Joining the army, family totaly against it

LegacyUser

Hey Folks, I'm joining the Army soon and my family are totaly against it. More persicly I am joining the British Army but that isn't the issue. I'm finishing college soon and going in as an officer. But when ever I mention it they just keep telling me how I'm not cut out for it, that I'm being niave, or how would my brothers and sisters feel if I came home dead. I have a little nephew who is rather fond of me and my sister keeps telling me how my little nephew would feel about me leaving or coming back dead. My parents are getting old and one of them had a scare lately, the other is in a wheelchair and relies on home care. I feel bad leaving then finding out that my mobile parent had passed away and that my other parent had to go into a home or would have to move in with one of my siblings, and they might say that I should have stayed at home and looked after my parent. (Appologies for just using "parent", just trying to keep details anonymous )

I find it very disheartening and disappointing that at this stage of my life they don't think I'm capable of making my own decisions in life. I don't expect them to fully support me but it makes me feel bad thinking how they would feel if I came back dead, feel it's like emotional black mail. I find it impossible to have a reasonable discusion about it without all the above brought up.

The long and short of it is that I am joining. I want this more than anything. How do you think I should handle this? Am I being a bit selfish about all this?

As the IDF advert goes "you only have one life, do something extraordinary with yours"

Thank you for reading, any advice would be very much appreciated.

gerryk

You're not going to come back dead!
Do it... it's important to live your life for yourself. Your family will get used to the idea evetually, and the changes it will have on you are, for the most part, positive. You will no longer be naive, that's for sure, but you may be disciplined, possibly well travelled and almost definitely confident.
Unfortunately, we can't chose the time or circumstances to lose a loved one, but you can soften the impact by treating them well while we have them. This involves mutual respect as well as love, and the only way the achieve mutual respect between adults is to treat them as equals. Explain your case as you would to a good friend, and show how you have thought things through, positive and negative. It's natural for a parent to worry about their children, but if you are to demonstrate that this something you want, and have thought hard about, they can't but give their blessing.

Asphyxia

I agree if it's what you want to do then go for it and experience it other wise you might regret it if you don't. You family are worried which is understood but they'll soon have to accept it.

jelly&icecream

At the end of the day you're joining an army that is currently actively involved in a messy war. They're watching the BBC news, seeing the coffins coming of the planes and imagining the worse case scenario. Tbh I'd be more worried if they weren't scared about it and trying to talk you out of it!

If this is something you're eager to do then go for it. They'll have to get used to it but they'll always be worried about your at the end of the day because they love you.

mikemac

Trooperboyo wrote: »

As the IDF advert goes "you only have one life, do something extraordinary with yours"

PDF is Ireland
IDF is Isreal

Go for it OP!
And after a few years or decade or so if you wish to leave you'll have confidence and discipline you can use in anything or any career you wish to go for.
Or maybe you'll make a long career in the army, it's all ahead of you

LegacyUser

feelingstressed wrote: »

PDF is Ireland
IDF is Isreal

Ah now I think they won't mind as long as it's not mixed up when they're out in Lebanon
hehe

I have gone over it in my head for years looking at the negatives and positives and to be honest I think the positives out weigh the negatives. I am very enthusiastic about it, I think it's a big step in my life. I know it won't be plain sailing and all excitement. But I'm joining up for the experiences that I will never get in any other life. To see places from an angle that no one in civilian life will see. For the pride and honour of serving in a regiment and the sense of accomplishment, to look back on my life and know I did something with it. To build character and become more disciplined, which would aid me when I were to leave the forces. I just feel with "normal work" is you can do this at any stage in your life really, but this kind of oppourtunity only comes knocking once.

I am also the youngest in the family so they probably find it hard to see me as an adult

Axe Rake

"Anyone dumb enough to want to be in the military, should be allowed in."

Don't mean this as a personal insult towards the OP but i too wanted to join the military before i went to college purely out of a childhood fascination i had. Luckily i saw the light and did not go.

There really is no point in going to the military unless you like killing people in foreign countries where you shouldn't be in the first place.

You should also be wary that any deployment is a risk to your life and if you talk to many veterans you will find out that many come home with deep psychological and/or physical trauma.

