OH accuses me of cheating for suggesting a 69

LegacyUser

Last night me and my boyfriend were in bed. I had prepared for last night as was our only night together this week. I suggested that we do a 69 because that last time we did it, we were very drunk and I don't remember it being any good but was convinced I wanted to try it.

So anyway we did. Then afterwards he said "where did you learn that?" and it was followed by "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were learning on the side" and then another snide comment was passed when I came back into the room with some water and he said "you never would have agreed to do that before today, what's come over you?"

To me this all insinuates that he means I'm "learning on the side" or something. I didn't want to spoil the moment or stand up and say it out straight because I knew it would come back to when he cheated (he cheated on me drunkenly a year into being together but it's forgiven but not forgotten, at least by him anyway)

I'm not sure what to do with this.

I am a friend

I sometimes find that people who cheat tend to be more paranoid than those people who dont cheat. I guess if they think they themselves are capable of it then everyone is whereas if you dont cheat, typically it doesnt cross your mind (without cause) that others are....

I would tell him I dont appreciate the insinuation that you are dishonest and leave it like that.

Angeles

I'm going to assume by the context of your post he didn't exactly say that in a laughable/complementary manner and if my oh came out and said that to me like that, it would be a deal breaker.

For him to come out and say that to you immediately requires a blatant lack of and trust for you not to mention the amount of disrespect towards you to accuse you of cheating for trying something new.

Depending on how long your going out with this guy and how well you actually know him, I'd seriously question what your getting into with a guy like that.

He has clear trust issues he needs to deal with, he already has cheated on you once, and by the sounds of it your maintaining allot of baggage and emotional torment already to the point your afraid to speak your mind when accused.. *for fear of the past*

No one should live like that,
Cut your losses and Get clear Op, things like this are never *fixed*.

Azureus

My boyfriend often made comments like that when we tried new things / when I read a tip or something and started doing stuff differently. But he said it in a joking way that I took as complimentary. Yes, there might have been a hint of suspicion in it (I dont actually know) but it was never accusatory. Are you sure it wasnt said in fun?

If not, then that's very out of order. it's hard to know with these things how it was meant and to be honest only you will be able to read this considering how well you know him.

itsjustanumberjeez

itsjustanumberjeez wrote: »

Last night me and my boyfriend were in bed. I had prepared for last night as was our only night together this week. I suggested that we do a 69 because that last time we did it, we were very drunk and I don't remember it being any good but was convinced I wanted to try it.

So anyway we did. Then afterwards he said "where did you learn that?" and it was followed by "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were learning on the side" and then another snide comment was passed when I came back into the room with some water and he said "you never would have agreed to do that before today, what's come over you?"

To me this all insinuates that he means I'm "learning on the side" or something. I didn't want to spoil the moment or stand up and say it out straight because I knew it would come back to when he cheated (he cheated on me drunkenly a year into being together but it's forgiven but not forgotten, at least by him anyway)

I'm not sure what to do with this.

Jesus, whats his problem? maybe you should have said to him 'If he wasnt up to it perhaps its time to find his replacement' (in a joking manner of course ).
I dont mean to be blunt but he sounds like a cock to be honest, you'd be at no loss whatsoever.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Christ OP if you'd suggested some incredibly difficult kama sutra position he'd never heard of, then his comments might have made some sense, but a 69 is pretty bloody tame tbh, he sounds like a complete egocentric paranoid nutjob, the absolute barefaced cheek of him even making reference to you cheating when HE's the one who's cheated, it doesn't sound like he has any remorse over cheating on you at all!

why on earth are you with him? run away, run far far away.

metrovelvet

I suspect there is still a strong double bind in Irish culture, where the guys want a creative uninhibited woman, but then when they find one the residual brainwashing of the theocracy passed down through generations, triggers a little message in their heads which suggests to them such a woman, is a whore. Which also puts the women in a double bind.

Neyite

So, I take it he has never heard of Cosmopolitian Magazine? :rolleyes: The things I've learned from that mag...;)

Do him a favour and hand him a stack of them, and tell him the next time he makes a snide comment about cheating, he should remember that he is the one who is a cheat, not you. He will soon stop bringing up you cheating if you turn it back on him. Just say nice and firmly "you want to talk about cheating? Really?" looking him straight in the eye.

Basically he is transferring his actions onto you - basically he is capable of cheating, so assumes that you also would/will/have already cheated. It might even be he wishes you have cheated so you could be 'evens'.