesn't necessarily mean constantly speaking in verbose and complicated sentences. It's almost ineffable. To put it best, you need to have a certain je ne sais quoi to your writing that will make it stand out from the other few thousand candidates.

Thank you for summarising that for us.

But my main aim is to see an essay I can look at and be told;

This is the topic:
This is the question:
The terms are:
This is the answer I gave:
It is and was marked an A standard piece

DarraghMcK

I mean, its one thing to be told:
A truly great guitarist must be agile, articulate, creative, use interesting and varied technique, original chord progressions and display skillful improvisation and solo abilities, and also a certain tenaciousness, a je ne sais quoi

And to be shown Pul Gilbert or Slash or whomever tearing it up with a 10 minute, mind blowing, balls out awesome improv'ed guitar solo, then have it tabulated so you can see and analyse what it is to truly blend all these aspects into something truly brilliant.

That is the basis of my question in this thread

partyatmygaff

There's little point in looking at sample "A" essays. You need to develop your own writing style. You're only in fifth year and from what seems to be the case, people rarely, if ever, get As during fifth year. Your grade will increase steadily as you progress through the course and refine your writing style.

aranciata

English is a subjective subject and thus, no "standard" A-grade essay can ever be given. Even the best of work - "The Great Gatsby", "Lolita", "Villette" - all have their detractors. Finding an A-grade essay will just influence and certainly compromise your own work.

Violafy

aranciata wrote: »

English is a subjective subject and thus, no "standard" A-grade essay can ever be given. Even the best of work - "The Great Gatsby", "Lolita", "Villette" - all have their detractors. Finding an A-grade essay will just influence and certainly compromise your own work.

Agreed. Reading sample answers written by other people just unnerves me tbh, as I feel like mine aren't good enough or something. Also, if you copy someone else's sample answer in the Leaving Cert, the examiner will probably realise and penalise you strongly.

DarraghMcK

I know I know, I mean, of course my style and skill will develop over the coming year and a bit or whatever that's a given, and I'll be working tirelessly to achieve this.

However, I'm just extremely curious Now as to what precisely qualifies as this standard, what I need to shoot for.

I mean let's face it, personal writing skill and verbosity etc will only get you so far in the exam. They want roast beef and and potatoes. If you give them curry, no matter how delicious or complex it may be, at the end of the day its just not what they're asking for. Its stupid but its how the system works

Someone else out there has to know where I'm coming from

aranciata

Several people in my class who had their mocks sent away and corrected got high marks for plagiarised essays, mostly from unholy revision books (one had the audacity to learn off a paragraph OF MINE and use it!). Disgusting and repugnant behaviour, needless to say, I don't associate myself or speak to these low people, thieves and cheaters.

Violafy

DarraghMcK wrote: »

I know I know, I mean, of course my style and skill will develop over the coming year and a bit or whatever that's a given, and I'll be working tirelessly to achieve this.

However, I'm just extremely curious Now as to what precisely qualifies as this standard, what I need to shoot for.

I mean let's face it, personal writing skill and verbosity etc will only get you so far in the exam. They want roast beef and and potatoes. If you give them curry, no matter how delicious or complex it may be, at the end of the day its just not what they're asking for. Its stupid but its how the system works


Someone else out there has to know where I'm coming from

Did you actually read my post? Buy Shortcuts to Success Hamlet or google "leaving cert english sample essays" or something. Even though it isn't advisable to copy those.

Violafy

aranciata wrote: »

Several people in my class who had their mocks sent away and corrected got high marks for plagiarised essays, mostly from unholy revision books (one had the audacity to learn off a paragraph OF MINE and use it!). Disgusting and repugnant behaviour, needless to say, I don't associate myself or speak to these low people, thieves and cheaters.

That is disgusting, and shows what is wrong with the Leaving Cert system. I hope they don't do nearly as well if they feel the need to copy from another student. :mad:

DarraghMcK

Yes however there is a difference between a work of literature and an analytical style essay within the parameters the Leaving Certificate Exam. They want (mostly) cold hard facts and evidence, presented with a bit of flair and showmanship.

And as I said before I am in NO WAY looking to plagarise Anything I am merely looking to see the standard I must aim for within those parameters.

And as for this point about being influenced and "compromised", do you think any of the great writers just wrote purely off their own bat? No, they read widely from the works of their peers and predecessors, let those ideas stir within their own minds, took in the different styling, the characters etc, and from gaining more of an insight, developed from this their own often, but not always, brilliant works.

I may have gone slightly overboard there but you get my point right?

aranciata

Go and learn off your personal response to the poetry of Eavan Boland from a braindead old-fashioned retiree hack just punching the clock trying to make money of a bestselling revision book. Learn off that essay, spit it out (if you can!), get your A1 in English and do medicine, or law, or business. Just know that you're robbing not-even-blindly the honest and deserving students of English who respect the language.

Violafy

DarraghMcK wrote: »

They want (mostly) cold hard facts and evidence, presented with a bit of flair and showmanship.

"They" also want a personal response and for you to show that you have engaged properly with the text. Facts alone won't get you an A1.

partyatmygaff

DarraghMcK wrote: »

I know I know, I mean, of course my style and skill will develop over the coming year and a bit or whatever that's a given, and I'll be working tirelessly to achieve this.

However, I'm just extremely curious Now as to what precisely qualifies as this standard, what I need to shoot for.

The key to it is to read and write extensively. There's not much else to it.

I mean let's face it, personal writing skill and verbosity etc will only get you so far in the exam.

Verbosity isn't a good thing! Using overly complex language to the point of losing clarity will lose you marks. This brings me on to my next point...

They want roast beef and and potatoes. If you give them curry, no matter how delicious or complex it may be, at the end of the day its just not what they're asking for. Its stupid but its how the system works

I know you're trying to live up to the reputation you set yourself in the first post but to be brutally honest your writing style sounds very forced and contrived. To be constructively critical, it shows a lack of awareness of writing mode. The style of language you should use in forum posts discussing something as technical as this need not be so aesthetic. You don't need to metaphorise what you're saying in technical discussions.

