workmate refuses thank you gift

Partizan

My workmate this morning refused a thank you gift from me. I wanted to thank her for everything she has done for me. She has been very good to me, and went out of her way to help me on a number of ocassions. When I called into her office this morning she told me flat out that she refuses to take anything from me as it is against her integrity, that she really appreciated my gesture and that is all part of the job.

There was another person in her office and I felt really embarassed. Do you think it is rude?

MitchKoobski

Not really, some people hate recieving gifts. I refuse gifts when I've done work for someone.

Like she said, it was part of her job. She still appreciated the gesture.

Maybe she was busy with the person in her office?

Partizan

MitchKoobski wrote: »

Not really, some people hate recieving gifts. I refuse gifts when I've done work for someone.

Like she said, it was part of her job. She still appreciated the gesture.

Maybe she was busy with the person in her office?

It was only a bottle of wine but in a way I admire her principle.

cantdecide

The trick is to give things like sweets for everyone to enjoy.

ztoical

Partizan wrote: »

Do you think it is rude?

Honestly no, she appreciated the gesture and was polite in refusing the gift. It wasn't like it was a super personal gift that you can't use yourself or give to someone else. The fact that someone else was in the office is beside the point - why did you give it to her with someone else there? look at it from another view what if she had felt forced to accept the gift because someone else was there and returned it to you later...would you have felt better then?

Partizan

ztoical wrote: »

Honestly no, she appreciated the gesture and was polite in refusing the gift. It wasn't like it was a super personal gift that you can't use yourself or give to someone else. The fact that someone else was in the office is beside the point - why did you give it to her with someone else there? look at it from another view what if she had felt forced to accept the gift because someone else was there and returned it to you later...would you have felt better then?

No, I left it in her pidgeon hole and when I went to her office to drop off some stationarty that I had ordered, we had the conversation. I'm so sorry I put in such an awkward position. She was really kind and polite about it.

Big Bag of Chips

Don't worry about it Partizan, you didn't offend her or put her in a "position".

She may just not accept gifts if she does something as part of her job. She may not have seen it as "going out of her way".

She may not drink.

Not sure if you're male/female but maybe she didn't want to accept it incase it felt "inappropriate"?

Could be any number of reasons really. Don't worry about it, and just carry on as normal when you see her again.

ongarboy

Some companies (particularly larger ones) have a no gifts policy so that favouritism or other forms of influence is eliminated. There can be a fine line against what is considered a gift and what is considered a bribe and can lead to ambiguity/complications down the line. I'm certain in your case, it was just a token of appreciation and no further gain on your side was expected on the back of it (apart from her appreciating the gesture and enjoying the gift).

She politely explained her policy on receiving gifts in the workplace from a work colleague for work related activity so to answer you question, she was not being rude. I suspect your embarrassment stems from the fact someone else was in the room when she explained this to you. If you didn't bring up the topic of the gift while the other person was there, then perhaps she could have used a little more tact to bring it up privately. However, if it was you that brought it up, then she was entitled to explain her policy irrespective of who was in the room.

Move on and be thankful you have such a considerate workmate who assists you so well with your job. Many personal issues on this forum are from people in miserable work environments and getting appalling treatment from colleagues so focus on all the positive attributes you enjoy at work

petethebrick

Yes, completely rude of her. The silly posters who claim its not rude and that they hate getting gifts are wrong.

Don't lose sleep over it OP, you made a nice gesture, she rudely refused, fukc it! move on!

ztoical

petethebrick wrote: »

Yes, completely rude of her. The silly posters who claim its not rude and that they hate getting gifts are wrong.

Don't lose sleep over it OP, you made a nice gesture, she rudely refused, fukc it! move on!

The OP has stated several times now that the person in question was polite when they returned the gift. Had they just dumped back on the OP's desk without a word I would agree with you but they explained their policy in a polite manner. Yes it was a nice gesture by the OP and now she has a bottle of wine she can enjoy herself or give to someone else.

fungun

In my job I am not allowed to accept any gifts - and since she mentioned he integrity that seems a likely reason.

Aishae

could also be she feels if she accepts a thank you gift for doing something for someone then it wasnt a selfless thing she did as she gained from it
some people operate like that

and she was polite about it - many of us are brought up thinking its impolite to refuse, its not so long as you dont take someone's head off in the process

John Mason

We have a policy of not receiving gifts in my job - it am pretty sure its a sackable offence.

anyway, if outside people send in thank you gifts, they are given to HR to be raffled out at christmas

LittleBook

Partizan wrote: »

There was another person in her office and I felt really embarassed. Do you think it is rude?

The only thing that would bother me is that she brought it up in front of another colleague, she could have mentioned it more discreetly.

BUT

irishbird wrote: »

We have a policy of not receiving gifts in my job - it am pretty sure its a sackable offence.

I wonder who was the other person in the office? Someone from personnel maybe?

messymess

There's being integrity driven and then there's just being anal!

She was rude, OP, or at the very least socially unadjusted.

sharper

petethebrick wrote: »

Don't lose sleep over it OP, you made a nice gesture, she rudely refused, fukc it! move on!

messymess wrote: »

She was rude, OP, or at the very least socially unadjusted.

You know I'm always a little bit amazed at the attitudes people express.

The woman in question obviously makes the effort to be helpful and do her job well, not just to be nice specifically to the OP but because she thinks that's the way it should be done. It's how she is all the time with everyone, not just with people she likes.

For whatever reason she feels uncomfortable accepting a gift either because she thinks she doesn't deserve it, doesn't think it goes with the job, violates her ethics or something else.

She didn't ask for a gift, didn't solicit thanks and did nothing to invite the situation.

What sort of "gift" or "thanks" is it if you appreciate it but refuse you're told you're "rude" and basically told to feck off because you're a socially awkward loser? I wouldn't want anything from someone with that sort of attitude.

CdeC

Seems a bit unusual alright as you said she went out of her way to help you. I would feel a little embarassed if it was me as when you buy someone something you expect that they'll accept it. Try not to take it personally and enjoy the bottle of wine on her behalf.