Problems Ejaculating

LegacyUser

I've recently started to notice that it takes me a very long time to ejaculate - I am a 25 year old male. When having sex, it could take anywhere between 45minutes to an hour (or more, sometimes) to ejaculate and around the same length of time if I am receiving a handjob. This causes a lot of problems as the girl I am currently seeing keeps trying to make me come, despite the fact that she is extremely good in bed and that she knows what she is doing.

Any tips that might help me? I really want to come for her, but it's getting to a point where she is having to give up because either her hands start to cramp, or she just gets exhausted.

When I am masturbating it would sometimes take me 20 minutes to come or, if I am watching porn, between 10 and 15.

LegacyUser

I guess the first responsible thing to do is to ask your GP for advice. Problems like this are very common and it does happen to every man at some point imo. I would say it's more psychological rather than physical. Seeing that you can do it in 15 minutes or so by yourself proves that.. I think talking with the girlfriend about it would be a good step. Tell her it feels a bit stressful sometimes knowing it's taking so long and that that stress is counter intuitive to cumming. I'd try to organise a situation with her where she, rather than you, is the centre of the time alone and this might get you in the mood quicker. Foreplay is a huge thing that is often ignored. Try massaging eachother, candles, music etc. to set the mood. Making the act an event will make it more romantic. It's all about letting go of the stress or anxiety and just working with it. If you're afraid she will get tired take a break, do other things (massage/ kissing) and then go back to the act.. Or finish yourself off. As you become more comfortable with the situation you'll see it all disappear.

LegacyUser

I have the exact same problem when having sex. However most of my sexual encounters have involved me being intoxicated some what so I don't really know if it is this or if I actually have a problem. I was getting very worried about this until my last two sexual encounters where I was able to climax after not long. I think a lot of it is mental and you just need to try and relax as much as possible. I am always very conscious during sex of how the girl is enjoying it and sort of want to 'perform' as good as possible. So I am trying to make her orgasm more than myself. I think this is just an insecurity issue I have and I am always afraid that the gorl will think I was crap in bed. The last few times I had sex I was more relaxed and confident though and was able to climax which was great because I genuinely had never climaxed through intercourse until then. Unfortunately for me I haven't had sex since this so haven't been able to put myself to the test : (

I think some people are just more sensitive than others though and this is quite common with males. I brought it up with some close friends (while drunk of course ; ) and they also agreed that when they were drunk and having sex they often could not climax. However since it is your girlfriend you are sleeping with, I assume you are not drunk most of the time so could just be a mental thing. Just try and relax and try different positions as some will feel a lot better than others.

Try not to worry mate, at least you are getting some!!

Darthhoob

i dont have much advice, but i can say that my OH is having the same 'problem' atm. it wouldn't normally be a problem (hey...you last longer!) but we're not getting any younger and stamina runs out before he finishes. i strongly suspect it's anxiety issues for him. as he gets chest pains and headaches since starting his new job (and they mess him about alot....unfixed hours, worked only 1 day last week and not heard from them about any work this week...) he's on Beta blockers but that doesn't stop it really need to drag him to the doctor again. it started about the time he started getting messed about at work.

from my point of view...yes it's a shame he dosn't cum often, i like it when he does and i know that makes things worse for him cos he really wants to please me and somehow thinks i am not pleased. i'm more worried about him than anything.

LegacyUser

Darthhoob wrote: »

i dont have much advice, but i can say that my OH is having the same 'problem' atm. it wouldn't normally be a problem (hey...you last longer!) but we're not getting any younger and stamina runs out before he finishes. i strongly suspect it's anxiety issues for him. as he gets chest pains and headaches since starting his new job (and they mess him about alot....unfixed hours, worked only 1 day last week and not heard from them about any work this week...) he's on Beta blockers but that doesn't stop it really need to drag him to the doctor again. it started about the time he started getting messed about at work.

from my point of view...yes it's a shame he dosn't cum often, i like it when he does and i know that makes things worse for him cos he really wants to please me and somehow thinks i am not pleased. i'm more worried about him than anything.

