my brother (26) spat at me (23)

LegacyUser

I have a brother who's spent some time in a psych ward because he did a few stupid things like mix tablets with alcohol and he went insane and tried to kill his friend and kill himself.

He has a bad attitude and a criminal mind (psychologist told my parents). He's been in trouble with the gardai for drugs possession, driving too fast, driving with passengers who weren't wearing seatbelts etc. My parents paid every time for courts/solicitors/settlements etc. He has no respect for them, he still lives at home and treats them like slaves. They're afraid of what he might do if they kick him out.
He came in and began to start an argument with my brother but got nowhere so came into the kitchen and was picking on me, from my accent to the clothes i wear , even resorted to schoolchild jeering "i've more friends than you, you're a loser etc etc".. I got angry and told him to get out, that if he's looking for arguments he's in the wrong place.
He was holding a steak knife and I Told him that I am afraid of him and to put down the knife. Suddenly my dad, mam, sister and brother were in the kitchen witnessing this. I shouted "all attention is on you now, mission accomplished, everyone's now looking and talking to you, happy?" and he spat in my face and walked out.

I was visiting, hadn't seen my parents in weeks. I left this evening and am home now and really annoyed. I don't want to go back again.

My mam won't let me involve the gardai or a social worker. Said it won't do any good.

I don't know what to do.

MitchKoobski

First of all, trying to kill his friend and himself does not fall into the category of "a few stupid things".

Don't go back to that house. I can't see exactly where the guards could get involved as he wouldn't have done anything illegal. You could call them and see what they suggest?

tinkerbell

He threatened you with a knife? Brother or no brother, you should be going down to the garda station to tell them what happened. I would imagine that they would help you considering he threatened you with a weapon. Your parents don't want to involve the gardaí? Would they involve the gardaí if he actually went and did something with the knife and injured or did something even worse to someone?

You're 23. You don't need your mother's permission to go to the gardaí. Report your scumbag brother and don't ever go back to that house.

tinkerbell

And also, I would agree with MitchKoobski - I would not put trying to kill himself and his friend as "a few stupid things". Your brother sounds extremely dangerous, I would not go anywhere near that guy - who knows what he's capable of.

Oh and if you do report it to the gardaí about the steak knife incident, I reckon they will help you - the guy has got previous convictions so he'll be well known to them.

letsbehonest

The guy clearly has some kind of problem and he needs to see someone to get it sorted out! Tell your parents that you will report this incident to the Gardai if they don't make him start seeing someone!

LegacyUser

thanks lads, yeah my sister told me that he's just isolated himself from everyone to the point that he hates anything different in the house.

I can't even explain the steak knife in his hand, because he was eating a can of tuna walking up and down the kitchen first of all, so the steak knife is completely weird.

When he tried to kill his friend he was high off a mix of tablets and drink, he tried to strangle him but he broke free, then when he was taken away he didn't press charges. That was few years ago, that friend is long moved on.

My mother has a lot of faith in him improving, has spent a good amount of time protecting him, paying for his legal aid and paying compensation to whoever in the past. I said to my sister I Was going to go to the gardai to report him but she asked me did I want to be the person who puts him away, that my mother would resent me for it .

I'm torn, I don't want to go back there again to be honest.

LegacyUser

yes he did do something illegal - spitting is assault. Go to the gardaí, your parents are trapped at this stage

Aishae

letsbehonest wrote: »

The guy clearly has some kind of problem and he needs to see someone to get it sorted out! Tell your parents that you will report this incident to the Gardai if they don't make him start seeing someone!

totally agree - people who act like this wont change without help. it sounds like your bro needs serious help - for everyone's sake and safety - as well as his.
keeping it all quiet is not the way to deal with things like this - id suggest trying to get the folks to see that your bro needs help - in no uncertain terms. psyche evaluation - but that would only be the start

tinkerbell

whatdidhappen wrote: »

I said to my sister I Was going to go to the gardai to report him but she asked me did I want to be the person who puts him away, that my mother would resent me for it .

I'm torn, I don't want to go back there again to be honest.

Well OP, your brother sounds like he's extremely dangerous and could seriously hurt someone (and he has already tried to kill someone before). Your mother needs to get a grip, she needs to seriously cop onto herself. She's just enabling his behaviour. What if he really harms someone? What will she say then?

And OP - your brother would be better off being put away in a mental hospital or something, so you'd be doing everyone a favour.

Aishae

tinkerbell wrote: »

Well OP, your brother sounds like he's extremely dangerous and could seriously hurt someone (and he has already tried to kill someone before). Your mother needs to get a grip, she needs to seriously cop onto herself. She's just enabling his behaviour. What if he really harms someone? What will she say then?

And OP - your brother would be better off being put away in a mental hospital or something, so you'd be doing everyone a favour.

and that person could be HER. or you or your sister. would she ever forgive him if he killed you or would she even forgive herself if she didnt try to prevent him? probably not - in the long run i would hope she would understand why her hand was forced on the issue of getting your bro help

lynsalot

Hi Op,

What an awful situation. I think your brother needs tough love to be honest. Your priority is to protect your family and yourself. I would definitely report it. I mean what if he goes on like that with someone else? He has to learn responsibility. His problems need to be addressed professionally. Ignoring it won't stop it happening.

Your mother is probably beside herself because he's her son but you owe it to him and your family to get him the help he needs. Report it and get the ball rolling before anything worse happens. I've seen this kind of thing before and it didn't end well. I really can't stress enough how important it is not to ignore his behaviour. Before it gets worse.

LegacyUser

OP i have a brother that is similar but less extreme in terms of actions commited etc, parents same attitude as yours
i took me 10 years to get through to them that he wont change without help and him wishing help

your brother wont get better without help, hiding or excusing or not letting others know his behaviour is NOT helping him
your parents feel guilt if gardai or social worker is called which is understandable but its the reverse of what your brother needs
he needs help it cannot be contained within the family alone (dont waste 10years like me)

Its my opinion your brother is most likely going to escalate his behaviour
Get help now before it gets to this, otherwise you and family wont have choice it will have gone to far.