Awkward moment with my friend's boyfriend!

LegacyUser

Hi all

Last month my female friend's boyfriend came on to me at the end of a drunken night back at his house. We were alone in his sitting room as she was asleep upstairs. We were finishing of our beer and the next minute I know he's rubbing my crotch and asking me to suck him off...I was shocked at this and mildly turned on. I said no and to stop but he kept it up and I caved in. I let him touch me and I touched him back. Finally he asked me to kiss him as he was curious. I did briefly and then pulled away. Realizing I was way out of line I left and haven't said anything to anyone since.

Now do I keep this to myself and say nothing or will I tell my friend what happened and apologize repeatedly and hopefully we can move on from it.

He's a bit of a creep anyway!

I'm 23 he's 30
She is 23 too

oisindoyle

YoYoYoYoYo wrote: »

Hi all

Last month my female friend's boyfriend came on to me at the end of a drunken night back at his house. We were alone in his sitting room as she was asleep upstairs. We were finishing of our beer and the next minute I know he's rubbing my crotch and asking me to suck him off...I was shocked at this and mildly turned on. I said no and to stop but he kept it up and I caved in. I let him touch me and I touched him back. Finally he asked me to kiss him as he was curious. I did briefly and then pulled away. Realizing I was way out of line I left and haven't said anything to anyone since.

Now do I keep this to myself and say nothing or will I tell my friend what happened and apologize repeatedly and hopefully we can move on from it.

He's a bit of a creep anyway!

I'm 23 he's 30
She is 23 too

Damage is done ,You said yourself ,,,"I caved in " and "Reasizing I was way out of line I left"........
If it happend to you and a "friend" told you everything and apologized repeatly ,would you forgive and forget ?...doubt it ...

Chuchoter

Christ that is an awkward situation!

Although you are going to get enormous **** for it, you need to tell her. If her boyfriend is cheating on her (and if he is gay) she needs to know. If he is gay, you can't let him string her on with no hope of it ever going anywhere. If I was your friend, I would want you to tell me. I'd be angry with you but angrier with the person I was supposed to be in a relationship with.

Morag

It happens, I've had it happen with serval 'straight' women over the years who think it's fine to use me to experiment, when tbh it's not, esp when they are in a relationship/married to people who I consider friends and there's no discussion before hand you just get pounced on when you've both been drinking. It can be very un nerving, inconsiderate and yes it's possible to get carried away and be pissed of about it afterwards.

Tbh I would suggest giving him a wide berth, who knows what he has said to your friend or would say when confronted. Have had that happen too and it's never ended well.

susanstanley

Awkward??? More like out and out betrayal. Blaming it on the drink is not a valid excuse. If you were any type of a friend you would have resisted the advances made by that excuse for a boyfriend that your friend has hooked up with. You are not, and possibly have never been, a true friend to that girl.

You should tell her about the liaison bearing in mind that you will lose her as a friend, but that by not telling her you are committing a wrong by her every minute that passes that you don't. Remember you cannot be true friends ever again, it's over.

I would never forgive your actions. My friends would never treat me like that. You've got some serious healing to do mate....

Healium

Jeez, Susan, sometimes you need to let go of a grudge. Everyone makes mistakes. It'd be a very lonely world if you were to stop talking to everyone who screwed you over at one time or another.

A fiver that some of Susan's golden friends aren't telling her everything :pac:

Aard

And don't forget that you will be hung drawn and quartered, you will go straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200. You won't even get the "I went to Pergatory and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" t-shirt. :rolleyes:

Ffs.

Look, you made a mistake, her boyfriend's into dudes, and she'll avoid being strung along and made a fool of. Not exactly win-win-win but still, telling her is making the best of a bad situation. I doubt she'll go all susanstanley on you, but if she does then at least you got a fondle out of the whole saga.

La_Gordy

I was in this exact same situation last summer but my behaviour was worse given I ended up pumping the guy. Either way, I learned do not tell a soul. If I'd kept my mouth shut I would still have some of my closest friends. Nobody gained anything by knowing...

bitter_lemon

god just leave it. you're a tit - hes a tit. we can be all be tits with drink in us.

