Lost confidence, self esteem

LegacyUser

Hi all. I've been seeing someone for nearly a year now. She is 35 I'm 30. It's a long distance thing but we will be living in the same city in May. So far we've been seeing each other every few weeks for a few nights at a time, or more time over xmas etc when we have holidays.
In the early stages of our relationship she kissed another guy when we were all out drinking one night. I saw it happen. She was gutted, really apologetic, didnt want to lose me etc., blamed the drink and the fact that she was flattered by someone elses attention. So I gave her another chance anyway after weeks of torment. I've never had any reason to doubt her since so I really do believe it was a stupid mistake which we're all capable of.
Anyway it's probably related but I don't really seem to have that much confidence these days. I constantly think I'm not good enough for her, that the relationship will never work, that she's too good for me, that someone better will come along sooner or later.
I stupidly told her that I loved her early on, and I really do love her. I'm a heart-on-sleeve type person I guess. I always waited for women to say this to me first previously. She's never said it to me, and I don't think she does love me really, she says she's never really been in love. She's a bit of an odd one i guess.
I just feel like she might take me for granted a bit. I don't think it's making me happy the way things are but I can't bring myself to walk away as I'm so infatuated with the girl.
She seems to be depressed about family issues, and told me recently that she can't be with anyone and can't be there for anyone and that she's desperately unhappy. I then told her I can't be with someone who says these things, and that I'm getting nothing from it and that she seems to try and bring me down too when she's depressed. Again the thought of losing me seemed to make her change her tune and she said she needed me and was looking forward to me living there etc.
She never really says nice things, or initiates sex, or make much of an effort at all when it comes to sex. We don't see each other often but she usually just wants to go asleep at night instead of having sex. I just don't get it. It looks like a case of "she's not that into you", but in that case why would she bother with all this? She comes to see me as often as I see her, and I've met all her friends and her family know about me etc and she tells me things she's never told anyone else.
Maybe I just need someone more emotional and loving? It's really making me rue decisions I made with my last girlfriend who was gorgeous and crazy about me, but I never really bothered much. I feel like this could be some kind of karma where I'm in my ex's place now.
This probably reads like stupid ramblings but I need to get if off my chest. Should I walk away?

IrishEyes19

She sounds like someone who just isnt ready for a proper relationship, OP, she seems to have a lot of issues and geninuely doesnt seem able to focus on anyone else at this time. Also I know the drunken kiss may have been a mistake but to do that in front of you is pretty horrendous to be honest.
Might be best to cut your losses and find someone who can give and take equally. best of luck

Curry Addict

i got to agree. she sounds emotionally challenged. you sound grounded and free spirited. its maybe better to move on and find someone as free as you are to enjoy life.