What I'm trying to say overall is that you should not force your writing. It should flow naturally and it should be appropriate to the subject matter in terms of style.

In general, your grammar and vocabulary is very good but there's one tiny thing that I think you're missing. The contraction of "It is" is "It's" with an apostrophe. Little issues of mechanics like that would detract slightly from the overall effect of your otherwise refined writing style.

aranciata

Violafy wrote: »

"They" also want a personal response and for you to show that you have engaged properly with the text. Facts alone won't get you an A1.

Yes exactly! You cannot justify plagiarising an essay by saying you are copying what is fact! English is a different breed of a subject to Biology or Chemistry that are founded on fact, teach fact, and expect you to know and understand what it fact. English cannot be learned off, and yet, it too often is.

aranciata

partyatmygaff wrote: »

The key to it is to read and write extensively. There's not much else to it.

Verbosity isn't a good thing! Using overly complex language to the point of losing clarity will lose you marks. This brings me on to my next point...

I know you're trying to live up to the reputation you set yourself in the first post but to be brutally honest your writing style sounds very forced and contrived. To be constructively critical, it shows a lack of awareness of writing mode. The style of language you should use in forum posts discussing something as technical as this need not be so aesthetic. You don't need to metaphorise what you're saying in technical discussions.

What I'm trying to say overall is that you should not force your writing. It should flow naturally and it should be appropriate to the subject matter in terms of style.

In general, your grammar and vocabulary are very good but there's one tiny thing that I think you're missing. The contraction of "It is" is "It's" with an apostrophe. Little issues of mechanics like that would detract slightly from the overall effect of your otherwise refined writing style.

Yes and leave the food imagery to someone who can use it more effectively, please. Do you want your writing to sound homely and comforting? Are you channeling Eavan Boland in "This Moment"? I don't even like Eavan Boland's poetry so you should take that as a grave, grave insult, old sport.

Violafy

aranciata wrote: »

Yes and leave the food imagery to someone who can use it more effectively, please. Do you want your writing to sound homely and comforting? Are you channeling Eavan Boland in "This Moment"? I don't even like Eavan Boland's poetry so you should take that as a grave, grave insult, old sport.

Lol. I presume you're in 6th year? Boland is alright I think - when compared to the likes of Hopkins. :mad: I wrote about Frost in the mocks, and have my fingers crossed that he'll come up again in June.

DarraghMcK

Hey hold on their a second. Please do not bundle me in with those sorts of people. I have never ONCE in my life come even Close to doing anything of that sort. All of my essays are my own, and even to my own demise on occasion I have studied minimally my previous essays before an exam, preferring to let the temporal flow do its work. this worked fine and dandy in the junior cert but I am finding as time goes on this works less and less and is a risky thing to do, so I am, for the betterment of myself trying to come into a more rigid, acceptable style while Attempting to maintain my individuality.
Unfortunately, and I am getting sick of sounding like a broken record, the leaving cert is not so accomodating, it is dog eat dog, cut and thrust, and I want to mould, to pear back my own style, to suit this system.
It is, and has been for a long time, been my ambition to become a doctor, not some elitist, "oh medicine is the highest so I'll do that to satisfy my ever inflating ego" quest, but to be like my mother, uncle, and other people I know, to work to help people, and to study the intricacies of the human body, and the treatment of illnesses.

however, the only way they will allow you to do this is through these archaic, arbitrary examinations! and unfortunately one must play this game to win the prize.

I apologise if I gave the impression of some mindless bookwork, or a lazy idiot looking for an easy way out, I assure you I am neither of these things.

I should have mentioned before, what I am lookign to see could be on Any topic within any year of the L.C or Mocks, I just want to see the Sort of thing I will be required to come out with come June 2012

aranciata

Violafy wrote: »

Lol. I presume you're in 6th year? Boland is alright I think - when compared to the likes of Hopkins. :mad: I wrote about Frost in the mocks, and have my fingers crossed that he'll come up again in June.

I happen to love and adore Hopkins, in the past year he's influenced the books I read (Nabakov) and even the music I listen to (Joanna Newsom, Laura Marling!). His balance of theme and technique, and the way they're often so interchangeable is somehow comforting to me. It shows me that sometimes English isn't about the content, which encourages me to write when I feel like I have nothing to say!

Violafy

DarraghMcK wrote: »

I should have mentioned before, what I am lookign to see could be on Any topic within any year of the L.C or Mocks, I just want to see the Sort of thing I will be required to come out with come June 2012

I told you twice where you could find plenty of Hamlet A1 sample essays, and yet again, you've ignored it. Do you expect us to type out our own essays for you or something? On that note, I'm going to bed.

aranciata

DarraghMcK wrote: »

Hey hold on their a second. Please do not bundle me in with those sorts of people. I have never ONCE in my life come even Close to doing anything of that sort. All of my essays are my own, and even to my own demise on occasion I have studied minimally my previous essays before an exam, preferring to let the temporal flow do its work. this worked fine and dandy in the junior cert but I am finding as time goes on this works less and less and is a risky thing to do, so I am, for the betterment of myself trying to come into a more rigid, acceptable style while Attempting to maintain my individuality.
Unfortunately, and I am getting sick of sounding like a broken record, the leaving cert is not so accomodating, it is dog eat dog, cut and thrust, and I want to mould, to pear back my own style, to suit this system.
It is, and has been for a long time, been my ambition to become a doctor, not some elitist, "oh medicine is the highest so I'll do that to satisfy my ever inflating ego" quest, but to be like my mother, uncle, and other people I know, to work to help people, and to study the intricacies of the human body, and the treatment of illnesses.

however, the only way they will allow you to do this is through these archaic, arbitrary examinations! and unfortunately one must play this game to win the prize.

I apologise if I gave the impression of some mindless bookwork, or a lazy idiot looking for an easy way out, I assure you I am neither of these things.

I should have mentioned before, what I am lookign to see could be on Any topic within any year of the L.C or Mocks, I just want to see the Sort of thing I will be required to come out with come June 2012

Can I just say before I finish reading your post that I TOTALLY CALLED THIS LIKE THREE POSTS AGO! It's always the medicine, law and business types looking for this kind of quick fix. It's funny, you're almost self-diagnosing yourself and asking us for a cure. Sorry for the heavy-handed metaphor (though rather suitable I thought myself). Maybe you shouldn't be focusing all your efforts into English, work on your Biology and Chemistry?