DubArk

He made the first move and you had the good sense to take yourself out of the situation. Yeah you did cave in but her boyfriend is the one a fault here. As long as you didn’t instigate the first move I don’t see why you should be blaming yourself or anyone here pointing fingers at you, I’m at a loss.
The guys obviously in the closet and the fact he was prepared to try it on with his girlfriends mate is playing with fire, maybe he want you to do his dirty work.
I would personally say nothing because you’ll be the one that gets all the blame. Just keep well away from him and if he attempts to try it on again, tell him you’re going to tell her that he was trying it on and refute that anything ever happened to start with (first encounter), your word against his. Yes LIE! This is not of you doing and fcuk anyone here who is telling you any different because you did the right thing in the end (you are a good mate because you thought of her). He’s a scumbag that will eventually slip up and let him hang himself all on his own.

Brods

If he's fooling around with guys he could be putting your friend at risk, not something I could live with if something happened. Sit him down and tell him he needs to come clean with his Gf or that you'll do it for him.

Endymion

The OP should be commended, not berated. He had a momentary lapse in judgement, which he quickly recovered from and did the right thing. What to do next? who knows.

LGiamani

YoYoYoYoYo wrote: »

Hi all

Last month my female friend's boyfriend came on to me at the end of a drunken night back at his house. We were alone in his sitting room as she was asleep upstairs. We were finishing of our beer and the next minute I know he's rubbing my crotch and asking me to suck him off...I was shocked at this and mildly turned on. I said no and to stop but he kept it up and I caved in. I let him touch me and I touched him back. Finally he asked me to kiss him as he was curious. I did briefly and then pulled away. Realizing I was way out of line I left and haven't said anything to anyone since.

Now do I keep this to myself and say nothing or will I tell my friend what happened and apologize repeatedly and hopefully we can move on from it.

He's a bit of a creep anyway!

I'm 23 he's 30
She is 23 too

This guy is a creep big time. He wanted you to suck him off. That is pretty bad considering he supposed to be straight. I am surprised he settled for a kiss and a grope. He played you for a fool. I would'nt think he is gay but just looking for a cheap thrill as he was'nt getting it from his gf. Come clean with your friend and hopefully she will send him on his way. I wonder did he feel the same way as you did the next day.

DubArk

YoYoYoYoYo wrote: »

Hi all

Last month my female friend's boyfriend came on to me at the end of a drunken night back at his house. We were alone in his sitting room as she was asleep upstairs. We were finishing of our beer and the next minute I know he's rubbing my crotch and asking me to suck him off...I was shocked at this and mildly turned on. I said no and to stop but he kept it up and I caved in. I let him touch me and I touched him back. Finally he asked me to kiss him as he was curious. I did briefly and then pulled away. Realizing I was way out of line I left and haven't said anything to anyone since.

Now do I keep this to myself and say nothing or will I tell my friend what happened and apologize repeatedly and hopefully we can move on from it.

He's a bit of a creep anyway!

I'm 23 he's 30
She is 23 too

DubArk wrote: »

He made the first move and you had the good sense to take yourself out of the situation. Yeah you did cave in but her boyfriend is the one a fault here. As long as you didn’t instigate the first move I don’t see why you should be blaming yourself or anyone here pointing fingers at you, I’m at a loss.
The guys obviously in the closet and the fact he was prepared to try it on with his girlfriends mate is playing with fire, maybe he want you to do his dirty work.
I would personally say nothing because you’ll be the one that gets all the blame. Just keep well away from him and if he attempts to try it on again, tell him you’re going to tell her that he was trying it on and refute that anything ever happened to start with (first encounter), your word against his. Yes LIE! This is not of you doing and fcuk anyone here who is telling you any different because you did the right thing in the end (you are a good mate because you thought of her). He’s a scumbag that will eventually slip up and let him hang himself all on his own.

