Friend's a user

LegacyUser

Alright lads, bit of a long post here but I'll give it a shot anyway!!

One of my best mates got kicked out of home about last October for being an absolute c*nt! His mam died the previous year and he didn't take it well when his dad got a new partner, about 6 months later. He beat his dad, smashed the windows in the house and the car and gave his dads partner a very rough time (shes in a wheel-chair). I know it must have been tough on him but he was out of control and I don't blame his father for booting him out!
Anyway, he is living in town in a 2 bed appartment, paying rent of €500 a month. His dad paid the deposit and the first 3 months rent for him to get him out of the house and to give him time to find a job to be able to support himself, which he didn't bother doing!
Because of his age (20) he only gets dole of €100 a week which leaves him short €100 a month on the rent before he buys any food or anything.
What pisses me off is he makes no attempt at trying to save money but instead asks me, my family and my friends (who he might have met once but wouldn't be friends of his) for money. An example, his dad paid last months rent for him as a reward for him getting a job (which he lost after 2 days). But instead of saving the money that he didn't have to put towards rent he went out on the piss, even though he has a littering fine to pay, an electricity bill to pay, back payments on his rent to pay and I'm trying to get him to get an sti test as he claims he has had unprotected sex with atleast 8 girls since christmas. I know when the esb cut him off or he gets brought to court over the fine he'll come knocking to me again.
I have done all I can for him, with another 1 or 2 who would also be good friends of his to get him a job, clean his appartment so he could try get a room-mate to split the rent, brought him in food and just bits and pieces like that. I'd say I've spent about €200 on him since christmas. I know he can't afford to pay it back, and if he offered me money I wouldn't take it, but the thing is he hasn't even offered, not so much as a fiver, yet he is willing to piss a months dole down the drain on beer and fags!! I feel he is taking me completly for granted!
My girlfriends friend would be fairly close to him, and they have often gone out to town together, her paying for everything, even though he tells me he has no interest in her and that it annoys him when she makes contact, yet he is more than willing to use her to buy him beer and fags and again, make no effort to repay even a cent!!

I'll be honest I'm tempted to say listen man, gimme a call when you sort yourself out, because I'm sick to death of him and I've enough on my plate to deal with myself at the moment, I feel he's not my problem yet I'm the one trying to get his life back on track when it seems he doesn't even want the help!!

Do you think I would be right to walk away, we've been good mates for about 8 years and since his mam died I feel he needs the support but I don't think I can take much more of it!!

Chinafoot

user-friend wrote: »

I'll be honest I'm tempted to say listen man, gimme a call when you sort yourself out, because I'm sick to death of him and I've enough on my plate to deal with myself at the moment,

This is exactly what you should say to him.

Your mate needs to cop the f*ck on and realise that the world and those in it owe him nothing and its time he got off his arse and sorted his life out. Him losing his mother doesn't give him the right to treat people the way he does.

You have done more than enough to help him but you've reached the point where providing this help just enables his shítty behaviour. He has no reason to change his ways if he is being bailed out by everyone.

Once you do it others may even follow suit (hopefully that poor girl who he uses for nights out!) and your "mate" might realise that there is nobody around to carry him anymore.

Look after yourself and let this cretin sort himself out.

user-friend

user-friend wrote: »

I'm trying to get him to get an sti test as he claims he has had unprotected sex with atleast 8 girls since christmas.

..clean his appartment so he could try get a room-mate to split the rent

Don't do this! If he gets an sti it's his problem, god knows he probably wont inform the girls he had sex with but you can't change that. And if he has one he'll probably hit you up for the money to deal with it. And then have unprotected sex again. It's not your problem. Don't try to help him get a room-mate either, as you'll be putting that person in a horrible situation, worse than yours. Can you imagine having to not only live with him constantly leeching off you, but also leaving you stuck for his half of the rent? It would be cruel to stick someone with him.

I'll be honest I'm tempted to say listen man, gimme a call when you sort yourself out, because I'm sick to death of him and I've enough on my plate to deal with myself at the moment, I feel he's not my problem yet I'm the one trying to get his life back on track when it seems he doesn't even want the help!!

You wont hear any advice much better than this.

Do you think I would be right to walk away, we've been good mates for about 8 years and since his mam died I feel he needs the support but I don't think I can take much more of it!!

It's not just your right to walk away, it's your responsibility. You're not doing him any good by enabling him to be a disrespectful leech. His mam died, and that's terrible, the death of a parent can do a lot to a person, but it doesn't give him license to act like this for the rest of his life. He can't go on like this, and you can't help him. The best thing you can do is let him hit rock bottom and hope that it's enough of a shock to kick him into gear and make a life for himself. If he just ends up leeching off someone else, or tries to continue living like he is, it's just not your problem. You've been a model friend.