DarraghMcK

Well obviously I'm not too concerned about my grammar in terms of it's and its and what ever in this forum, nor could you necessarily compare my style of writing here to within an essay format.

And also I do know the meaning of verbosity, it just sort of came out in light of not having another word for "articulate" on hand, and also due to having 3 or 4 exchanges going at the same time.

I must say though you have been the most helpful of the contributors here and I'd like to thank you for that.

And yeah reading back I have to say some of my lines are more than a little pretentious. I started the thread on the back of doing a "Hamlet is a noble hero" essay and kinda left myself half in whimsical writer mode

johnmcdnl

write a bad ass essay on the spot on the day of the exam and bitch about every political institution and religious institution you can think of

don't do a short story thing because unless your an amazing story teller it won't stand out from the crowd...

I went from 64 to 91 from mocks to leaving cert (i checked the marking afterwards because I hadn't a notion how I managed to get an A in the leaving cert english)

I never prepared an essay and on the day I just let it all flow out of me - I wasn't trying to remember where my essay was going or anything...
for my short story in the mocks I remember trying to get it to fit into the title which just ended up confusing me and made me loose track and messed what wasn't a great story to begin with up...

during the actual leaving cert I didn't prepare anything at all for my essay and it worked out pretty well for me - saying that you could try that and it could go horrendously wrong

It worked for me - that's all I can say - probably not the best advice but basically if you want an above mark answer you need your answer to stand out from the crowd... you want yours to be that bit of fresh air for the examiner that breaks the monotony of correcting for the examiner.. that's basically what it'll come down to - MAKE IT STAND OUT whether that be having an amazing story (remember your idea of a great story could be the examiner's idea of complete ****e) so I'd recommend doing an article because to begin with it'll stand out as not being a short story... then it's just up to you knowing background information on the chosen topic so get reading the newspapers, watching the news reading After Hours to see what's actually going on in the world and develop an opinion on topical information and turn that into an amazing article/report or whatever answer you choose to do...

just don't do a short story if you want to do really well - I know this is probably the tenth time I've said that but unless your actually a literary genius and the examiner likes your idea of a good story your not going to be able to get the best marks...

and as much as people will argue with me for saying that - luck with the examiner will come into it depending on what that given examiner thinks is a good style of writing and such and such... yes there's guidelines to be followed but if that's the case then why did my teacher only ever give me C's and D's for class exams and the examiner in the leaving give me pretty much A's for every single question???

conclusion time for the tldr peoples - don't do a short story, do an article on something topical and cross your fingers that you get a sound examiner who'll really agree with your point of view which may be able to bump you up a few marks


EDIT - noticed you mean essay's as in poetry and drama

Poetry - basically what I did for poetry was just take the 2 main points in each poem by a particular poet say Kavanagh for now..

look at the main points and you'll see overlaps between poems.. ie - love of the country life/loneliness/rejuvenation etc etc

then I'd just pick a single poem and discuss a main point and then when finished taking just say which is similar to kavanagh's emotions in "XYZ" XYZ show's how Kavanagh blah blah blah while also showing kavanagh's dislike of life in the city blah blah blah which is a key theme in his poem "ABC" etc etc

when learning poetry just get the notes on each indivual poem and know what all the key themes and issues are and just style it out like that...

once again - this worked for me - how much of a fluke it was god only knows...


comparative texts were quite similar - I just picked a point within GVV/CC/LG and just talked about text A then text B and was quite different to text C where... blah blah blah
another key theme through the texts is blah blah blah
etc etc etc

don't overly complicate yourself and let yourself talk about each theme in each text step by step.. make it seem planned and organised... don't have comparisons thrown in every 2 sentences...
it's so much easier to write and re read if you take it step by step by step but just make sure you get all those comparisons in but keep it laid out neatly...


that's basically all the tips I can give you - just keep it simple - simplicity is surprisingly effective - make your you ANSWER THE FÚCKING QUESTION - do not try to work a pre learned answer in where it's not meant to fit...


EDIT no2 - just reread this thread and looked at your posts in particular - for the essay itself you could easily make an essay up and lambast the actual leaving cert system - that'll stand out for definite and I can clearly see your not salting the system because it's cool to slate the system but you know what your talking about.. you can see the gaps and flaws in the system and the how it clearly fails a certain demographic of the students who do the leaving every year... that group of students who actually do know a lot about the subject but don't make their answer conform well enough with the template the department want by not using those god damn awful "linking words" "in my opinion blah blah" "which is similar to" back to "from my perspective"

right now for you basically about making sure you know the straight out facts about everything in the course you have to learn and write your essays with the cold hard facts but make sure you let your opinion on these facts come through while getting those "in my opinion" statements throughout.. and answer the question and make sure your answering the question

DarraghMcK

johnmcdnl wrote: »

write a bad ass essay on the spot on the day of the exam and bitch about every political institution and religious institution you can think of

don't do a short story thing because unless your an amazing story teller it won't stand out from the crowd...

