Afraid of relationship

Cactus466

Hello everyone, I don't really use these sort of forums so I am quite unsure of how really to structure this but I would just like to get opinions on my personal circumstances. Thank you very much in advance for taking the time to read this.

About 8 months ago I met a girl while I was training in the U.S. I am very shy and very conservative but eventually we did manage to get together for the last 2 weeks I was there and it really was brillant.

However the time came for me to leave and I told her this was just casual and we are free to see other people, but I had told her I would be coming back in 2-3 months and will see each other then.

I came back to the U.S and learned that she had a one night stand with one of my friends who admittedly is a bit of an idiot and am no longer in contact with. She claimed she was never so drunk in all her life and it was like it wasn't even her who was having sex with him. I was initially very angry with her and I said some very hurtful stuff to her, really awful stuff and even now feel ashamed about saying them. As time went on I thought I managed to forgive her and I let a relationship start.

I must point out I was never in a relationship before and I was very nervous, I know that may sound silly. The time came for me to leave again and we said we would keep in contact (we were in a relationship, I would just never admit it to myself because I was scared)

As the months went on further I would occasionally bring up that incident she had with my friend. To the point where I would not speak to her for a week or two because when I used to think about what happened it made me sick. This would go on for the next few months, everything would be fine but then I would remember it and would get so angry and annoyed. She would pour her heart out and say how sorry she was as well and I would forgive her.

Recently we met and she said she was breaking up with me as she couldn't handle how my mind would change on the matter and the mood swings I would get with her. She said she was afraid of getting back together and then a few months later me bringing the problem up again and the whole cycle would repeat once again.

I know this is my problem and I do forgive her for it as I know she was free to do whatever she liked its just I felt betrayed for what she did.

The fact she broke up with me is devastating as for the 1st time in my life I was in love. She really is a wonderful women and in a way I took her for granted as I kept bringing the problem up and now I think she has gotten so sick of me because I would not speak to her for days at a time.

Is there ever hope for us? I really do forgive her and I know I shouldn't treat anyone like that its just I was so confused about the situation and being in a relationship for the first time. I really love her and spending time with her, I sent her flowers recently and my friend later told me she said she was "confused"

Please don't mistake this for wanting what you can't have because I do love her and I think she does too but has never said it to me.

I really want to get back with her and show her I promise things will be different because I know she did nothing wrong.

Is there hope for us and should I just give her space and time. What if she met someone else if I gave her too much time??

Thank you for reading and I hope someone could just give their opinion on the whole matter.

Thank You.

Wompa1

It's a tough one...I'd say let her go..

It's going to be difficult but I think you should.

You can't erase the fact she slept with that guy. It was betrayal in a way, because even if she agreed to going off and being with others, to get with someone you were friends with there when there's about 150 million other men in the country is a bit low..

I'm not sure you'd ever fully get over that.

Azureus

You have to make a decision and you have to make it relatively quickly. Without sugarcoating it, leaving it too long and of course she will find somebody else; it is unreasonable to expect her to do otherwise. You cant blame her for breaking up with you-you cannot say you forgive somebody and then bring it up/get angry about it repeatedly afterwards. But at the same time, what she did is a difficult thing to get over.

What I suggest is trying to make a definitive decision; it's now or never to make a go of this. Either genuinely forgive her for this and do NOT bring it up with her again, and try to win her back. Or back off and learn from this. Its your first relationship, its probably best to learn from this and move on, but if you do really love and care for her, you have to forgive. Properly this time. Without makin excuses for the girl, you were free to see other people, she was very drunk and she made a mistake. Worse mistakes have been made!

Time to do some serious thinking!

SlimCi

You don't trust her.....that will never change. Move on, learn from the experience and apply the learning next relationship..! Best of luck with it.