But it is your personal choice, if this is the life you want then i wish you the best of luck!

SlimCi

They love you, they're your family, they don't want you to go away. I don't blame them for not wanting you to go. There are scary things going on out there. But you have to make your own way in life, and you would regret it forever if you allowed them to influence your decision.

iguana

Trooperboyo wrote: »

As the IDF advert goes "you only have one life, do something extraordinary with yours"

There is an extraordinary difference between our defence forces and the British Army. The British Army is a belligerent army currently involved in one war and a second one in all but name. They have taken hundreds of losses and thousands of serious injuries. Including a member of the Royal Irish Regiment last night. Almost all who have died have been male army soldiers between 20-29. This is them.

Even if you survive physically unscathed you will have participated in the killing of others, who's country you will have participated in an invasion of. Maybe civilians, maybe children. You may never mentally recover from that, a lot of people don't. Rates of PTSD, addiction, other mental health problems are much higher in military who have participated in war than in other sectors of society, especially those who participate in unpopular wars.

I'm normally of a mind that you need to live your own life regardless of your family's feelings but certain things are bigger than just what you want. If you get sent to a war zone, which you probably will, that will effect your family deeply and horribly every single day. Every phone call, every knock on the door, every time they hear on the news about a soldier being killed, will fill them with dread. Look through that list of 537 dead men, 1 woman and 1 dog and bear in mind that your family will probably be doing the same repeatedly, while you are gone.

I'm sorry but I think you are being most horribly selfish and misguided. You will be putting everyone who loves you through absolute hell. Yet not one word of your OP acknowledges that or gives a rational reason that justifies your desire to go to war. You say that your family can't discuss the situation reasonably without them bringing up their worries for your safety. What do you expect? That is an utterly integral part of the discussion. There could be no reasonable discussion without that, the fact that you think otherwise suggests your immaturity and selfishness.

I ended up once, when I was doing press work for a charity, in a situation where I was beaten, one person was killed and the centre I was working from raided while people in the next building were brutalised. My biggest fear throughout was what my family would go through if anything happened to me or I went missing. A number of my friends are aid workers and have worked in war zones. None of my friends were ever killed but some were shot, captured and been with other who were killed. I've spent time with the father of a woman who was missing after we'd heard reports of her companion being shot as we tried to get news on her and I can't describe how awful it was. The difference was that these people talked through everything with their families. Acknowledged just how difficult it would be for them while they were gone, respected their justifiable fears but were able to explain why, in spite of this, they needed to do what they were doing.

That is what you need to do with your family. First off get over yourself about their opinion of you, it's childish, recognise that they are frightened for you and will try every thing they can to change your mind. Secondly acknowledge that what you are doing is very dangerous and talk to them about that, acting as if it isn't a relevant part of the discussion shows you up as naive and will only frighten them more. Thirdly work out why exactly you need to join this army, in spite of the danger, and find a way to explain it to them. Fourthly be prepared to have this discussion over and over again. Fifthly count your blessings that so many people love you so much they want you to be safe and well and stop being churlish about something so wonderful.

ongarboy

iguana wrote: »

There is an extraordinary difference between our defence forces and the British Army. The British Army is a belligerent army currently involved in one war and a second one in all but name. They have taken hundreds of losses and thousands of serious injuries. Including a member of the Royal Irish Regiment last night. Almost all who have died have been male army soldiers between 20-29. This is them.

Even if you survive physically unscathed you will have participated in the killing of others, who's country you will have participated in an invasion of. Maybe civilians, maybe children. You may never mentally recover from that, a lot of people don't. Rates of PTSD, addiction, other mental health problems are much higher in military who have participated in war than in other sectors of society.

I'm normally of a mind that you need to live your own life regardless of your family's feelings but certain things are bigger than just what you want. If you get sent to a war zone, which you probably will, that will effect your family deeply and horribly every single day. Every phone call, every knock on the door, every time they hear on the news about a soldier being killed, will fill them with dread. Look through that list of 537 dead men, 1 woman and 1 dog and bear in mind that your family will probably be doing the same repeatedly, while you are gone.