I went from 64 to 91 from mocks to leaving cert (i checked the marking afterwards because I hadn't a notion how I managed to get an A in the leaving cert english)

I never prepared an essay and on the day I just let it all flow out of me - I wasn't trying to remember where my essay was going or anything...
for my short story in the mocks I remember trying to get it to fit into the title which just ended up confusing me and made me loose track and messed what wasn't a great story to begin with up...

during the actual leaving cert I didn't prepare anything at all for my essay and it worked out pretty well for me - saying that you could try that and it could go horrendously wrong

It worked for me - that's all I can say - probably not the best advice but basically if you want an above mark answer you need your answer to stand out from the crowd... you want yours to be that bit of fresh air for the examiner that breaks the monotony of correcting for the examiner.. that's basically what it'll come down to - MAKE IT STAND OUT whether that be having an amazing story (remember your idea of a great story could be the examiner's idea of complete ****e) so I'd recommend doing an article because to begin with it'll stand out as not being a short story... then it's just up to you knowing background information on the chosen topic so get reading the newspapers, watching the news reading After Hours to see what's actually going on in the world and develop an opinion on topical information and turn that into an amazing article/report or whatever answer you choose to do...

just don't do a short story if you want to do really well - I know this is probably the tenth time I've said that but unless your actually a literary genius and the examiner likes your idea of a good story your not going to be able to get the best marks...

and as much as people will argue with me for saying that - luck with the examiner will come into it depending on what that given examiner thinks is a good style of writing and such and such... yes there's guidelines to be followed but if that's the case then why did my teacher only ever give me C's and D's for class exams and the examiner in the leaving give me pretty much A's for every single question???

conclusion time for the tldr peoples - don't do a short story, do an article on something topical and cross your fingers that you get a sound examiner who'll really agree with your point of view which may be able to bump you up a few marks


EDIT - noticed you mean essay's as in poetry and drama

Poetry - basically what I did for poetry was just take the 2 main points in each poem by a particular poet say Kavanagh for now..

look at the main points and you'll see overlaps between poems.. ie - love of the country life/loneliness/rejuvenation etc etc

then I'd just pick a single poem and discuss a main point and then when finished taking just say which is similar to kavanagh's emotions in "XYZ" XYZ show's how Kavanagh blah blah blah while also showing kavanagh's dislike of life in the city blah blah blah which is a key theme in his poem "ABC" etc etc

when learning poetry just get the notes on each indivual poem and know what all the key themes and issues are and just style it out like that...

once again - this worked for me - how much of a fluke it was god only knows...


comparative texts were quite similar - I just picked a point within GVV/CC/LG and just talked about text A then text B and was quite different to text C where... blah blah blah
another key theme through the texts is blah blah blah
etc etc etc

don't overly complicate yourself and let yourself talk about each theme in each text step by step.. make it seem planned and organised... don't have comparisons thrown in every 2 sentences...
it's so much easier to write and re read if you take it step by step by step but just make sure you get all those comparisons in but keep it laid out neatly...


that's basically all the tips I can give you - just keep it simple - simplicity is surprisingly effective - make your you ANSWER THE FÚCKING QUESTION - do not try to work a pre learned answer in where it's not meant to fit...

Sir, I have to applaud this genuinely helpful, friendly advice.
I'm not so much working towards a pre-learned answer, but to have a skeleton in my head to throw the meat on in the exam if you get me

Aisling(",)

Don't get disheartened now sure you're only in 5th year you've a year and a half to perfect your essay writing skills no need to get bogged down in it.

I got a c in my junior cert in english then managed to get two a's in higer level(i repeated the leaving) in the exams despite having never gotten above a c in my class.
Maybe the teacher is just marking you hard to make you work harder,and take note of their corrections etc they know what theyre on about.

DarraghMcK

I have already been through many articles and essays online, but few if any answer a specific question in a rigid 4-5 page leaving cert style.
I came here to look for guidance, people's personal experience, and if at all possible <perhaps people had already typed things up> what this sort of piece would look like.
I wouldn't demand from anyone to undertake something in the way you inferred I was doing.

DarraghMcK

by the way, Eavan and Adrienne Rich make my skin crawl. Haven't touched on either of their work yet, and don't look forward to having to.
Kavanagh is good, though the likes of his later work is a bit wishy washy for me.
Kinsella is also v. good. Don't buy too much into the numerology and archtypes and stuff too much though. Have to be selective if using it at all in answers Choice of poems on the course is a little annoying though.

Would have liked to have had Yeats . Awful shame he's absent for my year.
Also I dont know if my class is even doing Heaney

Chuchoter

aranciata wrote: »

Go and learn off your personal response to the poetry of Eavan Boland from a braindead old-fashioned retiree hack just punching the clock trying to make money of a bestselling revision book. Learn off that essay, spit it out (if you can!), get your A1 in English and do medicine, or law, or business. Just know that you're robbing not-even-blindly the honest and deserving students of English who respect the language.

Oh for Christ's sake, get off your high horse. This is leaving cert English, come up with big fancy ideas and you will get no marks. I am very,very good at English. I've had my work published, but do I get great marks in class? No. I get at best a B, because the LC is set up for regurgitation and it is incredibly arrogant of you to criticize someone for trying to get the highest marks possible. If you want to go respecting the language and such, enjoy your English degree. Let the rest of us get on with it.

DarraghMcK

crayolastereo wrote: »

Oh for Christ's sake, get off your high horse. This is leaving cert English, come up with big fancy ideas and you will get no marks. I am very,very good at English. I've had my work published, but do I get great marks in class? No. I get at best a B, because the LC is set up for regurgitation and it is incredibly arrogant of you to criticize someone for trying to get the highest marks possible. If you want to go respecting the language and such, enjoy your English degree. Let the rest of us get on with it.

Here here

johnmcdnl

DarraghMcK wrote: »

Sir, I have to applaud this genuinely helpful, friendly advice.
I'm not so much working towards a pre-learned answer, but to have a skeleton in my head to throw the meat on in the exam if you get me

definitely have something prepared in the back of your head and do not go into the exam with not a clue what your were going to write like I did...

Have your idea ready and when you see the questions have the meat known off well - then expand - and just try to remember - your not going to be able to get everything you know into some question because that question didn't ask for it..

it's VERY frustrating but do not go off topic to stick some little snippet of information in because you learned it off...

get yourself prepared for as many possibilities as possible and when you see the question on the day lock and load and basically let yourself write from the heart while getting the facts in...

DarraghMcK

Exactly right.

Bbbbolger

aranciata wrote: »

Can I just say before I finish reading your post that I TOTALLY CALLED THIS LIKE THREE POSTS AGO! It's always the medicine, law and business types looking for this kind of quick fix. It's funny, you're almost self-diagnosing yourself and asking us for a cure. Sorry for the heavy-handed metaphor (though rather suitable I thought myself). Maybe you shouldn't be focusing all your efforts into English, work on your Biology and Chemistry?