Yeah, I had the same problem - mine was more about sexual intrusions (thinking about horrible sexual things during sex that put me off having sex - things like having sex with an elderly person etc.) which is a very common thing if not completely universal. I ended up getting some very logical advice which was based on a form of therapy known to be effective in dealing with anxiety issues (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy/ C.B.T.). I was told to be OK with not cumming - which sounded crazy at the beginning - and then to just plan on not cumming at all during the first encounter, then to bring in foreplay and to also discuss the situation beforehand. Letting your partner know that you're not offended if he doesn't cum is vital. Tell him that you are interested in satisfying his needs but you want to have sex for yours too. This will turn him on and refocus the attention on your rather than on them. As I said before - make the sexual act as an event - a romantic moment that should be enjoyable. Don't rush into intercourse, try new things, try a bit of dirty talk (nothing too mad, and DO NOT say 'I want to make you cum', more like 'God I love your erection'.. 'It's so hard' etc.) I know that sounds weird, but no harm in trying.

If your partner is experiencing intrusions (like the elderly thing I mentioned above) tell them that it is completely normal and it's just his mind's way of dealing with the stress of sex. Instead of trying to not think about the image, tell them to welcome it and then to laugh at it and then to finally refocus his attention on you as his partner. Tell him that certain things he does in bed are amazing - be graphic if you want. Just you need to reassure him and he needs to feel more confident. Definitely something you both could work on, and it should be really fun to work on this

28064212

I don't think it's a hugely uncommon problem OP, just not talked about very often. I'm suffer from it even more severely than you, I can go for hours and still not reach orgasm if my mind isn't in the right place.

First thing to do is rule out external factors - no alcohol beforehand and make sure you're well-rested. If it's still a problem under those circumstances, there's a good chance it's psychological.

Personally, I find it's something of a vicious circle. If I'm worried about not orgasming, I'm definitely not going to orgasm, which just makes me more worried. Then I start worrying that the girl thinks I don't find her attractive, which just makes the problem worse. Once you're over-thinking it like that, it's not going to happen. The best remedy I found was to take the pressure off by discussing it completely openly with your partner. Make sex about the act, not the finish. Some advice:

• Make sure that she knows it's nothing to do with her. If you're worried about what she's thinking, you're not going to get there
• Relax. Easy to say, hard to do. Try some meditation and/or breathing exercises, both on your own and with your partner. Practise clearing your mind and just being "in the moment"
• Try giving each other massages beforehand so you are both relaxed
• When you masturbate, focus on how you feel (physically) as you approach orgasm, how your body reacts
• (Contrary to the last point, but) Give up masturbating for a while, or at least scale it back significantly
• And again, absolutely the most important thing: communication, communication, communication. The more you talk with your partner, the more comfortable you'll be

Johnny Favourite

I'm in the same boat as you. Very frustrating indeed. One thing I have found that helps is going into the situation with a loaded gun so to speak. If I know I'm going to getting laid I stop beating off completely for up to a week before hand. That helps allot. You also shoot an enormous load!!

Pauleta

I could be completely wrong but maybe you are not going fast enough. I remember in my youth, i used to go for a slow paced sensual feeling but it never worked. Eventually i went with the "ground n pound" tactic (although i always start with the slow and sensual). There are a couple of positions that make me ejaculate fairly quickly. One of them is when her ankles are around my neck and im pounding away and the other one is when she is sitting on a table and im standing. If pace and friction isnt the issue then its probably a mental factor. Personally i cant wizz in public. So it may be similar to that.

LegacyUser

I actually do have a pretty big problem sometimes where I have difficulty peeing; if I'm in a cubicle I can pee pretty quickly and normally, but sometimes I find it hard to get going and usually feel pretty useless as a result. It varies - sometimes I have no problem.

The wonderful girl and I have talked about it - she did feel somewhat bad that she was incapable of making me ejaculate - I explained that it was really nothing to do with her and that it was my issue. We've had sex numerous times, with her orgasming each time, but I've only been able to ejaculate once. It makes me feel really bad because I don't want her to feel bad - the sex is amazing and she is great in bed.

It could have something to do with condoms too. I'm somewhat "well-endowed", meaning regular Durex condoms only reach down in or around halfway (depending on the specific make) and have a tendency to slip off or ride up, so I'm almost constantly having to make sure it's still on, which also brings me on to another slight issue that larger condoms are hard to find seemingly in pharmacies and are also more expensive than regular ones.

ted1

tesco stock the large condoms.