I'm sorry but I think you are being most horribly selfish and misguided. You will be putting everyone who loves you through absolute hell. Yet not one word of your OP acknowledges that or gives a rational reason that justifies your desire to go to war. You say that your can't discuss the situation reasonably without them bringing up their worries for your safety. What do you expect? That is an utterly integral part of the discussion. There could be no reasonable discussion without that, the fact that you think otherwise suggests your immaturity and selfishness.

I see your point above from a certain perspective, but following that train of thought, that would mean no-one would ever join the army. What sort of defence would any country have then?? Should he not work in any high risk job then for fear of worrying his parents/loved ones? Should he avoid the police force/fire fighter services/late night retail or restaurant shifts/security guards/working with electricity/patients with infectious diseases/operate heavy machinery/work with large sums of money/banks etc (all of which have involved fatalities) for fear of the risks associated wth those jobs that might worry his folks??

I envy OP for having a passion and for knowing and wanting to join this career. Too many of us stumble into careers pressurised by others or are in jobs we do not want to be in. Sure, he might decide after 12 months that it is not for him but that is all part of life's learning curve. Go for it, OP and stand firm. If this is your instinct, trust it!

iguana

ongarboy wrote: »

Should he not work in any high risk job then for fear of worrying his parents/loved ones? Should he avoid the police force/fire fighter services/late night retail or restaurant shifts/security guards/working with electricity/patients with infectious diseases/operate heavy machinery/work with large sums of money/banks etc (all of which have involved fatalities) for fear of the risks associated wth those jobs that might worry his folks??

One, you aren't comparing like with like. A hell of a lot more soldiers in war zones get killed than all of those professions put together. And two, it's not so much that he shouldn't join the army if he really wants to, but that he is so dismissive of his family's very legitimate concerns.

(And not really the discussion for here, but Britain was much safer before they started their current wars.)

seamus

Trooperboyo wrote: »

The long and short of it is that I am joining. I want this more than anything. How do you think I should handle this? Am I being a bit selfish about all this?

Military service is a vocation more than an occupation.
All you can do is try to illustrate this to your family.

Also try to see it from their viewpoint. Service in the British Army is insanely dangerous compared to any other job. Your family won't see you for months on end and then you'll be deployed to a warzone for 6 months (?) where you stand a very high risk of suffering a violent and painful death.

This is what your family are worried about, it's nothing to do with "you should stay home and look after us" or that they think that you are incapable of making these decisions for yourself, but they are obviously worried that you're being drawn to the desirable aspects of military service and not considering the one big drawback that it has.

There are military families where they all go into service and consider dying in battle to be an honour, but I imagine they're few and far between. Constant worry about deployment and death is a part of life for all families with someone in the military and if you go do this job, you will have to deal with very raw emotions every single time you talk to your family. They will cry when you come home, they will cry when you leave, they will be hysterical whenever they get a phone call from you, and hysterical when they don't.

The ads make it look like great craic, like you're back playing at soldiers except with big guns and big vehicles, and that you'll be turned into a lean, mean, fighting machine.

That could be the partial truth, but it's not the whole story. I suppose your family are concerned (a) that you're going to come home in a box (real possibility) and (b) you're not going into this with your eyes open and a solid view of reality.

However, if you're confident that you know exactly what you're getting yourself into, then all you can do is explain that to your family. They will likely support you in whatever you choose to do, but they will never like it and they will never tell you that they're happy about it. There's nothing you can do to make them like it

mikemac

Scheme ongoing at the moment for cadets in Ireland
Info in military forum

Just throwing it out there

wylo

While I dont think you should let family opinions block your decision I think you should think wisely about your own decision.
Without trying to get too political , you are going to be choosing an occupation where you will either be directly or indirectly involved in the destruction of the lives of innocent families just to satisfy your own personal need to join the army.

Your want to see 'action' (sorry but im presuming you do if you want to join the british army) will be at the expense of other innocent people, not to mention the potential expense of your own life. From knowing someone personally who has been through that, all he has in him now is complete bitterness over how he was treated in the army considering what he did for them.