I've been reading through this thread and to be honest I feel your slightly talking down to people here. The OP is looking for a little guidance. We all need help at some point or other so lighten up a bit ok? This thread is about English; not biology and chemistry. 6 subjects are needed for the Leaving cert either way so concentration is required in every subject. A lot of people do learn off answers for English. Some memorise from revision books and some memorise their own work. Honestly, I couldn't care less what anyone else in the L.C does to get points because that's what it's all about...points. They aren't cheating or stealing. If you can memorise it go ahead. Most examiners will recognise clear plagiarism from revision books so on their own heads be it. Let's say I do memorise an essay for the English exam and get an A1. Will my quality of English be altered because of this? No, it won't. I'm still going to have the same standard of English as I always had. Also, taking into account that it would be near impossible for most L.C students to memorise enough full essays to cover themselves for the exam, they are not really stealing points from the "honest and deserving students who respect the language." They will still need a very high general standard of English. Rant over

implausible

aranciata wrote: »

Several people in my class who had their mocks sent away and corrected got high marks for plagiarised essays

There is nothing wrong with this; the essays are marked as seen and once they answer the question, they get the marks. Those students obviously had the wherewithall to adapt their learned-off esaays and adapt them to the title.

DarraghMcK wrote: »

All of my essays are my own, and even to my own demise on occasion I have studied minimally my previous essays before an exam, preferring to let the temporal flow do its work. this worked fine and dandy in the junior cert but I am finding as time goes on this works less and less and is a risky thing to do, so I am, for the betterment of myself trying to come into a more rigid, acceptable style while Attempting to maintain my individuality.

The "flow" is fine for paper I essays, but for paper II it can be a disaster as it is simply a huge ask to come up with three original essays off the top of your head in an over three hour exam. You do have other subjects to concentrate on too!

DarraghMcK wrote: »

Sir, I have to applaud this genuinely helpful, friendly advice.
I'm not so much working towards a pre-learned answer, but to have a skeleton in my head to throw the meat on in the exam if you get me

The 'skeleton' essay plan is the way to go. You need to go into the exam having a fairly definite idea of what you are going to write (this is especially easy for the comparative). On the day, all that is left to do is adapt your structure to the question asked.

The most important thing an examiner wants for you to ATFQ (answering the f*cking question). After that, it's down to knowledge of texts, engagement with the texts, personal response, clear structure and good clear expression. I fear that the latter may be where you are losing out; your style in these posts is coming across as rather pompous. You'd also want to lose the capital letters in the middle of sentences. While having your own individual style is fantastic, it becomes a problem when the style begins to obscure or distract from the points you are making.

You can obviously write. Your mission is to mould it to the SEC's liking (which, incidentally, may not be to your teacher's liking.)

aranciata

crayolastereo wrote: »

I am very,very good at English. I've had my work published

It's rich that you accost me and tell me, as if you know me, that I'm a condescending person, when you can so easily, and simultaneously! speak highly of yourself. I didn't fail to tell the OP of how great *I* am at English, and of *my* published work, because I am in fact, humble and modest. I resent being told I am condescending, if you take personal offence to what I say, that speaks volumes about the kind of person YOU are.

You also need to learn how to differentiate between the Leaving Cert, and an education. We're not taught to learn off and regurgitate others work, we're taught to think for ourselves and write for ourselves. It's quite tragic that people our age, who can freely speak english and write english, and given (blessed, rather) our own minds, cannot write for ourselves and stand by our work.

partyatmygaff

Why is it that in all threads about English people end up bickering and trying to outdo each other?

The OP came for advice. Although some of his posts were a tad over the top, the fact remains that he came for advice and certainly not to be accused of plagiarism or to sideline a flame war.

He wants advice and the best advice that anyone could give is to read and to read extensively. That will give you a strong foundation in English that you can use to excel in the exam.

As for the exam itself here are a few pointers:
1. Awareness. You must be constantly aware of what is being asked of you. Refer to the question and answer the question. Do not include irrelevant material as it makes your writing lose focus and clarity. Also, be aware of what style of writing is most appropriate to the question.

2. Speed. You need to increase your writing speed to ensure you will have enough time to complete the test. By this, I do not mean the speed at which you physically write but the speed at which you think of what to write. You can't afford to waste time during the exam.

DarraghMcK

Thought I'd somewhat resurrect this thread for a bit. Got around to typing up one of my Hamlet essays and thought I might put it up in this for some (hopefully constructive) criticism. I'll admit it is slightly verbose in patches but I think it finally blends analysis and personal, looser writing in a way I can actually get decent marks out of. MY teacher was impressed, though sadly it was ungraded as with all our practice essays.

Any critiques, tips etc are welcome. Just don't be a dick

Hamlet question was on Deception, Corruption and False Appearances in the Court of Elsinore (couldn't remember exact question)

