The what if thread.

Partridge007

Youre stranded in a hospital ward with one of those grossly obese 'rag on a stick' type guys. Your mobile rings and its your best friend who says hes leaving the country and having a massive party, even celebs have turned up, its a free bar, your friend wont be back for a year, just text him your address he'll send a limo.
Then you drop your phone (only phone for miles around) and it lands under the big obese guy who's sweating and eating a kfc bucket and farting into his poo stained adult nappy. he tells you its gone up his ass crack and he cant reach.

do you (a)put your arm under him and your hand into his sweaty ****ty ass crack to get your phone and have an amazing night.

(b) leave it where it is and spend the night on a chair next to obese farting man.

(add ur own 'what if' questions)

My name is URL

What if Bender was human?

FesterBeatty

...you need to get out more..

Scuid Mhór

in my experience, it is never a good idea to let the what if bird out of the what if cage.

barbarians

*Yes Doctor, he's always been this way*

Duggy747

I'd get the nurse to fetch it for me.

Kidchameleon

Would your best friend not already know your address?

rebel10

I would just ask someone else if I could send a text from their phone and ask the nurse to retrieve my phone when she gets a chance.

Partridge007

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Would your best friend not already know your address?

no. and theres no nurses. and i know i need to get out more.
no 'outs' in this scenario. it your hand or no party.

AnonoBoy

What if there was a stupid question that could never actually happen and someone was asking you to answer it.

Would you:

a) Not bother
b) Not bother but make an annoying post saying you're not bothered
c) Lose sleep trying to figure out the answer

Obviously I've gone for B in this instance.

smk89

1. Use magnets to retrieve the phone
2. Use alcohol to sterilize it.
3. Text friend
4. Unlimited party... Party planners will go bankrupt. You jelly.

EverEvolving

Get one of those long medical gloves and just go for it. You did say you were in a hospital.

Partridge007

AnonoBoy wrote: »

What if there was a stupid question that could never actually happen and someone was asking you to answer it.

Would you:

a) Not bother
b) Not bother but make an annoying post saying you're not bothered
c) Lose sleep trying to figure out the answer

Obviously I've gone for B in this instance.

What a cutting and witty remark i swear i didnt see that one from a mile away.

FTGFOP

Why am I in hospital?

ScumLord

Partridge007 wrote: »

Youre stranded in a hospital ward with one of those grossly obese 'rag on a stick' type guys.

Tom, his name is Tom.

TPD

FTGFOP wrote: »

Why am I in hospital?

AIDS. Party or no party, you have AIDS, partyboy.

Jet Black

In a hospital? I would dress up like a doctor and say to one of the nurses that the fat guy needs a anal exam. Get them to fish it out.

senorwipesalot

Hook it out with one of those drip stands being careful not to tear his ringpiece off.

FTGFOP

OK. Steal Tom's chicken, blast him with piss. His flinching dislodges phone. Blast it with piss. If it still works text friend, if it doesn't eat chicken, 'snotsobad.

Colmo52

Op, are you in a hospital by any chance.

Partridge007

Colmo52 wrote: »

Op, are you in a hospital by any chance.

emmm.....well now thats not the issue......

sunflower27

Honestly, I'd have to don some gloves and go in.

No way would I miss that party

Colmo52

Partridge007 wrote: »

emmm.....well now thats not the issue......

I was wondering if he really is in this situation.

AnonoBoy

Partridge007 wrote: »

What a cutting and witty remark i swear i didnt see that one from a mile away.

It wasn't cutting or witty - it was annoying. Jeez! Read the post why don't ya?

How did you see it from a mile away? Do you have some manner of bionic man type vision? And if so then why are you in such a ridiculous situation with your obese flatulent pal?

bonerm

What if you had a choice to save either (a) the life of a complete stranger or (b) the beloved pet of a good friend? Which would you choose?

(For clarity : The stranger is in some far off country and would die if you don't choose them. You'll never interact with the stranger and no one will ever know that you had the power to save them).

Basically I'm trying to determine is a human life worth less than an animal in certain circumstances?

AnonoBoy

bonerm wrote: »

What if you had a choice to save either (a) the life of a complete stranger or (b) the beloved pet of a good friend? Which would you choose?

(For clarity : The stranger is in some far off country and would die if you don't choose them. You'll never interact with the stranger and no one will ever know that you had the power to save them).

Basically I'm trying to determine is a human life worth less than an animal in certain circumstances?

Does the animal do tricks? Can it speak/play the keyboard/look startled on queue?

These are all important factors in determining its worth.

On the flipside - what about this stranger do we know anything about them? Are we losing a cure for cancer or a just a few drunken assaults and a manslaughter case?

backthephilup

Well you definitely wont be able to watch the rugby if your iphone is stuck up Toms arse. I don't care how good the retina detection thingy is

Partridge007

Right. they didnt like my phone vs obese man what if question.
maybe this one will work better.

new dilemma.