The reason i say this is because I was along the same thinking as yourself,'ill only regret it if I dont' bla bla. But he carefully pointed to me that its not dramatic like in the movies. The injuries you hear about are the people that may lose an arm or a leg, the ones you dont hear about, which are more common, are the people involved in incidents where they end up coming home having to be taken care of by their mother. Examples like, wearing nappies for years due to injuries, or not being able to talk properly and having their face reconstructed just to look somewhat normal, or having their 'bits' blown off. And all this just to satisfy a craving of wanting to be in the army. Often people come home and struggle mentally , they cant get on with people, will possibly have their wife and kids leave them as the situation becomes intolerable.

Theres other aspects to it as well that you dont hear about, like being completely disrespected by senior officers, being Irish is another one(not really supposed to be as bad anymore tbf).

Anyway my point is, its not all about jumping around shooting guns, travelling and comeradery. In fact from what I hear it can be quite the opposite. I think your best best is to try and talk to people that have been through the whole process, and if you can try and let it be an Irish person just to get the perspective.

As I said at the start though, it should be your own decision, you shouldnt let your family emotionally blackmail you. Despite reading all this, you are probably going to still want to join because its a craving that some people get and must satisfy but just please talk to experienced people first, not your family.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I find it very disheartening and disappointing that at this stage of my life they don't think I'm capable of making my own decisions in life.

They just don't want you to get involved in a dangerous career option. If they thought you were the most capable man at making decisions in life on the planet they'd still tell you not to do it.

I don't expect them to fully support me but it makes me feel bad thinking how they would feel if I came back dead, feel it's like emotional black mail. I find it impossible to have a reasonable discusion about it without all the above brought up.

I'd say its done out of genuine concern to be honest and they're not trying to be mean or petty about it.

The vast majority of soldiers don't get killed, but its the ones that are get reported. All the same it is a dangerous thing to get into.

If you really want to do it then do, but there's no way your family aren't going to be worried so don't bother expecting otherwise.

gimme5minutes

Axe Rake wrote: »

"Anyone dumb enough to want to be in the military, should be allowed in."

Exactly. Anyone who has the option of doing anything else would be far better off doing that than going into the military. The Irish army does feck all except sit around beating the bishop in the curragh but you are looking to join an army that is involved in major conflict around the world. The people who sign up usually fall into the following categories -

• Guys who are at a complete dead end in life due to being too thick or useless to do something else
• Wannabe hard men
• Guys with hero complex

Someone here said 'The vast majority of soldiers don't get killed, but its the ones that are get reported' - what isn't reported is the thousands upon thousands that return with extremely bad injuries that ruin the rest of their lives.

On the list of dumb things to do joining an army involved in several major conflicts around the world ranks up there near the top of the list.

Trooperboyo

This is starting to go off the topic a bit. I do want to join my own countries army but I may very well not be able due to the cut backs ext. Whether I join the Irish or British army; in some shape or form you are expected to operate in a hostile environment.

I'm appling to both the Irish and British, I don't think I will get into the Irish army. And despite what my username sucggests I'm not purely out there for the adventure or to go in there arrse first and gun blaring.

I guess they are just trying to talk me out of it, it's just as an officer I would expected to lead and perform flawlessly

LegacyUser

Back in the mid eighties my brother decided to join the British Army. It really upset my mum but after a lot of discussion she knew that if she did manage to stop him joining up that he might regret it for the rest of his life and blame her. It didn't help that he was also going to turn down an apprenticeship to a big company at a time when jobs were hard to come by. Also back them joining the British Army was something an Irish citizen just didn't do and we had to keep it a secret from everyone, relations included. In the end he went to Sandhurst for training but found it very hard going at the end of the term and left before the year was out. Whatever the outcome, my mum was right even though she was worried sick at the time. If it's what you want to do, go for it!

LegacyUser

hey op a big diferance between the 2 armys is that in british army u will b expected ordered and as an officer ordering people to take life have a long hard think about this decsion

skooterblue

iguana wrote: »

There is an extraordinary difference between our defence forces and the British Army.

Even if you survive physically unscathed you will have participated in the killing of others, who's country you will have participated in an invasion of. Maybe civilians, maybe children. You may never mentally recover from that, a lot of people don't. Rates of PTSD, addiction, other mental health problems are much higher in military who have participated in war than in other sectors of society.

If you get sent to a war zone, which you probably will, that will effect your family deeply and horribly every single day. Every phone call, every knock on the door, every time they hear on the news about a soldier being killed, will fill them with dread.

