Panic

Ellie2008

Does anyone ever look back at their lives and dislike themselves, I have recently started going to couselling where the guy tells me to "live in the present" etc but I find it very hard to leave the past in the past.

Some of the things I feel bad about:

- Letting a friend write a large part of a college essay for me when I was about to miss a deadline and couldnt stay up all night, same friend and I used to write essays together I dont feel good about that either. I now have a good job in a the current climate because of that degree, I feel maybe I should tell them but Ive left it kinda late ie they've spent money training me;
- telling white lies in an interview;
- having a great part time job in college where I was paid well but took the piss, spent time on the phone, let friends use my staff discount, minor stealing of medical stuff I needed but was too embarrassed to buy (but I could easily stuck money in the till for it), being too generous to myself with samples we were generally allowed take but probably took the piss there too;
- chasing men around the place like a desparate weirdo.

I also keep "remembering" things that I think I might be imagining like stealing money/cheating on exams. I think a lot about death and religion and I find it terrifying, I think I probably suffer from panic attacks.

Any advice please, anyone else that cant deal with guilt and regret?

Sorry if the above is a jumble of words.

ballsymchugh

samples are free. they can't be stolen.

as for your friend and writing essays, sounds like nothing more than a symbiotic relationship. nothing to worry about there either.

what could you do now that could make up for everything that you feel bad about? try volunteering or something.

kumate_champ07

I think youre quite 'normal', dont worry so much, youre only human

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Wompa1

Ellie2008 wrote: »

Does anyone ever look back at their lives and dislike themselves, I have recently started going to couselling where the guy tells me to "live in the present" etc but I find it very hard to leave the past in the past.

Some of the things I feel bad about:

- Letting a friend write a large part of a college essay for me when I was about to miss a deadline and couldnt stay up all night, same friend and I used to write essays together I dont feel good about that either. I now have a good job in a the current climate because of that degree, I feel maybe I should tell them but Ive left it kinda late ie they've spent money training me;
- telling white lies in an interview;
- having a great part time job in college where I was paid well but took the piss, spent time on the phone, let friends use my staff discount, minor stealing of medical stuff I needed but was too embarrassed to buy (but I could easily stuck money in the till for it), being too generous to myself with samples we were generally allowed take but probably took the piss there too;
- chasing men around the place like a desparate weirdo.

I also keep "remembering" things that I think I might be imagining like stealing money/cheating on exams. I think a lot about death and religion and I find it terrifying, I think I probably suffer from panic attacks.

Any advice please, anyone else that cant deal with guilt and regret?

Sorry if the above is a jumble of words.

The fact that you find fault with what you've done and learn from it rather than make excuses and trying to justify will ensure you will lead a good life. I get frustrated with myself a lot for things I've said in the past...Not lies either but just things I rather I didn't say and when I'm down in the dumbs they come into my head and I curse myself for them.

It sounds like you are becomming a well adjusted lady. Good for you

FearDark

OP you just had a brain fart. Put your feet up, pour yourself a glass of wine and stop worrying about things probarbly you only remember.

Sunnyisland

You cant forget the past but you dont have to live in it,looking at the memories you have there they dont seem to bad (to me anyway)Can you not focus on the good things that are happening in your life of which if you look there will be many,when you go back to your councillor tell him your thoughts and he will explain more how to deal with them.

Sonics2k

Ellie2008 wrote: »

Does anyone ever look back at their lives and dislike themselves, I have recently started going to couselling where the guy tells me to "live in the present" etc but I find it very hard to leave the past in the past.

Some of the things I feel bad about:

- Letting a friend write a large part of a college essay for me when I was about to miss a deadline and couldnt stay up all night, same friend and I used to write essays together I dont feel good about that either. I now have a good job in a the current climate because of that degree, I feel maybe I should tell them but Ive left it kinda late ie they've spent money training me;

Not exactly a moral thing to do, but hardly the worst thing anyone has ever done. One Essay from a degree course is hardly going to turn the tide on completing it. You still did most of the hard work yourself.

Ellie2008 wrote: »

- telling white lies in an interview;

Everyone does this at some point in an interview. Whether they are claiming to be a team leader, work well with others and never tell a slightly offensive joke. Again, nothing to feel bad about.

Ellie2008 wrote: »

- having a great part time job in college where I was paid well but took the piss, spent time on the phone, let friends use my staff discount, minor stealing of medical stuff I needed but was too embarrassed to buy (but I could easily stuck money in the till for it), being too generous to myself with samples we were generally allowed take but probably took the piss there too;

Again, not the worst thing you could of done.

Ellie2008 wrote: »

- chasing men around the place like a desparate weirdo.

Millions of men and women do this. Not really seeing anything bad about it, but try to be more relaxed. One of the biggest turn offs for a guy (or girl) is desperation.

Ellie2008 wrote: »

I also keep "remembering" things that I think I might be imagining like stealing money/cheating on exams. I think a lot about death and religion and I find it terrifying, I think I probably suffer from panic attacks.

Any advice please, anyone else that cant deal with guilt and regret?

Sorry if the above is a jumble of words.

Chill out. Forget living in the past or present.
Live as you are, relax, find out who you are and want to be.
Don't take everything so seriously.

dr.bollocko

Moved from after hours.
Good luck OP.
Sounds like you're just too damn hard on yourself.

Forever Hopeful

Hi OP,

First off, you are not alone in feeling like this. I've been stressing myself out recently about stupid stuff I've done and should know better. Thing is, everyone goes through this at some point. We all make mistakes and more often than not we are much harder on ourselves than others. If you had a friend who confessed these things to you, would it change your view of them? Especially with the level of regret you are expressing, absolutely not. If anything they would say, is that it?
You're counsellor is right. They are teaching you mindfulness. So stop the internal chatter, give yourself a break and start tomorrow with a view that we are going to do your best to make the best of it, and if we make a mistake, we'll learn from it and dust ourselves off and keep going. We treat our friends like that, why not treat ourselves that way too!

Best of luck

Glenster

OP you are a user and a thief, there is no way back from this.

Immediately drink more coffee and walk from room to room getting faster and faster, that'll help you think of something...

Silverfish

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