“The pen is mightier than the sword” or so professes the cliche, and Hamlet as a play perhaps suggests that the mask, deception trumps both these weapons again. Honesty and truthfullness/openness are rare commodities within the court of Elsinore, and all aspects of life; family, friends, even supposed leaders all prove themselves to be “ought but false appearances”, disposable fascades thinly veiling malevolent and often cruel intentions. This is established by Hamlet himself in Act 1 Scene 5 when he comments that: “One may smile, and smaile and be a villain - at least it may be so in Denmark”. Indeed, much like the rats beneath our feet, one is never too far from a deception, a subterfuge of some sort within the play, and all of the characters to an extent resolve to deceive someone else, be it to harm or protect, or even both.
Polonius is beyond doubt the most proficient at this. He doesn’t hesitate to lie to and use those close to him, particularly “the fair Ophelia” as mere pawns in his vicious pursuit of personal gain. This trait certainly makes him one of, if not the most deplorable character of the play. Indeed, even the normally moral and empathetic Hamlet shows little if any remorse after murdering the “wretched, rash intruding fool” in Act 3 Scene 4. The fact that it is Polonius favorite past time; spying in the royal bedrrom on the deeply personal and confidential conversation between Gertrude and her son, which leads to his demise provides a delicious irony for we the reader, and is typical of Shakespeare’s subtle yet brilliant humour.
Whether or not his actions warranted his death is debatable, but there is no question of the iniquity of Polonius’ sinister and meddling nature. In fact in Act 1 Scene 3 we see him offering Laertes moral advice and guidance (“to thine own self be true” and such) as a father rightly should. However within minutes of Laertes’ departure we see him sending Reynaldo to spy on Laertes’ behavior in France, and even to sabotage his reputation to force him back to Denmark. Underhanded dealings such as these are rife in Hamlet’s world.
However, Polonius is not the lone practitioner of his art. Claudius, the fratricidal King, is essentially built of lies, of cloak and dagger. His treachery knows no bounds when it comes to protecting his position, and his entire public persona of the friendly smiling King is no more than complete and utter fraudulence, and in no way reflects the true nature of this cold , callous, scheming murderer. It could be said that Claudious is the carcinogen which bred the cancerous mendacity which pervades the palace. It was his actions which set in motion the events of the entire play, and in taking his place on the throne, deceived not only a small group of his consorts, but the entire nation. Claudius is shown to be an extremely quick thinking, persuasive and articulate man, able to manipulate and quell even the strongest of minds. This malign skill is demonstrated at its finest in Act 4 Scene 5 with Laertes, whom storms the castle seething with rage, yet is calmed and coerced into Claudius’ puppet against Hamlet in a less than a single page of dialogue. This scene shows just how easily the bacillus spreads; invading and corrupting minds. The essentially noble Laertes, on a quest to claim his father’s body and uncover “how came he dead”, is perverted into becoming the ruthless tool of the conniving King, “and let the great axe fall - where the offence is.”
And in true Shakespearean style, the method with which Claudius plans to have Hamlet killed is a deception also. Rather than simply have Hamlet assassinated, he will use the grand ruse of a fencing match to have him slain with a poisoned rapier. This would leave him completely in the clear of any suspicion as he was well aware that Hamlet’s popularity as “the rose and expectancy of the fair state” (III, 1) would provoke a veritable uprising if he were in any way incriminated in Hamlet’s demise.
On a side note, we see also the extent of the corruption of Laertes as the duel begins in Act 5 Scene 2. “Give me your pardon sir, for I have done you wrong” Hamlet pleads, citing his madness; his “sore distraction” as what caused hime to harm his “brother”. Laertes seems to accept this apology gratefully, “accepting this offered love like love” however it is clear that he meant nothing by these words. He continues on with the duel knowing full well he posseses the poisoned sword which he inevitably uses to slay our hero. This act shows the full infectious capacity of the King’s malevolence.
The fencing match however, is not the first instance of a spectacle being put on for the court with an underlying alterior motive. Hamlet’s play in Act 2, though deceitful, is fundamental in establishing Claudius as the true murderer of King Hamlet, and indeed as the true villain of of the play; ‘the play’s the thing in which we’ll catch the conscience of the king”. Thus emerges the question of whether one can utilize deception as a tactic yet retain morality and nobility. This is one of the key issues in the play. Hamlet adopts his “antic disposition” for seeming noble reasons; to avoid being killed by Claudius, who still remains suspicious of him, and to allow him a degree of freedom within the castle to investigate further. If the court believe him mad, then they will drop their guard around the “harmless lunatic prince”, who unbeknownst to them is in fact their judge jury and executioner.
This antic disposition however also brings with it a lot of pain and anguish, particularly for Ophelia. This leads us to suppose that perhaps Hamlet is using this supposed ruse as an outlet for the pain and anguish that plague his ethereal psyche following his father’s murder, as well as that caused by the overshadowing prescence of Claudius. Indeed, many critics would agree that this disposition is at the very least ruptured by Ophelia in the Nunnery Scene in Act 3, where she herself is deceiving him, as the surprisingly willing pawn of Polonius and Claudius. She essentially rejects him, as her lover, as her partner, and this causes Hamlet to lose control, reviling her to such a degree so as to undoubtedly contribute to her later suicide. Even our noble hero is not immune to the plague.
Hamlet more than anyone is subject to Claudius and his minions’ ploys, yet unlike other characters, simultaneously understanding and seeing through the false appearances which so perturbate the Danish court. This is shown brilliantly in Act 3 Scene 2 in which, akin to his later confrontation of his mother, “speaks daggers” to the treacherous duo of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern after the play. He knows the two have betrayed him, and become the spies of Claudius. He begins the confrontation first in a camp, joking manner, but sharply descends into a dark, callous dissection of the pair, dissolving once and for all any notion that they or the King have fooled him. He exposes their treachery for all to see, and this verbal assault predicates his eventual murder of them. He procures a flute, and asks them to “play upon’t”. Yet they admit they cannot; they “havent the skill”. Hamlet insists. “Tis as easy as lying. One merely governs these vestages with their fingers and thumbs and it emits most eloquent music”. Yet they refuse again. Thus, he launches into an attack: “how lowly they must consider him as to think him easier played than a pipe” that “they would seem to know his stops”. This is Hamlets full declaration of his sanity, his intentions, and his knowledge of the plotting of Claudius. He will not be so easily manipulated as the other members of the court: “Call me whatever instrument you like. Though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me”.
This short sequence effectively sums up the machinations within the court. Not one character save perhaps Horatio the moral backbone of the play, conducts their life in a sincere manner. Everyone, as in real life, to some degree becomes Hamlet’s “smiling damned villain”, and it is left up to the reader to decide ultimately who is truly good and genuinely evil. This freedom of interpretation shows the genius in Shakespeare’s design of the play, a world much like our own which (decidedly amongst the ruling classes), is dominated by deception, duplicity, manipulation, and false appearances.

stealinhorses

I'm sure you've posted this without having read over it, as there are many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Nevertheless, I will try to give you some feedback.

My very first impression after reading this essay was that it was, as others have mentioned in this thread, very long-winded. Many of your sentences seem forced and there is too much "artistry" in stating simple facts. After every second sentence, I found myself having to go back two lines and read again what you said, because I got lost in your argument before you reached a full stop. This will make the examiner's job in the summer very hard and they will not like reading your essay. But let's get right down to it.