Just the Same as above only You are definitely training for war. Iraq is proving hell to hold and Afghanistan is a war that can never be won even with superior technology, as proven by the British a hundred and thirty years ago and the Russians 30 years ago. You wont get a choice where to go you just go. Try eating "Sh&t on the shingle" (boiled minced beef on toast for breakfast). Try talking to Veterans of real wars (Northern Ireland, Falklands, Vietnam, Bosnia and Korea), you leave these places but they never leave you.

You wont be going to these places as a peacekeeper you will be going as a hostile invader with a target on your back. Dont fool yourself you are going to do humanitarian work you are going to be defending Haliburton and the Carlton Groups interests like the gas pipe line and the 1 trillion dollar Lithium mine.

Like a car crash dont worry if you dont survive its not your problem, worry if you do and end up with a colostomy bag as your closest friend. Yes there are people for the army/defence forces. Can you lead? Can you deal with pulling the trigger on a man, how about when the picture gets a bit grey? When the line blurs between the child and a combatant. Could you knowingly be going to your own death? Could you order another man to his. I am not that naiive to think that we dont need soldiers armies and other nations dont have vested interests against us.

What about when you want to come home? how will people react towards you and your family? What happens when things go sour up the North, Believe me it eventually will once they are told there is no more sympathy money for paramilitaries and they need to do fund raising. Nothing gets morale up than squeezing the Trigger on a turn coat officer. I know cos my old neighbour from home was a Lt Cmdr in the Royal Navy.

Noone can stop you from joining but be sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

Just be sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

mikemac

I see that you're going in as an officer cadet.
Is it the infantry you go for?

Would joining the RAF or Navy be more interesting and safe then lugging backpacks over mountains? Possibility of it being a technical role like leading a team of technicians in communications for example.
Or you might go in with a trade

I guess you want to test yourself but then what do you need to prove?

I do not know how officers get assigned and I would guess you get little options, you go where you are told.

All I'm saying there are many options in the military and it doesn't have to be in the infantry

Try for the Irish cadets anyway, tough to get in but then they want the best

irishh_bob

Trooperboyo wrote: »

Hey Folks, I'm joining the Army soon and my family are totaly against it. More persicly I am joining the British Army but that isn't the issue. I'm finishing college soon and going in as an officer. But when ever I mention it they just keep telling me how I'm not cut out for it, that I'm being niave, or how would my brothers and sisters feel if I came home dead. I have a little nephew who is rather fond of me and my sister keeps telling me how my little nephew would feel about me leaving or coming back dead. My parents are getting old and one of them had a scare lately, the other is in a wheelchair and relies on home care. I feel bad leaving then finding out that my mobile parent had passed away and that my other parent had to go into a home or would have to move in with one of my siblings, and they might say that I should have stayed at home and looked after my parent. (Appologies for just using "parent", just trying to keep details anonymous )

I find it very disheartening and disappointing that at this stage of my life they don't think I'm capable of making my own decisions in life. I don't expect them to fully support me but it makes me feel bad thinking how they would feel if I came back dead, feel it's like emotional black mail. I find it impossible to have a reasonable discusion about it without all the above brought up.

The long and short of it is that I am joining. I want this more than anything. How do you think I should handle this? Am I being a bit selfish about all this?

As the IDF advert goes "you only have one life, do something extraordinary with yours"

Thank you for reading, any advice would be very much appreciated.

joining the army is one of the most honorable things a person can do , i saulte you sir and wish you well on whatever mission you recieve

Kosseegan

What is the social background of your family? Is there snobbery or begrudgery involved? More farmers die in work accidents than soldiers so fear of death is not a rational reason for not joining the army.

seamus

Kosseegan wrote: »

More farmers die in work accidents than soldiers so fear of death is not a rational reason for not joining the army.

While I'm not saying you're wrong, this is more than likely misleading, as possibility of death will vary from army to army. Irish or Swiss officers, for example, won't be in the firing line as often as UK or American ones. Do you have a link to back up this assertion?

I don't think this is off-topic as fear of death appears to be the primary reason why the OP's family are so opposed.