Youve been stranded in a ski lodge in the alps. just you and your mam are there, you'll be stranded for at least a week due to weather.
you awake one morning and go take a leak, but suddenly a feel terrible pain through your lower stomach and john thomas. you pizz blood and feel faint.

your mother has recently qualified as a nurse, theres some medical supplies, she's diagnosed it as a kind of kidney infection.
its pretty serious as you will continue to lose blood, you could die before assistance arrives. the weather is very unpredictable.

only your mam can handle the operation.
the treatment involves inserting a tube up your bell-end.
plus, the tube from the supplies is a large gauge.
you will need to have a boner.

so a) suffer severe pain in your schlong with every urination, pizz blood, possibly even die.

or b) your mam manhandles your stiffy and sticks a tube up it. the pain stops and you wont die.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I can see why they didn't like the other thread.

Partridge007

AnonoBoy wrote: »

It wasn't cutting or witty - it was annoying. Jeez! Read the post why don't ya?

How did you see it from a mile away? Do you have some manner of bionic man type vision? And if so then why are you in such a ridiculous situation with your obese flatulent pal?

is that you lenny henry?

theres some feedback on your mic.

zuroph

substitute yore ma for mine and its what i get up to most weekends.

Partridge007

lol

i love the internetz

Turtyturd

What it the title was spelled rite?

bonerm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Does the animal do tricks? Can it speak/play the keyboard/look startled on queue?

These are all important factors in determining its worth.

On the flipside - what about this stranger do we know anything about them? Are we losing a cure for cancer or a just a few drunken assaults and a manslaughter case?

It's potluck as to the various qualities of the man. The guy could be anyone. A Westie or the next Nobel peace prize winner. The dog is nothing special but is beloved by your friend so probably has a few entertaining characteristics.

backthephilup

So your just going to leave your iphone up Toms arse?

ScumLord

Turtyturd wrote: »

What it the title was spelled rite?

Is it what is it.

zuroph

kill tom, have morgue guy retrieve phone.

backthephilup

Actually you could just squeeze the stone(s) out yourself saving you and your mother any embaressment. Should take you 3/4 of a series if Lovejoy in Deadwood is anything to go by....

AnonoBoy

Partridge007 wrote: »

is that you lenny henry?

theres some feedback on your mic.

Awwwww is somebody getting all grumpy because the bold man on the internet made fun of the fat man poo thread that he started?

bonerm wrote: »

The dog is nothing special but is beloved by your friend so probably has a few entertaining characteristics.

Which friend? A lot of my friends are pr*cks so I probably wouldn't care if their dog died.

Colilfc

How does that work? If it goes under him and he is on a hospital bed, how does it go up his crack?

brummytom

ScumLord wrote: »

Tom, his name is Tom.

Oi!

zuroph

Colilfc wrote: »

How does that work? If it goes under him and he is on a hospital bed, how does it go up his crack?

osmosis.

Agricola

This thread sucks the fat man's ass crack.

Logical Fallacy

Partridge007 wrote: »

Right. they didnt like my phone vs obese man what if question.
maybe this one will work better.

new dilemma.

Youve been stranded in a ski lodge in the alps. just you and your mam are there, you'll be stranded for at least a week due to weather.
you awake one morning and go take a leak, but suddenly a feel terrible pain through your lower stomach and john thomas. you pizz blood and feel faint.

your mother has recently qualified as a nurse, theres some medical supplies, she's diagnosed it as a kind of kidney infection.
its pretty serious as you will continue to lose blood, you could die before assistance arrives. the weather is very unpredictable.

only your mam can handle the operation.
the treatment involves inserting a tube up your bell-end.
plus, the tube from the supplies is a large gauge.
you will need to have a boner.

so a) suffer severe pain in your schlong with every urination, pizz blood, possibly even die.

or b) your mam manhandles your stiffy and sticks a tube up it. the pain stops and you wont die.

I'm going to make the gross assumption that you know very little about medical science, or much of anything for that matter.

Ev84

Partridge007 wrote: »

Youre stranded in a hospital ward with one of those grossly obese 'rag on a stick' type guys. Your mobile rings and its your best friend who says hes leaving the country and having a massive party, even celebs have turned up, its a free bar, your friend wont be back for a year, just text him your address he'll send a limo.

If you can even contemplate leaving the hospital for a party then maybe you shouldn't be in hospital in the first place? Hospitals have enough time-wasters taking up beds as it is.... But if you insist, laxatives, a pen to push the buttons, loudspeaker and hey presto! Party here I come!

dr.bollocko

Partridge007. Please don't start any new threads. For say a month. We'll say not before 19 April 2011.
If you do your access will be removed.