It’s funny the way life has a way of playing out scenarios for you, well for me in this case. I wrote my reply on this tread last Friday afternoon.
On Friday night I was out with a few mates (straight mates) in the local pub, they all know I’m not straight and a few quiet beers were had. My partner was working late and would be home later. A good laugh was had by all and an hour before closing, me and two mates decided we’d go back to my place and have a few takeouts. I felt fairly sober but the two guys that came back were not with me all night, so I couldn’t vouch for them.
We arrived back and my partner was back home and in bed. We cracked open a few tins and put the music on. After a very short time, one of the guys made his excuses and left. The guy that remained is someone that I though I knew very well. He said that he had to go to the toilet and made his way upstairs. With in minutes I heard a kafuffle upstairs; making my way there I could hear my partner shouting at this guy, to get out of our room. I went in and this guy was kicking the bed and shouting at my partner. I asked him to leave and he did so. I apologised to my partner and promised that I would get this guy out of the house ASAP. I returned back to the living room and diplomatically told this guy that the night was over. I was showing him to the door. Next minute he had me in a head lock and was shouting all sorts of obscenities, such as suck my C*** and you know you want to! Trying to kiss me and twisting my hand back dislocating my finger in the process. He kept grabbing me below and was so violent that he scared the crap out of me. I managed to push him through our front door and slam it behind him.
I returned back to the living room and I just couldn’t believe what had happened. I sat there; music still playing, for hours trying to comprehend what had just happened??
Next morning I woke up, I was in quite a lot of pain and very bruised. I immediately told my partner, who was so angry he started roaring at me, and that I had put him and I in a lot of danger…… he calmed down! I begged him to say nothing.
Later that afternoon that guy called my mobile to ask what time I had left the pub cause he could remember leaving the pub. I told him he had come back to my place and he laughed it off and said he couldn’t remember a thing…. I let it go.
That guy is in a relationship with a woman for about 10 years. Since they were about 17 maybe more… one of the lads, you know the type! Always comes across as a easy going lad, never a problem.
I can’t say anything because it’s his word against mine. I am very shuck and can’t stop thinking about what happened so much so that I don’t feel like me?? I very confused, scared and tearful.
Writing this now is upsetting me?? I wasn’t raped, nothing sexual happened but the sheer violence has shaken me to the core. I’m hoping by writing this, will help me to move on and put it down to experience.


DubArk

baby and crumble

Geez, Dub, you ok? That sounds awful. I can't really say anything that'll help, except I'm sending you (even though I have no idea who you are!) a GIANT hug across the internet.

Like, GIANT.

The guy sounds like a wanker, no matter how much drink he had on him, he had no right to do what he did. He was completely in the wrong. I would try not to get yourself into a situation like that with him again, because as my Mam always said "what's in you when you're sober comes out while you're drunk". he's obviously confused, but also incredibly aggressive and a total dick. Dangerous, too.

I really, really hope you're ok. I know what it's like to be trying to sort out in your head an incident like that happening and it's not a fun feeling. Talk it out, with your partner, or someone you trust.

This is why I never feel comfortable with anyone who's had any drink in them. It never ends well.

ANOTHER GIANT HUG FOR YOU!!!!

Elle Collins

Jesus, that's horrible DubArk. Sorry to hear about that. It seems like you are in some sort of shock and understandably so. It will fade in the coming days and you'll feel back to your old self. I have to say it's a pity you didn't tell him to go and fcukoff when he called though! :mad:

Morag

DubArk, trying to kiss you and grabbing your groin is sexual assault and on top of actually bodily harm by dislocating your finger. Please get photos of your injuries and consider going to the garda.

Some very messed up people seem to think that if a person LGB that they will fúck anyone given a chance

It may take some time for you to get over this, you were betrayed and attacked in your own home by a person you know and trusted. That a huge thing to have happen to anyone.

LGiamani

Sharrow wrote: »

DubArk, trying to kiss you and grabbing your groin is sexual assault and on top of actually bodily harm by dislocating your finger. Please get photos of your injuries and consider going to the garda.

Some very messed up people seem to think that if a person LGB that they will fúck anyone given a chance

It may take some time for you to get over this, you were betrayed and attacked in your own home by a person you know and trusted. That a huge thing to have happen to anyone.

Exactly 100% take photos of your injuries and make a complaint. That should happen to anyone no matter what the sexuality is. I was put into that position by a guy who followed me home one night he pushed me to the ground and wanted me to suck him off when I refused he kicked me into the face and broke some of my teeth. I was sober and it was around 10pm at night in the summer time. I got a friend to take pictures of my injuries and I went to the guards but nothing was ever done about it but the guy who did it since has been charged with assault to a women and it got some time behind bars. I got councilling from a local firm which helped me alot to get over it.

Aard

It's not your word against his: you have a witness in your partner.