Fluorescence

If this is something you really want, go for it, but realistically you can never expect your family to be ok with it. If you join the British Army you will be fighting a war. You will be an invading force in a hostile country, and that's not going to be appreciated too much by the locals - you will be shot at. There is an extremely high chance of you dying, particularly if you're an officer who looks important. The Irish Defence Forces are a totally different kettle of fish because not only are they not currently involved in a multi-faceted war right now, they are peacekeepers not invaders. It's less of a risk to join.


Your family love you very much, and they don't necessarily doubt your decision making ability. This is more to do with the fact that you intend to join an army at war, and them bringing up the probability of your death is a legitimate point. In fact, discussing your ambitions with them without discussing that rather crucial aspect is pointless.

lcrcboy

Trooperboyo wrote: »

Hey Folks, I'm joining the Army soon and my family are totaly against it. More persicly I am joining the British Army but that isn't the issue. I'm finishing college soon and going in as an officer. But when ever I mention it they just keep telling me how I'm not cut out for it, that I'm being niave, or how would my brothers and sisters feel if I came home dead. I have a little nephew who is rather fond of me and my sister keeps telling me how my little nephew would feel about me leaving or coming back dead. My parents are getting old and one of them had a scare lately, the other is in a wheelchair and relies on home care. I feel bad leaving then finding out that my mobile parent had passed away and that my other parent had to go into a home or would have to move in with one of my siblings, and they might say that I should have stayed at home and looked after my parent. (Appologies for just using "parent", just trying to keep details anonymous )

I find it very disheartening and disappointing that at this stage of my life they don't think I'm capable of making my own decisions in life. I don't expect them to fully support me but it makes me feel bad thinking how they would feel if I came back dead, feel it's like emotional black mail. I find it impossible to have a reasonable discusion about it without all the above brought up.

The long and short of it is that I am joining. I want this more than anything. How do you think I should handle this? Am I being a bit selfish about all this?

As the IDF advert goes "you only have one life, do something extraordinary with yours"

Thank you for reading, any advice would be very much appreciated.

Man if you want to do it go for it, there is a lot of people on here criticizing your actions in applying but they dont understand the want and need to be a soldier its something that you feel run through your veins and everything about it feels glamorized. Yes you may well have to deal with the horrors of war and there is a possibility you can end up dead or injured, but I think people here just dont understand the urge to be in the military its something you cant explain, I always look at it as deep set warrior trait that runs in some people and not in others. And the thing is I will probably be called a nut job by another poster who leaves a post on this thread but if you truly want it and have thought long and hard about it go for it dont let others make the decision for you.


This is coming from a guy who has wanted to be in the military since a kid and will more then likely be entering the U.S. Marines in 2 years time

ravima

Its an honourable profession, great opportunities to pursue your dreams. Good luck and stay safe.

discus

Trooperboyo, I'm in the same situation as you - Irish guy from Dublin heading towards Sandhurst. You May intake?

Trooperboyo wrote: »

I find it very disheartening and disappointing that at this stage of my life they don't think I'm capable of making my own decisions in life. I don't expect them to fully support me but it makes me feel bad thinking how they would feel if I came back dead, feel it's like emotional black mail. I find it impossible to have a reasonable discusion about it without all the above brought up.

I had the same problems with my family. Whenever I applied for the Gardai or PSNI, I had my parents and aunties giving me a rather rough time about it... But having said that, the amount of blackmail being put at you by your family is nothing short of disgusting! I felt the exact same about it too: it felt as if no-one trusted my judgement and desires enough to back me in my decision. In the end I did it anyway, and ignored anyone who tried talking me out of it. A few months later, people in my life realised that if they didn't respect my decision (if not agree with it) then they were going to be left out of my life... So people came alongside eventually.

On top of that you can be damn sure that when you step up at some time in life and tell your sister that the new boyfriend she recently introduced you to is going to be trouble, she won't want to hear of "the dangers" and how you would feel if she ended up hurt.

iguana wrote:

I'm sorry but I think you are being most horribly selfish and misguided. You will be putting everyone who loves you through absolute hell. Yet not one word of your OP acknowledges that or gives a rational reason that justifies your desire to go to war. You say that your family can't discuss the situation reasonably without them bringing up their worries for your safety. What do you expect? That is an utterly integral part of the discussion. There could be no reasonable discussion without that, the fact that you think otherwise suggests your immaturity and selfishness.