I like how you begin with a well-known adage, but I really don't understand how it fits in with the theme of your essay. Also, I would argue that it is not a cliché, so perhaps your choice of words is a bit off there.

truthfullness/openness

No need for this slash, just pick one word and stick with it, otherwise it looks horrible.

fascades

"Façade" is the correct spelling, although "facade" has become acceptable.

Act 1 Scene 5

This might just be a personal thing, but I was always taught in English class in primary school that numbers below ten should not be written as numerical symbols. I would have written "Act One, Scene Five", but I'm sure it doesn't matter.

provides a delicious irony for we the reader

Irony that is provided for "we the reader"? Just look at it, it even sounds completely wrong.

(“to thine own self be true” and such)

Don't say "and such", actually mention the other things which Polonius said or leave the one quote on its own.

It could be said that Claudious is the carcinogen which bred the cancerous mendacity which pervades the palace.

You could have just said that the consequences of Claudius' furtive actions spread through Elsinore like a cancer, rather than a "palace-pervading cancerous mendacity bred by the carcinogen in the form of Claudius".
See how long-winded that sounds when you read it?

Also, comparing Claudius to cancer is perhaps a bit too strong. Of course, his actions were entirely worthy of condemnation and he does not fully appreciate the role of Denmark's king. Nevertheless, his hypocritical public face is that of a capable monarch who possesses a certain political flair and is a good statesman.
I would argue that Hamlet's response to Claudius' actions is what actually triggers the destructive chain reaction in Elsinore, rather than his uncle's string-pulling behind the scenes. Remember, Claudius wants to keep the murder of Old Hamlet a secret and as the play begins every main character, bar Hamlet's dad is alive.

But yeah, your point is still valid.

how easily the bacillus spreads

I don't do biology, but I don't think cancer is a bacillus.

The essentially noble Laertes

On a personal note, I always felt like Laertes was a bit of a dick from the start. He is very easily corrupted by Claudius which perhaps suggests that his nobility is not all that essential to his character.

to slay our hero (...)
our noble hero

I wouldn't say Hamlet is "our" hero. He's more of "the play's hero" or the "titular hero". And he's definitely not all that noble, just think back to Act Three, Scene Three - "And that his soul may be as damned and black/As hell whereto it goes".

Since I went through the trouble of finding that exact quote, I might as well point out this:

‘the play’s the thing in which we’ll catch the conscience of the king”

That was not written by Shakespeare - "the play's the thing/Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king" is the correct quote. The good thing is that in this essay you've used lines from the text which are not very well known and if you misquote them, the examiner might not notice. However, if you get the big ones wrong it looks silly and they will think you're guessing just to throw something in.

utilize

Utilise.

This leads us to suppose that perhaps Hamlet is using this supposed ruse

Don't use the same word twice in a sentence.

the pain and anguish that plague his ethereal psyche

I don't know, but I just cringed after reading that. There's no need to be so fancy with your word choices, especially if you're going to use malapropisms. It's better to stick with a register that you feel comfortable with. Otherwise what you've written seems forced and you look like someone who's trying to sound smart when they aren't. Just make your point clearly and move on. If using "big" words only stops you from communicating your ideas to the reader, then there is no need for them.

this verbal assault predicates his eventual murder of them

Hamlet didn't kill them, he just told someone else to do it.

Hamlet insists.

This is a very short sentence which doesn't fit into an essay format, especially not your essay. Give a reason for why he insists in the same sentence, or write your quote in after a comma.

Not one character save perhaps Horatio

"Save" sounds a bit archaic in this context. Maybe that's just me.

a world much like our own which (decidedly amongst the ruling classes)

No need for this. Also, don't write anything in brackets, it looks awful.


As I have said before, you definitely didn't read over what you wrote. If you actually did and still posted it, then you might have a bit of a problem because of the numerous orthographic and grammatical errors.

The actual content of your essay is good. You mention all the instances when characters use deception and the consequences which cunning actions bring. There are plenty of relevant quotes, although I'm not sure about the accuracy of their wording. You discuss how all the main characters are shown to be multifaceted and set that in context of the plot.
The structure of your essay is logical and it flows nicely. The question was a general one so your answer did not need to be as focused, and it wasn't.

The biggest problem I have with this is your style of writing. It is very hard to read some of your sentences as they are too convoluted. There is no need to show that you know many fancy words and phrases. You can do that on Paper One in the Composition section. This is simply a discussion of a famous work of literature and the examiner wants to see how well you understand the play and how you interpret what happens in it for yourself. To show this, you need to be clear in what you're saying and let the examiner see that you know your stuff.
When you write like this, you come across as a bit of a buffoon, with all your glittered-up and fluffy sentences. Just cut down on those and you should be aiming for a high B.

Hope that was constructive criticism :P

partyatmygaff

DarraghMcK wrote: »

Thought I'd somewhat resurrect this thread for a bit. Got around to typing up one of my Hamlet essays and thought I might put it up in this for some (hopefully constructive) criticism. I'll admit it is slightly verbose in patches but I think it finally blends analysis and personal, looser writing in a way I can actually get decent marks out of. MY teacher was impressed, though sadly it was ungraded as with all our practice essays.

Any critiques, tips etc are welcome. Just don't be a dick

Hamlet question was on Deception, Corruption and False Appearances in the Court of Elsinore (couldn't remember exact question)

As I said before your writing still sounds very contrived and needlessly verbose. Don't be Polonious... "More matter with less art".

“The pen is mightier than the sword” or so professes the cliche,

Instead of cliché i'd recommend you say "so professes the old adage"

Honesty and truthfullness/openness are rare commodities within the court of Elsinore, and all aspects of life; family, friends, even supposed leaders all prove themselves to be “ought but false appearances”, disposable fascades thinly veiling malevolent and often cruel intentions.

This sentence contains far too many clauses. You would do better to try and split the sentence in to two. Also, never use slashes in the manner you used above in that sentence. It's terrible from a stylistic point of view. The cedilla on the c in facade while not necessary adds a nice touch to the piece.