Personnally, I think it's disgraceful that a family should limit what their son and brother feel that he needs to do, in order to fulfil his wishes in life.

As seamus has said, joining the army is a vocation for some. A necessity for others. But if you've had the call all your life, you can't ignore it.

iguana

discus wrote: »

Personnally, I think it's disgraceful that a family should limit what their son and brother feel that he needs to do, in order to fulfil his wishes in life.

It's not that simple. His actions will have a huge impact on their lives and when he writes about them and their discussions he is not taking their completely justified feelings into account. Very little that we do in life is done in isolation, if what we do has a big impact on other people, especially those we love, we have to take that into account. We don't have to follow their wishes but to not respect how they're feeling is very selfish.

skooterblue

lcrcboy wrote: »

And the thing is I will probably be called a nut job by another poster who leaves a post on this thread but if you truly want it and have thought long and hard about it go for it dont let others make the decision for you.


This is coming from a guy who has wanted to be in the military since a kid and will more then likely be entering the U.S. Marines in 2 years time

Damn he bet me to it!!! He is good!! Like I said dont worry about being killed worry about coming home. I can understand someone defending their country and killing for their country but for someone elses country overseas? That is what is called a mercenary. Mercenaries are not covered by the Geneva convention as they are not bound by any code of loyalty or honour. We all know who joins these units! Hurry up and join there young man, the marines need plenty of cannon fodder.

I dont think the OP has any military experience or comes from a military background or even talked to a vet of a real war. He sees this in 2D, him and the Military. OP, think about the all the facets of stress you are putting your family under socially, personally and should you return in a less than perfect state who will look after you.

chicken fingers

Its amazing to see the fresh outlook of a guy joining the military.
Brought a smile to my face.

Remember, that travel niught just mean "stuck on a boring base in afghanistan", and adventure might mean pushing paper on some remote base, away from your life. You will spend most of your life not getting laid, for example!
Officers in the UK military have strict standards. Tie and dinner jacket at dinnertime, etc.
I know some guys who have been all over africa and the middle east in the UK army, but that amount of travel took them 20 years.

Yes, you probably will do and see stuff that others dont, but be prepared for extreme boredom and a lot of waiting.
(BTW civillians can & do have almost the same experiences as 99% of soldiers)

Kidchameleon

OP,

If you really want to do it, then go for it! Family will say this stuff thinking their doing whats best for you but at the end of the day you have to stand up and make your own decisions. When you come back (alive no doubt!) they will be very proud and sorry they ever tried to talk you out of it.

Trooperboyo

Damn he bet me to it!!! He is good!! Like I said dont worry about being killed worry about coming home. I can understand someone defending their country and killing for their country but for someone elses country overseas? That is what is called a mercenary. Mercenaries are not covered by the Geneva convention as they are not bound by any code of loyalty or honour. We all know who joins these units! Hurry up and join there young man, the marines need plenty of cannon fodder.

I dont think the OP has any military experience or comes from a military background or even talked to a vet of a real war. He sees this in 2D, him and the Military. OP, think about the all the facets of stress you are putting your family under socially, personally and should you return in a less than perfect state who will look after you.

Just to point out, I think the term mercenary is a little irrelevent in this case. UK, American and other NATO alliance soldiers would be expected to take orders from a "foreign" commander, are they mercenaries? Irish soldiers, who Sean Russell tried to persuade to fight for the Third Reich, were treated like other alliance soldiers; taken as POW's by the germans and were'nt treated as mercenaries. The Taliban or the Al queda are not exactly all caught up either on who is or isn't a mercenary, either way they would just hold them at ransom at gun point, or just cut their heads off, video tape it and post it on the internet.

But you are right, there is no great tradition or military background in my family. I do have a cousin in the PDF who I have talked to about it, about the irish army not the british. I listened to him about the negatives and the positives and I think I would be suited to the way of life in the military, not easy but a lot better than being in a cushy job and worrying about a mortgage for the rest of your life...but that is just my two cent

Trooperboyo

see that you're going in as an officer cadet.
Is it the infantry you go for?