Indeed, much like the rats beneath our feet, one is never too far from a deception, a subterfuge of some sort within the play, and all of the characters to an extent resolve to deceive someone else, be it to harm or protect, or even both.

Again, this sentence could be split. Also, I do not like the "Rats beneath our feet" part. It just doesn't sound at all appropriate to include as it insinuates that the reader walks with rats scurrying around their feet. Also, it would make more sense to say "one is never too far from a plot of deception" rather than "a deception".

Polonius is beyond doubt the most proficient at this.

"Doubtlessly" would work much better here.

He doesn’t hesitate to lie to and use those close to him, particularly “the fair Ophelia” as mere pawns in his vicious pursuit of personal gain.

He doesn't really lie all too often I think. It would make more sense to say "He does not hesitate to deceive and conspire against those closest to him...". Also, I disagree with "vicious pursuit of personal gain". Polonious' plots of deception were generally for the benefit of others such as Claudius.

This trait certainly makes him one of, if not the most deplorable character of the play.

I wouldn't think Polonious could be justifiably called the most deplorable character of the play.

Indeed, even the normally moral and empathetic Hamlet shows little if any remorse after murdering the “wretched, rash intruding fool” in Act 3 Scene 4.

He expresses remorse for killing Polonius and seeks forgiveness in the very same scene "For this same lord/ I do repent; but heaven hath pleas'd it so,/ To punish me with this and this with me./ That I must be their scourge and minister./ I will bestow him, and will answer well/ The death I gave him".

The fact that it is Polonius favorite past time;

Too hyperbolic?

which leads to his demise provides a delicious irony for we the reader, and is typical of Shakespeare’s subtle yet brilliant humour.

"We the reader" should be "the audience". Even so, I do not see where irony or humour comes in to play in that scene. It could certainly be called a dramatic scene but humourous would be pushing it a bit too far.

In fact in Act 1 Scene 3 we see him offering Laertes moral advice and guidance (“to thine own self be true” and such) as a father rightly should. However within minutes of Laertes’ departure we see him sending Reynaldo to spy on Laertes’ behavior in France, and even to sabotage his reputation to force him back to Denmark. Underhanded dealings such as these are rife in Hamlet’s world.

This paragraph should have came before you started talking about Polonius' death.

Claudius, the fratricidal King, is essentially built of lies, of cloak and dagger. His treachery knows no bounds when it comes to protecting his position, and his entire public persona of the friendly smiling King is no more than complete and utter fraudulence, and in no way reflects the true nature of this cold , callous, scheming murderer.

Again, another mammoth of a sentence. You need to reduce the number of clauses in your sentences.

It could be said that Claudious is the carcinogen which bred the cancerous mendacity which pervades the palace.

A good line. I would change "palace" to "Danish court" however as it is not the palace itself that is being influenced by Claudius' mendacity.

This malign skill is demonstrated at its finest in Act 4 Scene 5 with Laertes, whom storms the castle seething with rage, yet is calmed and coerced into Claudius’ puppet against Hamlet in a less than a single page of dialogue.

The grammar here makes the sentence (Which is again too long) almost nonsensical.

This malign skill is demonstrated at its finest in Act IV Scene V when Laertes enters Elsinore seething with rage at his father's murder. Claudius sympathises with Laertes, calms him and then manipulates him to conspire against Hamlet. As testimony to his refined skill of manipulation he manages this feat in a simple few moments of dialogue.

This scene shows just how easily the bacillus spreads; invading and corrupting minds.

Bacillus? There is no need to be verbose. Introducing technical terms that serve no purpose other than to obfuscate the essay will do you no favours. Bacterium would have been more appropriate. If I may make a suggestion...

This scene shows just how easily the disease of deceit propagates throughout the Danish court.

This is a better sentence as it refers directly to the question and the alliteration of "disease of deceit" emphasises the point and improves the flow of the sentence.

The fencing match however, is not the first instance of a spectacle being put on for the court with an underlying alterior motive.

There is no such word such as "alterior". The word you are looking for is "ulterior".

simultaneously understanding and seeing through the false appearances which so perturbate the Danish court.

You can't use perturbate in this sentence. You need to use the infinitive of the verb which is "perturb".

Not one character save perhaps Horatio the moral backbone of the play, conducts their life in a sincere manner. Everyone, as in real life, to some degree becomes Hamlet’s “smiling damned villain”, and it is left up to the reader to decide ultimately who is truly good and genuinely evil. This freedom of interpretation shows the genius in Shakespeare’s design of the play, a world much like our own which (decidedly amongst the ruling classes), is dominated by deception, duplicity, manipulation, and false appearances.

A great conclusion.


All in all it's quite good but you should pay attention to the points I raised above.

AlanBr

Well to me that looks A2 standard.A little more clear and concise (to the point) would be of help.Altogether considering you're in 5th year this is quite phenomanol haha.

DarraghMcK

Thanks for all the help guys. And yeah theres quite a few bits that need editing. Had a test Friday morning on Hamlet so I typed that up the night before mostly from memory after doing the essay a couple of weeks ago. Tiredness combined with auto-correct (which I can't seem to reverse) set to american definitely affected the coherency to say the least.

As for the quotes, I'm working on them more. Adding in the larger chunks doesn't seem to do it for me for some reason. The integration feels more organic. Definitely going to make up some stock phrases with slightly underused quotes for the future, most of the ones I use are very mainstream.

Some of the points you guys bring up on characters etc. is very helpful also. I'm still (if not perpetually) changing my opinions on things in the play. It's a bit of a head-wrecker.

Nonetheless thanks for taking the time too help me out . The test on Friday was on "Hamlet is the most tragic of all characters. Discuss" Bit of an awkward yoke. Got out 5 and a half good coherent pages somehow though. And I never break four in an exam generally. Hope it went well

Later, Darragh

DarraghMcK

Just to let everyone know, I got the A1 in English after a hell of a lot of work and reading, more than any other subject probably but by far the most satisfying result. **** the haters

PictureFrame

DarraghMcK wrote: »

Just to let everyone know, I got the A1 in English after a hell of a lot of work and reading, more than any other subject probably but by far the most satisfying result. **** the haters

YEY! Me too bruv..