I just think I'd be more suited for the army as opposed to other units, based on my conversations with my relative in the army, they are just not busy enough.

Trooperboyo, I'm in the same situation as you - Irish guy from Dublin heading towards Sandhurst. You May intake?

I'm afraid not, I'm bogged down with IT band syndrome at the moment:mad:. Can barely run 3 or 4 miles without getting twinges in my bands, I'm just in no shape to for officer training right now. It looks like I will have to put off my application process for awhile. Possibly do a stint of international charity work and spend some time in employment(if possible:rolleyes:), bolster my CV and show some bit of life experience.

I do care about my families feelings and do register them, but the career isn't all that negative, thats all. Going to the extent of making me feel bad about how they would feel in the worst case scenario is a bit far, and will make my goodbyes all the more harder:(

iguana

Trooperboyo wrote: »

Going to the extent of making me feel bad about how they would feel in the worst case scenario is a bit far, and will make my goodbyes all the more harder:(

But it's not a bit far, not at all. That will be on their minds every single day that you are gone. It's when you make comments like the one above that you come across as incredibly immature and selfish. It's such a self-centred remark. You need to realise that what you think is the extreme end of things is the actual crux of the matter.

Trooperboyo

iguana wrote: »

But it's not a bit far, not at all. That will be on their minds every single day that you are gone. It's when you make comments like the one above that you come across as incredibly immature and selfish. It's such a self-centred remark. You need to realise that what you think is the extreme end of things is the actual crux of the matter.

I'm not trying to immature or selfish but I do have to go my own way in life and can't base it on other peoples feelings. If I were to make my judgements based on other peoples feelings I probably wouldn't be were I am at today. At the end of the day you have to be independant and be capable at making your own decisons in life, what ever direction it may be.

If I were on the other side of the arguement, I may feel it is a dangerous job but would be happy that they might be doing a job that they love instead of being in a job which is just listless.

whiteonion

Why do you want to join the British Army? Do you like the idea of killing people?

discus

iguana wrote: »

But it's not a bit far, not at all. That will be on their minds every single day that you are gone. It's when you make comments like the one above that you come across as incredibly immature and selfish. It's such a self-centred remark. You need to realise that what you think is the extreme end of things is the actual crux of the matter.

He has shown that he is concerned about how worried his family will be. But where does one draw the line? Should he stop seeking this path if they are a little concerned - or should he only wait until they are 'deathly' worried? Nobody is dependant on Trooperboyo, nor is he shirking his potential responsibilty towards his immobile parent. You have stated repeatedly that it is selfish to leave them worried, so I ask you: should he not join the british army given the level of concern they show? Go on, give a straight answer if you dare!

I'm afraid not, I'm bogged down with IT band syndrome at the moment. Can barely run 3 or 4 miles without getting twinges in my bands, I'm just in no shape to for officer training right now. It looks like I will have to put off my application process for awhile. Possibly do a stint of international charity work and spend some time in employment(if possible), bolster my CV and show some bit of life experience.

I get the impression that you haven't yet spoken to the Lt Col in Palace Barracks. Have you? And IT bands are no excuse, everyone I've met along the way has had it while training. You're gonna have to a) suck it up or b) start foam rolling the ****e out of them. But make sure that you don't ever mention it to the army medical services. No one does, but it can bar or delay your entry depending on certain things.

discus

whiteonion wrote: »

Why do you want to join the British Army? Do you like the idea of killing people?

Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. It's only 1 of the myriad reasons to join though.

iguana

discus wrote: »

You have stated repeatedly that it is selfish to leave them worried, so I ask you: should he not join the british army given the level of concern they show? Go on, give a straight answer if you dare!

I've already stated, repeatedly, that it's his decision in the end. How much straighter do you want it? The problem is the OP has displayed the attitude here of dismissing their legitimate concerns, he's stated that the exact thing they are worried about is "a bit far" and complained that they can't have a serious discussion without talking about the negative consequences. That is what's so selfish.

I have friends and ex-colleagues who work and volunteer in war zones/virtual war zones. I'm quite sure that their families would have preferred them to stay safe and find a way to fulfil their vocations safely but they respected their decisions, because they discussed everything fully and respected that those decisions had wide reaching consequences with their loved ones.